Chapter 8

The next few weeks were difficult for Intelligence, on a personal level, and especially for Jay. It turned out that Erin had left Intelligence and Chicago that night, while all had been waiting for her to show up at Molly's.

All Voight told them was that Erin was with the FBI now, gone for good. They couldn't contact her, nor did she contact any of them.

Jay took it hard, Hailey noticed, even though he tried his best not to show. Jay kept it to himself how hurt he was. After all he and Erin had been through together, he would have appreciated at least a phone call. And that was something Hailey understood more than Jay could imagine. It's tough when someone you care for is gone one day without a word, without a good-bye.

He was partnered with Hailey, which was one ray of hope for Jay. Even though he didn't share with Hailey how hurt he was because of the messed-up relationship and Erin leaving, he felt comfortable around her, knew she would always have his back.

They didn't talk about their former relationship from three years ago, it was an unspoken agreement to not go down this road again for the moment, or even touch this subject.

Hailey wasn't sure if she still had these feelings for Jay, and she knew that Jay wasn't ready for a new relationship anytime soon. So she decided not to explore whatever kind of feelings she had for him and be a good friend. That was what he needed most right now.

Jay noticed, he noticed more than what Hailey was aware of. He noticed that she sometimes looked at him, lost in thoughts, and that there was *something* in her eyes, something that reminded him of when they had first met. And he was grateful that she didn't speak out, that she was a colleague and a friend, nothing more. He didn't want to think about whatever feelings he might have for Hailey, because right now his mind was still with Erin. He'd blown it, he'd pushed her away, and he wasn't sure if he was good with this relationship-thing at all.

He gladly accepted Hailey's loyalty and friendship, though.

They often spent the evenings after work together, in the beginning at Molly's with the others, and as time proceeded more often alone. They spent a lot of the warm summer nights riding their bikes to the lake, spending hours in some quiet spot on the lakeshore, like when they first had been a couple, but this time just being friends.

And he opened up to Hailey, much to his own surprise.

One evening they were having dinner in a restaurant by the lake.

"You know, I loved Erin," Jay suddenly said. "For a moment I thought it would be a good thing."

Hailey just nodded. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to hear about Erin, but as they were friends, she would listen.

"It started about a year after you left," he said.

"Jay!"

"This is not about us, Hailey," he backed off. "I have no regrets about us, none whatsoever. I just want you to understand what happened in the meantime, Hailey. And I guess I need to get it off my chest. We're partners, you should know these things."

She raised her eyebrows in surprise. That was new.

He told her about his relationship with Erin, about their first brief thing while she was with the Feds, then her breakdown after Nadia died, and Voight asking him to watch out for her, and their rocky relationship, which lasted for almost two years.

She understood more about him now, about why he was so hurt, why he felt that he was treated unfairly by his boss, and why he insisted that he and Hailey should be only friends. He was right about that. At least for the moment.

When Jay was done talking, she put a hand on his arm, looked into his eyes. "Jay, you will be fine. It takes time, but you will be fine. And you have friends, you know that. Me, the unit. We all care for you."

He gave her a smile that was one part sad and one part hopeful and sweet. "I know, Hailey. It is getting better already. Thank you for listening, for being there."

"Anytime, partner," she smiled back at him. "Did you ever consider therapy? I mean, it might help."

He shrugged. "Not really. Been there when I came back from Afghanistan, but it wasn't quite my thing."

"I see. Just keep it in mind, if you need help."

"I will."

For a moment Jay relaxed, felt safer. For a moment.

The cases during the summer weren't unusual, gang wars, drugs, shootings. Sadly, nothing out of the ordinary for Chicago.

When Intelligence was performing a raid on a gang, things got difficult for the unit. A little girl was shot accidentally. A shot child always got a lot of attention, and immediately the police was blamed. How could they let this happen? Why did they not make sure that the children in the – albeit illegal – daycare center were safe before they started the raid? The public was already angry with the police, but it got worse. The girl died, and it turned out that the bullet that shot the girl was from a cop's gun – Jay's gun.

It hit Jay hard. He was in shock.

Jay always wanted to do the right thing, protect the innocent, fight for them, and put the bad guys behind bars. And now he had shot and killed a child.

It didn't help that right at that time it was decided to reform Chicago PD. Generally that could have been a good thing, but in this case it meant more trouble.

An independent auditor in the person of Denny Woods was brought in to investigate the shooting.

Just a few months ago Hank Voight and Denny Woods, former partners in CPD, had met again. Voight had uncovered that Woods had framed an innocent man for a murder, and Woods was released from his job. Nobody knew how he had managed to come back after this, but here he was. And he was not on Jay's side. Jay was working for Voight.

A black kid was shot by a cop, and the public wanted Jay's head. Fueled by Alderman Price, who was looking for a scapegoat, who saw a chance for more publicity for himself. Jay was the perfect scapegoat, Price admitted that. A young, good-looking, white cop.

Jay felt trapped, even worse than in the Lonnie Rodiger case. He was a decorated policeman, and yet he was portrayed as a racist, violent cop, something far from who he was. That on top of feelings of guilt for having killed an innocent child.

What could he do?

He refused to let anyone in, including Hailey. When she asked how she could help, he literally pushed her away. He felt that he needed to get through this alone, didn't want to drag anyone else down with him, especially not Hailey. Needless to say, he was in a bad state.

While Jay could deal with a lot of things on his own, and was usually fine with it, this time it was tough.

Hailey felt helpless, and she wasn't sure how she should react, when Jay shut her out. She could hardly talk to Voight, because he wasn't aware of their history, like most of the team.

In the end Jay was being exonerated quickly. The evidence backed his story, showed that it was an accident, and that Jay had done exactly what he was supposed to do. The heat was taken off him, even Alderman Price praised him.

Yet Jay kept his distance from everyone, including Hailey. The closeness, the friendship they had experienced during the previous weeks seemed to have vanished. They still worked together, and worked well together, but nothing more.

Finally, Hailey decided to talk to the only member of Intelligence that knew at least part of their history, Al. Until now Al hadn't mentioned to anyone that he had met her with Jay back then, therefore she felt she could trust him.

"Do you have a minute?" Hailey approached Al one afternoon, when they were alone in the office.

Al looked at her, surprised, and immediately nodded. "Sure, kid."

"I need help, Al," Hailey sighed. "Jay..."

"Hey, let's not discuss Jay here," he interrupted her immediately. "These walls have ears."

"OK, then let's drive and see if we can find my CI," Hailey suggested. "The car's safe."

Al grinned. The kid understood fast, he liked that. He quickly informed Voight that they had to leave the office for a while, and they were on the road in no time. Hailey drove, yet not far. She parked the car in an alley not too far away from the precinct.

"Thanks for listening, Al," she started.

"Sure. What's wrong with Jay?"

"Al, I know you didn't approve of how his relationship with Erin effected his job, he told me that. And this is not the same situation."

"So you two are not a couple?"

"No, we are friends." Hailey confirmed. "What happened back then, that's history. We're friends and partners."

"Okay," Al said. "Just wanted to check."

"Al, Jay seems to slip away from me, after the shooting the little girl. I know this bothers him a lot, but I can't get through to him."

"Do you think it affects his job?"

"No, at least not yet," Hailey answered. "Listen, I don't want to get Jay into trouble. I'm worried. And I don't know what I should do. You have known him longer, what do you think?"

"You're the first one to ever ask me something like that," Al said. "I'm not an expert on any kind of relationships. Been living in my garage for too long."

"Yeah, I know. Still I would appreciate your advice."

Al sighed, thought about what Hailey had said. He wasn't a man of many words, wasn't used to this kind of discussions outside of his family. But he liked both Hailey and Jay and therefore wanted to help, as much as it was possible.

"Give Jay some time," he finally answered. "Yes, it troubles him a lot that he shot the girl. And he's still not over Erin running away. He's opened up a lot to you, but he's still Jay. And Jay is not the most trusting person."

"What can I do, Al?"

"Be there, work with him, support him. Just like you have been doing. He knows, I can see that, and he will come around eventually." He paused for a second. "I did as well, with Meredith," he added more quietly.

"You think?"

"You wanted my opinion. He relies on you a lot, more than you think." Al shrugged. "If this doesn't work, we can still call the cavalry."

Hailey smiled. "Thanks, Al."