-6.
Gilbert was on edge, struggling to find a way to answer her questions in a comforting way. How could he look Mary in the eyes as she asked about the treatment of what she thought was a mild spell of illness and tell this wonderful soul that her time is up. It broke his heart. He felt the impending loss and it crushed down on him, and he couldn't hold it together.
As she realised what was happening to her, she immediately asked for her infant child knowing their time together was precious and fleeting. Gilbert couldn't say the right words to make any of this okay, but he could bring her child to her.
As soon as Gilbert knocked on the door at green gables one shared look with Anne and she instantly knew something was terribly wrong. The Cuthbert's instantly made to leave and as they were set in the buggy with the baby, Anne prepared to go with them but Gilbert still felt the heavy burden within him and he needed the time and space of a walk. Anne observed him for a moment before opting to join him in his walk.
"I can't fathom it" Anne said as they walking along, pondering the impossible sentence that Mary had been dealt, unable to truly believe what this is going to mean for them all, Bash especially.
Gilbert had chosen to walk as he needed to air his frustrations at his own failings, saying it more to himself than to Anne, he let out his thoughts. "I don't think I can be a doctor. Doctors are supposed to... I was... I had to tell her. But I-"
"Oh, Gilbert" Anne interrupted. But he was not going to listen to her feeling sorry for his role in this when he had been utterly inadequate at supporting his terminally ill friend. "No, don't. I'm not the one dying. I'm not the one who's loosing everything. I'm just.."
Anne refused to be brushed aside, coming back firmer in order to help him through accepting that he is allowed to have feelings on the matter as well. "A friend who delivered the most terrible news to someone they love."
"Mary needed me to be strong. I just made it worse. I couldn't find the words, and I made it worse." Gilbert was so disappointed in himself that he couldn't have done better. But Anne was not going to stand by and let him be so hard on himself when he had done nothing wrong.
"Would she have been consoled by some dispassionate delivery?" Anne said as she turned him around to face her, "I hope you never have to do something like that again, but I don't think you'll be able to avoid it. People will come to you, Gilbert. And they will bring their children, and everyone they hold dear to see a doctor who cares just as much as they do. You will be a wonderful doctor. Caring deeply will always be the right thing." As Anne spoke, she was so invested and it meant so much to him that she truely believed in him. To hear her say that caring deeply is the right thing as they stood together in that field, it only reminded him of how deeply he cared for her. Only, she had made it seem that this was not the right thing as of late, what a sweet contrast her words were now. He knew she had been speaking of caring for patients and people in general, but as she spoke he couldn't avoid making the connection between her words and the feelings he experienced as he looked into her eyes. How could he not care for her, while he was experiencing a moment of self doubt and anger that he could not come out of on his own, she was there to pull him out of it with two blue eyes and passionate words, and it meant to world to him. As she began to continue on their walk he was momentarily stunned and could only turn and watch as she went. After a moment he gathered himself and began to slowly walk after her.
As they came upon the house the Cuthbert's were departing and Bash was slowly making his way back into the house to be with his beloved wife and daughter. As the front door closed Gilbert stopped walking, all of his emotions bubbling to the surface and he couldn't hold them in any longer. After such long lives filled with hard work and suffering, Sebastian and Mary has found each other, started their family and brought love back into the otherwise quiet and lonely Blythe farmhouse. It was supposed to be the beginning of their lives together and now to have it all changed under tragic circumstances was too much to bare. As he stood there, tears began to gather in his eyes as he could no longer hold in his pain. He felt Anne step in front of him and wrapped her arms around Gilbert's shoulders as she gently offered him comfort. Not for the first time today he was stunned by the actions of this girl, and a moment later he returned Anne's embrace, his arms finding their way around her. Lightly at first, until their hold on each other became firmer, no space for air between their thick winter coats.
Too soon he felt her hands move to his shoulders and he reluctantly loosened his arms allowing them to fall back to his sides. They looked into each others eyes as they pulled apart, so many emotions swirling between them. With a nod to each other, they turned and set off again towards the house.
Mary asked to speak with Gilbert after Anne had gone and he was finally able to find fitting words to say, expressing his feelings and drawing strength from them in a way he had been unable to earlier in the day. It brought him a measure of peace and he was able to forgive himself for how he had handled breaking the news of the truth about her illness.
When the house was quiet and he found himself alone the memory of a red head in his arms was all he could think about. He was so grateful to her for the words of encouragement and comfort, and when there were no words needed she had embraced him and it was one of the saddest and most perfect moments of his life. He had never been so close to Anne before and she had fit so comfortably in his arms that he felt a physical loss when he had let her go. When she pulled back and they had looked at each other, the air had been so thick between them as they were still only inches apart. His emotions so raw and exposed in that moment paved the way to his other deep feelings he kept well buried for good reason. And as he had looked at her those feelings were swimming in his eyes.