Chapter 11

Camilla called, asked Jay to be there for Luis' funeral. Jay knew it would not be a good idea to go, but he couldn't, wouldn't back off. He felt that he owed it to Luis. Hailey wasn't thrilled, but she knew better than trying to convince Jay to stay away.

"I'll take you there," Hailey suggested instead.

"You want to come to the funeral?" Jay couldn't believe what he heard. "And how should I explain that to Camilla? Why would you even do that?"

"Don't explain." Hailey simply said. "I'll go by my undercover name, and then that's it. It should send a message to Camilla that you aren't available."

"And why that? How's that even an issue?"

Hailey just stared back at him.

"So you don't trust me."

"Not with Camilla."

"Why do you even care? Why don't you just keep out of this? What if I want to be with Camilla?" Suddenly Jay became angry, so suddenly that Hailey was taken aback.

"What?"

"Why don't you just let me do what I think is right?"

"You know, Jay," she answered, now clearly angry herself. "I guess I should. I don't even know why I bother. If you want to go and sleep with this woman, then do it."

She turned around, ready to leave, but Jay held her back, put a hand on her shoulder. For some reason he didn't want her to leave, even though they were fighting.

"Even if I do, it's none of your business anyway."

"Correct. Go, be stupid!"

"How would that concern you?" Jay asked. "Why? Why don't you just leave me alone for once?"

"I wish I knew," Hailey retorted. "Life would be easier if I let you take care of your own crap."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you're jealous." Jay said, now very calm.

Hailey stared at him, heat spreading all over her body. She was still mad at him, but she knew he was right.

"So?" Jay asked, irritated by her sudden silence.

Hailey didn't answer, didn't trust her own voice.

"So?" Jay repeated.

"Ah hell, do whatever you want," she finally uttered.

They stared at each other, and suddenly both burst out in laughter. The anger vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

"You're such an idiot, Jay Halstead," Hailey giggled.

Jay raised his eyebrows. "And you're cute when you're angry, Hailey Upton," he teased.

There it was again, the burning heat all over Hailey's body. Quickly she turned away. He shouldn't see that her face turned bright red. And she didn't want to follow up on this, was grateful that Jay let it go quickly.

The fight-turned-laughter had lightened the mood. They were back on the same page.

Hailey still didn't like it, but she was well aware that Jay would attend Luis' funeral, no matter what she said. Therefore, she made sure to be there. This way she could not only make sure that he wouldn't engage too much with Camilla, but she could also check how much the whole issue affected him. She would not take no for an answer, and Jay knew.

A few days later, when Jay was on his way to Luis' funeral, all dressed up in uniform, Hailey was by his side. They entered the church right before the ceremony was about to begin, wanted to sit down somewhere in the back. But that wasn't an option, because there was only Camilla. No friends or family, nobody but Camilla – and Jay and Hailey.

They sat down in the row behind her.

Camilla turned around, looked at Jay thankfully, and a bit irritated at Hailey.

The ceremony started, and Hailey could sense Jay tense up. She put her hand on his; he briefly nodded a thank you as a reply.

Camilla was devastated. She had lost her brother, her only relative, and she was alone. She approached Jay and Hailey afterwards, and Jay briefly hugged her. She didn't want to let him go, wanted him to stay, but Jay managed to break the embrace softly.

Camilla looked at Hailey curiously.

"I'm Kelly," she introduced herself with her undercover alias. "So sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," Camilla answered. "Without Ryan I wouldn't know what to do."

Hailey put a hand on Jay's shoulder, a subtle sign directed at Camilla. "That's good to know."

Camilla understood, gave Jay an unhappy look in reply. She clearly understood that Jay wasn't hers, that they wouldn't meet again. Even though he told her again to call if she needed his help, both knew this wouldn't happen.

Hailey was relieved, her plan had worked. She felt sorry for Camilla, but Jay was her first priority. And right now she needed to make sure Jay would be okay.

Why do I care so much? She asked herself. Why do I feel I need to protect him so badly?

When Jay and Hailey arrived back at Jay's place, he only reluctantly got out of the car.

"Are you coming?"

"Sure, Jay." Hailey immediately agreed. Perhaps he would want to talk.

Once inside, Jay quickly changed out of his uniform, while Hailey grabbed the usual drinks from the fridge and made herself comfortable on his couch.

"Hailey?" Jay asked, when he joined her.

"Yes?"

"Hailey, would you... would you please stay the night?" Jay looked at her as if he expected her to say no. He quickly added, "I'll take the couch, you can have the bed."

"Sure. Why?"

"Because..." Jay hesitated, swallowed hard. "Because I'm afraid I might do something stupid when I'm alone. Like..."

"Like seeing Camilla?" Hailey raised her eyebrows, not sure what to make of this.

Jay nodded, looking sheepish.

"And what do you expect me to do?" Hailey asked, her tone a bit more annoyed than she intended. "Do you expect me to chain you to the bed?"

Jay looked at her, then out of the blue a wide grin appeared on his face.

Hailey slapped him playfully, now grinning herself. "That didn't come out right."

Jay laughed and slightly tilted his head, happy to have broken the tension in the air. "Tell me more, Hailey."

She just shook her head, unsuccessfully trying to hide her smile.

"OK, I'll stay," she finally agreed. "And you can have the bed, I'll take the couch. But Jay – don't expect me to be your guardian forever, ok?"

"I know," he nodded, serious again, but not insecure anymore. "I know, Hailey. It just … you know... right now I want to do something to numb all these thoughts and feelings. And doing something stupid sounds pretty tempting."

"Not if it will cause more problems."

"You're probably right." He took a swig of his whisky, staring into the glass.

"Jay, I wasn't aware of how much this is still a problem," Hailey said quietly. "You must do something about it."

Jay still stared into his glass.

"You can't go on like this forever," she insisted. "Whenever something triggers your memories, your PTSD, you have nightmares, you behave differently, and you make risky decisions. It's dangerous. Not to mention it's annoying how your mood changes from one second to the other."

Jay stayed silent.

"I'm not joking, Jay. You could become a danger to yourself and to your partner, to me!"

Now she had his full attention, he stared at her.

"Jay, I care for you, but you need to take action. You need to work on these issues."

He sighed, thought about what Hailey said.

"Okay, I'll do something," he agreed after a while. "For you, Hailey."

"Do it for yourself," she said, more gently now. "And everything else will fall into place. You know how much I care for you, and I'll be here to help."

"Sure," he just said.

"Hey, don't look so sad," Hailey tried to lighten up the mood again. "I didn't give you a death sentence, just some advice. You will be fine, but you need to work on this."

He smiled weakly. "I will, I promise. I will do therapy, seriously this time. For us." He flashed her a tentative grin.

Hailey grinned right back at him. "Good."

Jay took action, just like he had promised. He went back to therapy, and he made an effort to actually talk to his therapist. Until now, therapy had always been a painful exercise he wanted to finish as quickly as possible, and he only did what was absolutely necessary, but this time it was different. Hailey had pushed him into that direction, and he understood. He finally understood that he needed to do something. Therefore, this time he didn't just have the mandatory few sessions but agreed to stay as long as he needed to.

From time to time Hailey asked about it, and she was genuinely happy that he made progress, that he actually enjoyed it. He didn't give Hailey details of what was discussed during these sessions, but from time to time he told her about things he discovered – about himself, about others.

And his team noticed, too. Even though Jay wasn't known for letting too many people in, even though he hadn't been one to put his problems on display, the others noticed that he seemed more himself lately.

His partnership with Hailey profited from this change as well. They had always known that they could rely on each other, trust each other, and still things had changed for the better.

Hailey saw that Jay was willing to work on problems, willing to listen to her, that he appreciated her opinion, also when it came to very personal issues outside of work.

Jay realized even more than before that he could trust Hailey, that she cared for him, enough to confront him, when things went wrong. And that she would stand by his side, if he wanted it or not.

Both cherished their partnership and friendship more every day, now that it was moving to a deeper level than ever before.