Chapter 11- Can't Pretend (Part 1)
Peter spent most of the month practicing lacrosse or studying with Lara Jean.
When he got his test results back, he would be so excited to show Lara Jean as she would beam with excitement.
When he got a B- on his chem test, he ran out of the class just as the bell rang running way past Gen who had tried to get his attention. He was too excited to engage with Gen in that moment, he needed to get to Lara Jean.
Just as he suspected, Lara Jean was walking towards her locker when Peter stopped her.
"Peter!" She said irritated as he grabbed her shoulders.
But Peter wasted no time showing her his test paper. He was grinning from ear to ear. And just like that Lara Jean forgot why she was irritated.
"Oh my god," Lara Jean smiled, "Oh my god," She took the paper from him as if she wanted to feel that it was real, "Peter this is amazing." She pulled him in for a hug and Peter picked her up and spun her around. Lara Jean giggled as people stopped to admire the cute couple.
When Peter put her down he looked at her and couldn't stop smiling, neither could she.
"I couldn't do this without you Lara Jean." Peter smiled at her. Lara Jean's smiles became wider.
"Ahem," Someone said from behind Peter. Lara Jean frowned and looked behind Peter to gage who it was. JUdging from how sour the 'ahem' was, Peter should've known who it was. Lara Jean rolls her eyes as Peter turns to find Gen looking at him, "You didn't pick up my call yesterday."
"I was busy." Peter said simply. He didn't know what was going on lately but he couldn't stand Gen but he still loved her. And he found it really weird.
Gen blinked as she couldn't believe his response. She looked at Lara Jean and said, "Do you mind Lara Jean, I need to speak to Peter." She snapped.
Before she could respond, Peter said, "Can we talk later, I am taking Lara Jean out for shakes."
"It's still school?" Lara Jean frowned.
"We'll be back before lunch ends," Peter smiles and then looks at Gen, "I promise." He had to say that because she was fuming. Peter quickly took Lara Jean's hand and they both walked towards the parking lot.
"Are we really going for shakes?" Lara Jean asks, "Or was that a cover up."
"Yes." Peter said, "On both counts."
"But Peter-" Lara Jean tried to argue but Peter just pulled her hand towards the Jeep, "Trust me, the guys and I sometimes does this and are back before the period after lunch starts."
"Yes I am well aware of what everyone does, including Chris." Lara Jean says, "But it's technically allowed. We could get into a lot of trouble."
"Covey," Peter says, "Would I ever let anything happen to you."
Lara Jean looks at him and Peter doesn't know what she is searching for while looking at his face but she seems to find it because she smiles, "We we have to celebrate somehow."
"Exactly," Peter smiles and they get into the jeep.
When Peter and Lara Jean got to the Corner Cafe, they went to their now normal tables
Joan came straight to them with a smile on her face.
"Hey Joan," Peter smiles at her, "Can we get a cherry coke for Lara Jean and I'll just have a chocolate shake."
"I like how he says the order every time you're both here," Joan chuckles, "No school today kids?"
"Um no," Lara Jean says, "Peter got a really good grade so we are just here until lunch ends then we are going to go back to school."
"Oh well that's all that studying the two of you have been doing." Joan smiles happily. Sometimes Lara Jean and Peter came to study at the cafe. She then walks away to get their drinks.
"You know," Lara Jean said, "Gen is probably fumigating at school right now."
"I know." Peter groans at the thought.
"Shouldn't you be happy?" Lara Jean frowned.
"Why?"
"Well," Lara Jean said logically, "When she gets mad it means she wants you back?"
Peter had known this but lately it had become the bane of his existence.
"Uh can we not talk about Gen?" Peter asked. Lara Jean nodded without asking anymore questions.
"Hey you won't believe what I saw." Lara Jean said. Peter shrugged, "Trevor was kissing Pammy in the bio lab."
"Wait what?" Peters eyes were bulging. Since the last time in the cafeteria where Pammy made that ambiguous statement, Trevor had felt awkward about the whole thing.
Greg and Peter has secretly agreed not to bring her up in front of Trevor and Trevor had not volunteered any information.
"Yeah," Lara Jean said smirking, "I felt so bad for walking in on them but they didn't even hear me."
"Wait were they making out like full blown about to f-" before Peter could finish, Lara Jean hit his arm, "Peter!"
"What?" Peter said.
"Why would they about to do it?" Lara Jean said logically, "They are on school property."
Peter snorts before he says, "Covey people do worse. Trust me."
Lara Jean blushes, "Have...have...you?"
Peter blanked as he did not expect her to ask the question. This was a conversation that Peter and Lara Jean had never spoken about, as close as they had become. Peter knew that Lara Jean knew that he had-had sex with Gen. Peter did not know if Lara Jean knew that he knew that she had not had sex with anyone.
"Um damn Covey." Peter blushed slightly, "You went straight for the bulls horns."
"Oh sorry," she said blushing too, "I didn't mean to be forward."
"No no no," Peter says and feels bad for dismissing the question. Technically she was his girlfriend so he was entitled to be honest with her, "I mean yes we did."
Lara Jean looks at him shocked that he was telling her.
"Once," Peter said, "We were having a fight and it just happened in the janitors closet."
"Oh." Lara Jean said she sounded like she wanted to say more.
"Go ahead Covey."
"Huh." She says
"I can see when you have more to say you know that right." Peter chuckles, "Go ahead, ask."
"You don't have to answer."
"I'll try how about that?" Peter asks.
"Ok," Lara Jean sighed, "How did you know you were ready?"
"Ready?" Peter asked, "To have sex in the janitors closet?" Peter frowns looking at Lara Jean and then realises that's not what she meant, "oh you meant with sex in general."
Lara Jean nodded slowly and looked down.
"Well firstly," Peter says declaring to tell her nothing but the truth, "I know that the perception with guys is that we don't think about the speciality of sex the same way girls do," Peter sighs and looks ahead, "I know for some guys that may be true. For me I wanted it to be special you know. Before, we spoke about it…"
"How long did you talk about it before you actually did it?" Lara Jean asked.
Peter shifted a little in his seat, "It was sort of build up conversation. I had a whole plan you know." Lara Jean smiles a little, "But someone had made her feel a little insecure about our relationship. And also that was the year I filled in a lot you know," Peter sighed, "So I can admit I didn't help that insecurity. All these cheerleaders were always hitting on me. And I was being a guy about it."
Lara Jean doesn't say anything, in fact her face remains expressionless.
"So," Peter sighed, "After all the talking and all the planning, she sort of jumped me in the basement at her Aunts house. We were kind of alone."
"Which aunt?" Lara Jean raises her eyebrow.
"You know which one," Peter says and Lara Jeans eyes go wide, "It wasn't meant to be like that. She...sort of begged and cried. And well I'm a guy, I just sort of went with it. I admit it was a weak moment but...I felt like crap afterwards."
"Do you regret your first time?" Lara Jean asks.
Peter thinks for a moment before he answers, "I regret not taking control and letting it be special. I regret the reasons why she wanted to do it."
Lara Jean then looks down.
"You know how I made fun of you wanting real moments." Peter asks and Lara Jean just nods, "Don't let that part of you go. Real and romance should never be compensated. Ever."
Peter didn't know why he was telling her his but if there was one thing he wanted for her once all of this was over for her to have real and authentic moments like she has always wanted.
"You're telling the girl who wrote you the love letter?" Lara Jean giggles.
"I'm tell the girl who dreams of real and scary love." Peter nudges her playfully and Lara Jean just smiles.
Joan brings their drinks then and walks away.
"I think I'll miss this most of all," Lara Jean said sipping her coke.
"Miss what?"
"Ya hanging out." Lara Jean said smiling.
Peter frowned, "Where are you going Covey."
"Nowhere," Lara Jean said simply, "But you'll be going back to Gen soon." Lara Jean then stands up, "I just need the bathroom quickly." She then walks away leaving Peter utterly gobsmacked, was this how Trevor felt.
The next couple of days passed by in a blur and December had rolled in so quickly. The final ski trip plans had been made and the list was finalized.
Greg was given the position of head coordinator with Gen. This bothered Greg as he hated Gen.
Trevor unfortunately was not going anymore. He was getting winter break started early and going to visit his grandmother in Malaysia with his Dad. He was actually happy not to go on the trip.
"Are you kidding me," he smiled, "Something bad can always go bad on that trip. It's fun but freakin messy."
And the weird thing is that based on his conversation with Gen, he had a feeling that this would be the case.
During one lunch a week before the trip, Peter was walking towards the cafeteria to meet his friends knowing that Lara Jean had committed to spending time with Chris that day, when Gen stopped him.
"Can we talk now!" Gen snapped at him. He knew better than to say no.
They decided to walk down outside in the cold to the bleachers. No one would be outside as the winter chill had hit everyone suddenly.
"Why haven't you called me in like weeks?" Gen asked as they walked towards the empty stands.
"Gen I've been busy." Peter sighs as they make it to the stands. They walk up to the top middle section to sit down.
"I don't know, Peter." Gen said frustrated, "It's like you don't have time for me anymore." She huffs as she says, "All you do is hang out with her."
Peter frowned at Gen, he could not believe what he was hearing. Gen was entitled to feel the way she does but Peter couldn't? She was entitled to move on but he wasn't? How was that even fair.
"Am I supposed to wait while you're off with this college guy?" Peter could admit that he still felt bitter about the fact that Gen had dumped him for someone who everyone only considered an upgrade because he was in freakin college.
.
"He's not a good listener." Gen says in now what seems to be a sweet voice.
"'Cause he's not at your beck and call like I am," Peter sighs and then adds what he never thought he would have the courage to say to her, "Gen, you can't keep doing this to me."
"Yeah but she's not coming on the ski trip, is she?" Gen asks completely missing the point that Peter was trying to make, "because that's our thing."
"What does it matter?" Peter is genuinely confused because he did not like where this conversation was headed, "You have a boyfriend."
"Yeah, but...maybe by then...I won't." Gen announces.
And there it is.
The deadline.
The ski trip.
Peter didn't know why his heart was beating so fast. He didn't know why he felt light headed. And he didn't know why he felt like the breathe had been sucked out of him.
He heard rustling below him but Gen nor him made a move to see who it was.
The bell rang.
"I have to go class," Peter said and stood up.
Gen looked confused, "Wait. That's it. I've literally and technically told you that we can get back together and that's all you're going to say."
"Can we talk later." Peter asked and he genuinely meant it. He just wanted to be alone. He walked away without listening to her response.
During class, Peter did not concentrate on what the lesson was about. In fact he just focused on his thoughts and all that was going through his mind was Lara Jean.
Lara Jean had said that there would be an end to this and in the beginning, Peter couldn't wait for the deadline. Now that Gen had confirmed that their plan had worked and handed them a deadline, Peter felt…
Indifferent.
He liked, no loved, hanging out with Lara Jean. He loved how his friends loved her. He loved how Owen had actually engaged with Lara Jean during their times of playing Fortnite. He loved that he could speak to her and she listened, but really listened. He loved that he was allowed to enjoy old movies with her and it wasn't lame. He loved her family and how weird and spontaneous they were. He loved how she encouraged him.
But Gen is your first love, Peter thought, so what the hell is going on.
You know what's going on Peter…
After class Peter walked out of the classroom and felt like he was being slapped in the face by Lara Jean. She was standing by the trophy case with Sanderson.
Something was burning inside of Peter. It was hot and angry and wanted to jump out and do something unspeakable (and probably illegal) to Sanderson.
"Lara Jean!" Peter hissed and looked around to see if people saw them together. She looked at Peter and then picked up her bag. They said their final words to each other before Lara Jean walked towards him. Wait scratch that, she stormed right past him.
Why was she mad?
Peter didn't care because he was also angry at her.
"What do you think people are gonna say when they see my girlfriend cozying up to Sanderson?" He said angrily making their way to an empty hallway.
"What do you think they will say," she spits back, "when they hear you're practically begging to get back with Gen on the bleachers?"
Wait a minute, Peter thought, Lara Jean was keeping tabs on him?
"So," Peter scoffs with no humor, "you're spying on me now?"
"Not intentionally." She says defensively before turning towards an empty hallway.
Peter needed to think, and fast because she was slipping and he was so confused about a lot of things but one thing he was sure about was her. He wanted to figure out Lara Jean and figure out what she meant to him.
"Okay, so I was talking to Gen." Peter said following her, "So what? You don't even post about us on your Instagram."
Perhaps using social media wasn't the best approach but maybe it would give him the clarity he needed right.
Wrong!
"'Cause I don't want my sisters to see." She said simply.
"Yeah, like Kitty's gonna care." Peter scoffs once again.
"I'm talking about Margot." Lara Jean said. So it did have a Sanderson element to it. What the hell did she see in this Bon Iver fucken wanna be, Peter thought! He drove Peter wild because when Lara Jean found about the bleacher conversation he had with Gen, Lara Jean ran to him for comfort. And he was fucken happy to give it to her.
HIS FUCKEN GIRLFRIEND.
"Look, Peter…" Lara Jean began and her voice sounded edgy, "I don't think either one of us thought this was going to go on for this long, but Josh and I are cool, Gen's jealous," Wait what does cool mean. Focus Peter she's actually breaking up with you. Lara Jean added, "I think that we need to call it."
"I can't believe you're trying to break up with me before the ski trip." Peter looks around and looks at her in disbelief. Play the hard proof loyalty card Peter, "That's in the contract."
"Only if we're still together." She pointed out.
Wait weren't they together anymore?
"We are still together!" Peter said in a frustrated tone, "You're trying to pull out because you're scared."
"What do I have to be scared about?"
"You tell me, Covey."
Because I have everything to be scared of, Peter thought, but the one thing I am mostly scared of is losing you.
"I'll go" She announces," if Chris goes."
And then she walks away.
Peter watched her as she walked away.
"Jip," Peter sighed, "She definitely not going on that trip."
Authors noteLove the hell out these reviews keep them coming