A.N.: This chapter was really hard for me to write. I hope it is not showing too much. A lot of stuff is happening here, some of it obvious, some of it hidden. I'd love to hear your theories in the comments if you're up for it.

Chapter 14: The time traveller's curse

18th of September 1999

Hermione was haunted by a flood of memories during the night and the following day. Malfoy's and Luna's visit must have given her internal barrier, or whatever it was holding back her memories, a big shove and now everything tumbled back into her brain at once. And it hurt. The first night she awoke screaming in pain and only after an almost panicked looking Snape had shoved three different potions down her throat she finally got better. But the memories kept coming and so it was almost 36 hours later when she finally crawled out of her bed.

"Welcome back to the living," Snape greeted her when she stumbled into the kitchen with bleary eyes. "You gave me quite the fright."

"I'm not apologizing," she snapped and threw herself on one of the chairs. "Because that would imply I was doing it on purpose." She knew that she was sounding quite dramatically, but she didn't care. If this man was really her friend, he'd have to take her in a bad mood.

Snape grunted an inscrutable response, before stirring something in his pan. A minute later he put a plate with a perfect looking omelette in front of her. "Do you feel better now?" he asked her neutrally while sitting down across from her at the table.

Hermione gave a tired nod. "There's only a mild headache left, but I refuse to take another potion for that. At the rate my memories come back now I'll need your potions again soon enough."

"Probably," her friend replied and sent her a scrutinising gaze. "I guess your visit with Dumbledore will have to wait until things in your head have calmed down a bit."

Hermione moodily stabbed her food, while grumbling something in return. But Snape just sent her a sugary sweet smile. Cheeky bugger.

19th of September 1999

Hermione's birthday rolled around the corner, without her even realizing what day it was. She had just spent the night with another flashback and when she opened the eyes after being woken by a clawing noise at the window, she felt like just ignoring it and pulling the blanket over her face. But then she realized it was an owl, a very persistent owl. Hermione groaned and after a moment of self-pity, she finally stumbled towards the window and opened it.

The owl that swooped into her room was a huge barn owl with white and brown shiny feathers and curious blue eyes. It landed on her bedpost, where it patiently waited for Hermione to close the window again before offering its leg to her. Hermione spotted a parcel that wasn't much bigger than her hand. Who in the world was sending her something by owl and why?

She furrowed her brows, but when the answer didn't present itself, she gently untightened the mysterious bundle from the owl's leg. Just as she had fully taken it into her hands, the thing suddenly shifted and enlarged itself to the size of a large book. Hermione gave a startled yelp and dropped the parcel onto the bed. The owl watched her actions with a curious gaze and an inclined head but after Hermione refused to touch the mysterious package for several long seconds, it gave an encouraging hoot.

Hermione sighed in annoyance. "Alright, alright, I'll open it," she said and poked the damned thing with her index finger. Nothing happened. And so she finally gave herself a mental shove and unwrapped the mysterious bundle under the watchful eyes of the huge bird on her bedpost. Inside was a dark wooden box with intricate animal carvings. Hermione immediately spotted an otter, a fennec, a wolf, an arctic fox and even a stag among them but there were others. And all of them were hidden in a huge, widely branched tree that filled out the entire lid of the box.

"Merlin this is beautiful," she gasped and looked at the present with wide eyes. And just like that, the little arctic fox on the box seemed to move its tail before disappearing behind a large tree root. She rubbed her eyes in wonder. Did she just imagine that or were those animals really moving? Hermione stared at the carvings in concentration, but after some seconds she was interrupted by another impatient hoot from the annoying owl.

"Oh right, sorry," Hermione said and jumped from her bed, where she summoned a box of owl treats from the kitchen. "Here you go," she apologized and offered the bird a hand full of grey pellets. It could have been her imagination, but it looked like the animal gave her an unnerved stare, before picking up one of the treats and swallowing it in one bite. It bobbed his head in gratitude, fixed her with its blue intelligent eyes again and clicked its beak impatiently.

"You want me to open the box?" she asked confusedly and the bird bobbed its head in acknowledgement. Hermione couldn't help but snort. "You're quite bossy," she mumbled before she sat down on her bed and pulled the wooden box towards her. And after taking a deep breath she opened the lid carefully. The interior of the box was clad out with red silk that was also embroidered with little animals. But Hermione's gaze was pulled to something that looked like a large soup bowl with a letter resting in its centre. Hermione looked at the owl questioningly and after the impatient animal had clicked its beak again, she took the letter in her hands and opened it. The message it contained was rather short:

Dear Hermione,

We wish you a very happy twentieth birthday and hope you like the gift we send you. It is a pensive. We build it for you in the hope that it will help you to remember your friends and family the way they were and spend some happy moments in their presence, even though they are out of reach for you now.

Your friends,

Fabian and Gideon

Hermione stared at the letter in her hands with moist eyes and after a short moment, the tears started falling. They had given her a pensive, she thought, as the first sob escaped her mouth. She wasn't even speaking to them at the moment but they had still remembered her birthday and given her something. And what a thoughtful gift it was. Merlin, she felt like an idiot.

It took a while for her to calm down and when she finally managed, she rubbed her eyes with the sleeves of her pyjama and gave a heavy sigh. The owl still stared at her with unreadable eyes but Hermione refused to be bothered by the interest of a nosy bird. She gave the letter in her hand a last long glance before putting it carefully on her nightstand. Then she pulled the wooden box closer and looked inside. From the outside, the pensive looked like a wooden bowl that was carved from a dark, knotted tree branch. The inside was coated by a blue-greenish shiny material that looked like nacre to Hermione. But it could as well have been some sort of enchantment or magical substance. The most beautiful feature of the pensive were the three animals though, which were sitting on the rim of the pensive. When Hermione looked closer, she could see them moving as well. A fennec, an arctic fox and an otter were circling the bowl as if they were carefully stalking each other around the rim. Hermione stared at them in wonder and after a short moment of hesitation, she carefully put her index finger in front of one of the animals. The little fennec instantly stopped in its tracks and instead carefully smelled the appendage in front of him. Hermione smiled.

"This is truly magical," she said in awe and looked at the bird in front of her with wide eyes. "Your owners are true geniuses. And I am a bloody coward." She removed her finger from the pensive again and folded her hands in her lap. The little wooden fennec looked up at her and blinked. "They told me I can trust them and Severus did so too. And somewhere deep inside me, I can feel that they don't wish me any harm." She looked at the owl on her bedpost and sighed. "I think I should go back to them, you know? I can feel this tugging towards them deep down in my belly and I can't really explain it. I want to see them again and it's totally irrational. It doesn't make sense. And I hate it when things don't make sense." She blinked at the huge bird, before shaking her head with an amused smile. "But I should probably write that in a letter, shouldn't I?"

The owl hooted softly in return. "Alright. Could you wait a bit longer? This might take me a while." The animal gave her a slow blink and started to clean its feathers with its beak. And Hermione trotted towards her desk where she pulled out some parchment and a quill.

It almost took her half an hour, until she found some words, that didn't sound totally insensitive or embarrassing. She still wasn't totally satisfied with her answer but decided that it would have to be enough for now.

Dear Fabian and Gideon,

Thank you so much for your very considerate birthday gift. I truly appreciate the effort you put into creating it and I am moved that you would send such a beautiful thing to me. I feel honoured that you consider me your friend and I very much want to consider you mine as well, even though I have some problems showing that at the moment.

Hermione

She sighed. She wanted to write more, ask them for a meeting, but she simply could not find the right words to do so. And so she decided to wait if they would send her a reply.

"Alright, this will have to do," she told the bird and carefully secured the letter on its leg. Then she opened the window and carried the owl towards it. "Do you feel up to flying back? Or do you want another owl treat first?" she asked and could have sworn, that the bird sent her a dirty look in return. Then it leapt of her arms and flew across the pointed dirty roofs of Cokeworth into the distance. And Hermione couldn't help looking after it with a wistful sigh.

20th of September 1999

Hermione waited until the following day to see the headmaster, even though she considered visiting him right away if only to take her mind off the twins. But then she remembered Severus' words and willed herself to be patient. Because visiting the headmaster would surely lead to another set of flashbacks. And even though Hermione was impatient to get her memories back, she wasn't keen on spending any more days confined to her bed.

The twins didn't send her back a letter that day and as she didn't send them a direct question in her own one, she probably shouldn't have expected it.

The headmaster's office looked very much the same as during her school days. There was probably a bit less magical clutter in the shelves, but even that Hermione couldn't say for sure.

"Ah, Miss Granger," the headmaster greeted her as soon as she had stepped out of the floo and dusted off her robes. "I got your message this morning, do come in."

Hermione nodded with a polite smile and stepped closer to his desk. Today professor Dumbledore was clad in a sky blue robe that was decorated with little silver suns. They glittered whenever the man moved, but she did her best not to get distracted and fixed her eyes on the man's face. "Thank you for receiving me, Headmaster."

The man nodded with a kind smile. "Is this about the upcoming NEWTs? Or is there something else I can do for you?"

Hermione smiled. "This is not about the NEWTs, sir. My revisions are going quite well, you see, but lately, my memory-flashbacks were quite interfering with my studies. But I'm positive that I'll be able to sit the exams by the end of the year."

"I believe this is good news, my dear," the man said with a twinkle in his eyes. "Even though this most likely leaves only one reason for visiting me."

She nodded uncomfortably and for a moment the memory she had recently regained of him resurfaced. But she pushed it back immediately. "I recently had the pleasure of meeting Luna Lovegood, sir," she started. "...she said something odd, more odd than usual I mean. To her, I appeared to be not fully present and when I asked her about it, she sent me to you."

"I see," Professor Dumbledore replied and studied her intensely. Hermione couldn't help but wonder if he was trying to see for himself, what she had just pointed out to him. "Did Miss Lovegood happen to say something else?"

Hermione swallowed heavily. "She said to ask you about the time traveller's course. In fact, she was convinced you might have some first-hand knowledge experiencing it, sir."

The professor looked at her with an unreadable expression and Hermione started to shift in her seat. But after some long seconds, he sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Your friend is right, Miss Granger. I do happen to have some experience with the curse myself," he then started and conjured two cups of tea for them with his wand. "I'm sure you are already aware of the changes, you made to the timeline, Miss Granger. Not every time traveller does decide to change something though and therefore not every one of us experiences the curse himself."

Hermione took a careful sip from her cup. "But you have, sir?" she asked and tried to analyse his reaction. For a moment his eyes looked into the distance and a painful smile crossed his face.

"I am not sure if you are aware of my history Miss Granger, as almost nobody in this timeline has an idea, but I happened to have a sister, Arianna."

Hermione nodded. "I know, sir. She was involved in some kind of accident, was she not?"

"Well, I guess that's one way to put it," he said with a humourless snort. "But let's leave it that way. In my youth, I had a good friend and we did some experimentation on time travel," the professor continued and Hermione was pretty sure that he was referring to Grindelwald. "But we soon realised that interfering with time is not easy. After... my sister's death I had quite some problems on my own plate and I stopped looking into it. Until I met you 18 years ago."

Hermione nodded but she couldn't help the dark look that crept into her eyes. "You warned me about the risks and refused to change time yourself," she said but at that Dumbledore shook his head with a smile.

"That's not quite correct, Miss Granger. I warned you about possible consequences, but only after experiencing them first hand. You see, between our first and second meeting it might have been only days for you, but it was months for me."

She looked at him with wide eyes. "You tried to save your sister, didn't you?" she asked and he nodded tiredly.

"In fact, I did save her," Dumbledore corrected and Hermione looked at him with a pleased smile. But his expression remained unreadable.

"But that's great, sir. Where is she? Is she living with Aberforth?" she asked and looked around his office in the hope to catch a glimpse of a picture or another proof of Arianna's existence. But there was nothing.

"She's dead," her professor replied after a short while and fixed her with his gaze. "You see, saving my sister had a price Miss Granger and when it was my time to pay, to live with what I did, I realized that I couldn't."

Hermione blinked at him in confusion. "I think I don't understand, sir. What happens if you can't live with the price you have to pay?"

At that Dumbledore smiled. But it was a sad, almost pitiful smile. "You see, Miss Granger, this is the time traveller's curse. By changing the timeline one creates something like a second timeline and for a short while these two timelines exist next to each other."

She swallowed. "You mean there is still another timeline without all the changes I made?" She shuddered. Because she realized that this meant that somewhere in this universe George was still suffering. And many other people were sharing his fate.

The headmaster nodded. "I believe this timeline still exists, yes. You see Miss Granger, by performing all these changes you became something like an anchor to both timelines. At the moment you can still access both of them, even though your consciousness remains mostly here, as this is the timeline you need to get yourself acquainted with. But from time to time you might also get flashes of the world that could have existed if you had never travelled back."

Hermione's eyes widened at the realisation. "You mean like a dream?"

"It might be a dream, or just pictures springing into your mind," Dumbledore answered. "It might not have happened yet, but prepare yourself for the fact, that it will happen sooner or later. And that's the point where you realize, what you meddling has cost you."

She nodded and took another sip from her cup only to realize that her hands were shaking. "So that's the curse? To be confronted with the things you lost day by day?"

But the professor shook his head in regret. "No Miss Granger. The curse is that the time comes where you have to make a decision. You see, there can only be one timeline in the end. And you'll have to make the decision which one that is. You can go back to the moment before you travelled back and no one but you will know what could have been. Or you decide to stay and live with all the things you have lost and all the changes you made. In the end, it is your decision."

Hermione froze in her chair and stared at him in shocked silence. She could go back? That would mean she would be able to see Ron, her Ron and be with him. She could get back Harry and maybe even her parents if she finally managed to locate them. But it would mean condemning all those people that were alive and happy in this world to their fate. She gasped.

"It really is a curse, isn't it Miss Granger?" the headmaster said and looked at her with sad eyes. And she looked back at him with a heavy heart.

"You decided to go back, didn't you?" she asked but she already knew the answer. "That's why your sister isn't here."

Dumbledore nodded and Hermione could have sworn that his eyes were glittering with unshed tears. "Yeah, the price was too high," he said.

"What happened?" she asked breathlessly but at that, he shook his head in regret.

"That is only for me to know. But don't worry on my behalf. I have made my decision already and I'll have to live with it for the rest of my life. And so will you."

Hermione shuddered. "How long?" she asked and cleared her throat nervously. "How long until I have to decide?"

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Until you regain all of your lost memories I believe. Only then you can grasp the whole extent of the decision you are facing."

She looked at him with wide eyes before giving a humourless laugh. "But what kind of choice is that? I can't just kill all those people that are alive and well around me only because I am selfish..."

But the professor only gave her a knowing smile. "You see Miss Granger: that is the curse. You can refuse to pay the price as I did because no one but you will ever know what could have been otherwise. There's no one but yourself to judge you."