From the moment she had been able to walk, both the Doctor and Rose spotted the adventurous side shining brightly in their little Susan.
With dark brown hair, auburn eyes and a playful grin, the little girl was a mimic of her father. Jackie's own words.
She would climb relentlessly, run around with nothing but soul in her heart. Her father's sonic screwdriver was a slight obsession, the small tool he'd built for himself becoming quite a favourite of hers.
Jackie had not been happy about the fridge incident when Susan was approaching two years old, so naturally, the Doctor responded by building her one of her own. A more child-friendly device.
Now four years old, Susan's adventurous spirit was barely containable. However, being the doting father he was, the Doctor already possessed a number of ideas to help their little girl thrive.
"Are you sure that's a good idea?"
"What do you mean? She's already running circles around Tony… I think she deserves somewhere she can play out her own little adventures, hm?"
The Doctor and Rose been stood in the large back-garden for around half an hour, Susan happily enjoying playing on the swing set gifted to her by Pete. They were old, rickety, and wouldn't stand much longer.
The moment Rose had heard the Doctor's idea of a tree house, her heart had raced, motherly instinct kicking in – Susan was only four and the mere thought of her falling from somewhere high was enough to build a barrier of doubt. But the more the Doctor tried to encourage her, the more she lightened to the idea.
"And how to you propose to build it?"
"Well… there's that big IKEA store down the road and I have all the tools I need. I'll manage somehow… have some faith, Tyler," the Doctor smirked, elbowing Rose gently beside him.
Rose's lips curled into her own smirk and she flicked back some of her blonde hair but was unable to see how 'No' would pass for an answer now.
"Fine… if you want to do it, I won't stop you," she answered, "but – don't make it too high. She's only four, who knows wh-"
"Oh, come on – I'll never let her out of my sight. Supervision only… I promise," the Doctor pleaded, pouting ever so slightly. Sometimes, she loved it when he did that.
Other times, it was downright blackmail.
"You're such a dummy," she chuckled, her hand snaking around the Doctors thin waist to pull him closer, "just don't forget you're supposed to be working on that file for Dad, the Slitheen incident in Stoke-On-Trent? He wants it sorted by next week."
The Doctor felt his singular heart overflow with love – this is what he'd always been missing out on. Rose stood beside him, their child – their child – playing happily in the garden. It was so human… and ever so miraculous.
"Me? Forget? Never," the Doctor joked.
"Good," Rose smiled, feeling the Doctor's hand slowly make its way to her cheek before their lips caressed gently and a small, quick kiss ensued in the cold, autumn breeze.
"Ta-da!"
Two weeks later, a few cuts and bumps and a torn suit jacket to show for it along with his miraculous build, the Doctor was showing Rose and Susan the completed structure.
Susan now had a two-level tree house, wrapped into the large Oak at the bottom of the garden. It had stairs, ladders, swings underneath, multiple rooms and even her own little pretend TARDIS tucked away at the top, complete with monitors and a rotor.
Surely he'd outdone himself? Well, he certainly thought he had.
"I have to admit… it doesn't stick out as much as I thought it would," Rose pressed. Susan was staring next to her mother, her face a picture of utter joy and her eyes brighter than the stars she dreamed of.
"Oi! I once spent a month on an intensive wood-working course in the Delta-Galaxy… I think I know a thing or two about woodwork, Rose," the Doctor replied, lowering his arms whilst his eyebrow raised in distaste. Rose could see the seriousness in his gaze, and she altered her words.
"It's brilliant, love… it's brilliant, really," Rose quickly added sincerely. She knew how much it meant to the Doctor to make Susan happy. He'd once cried to her in the middle of the night around a week after she had surprised him with her pregnancy, telling her he didn't know if becoming a father again was the right thing. The first time she had ever seen him cry with that beautiful new human heart of is and it had broken hers. Until she managed to convince him he was wrong, only then had her heart mended.
"So, don't keep me waiting, darling - what do you think?" the Doctor asked, feeling much better after Rose's late approval.
"I really love it," Susan uttered, her long brown hair bouncing as she bounded over to her father excitedly. The Doctor reached down with open arms and picked her up, settling her at his height so they could look at his project together – but not before Susan had given him a firm hug.
"Thank you, Daddy, it's the bestest thing ever!"
"Oh, anything for you, sweetheart," he replied simply, tickling her face with his spiky hair which made Susan giggle.
"Our adventures are going to be really fun now," Susan stated.
"Where are you going to go first?" Rose asked.
"Oh! Why don't we go to… Raxico-Raxicoraci…" Susan struggled to get even the first few letters around her tongue. Rose smiled at the Doctor encouragingly as they both pronounced the long-winded planet name the Doctor had told her of many times.
"Raxacoricofallapatorius – now you try."
Susan's intent brown eyes focused on her father and she quickly repeated the name.
"Ah, that's my girl!" the Doctor praised, "Right then, how about we go have a look round before I head to work?" The prospect of working, earning, had been another worry of the Doctors when he and Rose had left Bad Wolf Bay that fateful day. So many different human-y things had crossed his racing mind. Now he understood why.
To work, to earn, to prosper even - it was all for the very being he held in his arms. And the woman he had quickly realised he loved so very dearly only moments after their first kiss.
"What do we say?" The Doctor asked as he placed their little girl down. To which she quickly responded with a firm 'Allons-y' before excitedly running towards the newly built tree house.
"Daddy, come in, Daddy the Autons are coming – we need to get to the TARDIS, over!"
The crackle and buzz on the walkie talkie told the Doctor his little girl was ready for an adventure. He had probably spent too long making dinner.
With Rose now being heavily pregnant with their second child, she was doing less adventuring and more file work... and demanding a few extra crisps with her sandwiches. Their five-year old daughter, however, couldn't be told to do file work. Adventuring was always the answer.
With a smirk on his face, the Doctor picked up his own walkie talkie, clearing his throat before he replied: "This is Dad coming in, I'll be there right away – meet me at the ladder, over."
Assuming that would give him enough time to get the sandwich and drink safely to Rose, the Doctor quickly rushed out of the kitchen and into the garden where Rose was waiting on the patio, her laptop open and her face solemn as she read through a Torchwood case. Her solemn expression quickly turned surprised and also thankful when she noted the sandwich and drink that was placed beside her before the tall, skinny figure that delivered it ran off into the garden towards the tree house.
"Thank you!" she called, earning her a wave and a smile before he disappeared into the greenery.
"Hurry, Daddy, they're coming!"
Susan's frantic waving made the Doctor smile as he approached but he quickly switched from joyful to serious – he was about to go on adventure, a very important one at that.
"Do you have your sonic with you?" the Doctor asked his little girl as he reached the ladder.
"Yep, it's in here," Susan said as she patted her coat pocket, "quick, to the TARDIS!"
The Doctor straightened his sharp, red tie and gestured to the ladder. "Ladies, first," he said.
Susan had climbed and cleared the ladder, pulling herself over the top onto the wooden floor where she then ran to the door, waiting patiently for her father. He quickly hopped over the top and joined her, just in time to hear a dramatic gasp.
"They've locked us out, Daddy – we need to use the secret entrance!" she ordered, pulling out her sonic screwdriver with intent before she began to climb the second ladder.
"Yes, ma'am! Oh… oh no, I can hear them, they've breached the gates! Autons everywhere!"
There were no gates and of course no Autons. But where else would the dramatic plot come from?
Susan giggled as she climbed the ladder, momentarily breaking her usually very serious adventurous charm. There was nothing warmed her little heart more than playing with her Dad, re-enacting the many stories she had been told by her parents and her grandparents. She would often recite them to Tony when they visited the mansion. She knew not to tell anyone at her playgroup though... it was top secret.
"Hurry, Daddy!"
Soon they were both on the top tier of the tree house where the TARDIS room was located, rushing around the back to the secret entrance - a small, thin gap that the Doctor been unable to patch due to him running out of wooden planks. He had told Rose he would eventually board it up but Susan had declared it their secret entrance. There were other means of getting in, but the Doctor would always follow his daughters' rules.
The doorway was only just big enough for him to slip through, if he turned sideways and shuffled his long and lanky frame a little awkwardly, but eventually he would make it inside. Susan went first and he followed, being careful not to mark his blue suit jacket on the way in.
"What's our plan?" the Doctor asked once they were inside, Susan inputting controls on the fake monitor screen while the Doctor pretended to set the TARDIS into flight. Sometimes, many a times, he had stopped and looked at the fake console with a sad look in his eyes. However, all he needed to tell himself was they were growing their own. It was just taking a while.
"We need to… we need to…rev-reverting th-…the…"
"Reverse the polarity of the plastic so it destroys the Autons and we save the world once again?" the Doctor chimed in, holding up his hand for a high-five which Susan obliged to with a happy and giddy smile. A dramatic trip up over her own feet was supposed to mean the TARDIS was in flight, so naturally, the Doctor did the same, but he was careful not to hit anything.
"Daddy – more Autons coming, the TARDIS is in defen..defensive mode!"
Just watching his little girl was a joy. All these sudden big words and bright ideas.
"I can hear them – what's that noise? Oh no, they're here!" he yelled dramatically.
"Oh no, they're inside - AH!"
Rose could hear the fake yells from the patio, and she leaned back into her chair, taking a sip of her drink while her other hand rubbed her belly gently.
She sighed… but it was a content sigh.
"I don't know about you, Jack, but I think we'd best prepare for an Auton attack," she said to nobody but the bump.
3 years later.
The Doctor sat on the edge of his seat on the patio, fiddling with a device Pete had given him from the Torchwood archives. It was marked as an alien beacon, something dangerous, but he was convinced it was some kind of musical instrument.
"See? There's the harmonium regulator…" he muttered to himself, pulling the thickly-rimmed spectacles from his face to rub his tired eyes. The one aspect of being human he still couldn't quite grasp. The tiredness.
Even after ten years of adjusting, having to go to bed every night still seemed like an extreme sport.
As he sat back against the chair, he yawned and closed his eyes, trying to ignore the small twinge in his lower back. Lifting through the many boxes of alien stuff Pete had hoarded away hadn't exactly been on his agenda for the afternoon. He just needed some rest.
It was also pretty tough with a three-year old son and an eight-year-old girl to keep entertained. There was nothing else he was prouder of, however.
"I'm just putting Jack to bed for his nap, Doctor," came a voice from behind and the Doctor inhaled sharply. Had he been drifting off? The mid-summer breeze was rather alluring.
"Okay, I'll be here," he replied.
Running a hand through his thick, brown hair, the Doctor sat forwards again. He winced. The button on his pinstriped trousers was digging into his middle again and he shuffled awkwardly, trying his best to ignore it. In the three years since Jack had arrived, the Doctor had gone through a slight change. And it wasn't regeneration.
Whether it be sympathy weight or sneaking more dessert on a daily basis, Rose had noted his growing softness. Instead of a flat, thin figure, a slightly rounded and thicker middle now rested on her lanky husband. He often denied it, refused to believe he was letting human nature get the better of him - but she loved him all the more for it. It made him look healthy.
The greying hair, the softer figure... it was the Doctor she had wanted but never got the chance to have.
It was still to sink in for the man sporting the softer changes. Not even tightening suits had led him astray.
"I suppose I could take more of you apart... but then again, what if you're hiding something sinister?" the Doctor spoke to the scattered device.
"Daaaaddddy..."
Oh, there it was. That soft, sweet little voice. He'd been wondering where she had been the past half hour.
"Yeeeeesss...?" he answered, flickering his gaze to the side to try and see his daughter stood behind him. Small arms wrapped around his neck and a smaller face buried itself next to his.
"Can I ask you something?" Susan said in a determined tone.
"Well, I suppose so... can't really say no when you have me in this vice like grip, can I?" he chuckled, turning to give her cheek a soft kiss.
Since Jack had been born, Susan and her father didn't play as much as they used to. With work, another baby and the busy lives they led, it was hard for either parent to find time, but they always tried their best. Susan understood, being the brilliant young girl that she was.
Now eight years old, Susan had developed hobbies of her own – but she still liked to play. Her father's stories and adventurous spirit kept her loosing that special childhood touch and there was nothing else she enjoyed more than hearing or more stories or learning new ideas.
"Would you play with me… just for ten minutes while Mum puts Jack to bed? Pleeeeaaase?"
The Doctor's head fell onto the side of his daughters, wishing he could simply say yes.
"I'm sorry, sweetheart, I've got this thing to sort out here… you can help me, if you want?" he replied, "well, actually… even if there is a harmonium regulator in there I don't want to take any chances of you touching it." But even through his rambling, he could feel Susan's disappointment.
"Daddy, please…? You never play with me anymore… just one adventure, really, really quickly!" she encouraged excitedly, squeezing his shoulders. The Doctor was never one to refuse and adventure... it had been his life, after all. However, the work he had to do was mounting and it was his turn to collect Jack from his nap.
"Listen, how about tomorrow, hm?" he tried to reason, unable to look into his daughter's brown, sparkling eyes properly – he would only feel more guilt.
Susan did have her grandmothers stubborn streak in her… as well as her fathers. But she knew when no meant no.
Well, sometimes she did. She had her mother's tricks.
"Okay… I'll go watch some TV instead," Susan replied, barely giving the Doctor a chance to reply as she turned to head into the house.
"Right, yes… fine," he said, turning back to the device strewn out along the table in front of him. It now looked even more complicated after his refusal and he grumbled something before picking up a few of the odd parts again.
But only second later, he heard footsteps, quick and light footsteps suddenly flying past him. Something was dropped on the table before the figure passed, hopping onto the soft grass before turning to face him.
It was Susan. With that old and battered walkie-talkie, its partner lying next to the Doctor. He watched her raise it up.
"Daddy, come in… we have Slitheen disguising themselves as politicians in Downing Street, do you read me? Over."
He was staring right at her, just able to hear her voice over the crackling of his radio. His long fingers wrapped around the radio and he brought it to his mouth.
"I said tomorrow, sweetheart… over."
For a moment, Susan looked defeated – but she wasn't going to give up that easily.
"Tomorrow could be too late! Slitheen are cunning, how many times have you told me that? Please, Daddy… the world's depending on it. Over."
It was hard to ever change the Doctor's mind.
But that was before humanity found him and he'd embraced it. It was before he had children again.
How could he refuse her? Ten minutes wouldn't hurt - and he subconsciously told himself he could do with some exercise. The last run he had been out on for Torchwood had been weeks prior. That one heart needed to be kept tip top for his one life with Rose Tyler and his children.
A smile crept onto his stubbly face and he placed the walkie talkie down onto the table. Susan lowered hers, the excitement clearly building in her eyes.
"Slitheen, you say? Well… I suppose if its the Slitheen, I can't exactly let my daughter steal all the glory when she saves the day…"
With a bright grin to match her father's, Susan discarded the walkie talkie and was almost jumping on the spot.
"Quickly then, to the TARDIS!"
The moment Susan started running, the Doctor was quick to chase his daughter, his long legs moving faster than they had done in weeks as he tried to catch up to his little girl. Persuasive techniques did seem to run in the family. All Rose ever needed to do was lovingly curl her arm into his and spread that smile on her face if she wanted something, so no surprise had come when Susan used it against him to.
"Don't leave me for the Slitheen!" he called after Susan. When had she gotten so fast?
The young girl reached the ladder first and quickly began to scale it, checking behind her every so often to see if the Doctor was still following. By the time her feet were running along the wooden floor, her father only just made it to the bottom. He noted the breathlessness and the quickened pace of his single heart.
"Oi, didn't you hear me? You can't leave your old man to the mercy of the Slitheen!" the Doctor called up to Susan, scaling the ladder to join her at the top, albeit a little slower - his arms and legs couldn't push him up quick enough and some part of him was suddenly frustrated. Tomorrow, he was asking Pete to be head of the next field mission. Exercise, that's what he needed. Not a desk and some occasional heavy lifting.
"So, what's the plan?" he asked, leaning over with his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath from the short run.
Susan was taking readings on her toy sonic screwdriver. The tool was battered and broken but showed nothing but love.
"We get to the TARDIS, get to the controls and get inside Downing Street to stop the Slitheen before they escape, or destroy the world!" Susan ordered enthusiastically. She couldn't remember the last time her father had joined her for one of her adventures. Solo adventures were fun but having a companion was much better. That's what her mother always said - there was somebody always there to help you.
"Ah-ah, you're forgetting," the Doctor inputted, "Slitheen are cunning, it's possible they've already taken over the security of the whole building by the time we get there… they could be watching us right now - have you scanned around the TARDIS?"
The Doctor pulled out his own sonic, seeing Susan's eyes light up as he scanned the garden. And of course, the tree house - their TARDIS.
"What's yours telling you?" Susan asked.
"It's not good news... they know we're coming, they're closing in - signs of potassium in the air. So, I think we need to use the..." the Doctor stopped, wanting Susan to gain the idea instead of him. He knew it always made her feel much more important. She was - she was his girl.
Susan folded her arms and thought for a second before looking a little surer of herself, a bright grin replacing her doubtful pout.
"The secret entrance!"
"Of course! Well then, Allons-y!"
Another ladder to scale. But in the Doctor's mind he was the same man he had been when he'd first built this tree house. They would be saving the world together in no time.
Susan raced to the top floor of the wooden structure, feeling ever the more ecstatic her little plan had worked and she was now having some fun with her Dad. She was so ecstatic in fact, she failed to notice the Doctor struggling on the ladder. He reached the top but stopped before he could pull his long legs over, trying to conceal heavy breaths.
"You okay, Daddy?" Susan asked when she realised her father wasn't beside her, concern heavy on her soft little features.
The Doctor almost looked surprised at the question and was quick to rectify his stillness with a bouncy jump onto the wooden platform.
A click in one of his knees... ouch.
"What? Me? Yes, fine, grand, absolutely smashing – Molto Bene! Now hurry inside, before they spot us," he insisted, "in fact – I think I see one in the bushes over there."
"Where?" Susan asked, pretending to look for the supposed hiding alien where the Doctor was pointing.
"Although… could just be the leaves. Slitheen are green, aren't they?" he joked, Susan giving him a playful tug in return.
"No time to joke, Daddy – Allons-y!"
The Doctor smiled as he watched Susan crawl into the wooden house. It had been months since he last stood here… nearly half a year, in fact. It elevated a strangely unfamiliar warmth in his heart - nostalgia. Sometimes he pondered to himself over just how many emotions humans could endure. His first day with utter giddiness after finding out Rose was pregnant had been very eventful.
Not wanting to keep his daughter waiting, the Doctor lowered himself onto his hands and knees, turned sideways and began to shimmy inside the slim doorway after Susan. His first thought wasn't that the entrance seemed a little tighter than he remembered – it was the shabbiness of the room on the inside.
He really needed to repaint.
"Logging on now, Daddy…" came Sarah's voice from the pretend console, her figure jumping around the wooden panels whilst she expertly navigated the fake ship.
"Right, that's my girl, I just need to… just need to…"
A grunt escaped the Doctor's throat as he tried to push himself inside. His body was slanted to the side, he should be through by now… what had he done wrong? It was so incredibly tight.
He placed one hand on the wood and pushed, feeling a pressure on his middle that was completely unfamiliar to him. When he looked, he noticed his belly was filling up the small space.
"What?" he grunted under his breath, trying again in vain to squeeze his way inside. His still lanky frame struggled and eventually, he had to give up. The skin was nipping the wood too much and the tightness was only growing.
"You okay, Daddy?"
The voice of his daughter echoed in the Doctor's ears, shaking his head before turning to face her, trying to hide his sheer embarrassment over the situation.
"Hm? Oh, Yes… erm… did you activate the thermal regulator?" the Doctor asked to try and distract his little girl while he tried to think of what he could do.
"Yep, all done!"
Ah… it would need to be something more complex than that.
"How about the galactic coordinator?"
However, no amount pushing or wriggling while telling his daughter what buttons to press was getting him through. Susan's had already figured there was a problem however, having noticed her father wasn't by her side and she couldn't hide the giggle as she watched her father trying to squeeze inside. Noticing the giggling, the Doctor slumped down in defeat, beads of sweat rising on his forehead.
"What are you giggling at?" the Doctor asked. His attempt to make it look like he was resting was genius – in his eyes at least. Not in Susan's. She continued to giggle, all thought of the impending Slitheen doom replaced with laughter.
"Are you stuck?" she asked.
"Stuck?" the Doctor exclaimed, "nope - I wanted to test you on your knowledge of the TARDIS controls so congratulations, well done, you passed with flying colours. I just need to get the sonic, left it outside - back in mo!"
Her father's rambles were lost to Susan and she watched him try to shuffle back outside with the smile staying firmly put. The Doctor found out, rather quickly, he couldn't seem to move backwards either. The now slightly more well-fed middle refused to move from its tight trap.
Still more giggling.
"Hm… right. This could be a problem," the Doctor stated grimly, "maybe I am a little bit stuck, not very - just a little."
She knew it.
"It's your tummy, Daddy, it's bigger than it used to be," Susan smiled to the Doctor's utter bewilderment; he'd noted the tightened suits and shirts, the small jibes from Jackie and the odd stomach ache after eating too much, but he'd paid no attention to any of it. Until now.
"Oi! Less of that cheek, young lady – I'll have you know it's the wood!" the Doctor stated, not wanting to believe he couldn't follow his daughter inside their own tree house anymore.
"The wood?" Susan replied.
"Yes… all that rain and damp absorbs into the wood over time, making it expand, I'll have you know. Nobody's tummy has gotten bigger."
"But yours has…?"
The Doctor sighed inwardly, choosing to ignore his daughters comment. His hand was still firmly placed on the wood as he tried to think of a way out of his situation. Susan was only stating fact - she in no way wanted to hurt her father.
"I'm just saying... you're soft, Daddy."
In all his 900 years, names such as the Oncoming Storm or the Bringer of Darkness embraced his ears...
Never had he been called soft.
"And what's that supposed to mean?" he replied, the tone changing from lighthearted to a rather dismayed one, "I'm not soft at all – I've fought werewolves, Reapers, Cybermen, Daleks… I'm far from soft!" he said with his left-eyebrow raised sharply. Susan tried not to let more laughter take over and she tried her best to look serious, but for a little girl, it was rather difficult.
"I'm just saying - how are we gonna finish our adventure if you can't get inside, then?" Susan asked innocently, her arms gesturing to the console.
"I-I don't know, just let me think for a second, Susan-"
"But Daddy-"
"Susan!"
Even he surprised himself when he suddenly snapped at his own little girl. The giddiness pouring through his heart only moments before was now replaced with anguish and insecurity and he couldn't take his eyes away from his own figure. The tips of his fingers reached towards the gap he was blocking, running them over the small bulge of extra weight keeping him from joining his daughter. His other hand ran through his hair where he could feel the thinness of some areas that used to be thick, unable to get the image of the grey out of his mind.
Susan was right. He was soft… he was getting old.
No. This was too soon. Susan was eight, Jack was three… he'd been here for ten years. It couldn't, shouldn't, be happening. How was he supposed to play with Susan, keep up with Jack - make his wife happy if he was like this.
"Dad – Daddy?"
Again, Susan's voice elevated him from his thoughts and the Doctor finally drew his gaze over to his daughter. Instead of the usual lightness in his stare, there was now a solemn shimmer that radiated from the timeless brown eyes. Something Susan had never seen before and she suddenly felt awful for the things she had said to him. She should be helping him.
He was the best companion she could ask for. How could she let him down?
"I'm sorry," she stated. The Doctor tried to reply, he really did - but he didn't know what to say to her. Shutting up was something Rose had told him many times to try and learn, but right now, he was speechless.
"It's fine... you stay here and play, I'm... I'm going," the Doctor uttered, his voice barely audible to Susan who so desperately wanted him to stay. He then went on to struggle for a good minute again, failing to shove himself back out of the gap. His hair was now sticking to his forehead and the Doctor had never wanted to swear more than he did now.
"Should I go get Mu-"
"No-!"
He said too quick for his own liking. Too harshly, again.
"I mean… no, darling… I'll be able to get out. Just… stay back-"
With a whimpering breath that hitched in his throat, the Doctor sucked in his stomach and wriggled his way back out. His long arms shook and he winced as the wood scrapped against his middle.
"Daddy, be careful!" Susan ordered, watching cautiously as her father struggled to fit back outside. Eventually, the Doctor squeezed himself free from the slim doorway and with a breathless sigh, he disappeared from Susan's view. She was quick to follow him out onto the balcony of the tree house, hoping he would still want to play.
"You can use the normal door, Dad, then we can-…" Noticing her father had moved to the ladder instead of the other door and her heart suddenly dropped. Was he leaving?
"Dad?"
The Doctor didn't want Susan to see the anguish on his face. Why this had gotten to him so much, even he couldn't answer. It was awful. He wanted to be alone for a minute or two.
"Later, darling," he said, his voice barely above a whisper as he turned himself around to begin climbing down the ladder.
Susan was now confused and worried. She'd never seen her father look so distressed before and she regretted every giggle. It was hard for a child to process the feelings of guilt and yet she wanted to scream she was sorry.
"But Daddy, you can use the other door!" she said, trying to entice him back. But instead there was no reply. All she heard was the thud of his converse as he reached the deck below.
Jack was thankfully sleepier than Susan had ever been at his age. It only took a quick story and a few kisses before the little boy settled into his afternoon nap.
Rose would often contemplate just how surreal this life of hers was now, sometimes mindlessly stroking her wedding ring or watching the Doctor as he washed dishes or ironed. The Doctor, her Doctor, doing housework and general human things. Two children and the slow path, she regularly thought. The very thing she hadn't expected with that whirlwind of a man.
Even ten years on, the Doctor would wake her up in the night, sleep-talking… calling out names of planets, galaxies. The stars she was sure he missed. She would catch him fixing gadgets that had no business needing to be fixed. But he always reassured her, even though it was strange, he loved this life of theirs now.
It had been strange for her too, but she was already human. The Doctor had been a Time Lord for more than 900 years. Sitting at that table underneath a black hole all those years ago, Rose was sure the Doctor would never have settled.
"I'd have to settle down. Get a house or something. A proper house with, with doors and things. Carpets! Me, living in a house. Now that, that is terrifying."
Love worked in strange ways.
Making drinks in the kitchen, Rose didn't spot the empty patio seat on her way past. It wasn't until she wandered outside, drinks in hand, did she realize he was gone.
However, there was a little girl sat at the table, looking rather solemn as she fiddled with her toy sonic screwdriver.
"Hello, you," Rose greeted, but got no reply. It was very unlike her daughter to be this quiet so, naturally, Rose knew Susan was upset. Rose placed the drinks down on the table and looked over at the garden.
"Where's your Dad?" she asked. Eventually, Susan looked up at her mother.
"He's sat on the swings… I think I made him sad."
The tone of her daughters voice was enough to fill Rose with concern, picking up a chair so she could sit next to Susan whilst reaching out to stroke her hair.
"What happened?" Rose questioned.
"I wanted him to play with me so we went to the tree house… he couldn't fit through the secret entrance so now he's sad."
"What?" Rose had to make sure she had heard it right. Something which sounded funny to one part of her brain but then screamed worry in the other. She flicked back her blonde hair, peering out to the bottom of the garden. In the distance, she could see the tall figure sat on the run down swings, slumped over, radiating a major sulk.
"He got stuck and then he got upset. I think he's mad at me," Susan replied, her figure slumping heavier against the chair. Rose leaned over and kissed Susan on the cheek.
"You know he won't be mad at you, sweetheart- listen, I'm gonna go over there and tell him how silly he's being. How does that sound?" Rose offered. Going over and telling her husband he was being silly wasn't exactly how she planned to approach him, but making her daughter smile was always worth a small joke.
Susan did try and smile, but she was still concerned about her father and ended up meekly nodding instead.
"Tell him I didn't mean to call him soft…"
Rose had to clear her throat to stop herself from smiling or chuckling for that matter.
"You just stay here, love, I'll go talk to him."
That big idiot. He was obviously overthinking. He only sulked when he overthought.
Rose made sure Susan was occupied before she set out across the garden towards the swings, being able to see the slumped figure of the Doctor perk up as the light crunching of the grass alerted him to an approaching presence.
She rounded the swings and he didn't even look at her. Instead, his gaze was fixed on his converse at the end of his stretched long longs, whilst his hands were firmly on his lap, un-moving and ridged. Well, one of his hands… the other was gently rubbing at the small, soft belly protruding as he slouched. The marks on his shirt caught Rose's gaze as she sat on the swing next to him.
"Hey," she spoke, breaking the silence. The Doctor's gaze turned to meet hers for a split second. The smallest of smiles twitched around the edges of his lips. He was always happy to see his wife. Even when he was feeling less than happy in his humany-self.
"What happened?"
The question he'd been expecting came, yet the Doctor didn't know how to respond. He knew nothing would get through Rose, especially a sulky excuse as to why he'd been sat by himself on their children's swings for ten minutes.
"Just a mishap with the tree house. Needed some fresh air," he lied.
"Don't lie to me," Rose said softly.
Ten years with Rose – should have known better.
He began to pull on his earlobe, trying to think of the words, before sighing heavily.
"Well… I'm soft, apparently."
Rose smirked ever so lightly.
"So I've heard," she replied, earning a very sharp side-glance from her husband, "I also heard -"
"That I'm too big to fit inside the tree house I built for my daughter three years ago?" he interrupted, his large brown eyes meeting her own with the same solemn glaze that had overtaken them in the tree house. Rose saw the pain in his eyes, the deeper sadness that seemed to be driving him in that moment.
"Is that why your sulking?"
The Doctor's brow fused, and he looked away from Rose again, his chest rising and falling heavily.
"Yes."
Rose could see she wasn't going to humour her way out of this. He obviously needed some comfort – but humour was always her go to.
"I noticed a few months ago," she said, her feet lightly grazing the worn grass below her as she spoke.
"Noticed what?"
"Well, that your suits seemed to be getting tighter… I notice you try and breathe in when I stand next to you or when we visit Mum and Dad. You shouldn't have to do that, love."
The Doctor made some sort of a 'humph' noise.
"So that proves it then…" the Doctor remarked, incredibly low in tone.
"Proves what, Doctor?"
His head turned again. And this time – there were tears in his eyes.
"That I'm slowing down… that I'm getting old, Rose."
There it was. That worry of his in a nutshell she'd needed to crack. And her chest suddenly hurt. So much so, she abandoned the swing to walk in front of the Doctor, kneeling down in front of him whilst her hands gently snaked into his, her eyes never leaving his face. His lower lip was wobbling as she did it and he suddenly seemed to grip her hands like he was holding on for dear life.
"Doctor… you're not… you're far from old," Rose tried to encourage him, looking up at his sad face, "listen, not being able to fit inside that tree house isn't the end of the world, we can always just… make the gap bigger?" she suggested.
The Doctor did try and smile but instead a small, withheld chuckle escaped him.
"It's not just that," he sniffed, the heaviness in his voice causing Rose to shiver, "I suddenly realised how quickly time is passing. If I'm getting softer then my metabolism is obviously slowing down. If I can't catch my breath, it's because my body is telling me it's had enough... I don't want to lose any of this too quickly, our life together. I still want to be good for you… good for Susan and Jack," he admitted with a sharp in hail. Rose instantly squeezed his hands tighter.
"Don't be so silly, ey?" Rose replied, "you're an absolutely brilliant Dad, Doctor. I've told you before, we still have plenty of time left. We enjoy every second. "
"I know... but chasing after Susan, trying to play with her. It all happened so quickly. I was snappy, I shouldn't have been... I- "
Rose quietly hushed and reached up to the Doctor's cheek as his words failed him, a tear escaping from each eye. Looking at him just then, it was the same man who eight years ago had sat and cried for the first time into her shoulder, second guessing if he would be able to take on the responsibly of being a father again. Except now, sat in front of her, was an older – softer – and much more loved man.
"Listen… do you think your grey hairs bother me or the kids? Do you think the fact you look so much more healthy now effects the way I feel about you?" Her tone was soft and gentle, and she couldn't express her solidarity more if she tried. "Okay, your hair's going grey, your panting for breath… your sneaking too many of mine and Susan's muffins-"
"Oi..."
It was the saddest and quietest mutter of 'Oi' she had ever heard.
"Honestly, Doctor. There's no need to worry. I told you all those years ago - we agreed - the slow path was going to be strange for both of us. But I wouldn't have it any other way now. I adore you just the way you are."
To prove to him that she meant it, her other hand found its way onto the soft belly spilling over his lap slightly. He inhaled a wince with gritted teeth, the tender skin sore from his attempt to get inside the tree house and more tears escaped his eyes. But eventually, he exhaled and more of his newly gained softness pushed against Rose's fingers. As if he was finally relaxing after trying to hide it from her.
"Everyone ages, Doctor… what matters to me is that you know just how much you're loved. By me, by your kids. You're not failing as a father if you're too big to fit inside that tree house… it shows you're trying. And that's all I want. It's what you've done that makes me love you a little more each and every day."
The Doctor never usually liked to show his emotions in front of anyone – but in front of his Rose was different. He lifted his own hand to the hers on his face and wrapped it in his, burying his cheek further into the warmth of her palm.
"I think all of this hit me more than actually getting stuck…" he admitted, the tiny creases in the corner of his eyes growing as he smiled at Rose. What had he ever got to be doubtful of with this woman around? "I love you."
Rose couldn't keep away any longer. She lifted herself up and sat firmly on the Doctor's lap, her arms wrapping around him into an embrace she had wanted to give him since sitting on the swing. His own arms reached up and wrapped around his wife, burying his head into the crook of her neck.
"Besides, I rather like these grey hairs," she said, feeling the swing rocking them gently as she held him. "And like I said… when I hug you, it's nice to not feel hip bones. Instead I feel all these years we've spent together and there is nothing more beautiful than that."
"Well," the Doctor inputted, his head appearing from her neck, "there is you for one," he complimented. Rose chuckled, squeezing him tighter and rubbing his back gently. They stayed like that for a few moments before anything else was said. Or rather, when the Doctor winced again.
"Are you sore, love?" Rose asked, not resisting to let her hand slide onto his stomach again to try and soothe the soreness.
"I did try very hard to get into the TARDIS, y'know … it was the Slitheen in Downing Street. But now that I think about it, how many of those muffins did I have the other week? I could feel each one as I tried to squeeze into that bloody gap…"
He was joking – that was the best sign she could ask for. And she laughed in return.
"You're such a big old idiot," she chuckled - and he winked at her. But as the rather unpleasant images of the Slitheen crossed his mind, the Doctor immediately thought of someone else.
"I need to apologise to Susan - is she upset?" he asked.
"I think she thinks she upset you, but you know Susan... she loves her Dad," Rose reassured him, reaching up to wipe away the excess wetness on his cheeks.
The Doctor still held the guilt. It was worse than normal guilt. He didn't want Susan to think she was in the wrong.
"I'll admit, I was being very stubborn. She thought it was funny and, well… it was," he admitted with a shrug. "Then she called me soft, I had an epiphany and Bob's your uncle. It wasn't her fault, she was stating fact. She only wanted me to play with her… I need to tell her how much of a big sulk I am, don't I?"
Rose nodded but leaned in to give him a firm kiss before he could answer. "She'll understand, Doctor. In fact…"
The sound of soft footsteps could be heard approaching, but Rose had saw their daughter come outside the house a few seconds prior, her figure visible through the bushes. The Doctor instantly turned to see the little girl, wanting nothing more than to have her come to him - this primal fatherly instinct still surprised him sometimes. It was the urge to nurture and protect, an element he thought had been lost within himself.
He'd had his talk with Rose, he felt better. Now it was his turn.
Rose gave her husband's shoulder a squeeze before she lifted herself from his lap and gave him an encouraging smile. "Drinks are on the table when you're ready."
Walking past her daughter, Rose brushed some hair from Susan's face before walking towards the house.
The Doctor ran a hand through his messy hair and threw a soft smile at his daughter who was now stood a few feet away from him. Her face said it all and the Doctor felt his heart grow sore again – how could he act more sulky than his eight-year-old daughter ever could?
"C'mere," the Doctor uttered, gesturing with his head and an outstretched hand to Susan who gingerly walked towards her father. The Doctor took his daughters hand and guided her to his lap, lifting her skinny frame close to him so he could hold her close. She was getting a little tall, the balance was slowly dimming but that didn't matter.
Before he could say anything, Susan spoke up.
"I'm sorry if I was mean to you, Daddy."
The Doctor kept his gaze firmly locked on his daughter as she spoke.
"You have nothing to be sorry for, sweetheart, you weren't mean," he replied. "I just didn't realise how much that wood had expanded, hm?"
A small smile… but not the smile he wanted.
"Okay… I admit it. Yes, I have gotten a little soft, you're right," he said, "I mean, who can blame me though? Those muffins you and your mother make, blimey, I can never get enough!"
A bigger smile. Still not enough. Realising tears were in her eyes, he secured her in an embrace and set the swing to gently move with one of his converse sliding across the grass. She really thought she had hurt him that badly – he couldn't have that. Susan didn't lift her arms at first as he squeezed her tightly, his head laying next to hers.
"Listen, I was being extremely silly," he began, "Sometimes I get sad when I realise how quickly you and Jack are growing up and... well, I don't want to slow down anytime soon. I want to play with you as much as I can and when I couldn't get inside with you it made me sadder. I never want to let you down, sweetheart. That's why I promise we can go on more adventures, ey? We might have to wait until the secret entrance is a little… well, bigger."
A giggle.
"It's okay, Daddy," Susan affirmed, finally lifting her arms around her father and squeezing him ever so tightly, "...I want you to be okay, always."
"Oh, I am... I am. I promise."
Susan pulled away from the hug and wiped her eyes with her coat sleeve. She glanced down to the belly she was snuggled up against and wanted to affirm another point on her mind.
"I like your tummy… you're like a pillow now."
Just like Rose's words had lifted him up, his daughters words threw him in the clouds. It was comforting.
"You do, ey?"
Susan nodded, the Doctor reaching up to wipe away any excess tears on her eyes. When he thought back to travelling around in that old blue box, it was tempting to want that life again. However, moments like this made him realise that temptation could easily be outweighed by the happiness he had now. No longer was he a lonely old man travelling the universe alone. He was a husband and a father.
The not so easily changed Time Lord, was now very different.