Chapter 30: Truths and lies

2nd of October 1999

When Hermione awoke again, she felt that her face was wet with tears. The most recent memory had been intense and not what she had expected at all, but she was still glad to have it back. Hermione had always felt that her friendship with Severus was special, yet she had never understood how special it really was. Now that she knew, she just wanted to pull him into a long teary hug that was long overdue and she promised herself to do just that when she finally saw him later that day.

"Good morning sunshine," Fabian mumbled into her hair and Hermione could hear from his voice that he was smiling. "Sleep well?"

She nodded carefully in the hope to not wake his twin but a moment later Gideon already looked at her with sparkling blue eyes and smiled.

"Well, I definitely wasn't awake but I don't feel well-rested either. I had another flashback just like you predicted and those always leave me drained and tired."

Gideon nodded in sympathy. "Do you want to stay a bit longer in bed then? Or do you prefer drowning your tiredness with coffee?"

Hermione smiled. "Coffee will have to do because I'm pretty sure I won't be able to fall back asleep again."

Gideon snorted. "That's what you told me last night to and then you were out like a light."

She chuckled. "Yeah, you do have pretty skilled fingers," she admitted before she realized what she just said and a blush crept on her cheeks. Gideon just smiled kindly at her.

"I was happy to help," he said and squeezed her hand. "now let's get up. I fancy a coffee myself."

Fabian snorted behind her. "You always fancy a coffee, Brother."

Gideon laughed before he leapt out of bed with a smile. "You say that like it is a bad thing."

Hermione entered Severus home at Spinner's End with nervousness that felt totally unreasonable yet was still undeniably there. His words from her memory still rang in her ears and resonated in her heart. They made her feel loved in a way that she had never experienced before. And it was totally blowing her mind.

"Severus? Are you at home?" she called uncertainly into the house, just as she closed the front door behind her and a moment later she could hear him answer from the living room. He was reading a book, Hermione found, as she stood in the door and watched his relaxed form stretched out on the couch and she couldn't help the affectionate smile that started to form on her lips.

"You're staring," Severus said in a totally unfazed tone before he looked at her with curiously raised eyebrows.

"Oh, sorry," she said sheepishly and stepped closer. "I just…" she licked her lips awkwardly "Well, I wanted to let you know…"

"Yes?" he looked at her expectantly.

Hermione sighed before she finally found the courage to look into his black, warm eyes. "I remember now, Severus. I wanted to let you know, that I still love you … in a totally platonic and absolutely harmless way of course. Damn, I feel like your words sounded much better, but I hope you still know what I wanted to say."

It was obvious that he did because suddenly he was standing right in front of her and pulled her into his arms. "I have a very strong feeling that I do," he said and kissed her hair. "And I want you to know that my words from back then are still true."

She smiled happily into his chest. "I'm glad because I just found you again."

"And you're not getting rid of me anytime soon," he said and gently took her by her shoulders. "Because there's something I want to ask you."

Hermione looked up at him with wide eyes. "Alright? Ask then."

Severus smiled. "Charity's pregnant and I'd like you to be godmother. Would you do us the honour of accepting that role and join our little family?"

For a moment she just stared at him in shock, before the tears started to flood her eyes again. "Are you serious? You're going to be a dad?"

He looked at her with an almost shy smile. "Is that so hard to believe?"

"Yes! I mean no, it not hard to believe at all. And yes, I'd love to be a godmother," she said excitedly and pulled him into another hug. "God, do you have any idea how much that means to me? You've just given me something I thought I'd never have again. You've given me a family."

Her friend looked at her with a kind smile and shook his head. "No silly girl, you always had a family here. I just made it official."

17th of June 1981

Hermione stayed at the twin's bedside for the rest of the day and the whole night and Severus was a constant, if silent, presence at her side. She was so grateful for him being at her side, even though their conversation had still left her somewhat shaken. He was the bit of calming presence and reassurance that she needed, to know that things would be alright again - that her twins would in fact be fine. Until now she hadn't even realized, that she called them her twins in her head, but she did. She wasn't even sure how it happened, or when, just that it was an indisputable truth now. And the realization confused her to no end. Until now she had always considered herself Ron's girl, but when she was honest with herself she somehow knew, that she would never see her boyfriend again. It wasn't only that her heart had attached itself to this timeline and its inhabitants, but she could feel that something was happening to her. And it wasn't good. She hadn't lied when she told Severus, that she didn't expect to survive the war, because she didn't. There was no Harry, no prophesied one to end the Dark Lord this time around and even if they managed to get a hold on all the Horcruxes, their creator was still very much alive. The only one that could match him in power and probably kill him in this timeline, was Dumbledore, but Hermione wasn't sure if they could trust the wizard any longer. That revelation left her with an almost unsolvable problem and the realisation that someone would have to carry the torch for the side of the light and that being this person would most likely paint a huge target onto her back.

"I'm going downstairs and making us some coffee," she finally announced as she realized, that she had constantly been nodding off at Severus' side. "How do you like yours?"

"Just black with no extras," her friend announced while keeping his eyes fixed on the bed. "Make it as strong as you like, the stronger the better actually."

Hermione nodded. "Alright, I'll be back in a bit." And with that, she left the room. The kitchen downstairs felt empty without the twins. It wasn't the first time she was alone in the room, by no means, but the owners of the house had always somehow been available. Knowing that both of them were out of order upstairs in bed, felt wrong and in a way she suddenly felt like an intruding stranger in their house. She ignored the feeling as best as she could and set herself to work. But she hadn't even managed to set up the kettle with water, as there was suddenly a loud knocking at the front door. Hermione tensed. Usually, the twins were the ones welcoming visitors into their home as they always were alerted through their wards. Now it fell to her to open the door, but she would do so with caution. These were dangerous times after all.

"Who's there?" she asked from the inside, as soon as she reached the front door.

There was a short pause. "It's Remus Lupin," came the answer in a known voice. But Hermione knew she had to be careful anyway.

"What sentence does one have to say to activate the Marauder's map?" she asked warily and waited. Again there was a pause, but finally, the voice answered: "I solemnly swear I am up to no good."

She sighed in relief and finally opened the door. On the other side, there was Lupin, looking at her with a raised eyebrow. "Do I even want to know?" he asked and looked at her inquiringly.

Hermione shook her head with a crooked smile. "I had to check if it's really you, Mr Lupin. These are dangerous times."

Her visitor nodded and stepped inside. "I guess you're right," he admitted with a tired sigh. Hermione gazed at him interestedly. He looked even more tired and gaunt than he had during their last meeting. She could have sworn that he had lost some more weight and his skin looked sickly and almost transparent. But the worst was the haunted look in his eyes. "What can I do for you, Mr Lupin?" she finally asked him in a polite tone. "Or did you want to see the Prewetts? If that is the case, I will have to disappoint you, they are currently... indisposed."

The other man looked at her with an unreadable expression. "No, actually I wanted to talk to you. It's about Peter."

She nodded tiredly. "Alright. Mind if you join me in the kitchen? I was just about to make some coffee and something to eat." She hadn't planned the latter at all, but Remus didn't have to know this. Her former friend looked like he could use something to eat and as Hermione was sure he would be too proud to directly ask for something, she'd discreetly invite him.

She didn't even wait for his answer and simply marched back into the kitchen and after a moment of hesitation, Remus followed her with measured steps. "So what exactly did you want to talk about?" Hermione finally asked after she had put the kettle on. Remus had found himself a place on a chair, but he held himself stiffly and looked like he was about to bolt from the room. But he still stared at her with eyes full of determination.

"I wanted to ask you if you know where Peter is," he said in a mostly calm voice. "The others do have their theories, but I have the impression, that there is something else behind his disappearance. It is kind of strange, you know? You appear on my doorstep and tell me he's a traitor, you're convinced he is, even though I tell you otherwise. And not long after that he just disappears? Too curious, isn't it?" He looked at her with inquiring amber eyes and for a moment Hermione could feel the hairs on her arms rise in alarm. But she willed herself to stay calm.

"You think I abducted him, don't you?" she asked and he nodded darkly. Hermione sighed.

"Well, I didn't," she said matter of factly, which was true. She hadn't put a finger on the traitorous rat. "As Sirius might have told you I was quite incapable of doing so at the time it happened. He was even there when I got injured."

Remus nodded darkly. "Yeah, I know. But I still had to make sure of it myself. Peter is my friend Miss Granger. I have to do anything I can to find him, I owe him that much. And that's why I ask you directly now: Do you know where Peter Pettigrew is?" He locked his eyes with her and looked at her with the most serious expression.

Hermione sighed. "No, I don't know where he is. I'm sorry Mr Lupin." It was a lie, a big fat lie. But it was necessary and so she delivered it without the slightest hesitation.

"Alright," her guest said with a nod. "But I had to try, I hope you understand. I'm sure you'd do the same for your friends."

That and more, Hermione thought but aloud she said: "Of course. Would you like to stay for some coffee or a bite to eat?"

"No thank you," he replied with sagged shoulders. "But thanks for offering anyway. You are very kind."

Hermione looked at him with a smile, but inwardly her heart clenched at his words. It is for the best, she told herself, while she escorted him back to the door. She hoped that he would forgive her one day but she knew, that he might very well not.

"I am amazed by your ability to lie," Severus said casually as soon as Hermione entered the twin's bedchamber. "And you're sure you were not a Slytherin?"

"Pretty sure," she said in a clipped tone and handed him his mug. "And it's not like I had much of a choice anyway."

Her friend looked at her with a knowing smile. "Well, there was a choice. A true Gryffindor would probably have told him and braced the consequences, which would have been brave but stupid nonetheless. A Slytherin on the other hand…"

Hermione shook her head with a sigh. "You're thinking too much in categories. Not all Gryffindors are stupid and not all Slytherins are evil. And I can be sneaky or even tell a lie when it is necessary. Did you know I obliviated my own parents in my old timeline to protect them from the war? It was the hardest decision of my life…"

Severus nodded and sipped on his coffee. "I didn't know. But I can imagine how difficult it was. Both of my parents are dead, but I imagine it still wouldn't have been as difficult for me, as it was for you. We… I didn't have a very nice childhood."

He looked at her with sad eyes and Hermione felt her heart go out for him. "I'm sorry Severus. As it is, neither of us seems to have a family, we could be family to each other if you'd like."

Her friend smiled shyly at her. "I'd like that. I'd like that very much."

It wasn't long afterwards that Severus finally left them with the assurance, that it wouldn't be long until the twins woke up. Hermione could see the signs herself, as their bodies started moving more and more on the bed and their eyelids started to flutter. She couldn't help but feel a bit nervous and impatient as she waited for them to finally open their eyes. Fabian was the first one to wake up and he looked at her with sleep clouded eyes, his brother followingimmediately after. It was like the two of them were even somehow linked in sleep, but maybe it was just a coincidence.

"Hello," she said and looked at them with a nervous smile on her lips. "How are you?"

Fabian looked at her for a long moment, before he said in a raspy voice: "Better. I can't remember much after we came back from the shack though, the pain…"

Hermione nodded understandingly. "Yeah, you collapsed as soon as I got you into bed. Severus has been her and helped. He just left some minutes ago."

Gideon nodded grimly. "It's good the guy is so skilled with potions. He's a valuable ally."

"He's a friend," Hermione corrected him heatedly and the men on the bed nodded with a mollified expression.

"Of course he is," they assured her solemnly and tried to sit up in their bed. Fabian managed it first, but Gideon followed shortly after with a tired groan.

"Gah, everything still hurts," he complained and rubbed his neck. "Merlin, being tortured by this crazy bitch is high on the list of experiences, I never want to have again."

Hermione nodded solemnly. "Yeah, believe me I know. I… was tortured by Bellatrix Lestrange during the other war. It was… bad."

They looked at her with worried eyes. "That's what those nightmares of yours are about." Fabian suddenly realized and gripped her hand. "Am I right?"

She nodded solemnly. "Yeah, I was tortured for information at Malfoy Manor. She was quite thorough. I still see the place in my nightmares regularly and I never want to set a foot into that place again."

Gideon looked at her with wide, sad eyes. "Merlin Hermione, you never told us. Why didn't you say something?"

She laughed humourlessly. "There never seemed to be the right moment, and anyway it was more than a year ago."

He nodded with a sigh. "Would you… would you mind coming here for a bit?" He patted at the mattress between them. "I really want to hug you, but I'm not quite in the condition to get up just yet."

Hermione blinked at him and could feel her cheeks redden. "You want me to crawl into your bed?" she asked and the two of them nodded with a happy grin.

"It's not like we haven't done this before. I'd like to hold you while having this conversation. Because we will talk about this Hermione, all of us. It's not healthy to bottle these things up," Fabian said and looked at her seriously. Hermione shrugged with a resigned sigh.

"Alright, budge over then," she said and climbed between them before letting herself fall back into the comfortable covers. Fabian followed her actions with his eyes.

"Right, that's better," he said before he took her hand into his. "And now start from the beginning. How did you get into Malfoy Manor in the first place?" he asked while squeezing her hand reassuringly. Hermione took a deep, calming breath. And then she told them.