Chapter 29: Realisations
2nd of October 1999
Hermione awoke with a gasp and after a moment of confusion, she realized that she was in her bed at the Prewett's house. Her heart was still beating heavily in her chest from her recently regained memory. Seeing Bellatrix torture Fabian and Gideon in front of her eyes was almost worse like being tortured herself. This feeling of being unable to help them while they were writhing before her on the ground had been almost too much for Hermione and she knew that back then she had almost done something unforgivable to Bellatrix after she had taken her down.
Hermione tried to calm her breathing while thinking about everything she had learned. She still didn't know if they had been able to get the Horcrux that night or how Fabian and Gideon had been able to heal from their injuries. They obviously had healed, or otherwise, they wouldn't be here with her now, but not knowing what exactly happened to them afterwards was still driving her up the wall. She had to know, had to see with her own eyes that the two of them were alright or if there were any scars left from their encounter with the crazy Black sister. However, it was the middle of the night and the two of them were most likely fast asleep and there was no reason this couldn't wait until morning, right? She sighed. Shewanted to see them anyway because she was sure that she wouldn't be able to fall back asleep without knowing they were alright.
The decision was made within the next two minutes. It was totally irrational for her to seek them out, but as her heart simply would not calm down, she felt like she had no choice. And so she stepped onto the cold wooden floor and padded into the hallway on her bare feet. She couldn't remember ever having been to one of their rooms before but her feet seemed to know the way anyway. It didn't take long for her to reach the simple wooden door that was to the right side of her room across the hallway and after a moment of hesitation, she decided to forgo a knock and simply step inside. The room ahead of her was completely covered in darkness, but when she squinted her eyes she could see the silhouette of a huge bed below the window.
Did she really want to do this, she asked herself again before she decided to trust the feeling in her belly and stepped closer. Hermione didn't even make it halfway across the room, before the body on the bed started turning and a voice asked groggily: "Hermione? Is that you?" It was Gideon, she realized and nodded.
"Yeah, it's me. Could I… could I maybe crawl into your bed for a while?" Gideon pulled himself up and looked at her with worried eyes.
"Sure, come here," he said and made room for her in the bed. "Did you have a nightmare?"
Hermione climbed into his bed with her heart still beating violently in her chest. "No, it's a memory that just came back to me. We were in Little Hangleton and tried to get the ring…" she explained while Gideon studied her with big concerned eyes. "I just wanted to make sure you're alright and…"
But she was interrupted by his finger on her lips. "Hush. There's no need for explaining this any further because it's totally understandable. Do you want me to get Fabian, too?"
She nodded with a lump in her throat. "If it's alright with you? Do you think he will mind?"
Gideon's hand moved to her cheek and stroked it affectionately. "Of course it's okay with him," he assured her with a smile. "Let's lay back down. He'll be here in a second."
Hermione looked at him with wide eyes. "You've already called him?"
"' course he has, sunshine. We're magical twins," Fabian's voice answered her from the door before the man himself padded into the room towards the bed. "Come you two, make a bit room for me. This house is freezing cold at night." Just like that he climbed into bed with them and Hermione found herself sandwiched between her twins a moment later. She sighed happily.
"Thanks for letting me stay with you for a bit," she said and shyly moved closer to Gideon, who was lying behind her.
"Anytime Hermione," Gideon assured her and pulled her close. "It's only understandable after you regained that particular memory. It was a rough day after all."
Fabian hummed in agreement and turned onto his back. Hermione looked at him uncertainly for a moment, but finally, she found her courage and bedded her head on his shoulder. Gideon adjusted his position behind her accordingly and settled against her back again. "How much do you remember?" he asked lazily and started tracing the skin of her arm with his finger.
"Only until after we captured and obliviated Bellatrix," she confessed and looked at Fabian with huge eyes. "You were okay afterwards, right?"
He sighed tiredly. "More or less, yeah. The day was a bit rough on us, but there were no long-lasting effects if that's what you're asking."
Hermione nodded uncertainly. "What about scars?" she asked and automatically her eyes drifted towards Gideon's hand on her arm. He seemed to sense her intention, as he lifted it in front of her face patiently, to let her explore the smooth skin around his wrist. There was not a single mark there and Hermione couldn't help but sigh in relief.
"There's nothing," she whispered and felt Gideon behind her nod against her back.
Fabian smiled. "No, there's not a single reminder of our little adventure. Not, that I mind."
Hermione nodded silently and finally she could feel her heartbeat calm down again. But she was still far from being able to fall back asleep again. "Could you tell me what happened afterwards? Did we manage to get the Horcrux that day? Or did we have to come back another time?"
"No, we went to get it right after we caught our breaths," Gideon answered her calmly while his hand sneaked back down and came to rest around her waist. " You pointed out, that we didn't know why those Death Eaters had been waiting for us and that it was better for us to get the Horcrux now when it hopefully still was in its original hiding place."
That was only logical, she assumed, but her head already started spinning with the new information. Before she could say something in return, though, Fabian continued with the story. "I still don't know how Voldemort managed it, but he booby-trapped the whole shack. Until then we assumed the guy simply hated muggles and wanted to enslave them or something equally bad, but obviously, he wasn't as narrow-minded as he made everybody believe. For a normal pureblooded wizard, the place would have been a death trap, but luckily we are far from ordinary and same with you." He smiled at her affectionately.
"But I am not experienced with disarming bombs and I imagine neither are you," she said and looked at him with wide eyes, but the redhead in front of her simply smiled back at her boyishly.
"No, but luckily I am an Animagus and quite a skilled flier if I say so myself. I didn't even touch the ground once."
Hermione looked at him with a happy smile. "Merlin, did I ever tell you how brilliant you are? And I mean both of you. I couldn't have wished for better friends or allies for that matter. Thank you for being at my side, whenever I've needed you." Out of an impulse, she pulled him into a firm embrace and buried her head on his chest. It felt glorious and safe and for a moment she really didn't want to let go, but then she remembered Gideon behind her and turned around to pull him into her arms, too. For a moment she could feel him stiffen in her arms and as she looked up at him in surprise, their eyes locked. And suddenly her heart was dancing wildly in her chest again, while the lump was back in her throat. But Hermione was sure Gideon felt almost the same, as he was staring at her with wide eyes. For a moment she even thought that his eyes moved down to her lips and she half expected that he would kiss her, but then something shifted behind his eyes and he simply pulled her into a warm hug.
"Let's try to get back to sleep, shall we?" he murmured into her hair and held her close. "I wouldn't be surprised if those missing memories come back to you as soon as you fall back asleep, we could at least try to get a bit more rest."
Hermione nodded mutely and in a matter of seconds, she found herself on Gideon's shoulder now, while Fabian spooned her from behind. "I'm not even sure if I can fall back asleep now," she confessed shyly as the man in front of her smiled.
"Then just close your eyes for a bit. And don't worry, if you're haunted by another memory or nightmare we're right at your side."
Fabian hummed in agreement again and leaned his head against her back. Hermione did as she was told and forced herself to close her eyes. For a while sleep simply would not come, as her thoughts kept turning in cycles analysing everything she had learned in the last fewhours. When she suddenly felt Gideon's free hand move and a moment later his fingers buried themselves in her hair, where they started kneading her skin in soothing circles,Hermione sighed in pleasure and instantly felt her body relax. It didn't even take ten minutes until she was fast asleep.
16th of June 1981
Hermione's first instinct after they had finally made it home and sent a Patronus to the ministry with the location of the trapped Death Eaters was to run to Severus and ask him for help. Fabian and Gideon were barely able to stand any longer and after they had climbed up the stairs at their house together, Hermione had anxiously helped them into Fabian's room and into his bed. There she had vanished their robes and trousers with a flick of her wand to be able to better access the damage to their bodies. Except for the bloody marks around their ankles and wrists, there was not much for her to find though and so she looked at them with eyes full of uncertainty.
"How much pain are you in?" she asked them before she conjured a soft blanket for each of them. Their bodies were already starting to shake from muscle spasms and she was barely able to watch without breaking out into tears. Had it been as bad for her after being tortured by the evil witch? Her time after Malfoy Manor was still very foggy in her mind, but she remembered, that it had been bad and went on for days. She had no idea how to take care of them, Merlin!
"I'll get some help," she promised as no answer came from them and the shaking in their limbs got worse. Shouldn't those spasms have come immediately after the exposure to the curse? Or had the twins simply repressed them to not make her worry? Where should she go and ask for help? To Severus? He would have been the logical choice as he was their friend and had experience with healing and probably also the Cruciatus. But there was the tiny little fact that those Death Eaters seemed to have waited for them, which led to the conclusion that somebody must have betrayed them. Could she really be sure that it was not him? She trusted Severus Snape, but mostly because she had known his other self. If she was honest with herself, she barely knew this new version of him. Yes, he had helped her before, but he still didn't deliver the Horcrux to them and kept asking for more time. Was it because he didn't plan to bring it to them at all? Had he only played nice and secretly betrayed them? No, it couldn't be. Severus had made an unbreakable vow to her and had sworn not to betray them and their secrets. This only left one other person who knew of their plan to visit the Gaunt's family home. It couldn't be, she told herself, because if what she feared was true, they had a serious problem. But it didn't matter now, as she first had to take care of her wounded friends.
Hermione purposefully strode out of the room and dashed into the living room. There she took a pinch of floo powder and stepped into the flames. "Spinner's End!" she shouted and within the blink of an eye,, she was gone.
"They'll be alright Hermione, don't worry," Severus assured her after administering a hand full of potions to each of the twins. "Bellatrix is a very strong caster and her curses hurt like hell, but from what you describe they weren't under the Cruciatus for a very long time. Believe me, I've had worse."
She nodded solemnly. "Yeah, me too," she said. "That's why I don't understand why it affects them so much now. They were fine directly afterwards." Without realizing what she was doing, she started pulling at her hair.
"Please Hermione, try to stay calm. You're not helping when you start panicking here," her friend said, before putting a calming hand on her shoulder. She sighed in resignation.
"You're right of course, it's just that it is basically my fault. I told them to follow me to this godforsaken place," Hermione said with a sniff, but when she looked up Severus studied her with a hard expression.
"And it's good you did. Otherwise, you'd most likely be dead now. You're the person we must not lose in this war. The rest of us are… disposable."
"You are not," she replied urgently and pulled him into a desperate hug. For a moment he stiffened against her before he put his arms around her with a sigh.
"It honours you that you think like that. Most great wizards are mere chess players that are sending people into their deaths, without having too much trouble to look into the mirror afterwards." With that, he let go of her, before sitting down at a chair next to the bed. "Many people follow these leaders, hell even I once did, but not anymore, never again. You on the other hand…" Severus looked at her with dark solemn eyes. "You care about us, I can see it in your eyes. You picked me up from the ground and offered me everything and only wanted my loyalty and friendship."
She looked at him with a slightly panicked expression. What the hell was he trying to tell her? "Severus, you know that's not true. I did ask something of you, still am actually. I need your help and I am glad that you are offering it to us."
Her friend smiled. "See? And that's the difference. This is why people love you, why I love you." Hermione's eyes widened, but before she could say something in return, he silenced her with his hand. "No Hermione, let me get this out, please. I need to say this, just once. You're my friend Hermione, my only friend but you're also so much more: you're hope. I admire your dedication, your fearlessness and your intellect. Don't look at me like that! You're bright as the sun and your light will shine for ages after you're long gone." She swallowed heavily because at the moment she simply didn't know what to say. But she didn't have to, because Severus was far from finished. "I know what you are doing Hermione, even if you never told me. I can see it in your eyes. You don't plan to make it out alive at the other end of the war, do you?"
She cast a hasty look towards the twins, but both of them were in deep sleep on the bed. And so she finally settled her eyes on Severus and sighed sadly. "I… something is happening to me I believe. I can't say for sure, but Dumbledore strongly hinted, that every change that I make to the timeline has a price for me. Believe me, I'll try to stay alive, but I think I might not be able to."
He nodded and looked at her with eyes that were full of understanding. "Yeah, but that's just it. You are putting yourself in the line of danger, not the others. And you'll blame yourself to no end if something happens to them anyway. But you don't have to, Hermione, because we are following you willingly. I am prepared to die for you Hermione, because I love you and I know they do, too." With that, he took her hand into his and started to brush his thumb against her knuckles. "Don't look at me like that, Hermione. There's no reason for you to panic here. I know that I don't have a chance with you because I know that there's already someone else. And it's not like I love you in that way anyway. I could if I'd allow it, but I don't. My heart is still too broken for that kind of love Hermione, but I am sure it will heal with time. The kind of love I have for you does not require an answer or anything you are not willing to give me. It's totally platonic but that doesn't make it any less, it makes it more." He looked at her with a deep sigh. "Merlin, did this even make any sense for you? Because you look like you're about to faint."
For a long moment, she simply stared at him, before she felt the tears springing into her eyes. Then she threw herself at him and pulled him into another desperate hug. Hermione didn't let go of him for a very long while and simply cried into his shoulder, while her body was wracked with heavy sobs. She wasn't even totally sure why she was crying in the first place, but the tears kept coming and coming until she was totally limp in his arms. But Severus held her patiently and stroked her back.
"Hush, it's alright. I didn't want to make you cry with this."
She sniffed before she looked into his dark vulnerable eyes. "This was the most wonderful declaration of love that anybody ever said to me and probably will ever say," she said and hugged him again. "Your words mean the world to me and I can only say: I love you too Severus, just not in that way." She smiled tearfully. "You've always been there for me when I needed you, even though you were a grumpy bastard back then that didn't care for me. You know all my secrets, you keep them safe and you love me anyway. I can say the same about you in return. I'll gladly have you by my side when the time comes - if it comes. And I'll gladly take every blow that is intended for you in the hope to spare you from what might come."
He nodded and when their eyes locked something like a deep understanding passed between them. "You're not alone in this Hermione and neither am I. Whatever happens in the future, and I am sure it will happen soon, know that I love you and that you can trust me, completely. And in case I am not making it out alive of this conflict, know, that I died happily for your cause."
She nodded and felt the tears streaming down her face. But she didn't care, because she knew, that Severus understood.