A.N.: I really shouldn't post today as work it currently swallowing me up and there is no time for me to write something new. But your encouragement just made me want to give you another chapter and so I at least did some proofreading. I am not sure how the rest of the week will be, though. I might be able to add another chapter, but I might as well not. Life is really a challenge right now, sorry.

Chapter 17: Losing it

21th of September 1999

It only took a glass of wine for Hermione to start crying on Severus' shoulder, but luckily she wouldn't remember much of it in the morning. She usually didn't indulge in alcohol at all and so it didn't take much for her to loosen up. And loosening up at the moment meant crying – a lot. But Severus took it all with calm grace and listened to her drunken ramblings while smiling kindly and handing her one tissue after the other.

"And he's got a fucking house elf, can you imagine Severus? After everything, Dobby and Kreacher did for us. Can you imagine?" she ranted while pouring herself another glass. "Dobby saved me from being tortured, saved us all from dying in that horrible Manor. He was happy being free Severus, even though he was dying he was happy to die as a free elf in the arms of his friends!"

Severus hummed in acknowledgement. "But Dobby's not dead here, he surely isn't. I could find out if you like. Would that make you feel better?"

But Hermione just took another sip of wine and raved on. "Well, that wouldn't help much now, would it? He is clearly no longer a free elf either and won't remember any of it. Merlin, I swear I slowly start losing my mind, Severus. It's like nothing is the way it should be, not even you." She gulped down her second glass of wine and closed her eyes for a moment to fight the dizziness. "But Ron is making even less sense, so don't worry. We were so happy together, I could have sworn we were meant to be. Merlin, what if we were? Am I going to die as an old spinster with only having cats and kneazles for company?"

Severus seemed amused by the thought, as he couldn't hide the smile that was tugging on his lips. "Don't be absurd Hermione. And remember who you are talking to. I know how it is to lose the person I loved, to see the person I loved finding happiness with somebody else."

Hermione blinked at him owlishly. "Ah yeah, sorry Professor, I forgot," she said and Severus looked at her with a frown.

"Not your Professor, remember?" he said but it seemed that his words could no longer reach her. Hermione's eyes had already gotten that hooded look and her body was sagging down on the sofa.

"How did you do it, Professor? How did you sacrifice your own happiness for years and years for the persons you loved, without them even knowing what you did? How could you stand it?" she asked after a moment of silence and the tears started to fall even faster down her cheeks. "I can't do it, Professor, I really can't. Everyone seems so happy here, well almost everybody. Not Teddy though, Teddy can't be happy because he isn't even alive and it's my fault," she wailed and the man next to her was staring at her in confusion and worry.

"You aren't making sense right now Hermione," he said and patted her back. "Who's Teddy?"

"He's Remus' son, who's never even going to be born because I have messed things up somehow," she shouted, before snatching the bottle of wine from the table and taking a big gulp directly from it. "But I could change that, you know? Just have to go back as Dumbledore said. I could have it all back, have Ron back, too. And nobody would ever know."

With that she fell to the side, landing her head directly in Severus lap. There she just rested on her side and stared into the room with unseeing eyes. Her friend didn't say anything though, probably because at the loss for words.

"But that would mean letting all of you die, so many people. I can't very well do that, can I? But sometimes I want to, want to go back to Ron and to Harry, just be happy again. Don't I deserve to be happy, too?"

He was stroking her hair now and stared at her with wide sorrowful eyes.

"How am I going to ever make the right decision, professor? How?" finally the words on her lips were dying down as the soothing fingers in her hair calmed her down. It didn't take long until no sound but a soft snore left her at all and Hermione fell asleep in her friend's lap. Severus didn't sleep at all that night, as he contemplated the things he had just learned. After a while, he carefully carried her up into her bed, before putting the promised hang-over-potion on her nightstand. Hermione would need it in the morning and after what he just heard, he might need one, too.

13th of May 1981

The visit of Fred and George left Hermione bonelessly tired but satisfied in a way, that only spending time with her friends could achieve. And that was worth every minute of sleep she missed, while she told the two troublemakers of every adventure and prank she could remember from her past.

Still, she needed a full day of recovery after Molly had picked up her boys the next day and they had waved her goodbyes to her with glowing eyes and wide smiled. And so it took a while before Hermione went to make another important visit in the hope to change the fate of those she loved.

"It's a good idea to talk to Sirius," Fabian murmured while flanking her left side on their walk through Diagon Alley. "He's part of their little gang, too and maybe he will be willing to listen to you."

Hermione sighed. "He might not, but Pettigrew is not the only reason I need to talk to him. The other reason is even more important. You remember the… things I'm looking for? I need his help getting one of them."

The twins stared at her with wide eyes. "Well, no pressure then, huh?"

Hermione laughed humourlessly. "No, absolutely none."

Sirius Black waited for them in the Leaky Cauldron, where he had sat himself down on an empty table and ordered a big pint of butterbeer. He must have watched the entrance to the pub carefully though because as soon as the twins entered with Hermione in tow, he nodded in their direction with a wolfish smile. Sirius was a good looking man, a fact that had still been visible 15 years and a long visit in Askaban later. But Hermione still wasn't prepared for the striking features and the charm that was directed towards her now.

"Remus didn't mention how hot you are," he told her with a charming smile while offering her a hand in greeting. "I'm Sirius, Sirius Black." Hermione smiled at him and took the offered hand with pink cheeks.

"Hermione Granger," she said. "Thank you for agreeing to meet with us, Mr Black." Sirius smiled and before she registered what he was doing, he pulled her hand up and pressed a kiss onto the knuckles of her hand. "It's Sirius to such charming little witches like you." Hermione looked at him with wide eyes, before hastily snatching her hand away. But the man only chuckled and looked at her with an amused grin.

"Let's sit down, shall we?" Gideon said from behind with a neutral tone and without waiting for an answer he and his brother slid on the cushioned wooden bench at the window. Hermione sent them an annoyed look, before taking the seat next to Sirius.

"Well Miss Granger," he said before looking at her with his dark eyes. "I hope you aren't here with the same suit you visited Remus with because I fear my answer will be much the same as his. Even though I'd love to see you trying to convince me otherwise."

The twins across from her snorted, while Hermione stiffened in her seat. Merlin, she really wasn't prepared to deal with this flirty version of Harry's godfather. Because no matter how much she wanted to just snap at him, she really needed his help. "Well, I am really sorry to hear that, Sirius. But at least promise me, that you will try your best to protect Lilly and James. If they ask you for your help with something, please accept their request and don't hand it off to somebody else. Could you at least do that much?"

He looked at her with furrowed brows. "You're really serious, aren't you? Well, I guess I can do as much. Now, how about I invite you for some butterbeer and chips and you tell me a bit more about yourself, Hermione?" He fixed her with his dark eyes and Hermione could feel her heart rate picking up. She shivered. "Butterbeer would be nice, thank you," she replied as politely as she could muster and without waiting for the twin's answer he leapt up from his chair and strolled to the bar.

Hermione looked at her friends with wide eyes. "You're not leaving me alone with him, do you hear me?" she told them matter-of-factly while boring her eyes into them. They grinned amusedly.

"We could just tell him you're taken and show a bit of possessive behaviour," Fabian suggested and Hermione swatted his head with an annoyed huff.

"Don't you dare," she whispered before casting a panicked look into Sirius' direction. But the man was luckily still busy with ordering their stuff. "I don't need him tattling around about my supposed love life at the next order meeting. Just… stay at my side, would you?"

They nodded with a grin. Just a moment later Sirius was back with their drinks and he slid Hermione's butterbeer over with a suggestive smirk. Hermione took a deep calming breath. "Thank you for the drink," she said before taking out her wand and casting a silent Muffliato on them. "There is actually another thing I would like your help with Sirius and it might be more up your alley." Sirius took a large gulp from his own fresh glass of butterbeer before looking at her with curious eyes.

"Is that so? Well, what did you have in mind, kitten?"

Hermione almost choked at the use of her old nickname, but she caught herself in the last moment. Instead, she swallowed her drink down before locking her eyes with his. "How do you feel about breaking into your mother's home and stealing something from her house-elf?"

The man looked at her with startled eyes. "Kreacher? What do you want from him?"

Hermione looked around and studied the room with watchful eyes. "I can't tell you down here, sorry. But we could ask Tom for a private room upstairs."

Immediately the smirk returned into his eyes. "You want me to go with you upstairs?" he asked with raised eyebrows and twinkling eyes.

Hermione smiled sweetly at him. "No, actually I want to go upstairs with the three of you."

Fabian and Gideon snorted, while Sirius just watched her with a wide grin. "Hermione Granger, you naughty little thing."

It only took them about ten minutes to finish their drinks and rent a room from Tom for an hour. Hermione didn't know what story Sirius told him, but when he came back with the key, the bartender cast her a dubious look before tending to his other guest again. She groaned inwardly but followed the boys upstairs without making a single comment. The room Tom picked for them was a medium-sized bedroom with a large bed at the opposite side of the door and a table at the window, that came with two wooden chairs. Hermione looked at the black-haired wizard with raised brows.

"Were all the private dining room already taken?" she asked without expecting an answer and claimed one of the chairs for herself. Gideon quickly took the chair next to her, which left the bed for the other two wizards. But the men just shrugged with a grin and sat down on the edge of the mattress.

"Well, Hermione? Can you now tell me what all of this is about?" Sirius asked and looked at her casually. Hermione sighed. She had long struggled with herself how much to tell him about what she knew, but as her attempt to bring Lupin to her side so spectacularly backfired, she decided to not be too secretive.

"As Remus might already have told you, I have some knowledge, even though your friend doesn't believe in the validity of the information I gave him and you seem to agree with him." She looked at Harry's godfather solemnly but he just shrugged helplessly at her.

Hermione sighed. "However this is not the only information I possess. You need to know, that it is my goal to finish the Dark Lord for good, but to do that I need to find certain… things that were once in his possession."

Sirius looked at her sceptically. "And you think Kreacher has one of those things?"

She smiled at him. "No, I know that he has one. Your brother Regulus was one of Voldemort's servants once, as you very well know. But he wasn't when he died. Regulus had discovered the Dark Lords darkest secret after the Dark Lord had borrowed Kreacher to hide one of those…artefacts away. Kreacher almost died under his orders, but he returned to you brother who nursed him back to health."

The dark-haired wizard looked at her with a serious expression now but didn't interrupt her. And so Hermione just continued with her story. "Kreacher told your brother everything and he and Kreacher went out to get what the Dark Lord had hidden away. But only Kreacher made it out alive and he brought a necklace with him. Your brother gave him the order to destroy it, but a far as I know, he is not able to. But it needs to be destroyed."

She looked at Sirius solemnly and he stared at her with a dark expression. "Do you try to tell me that my brother died in the attempt to …" But he stopped himself and shook his head with a lost expression. "How do you know these things?"

Hermione sighed. "I can't tell you. But you can ask Kreacher to confirm my story if you can convince him to even talk to you. He knows I am telling the truth." Sirius closed his eyes with a pained expression and when he opened them again, he looked at the two redheads with analysing eyes. "What about you? Do you believe the things she's saying?"

Both of them smiled. "We do."

Sirius sighed. "Alright, I'll help you," he said before rubbing his forehead. "We'll break into my parent's home."

"Thank you, Sirius," Hermione said and broke into a wide smile. But the other wizard just shook his head amusedly.

"Don't thank me yet, Hermione. But I won't mind your gratitude afterwards." He waggled his eyebrows at her and Hermione couldn't help but swat his leg.

"Sirius, you're such a dog."

Hermione threw herself onto the sofa with a groan, as soon as they stumbled into the living room of the Prewett's home. Who would have thought that dealing with the younger, by Askaban untouched Sirius would be such a challenge?

"Tired?" Gideon asked her and sat down to her right, while his brother chose the other side.

"Yeah, I really wasn't prepared for this version of Sirius to be honest. But that's not it. I can't help but worry. There's still so much on my plate and I'm not really closer to helping Lilly and James."

Fabian took her hand into his and rubbed her palm with his hand soothingly. "Don't worry about that, Hermione. We'll find a way."

"I'd love to just lock the traitor away, find a nice little cage for the traitorous rat," Hermione spat and looked darkly into the room. "Did I tell you that I once caught a beetle-animagus in a jar?"

Gideon snorted next to her. "You didn't…" He paused. "Merlin you mean it, don't you? Remember me not to get on your bad side Hermione, ever."

She laughed. "Well, I do have a little vicious streak…"

Fabian pressed her hand and looked at her with curious eyes. "Who was it? The Animagus I mean? Do we know him?"

Hermione shrugged. "I don't know. Her name is Rita Skeeter. She's working for the prophet and she wrote some horrendous things about me and my friends."

Fabian looked at her with wide eyes. "Little mousy Rita? Who would have thought…"

Gideon snorted in amusement. "I surely wouldn't. She went to school with us, was a year our senior. Never talked to anybody and hid behind her books. I wonder what she did after leaving Hogwarts, never heard a peep about her afterwards."

Hermione waved him off. "Whatever. But there's one more problem we need a solution for. If we really manage to get the Horcrux, we need a safe place to store it until we have a way to destroy the soul fragment. The first time around we just carried the thing around our neck, but I will not do that again. It starts corrupting your soul."

Fabian looked at her. "You mean something like a safe box?"

Hermione nodded. "Preferably at a place, nobody but us can find."

Gideon grinned. "That's easy then. Because Fabian and I have all the expertise between us that is needed, to create something suitable for you. We'll bring the box along for our little break-in. Don't worry Hermione."

She looked at both of them with wide eyes. "Are you sure?"

They nodded in unison and cast her a reassuring smile. "Absolutely."