Dec 2021: Hi readers! Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to let you know that I have recently become a published author! My book is a completely different genre to fanfiction – it's a travelogue – but if you like my writing style, you might enjoy it. I have pages on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Pinterest – search "Carrie's Travel Books". There are fun story snippets and pictures on there. The book itself is on Amazon and Lulu – search "Carrie Riseley". The book is called "All Aboard!" :-)
Thanks so much for the kind reviews you have given me over the years. They were one of the things that encouraged me to keep writing :-)
The below story has *not* been updated since Dec 2020, I just wanted to add this message :-) Happy reading! Thanks for coming by!
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This is the story of the trial of Skyler White. It ended up being longer than I intended, but there's plenty to keep you entertained. I wrote this before the release of El Camino and was pleased to discover that the events of El Camino don't contradict it in any way. Jesse and Skyler were my favourite characters, so I'm very pleased that Vince Gilligan has told Jesse's story, leaving me to tell Skyler's and remain in canon. I *hope* that this story can also remain in canon for Better Call Saul after the final series is released. If they don't end it the way I'm thinking, I'll be annoyed haha.
Trigger warnings: trauma, anxiety, panic attack, mental illness, grief, self-harm, and references to rape and suicidality. These are the reasons this story is rated M. The most confronting parts are in chapters 16, 17, 19 and 20. What's revealed at the end of chapter 16 may be shocking/controversial to some readers, but it is based on solid implications made by Breaking Bad's writers in the last scene of s5 e02.
...
Skyler slid into her car in the alleyway behind Central Taxis and leaned her head on the steering wheel. She closed her eyes. Just for a moment, she thought.
It was a good job her shift was over and there was nobody at home, because she didn't wake up until 2am, when a group of drunken revellers passed behind her car talking and whooping. She blinked and looked around, then turned the key, three point turned the car's nose around and moved off.
...
Louis threw back the rest of his drink and howled at the moon. Michael joined him.
"Shut up!" said Bianca.
"You guys are r-really l-loud." Flynn giggled and sipped his drink.
"Can I have some more, man?" asked Louis. Flynn handed him the bottle.
"I know what I want more of," said Michael, looking around. "Hey, where'd it go?"
"I think it fell in the bushes," said Bianca, rolling onto her back and looking up at the night sky.
Flynn lay down next to her. "D-did you know that when you look at the stars, you're actually seeing what they looked like…hundreds of years ago? Be-because of how far away they are, even at the speed of light it…s-still takes a long time to get to us. So a star could die, it could explode, a-and we wouldn't know because…we would just see it the same as it was before."
"Found it!" yelled Michael, reappearing from the bushes with a stick stuck in his hair and a bong in his hand.
"Nice," said Louis.
Bianca sat up as Michael lit the bong, accepting it as he handed it around. She took a puff, then held it out to Flynn.
"No, thank you," said Flynn.
"No, he doesn't do that," said Louis, leaning past Flynn and grabbing the bong.
"Why not?" asked Bianca.
"Cos my Uncle Hank told me not to."
...
Piercing cries pulled Marie roughly from the depths of sleep. She blinked, then shot out of bed. "Shit," she muttered. "Holly? It's ok honey, I'm coming!" She pulled on her dressing gown and rushed down the hallway.
Holly was still asleep, but was wailing and rocking. Marie sat on the bed and took her into her arms. "Holly, wake up."
"Mama! Mamaaaaaaaaaa!" The child continued to writhe.
"Holly!" Marie shook her. "Wake up! Everything is ok, but you need to wake up!" She shook her again and stroked her hair.
Eventually Holly woke, and burst into tears.
"It's ok, sweetheart," said Marie, holding her close. "Mommy isn't here right now - you're with me today, remember? But that's ok, we will be just fine together and you can see Mommy tomorrow. Everything is fine. I've got you."
...
Skyler was making dinner when Flynn arrived home the next day. Holly was sitting on the floor next to the coffee table drawing with crayons. Flynn hugged her and then moved towards his mother. "Hi, honey," she said, turning away from the chopping board and kissing him on the cheek. "Good party?"
"Yeah, i-it was fun." He rested his hand on her shoulder. "Did you contact that l-lawyer yet?"
Skyler placed some vegetables into a pot that was bubbling on the stove, and turned down the heat.
"Mom?"
She didn't mean to say nothing, she just didn't know what to say. She turned around and looked at him, her face devoid of emotion or energy.
"Y-you didn't, did you?"
"The money is for your education."
"I don't need n-nine million dollars for my education! I have…no idea why they gave me that much, it makes no sense a-and I did argue -"
"Your education, Holly's education, the ongoing well-being of the two of you. That's what I want you to spend it on. Not that it's up to me, seeing as it's yours."
"Aunt Marie wants some money. Her income went down a lot after Uncle Hank died, s-so she said she'd really appreciate…some help."
"That's really good, I'm glad you're sharing it."
"Mr and Mrs Schwartz…said I could share it with my family, th-that's why I'm offering it to you. It'd be weird if I gave some to Aunt Marie and some to…Holly but not to you!"
"That's up to me, isn't it?" Skyler turned back to the dinner.
"It's not like you would be taking anything from me, really. I-it's such an enormous amount of money that I…can't possibly spend it all. I can't believe…how much it is, it's bizarre. So it's not like me or Holly would mi-miss out on anything if you took a little bit for your lawyer. Or maybe…to get you out of living in this dump?"
"There's four months left on the lease, and I'll be gone by then."
"You can break the lease. I can p-pay for you to break the lease."
"Flynn, I'm going on trial in two months' time, there's no point me moving before then! If you wanna move out, you are 18 now, it is your choice."
"Yeah, b-but I'm not an asshole. I'm not gonna leave you and Holly in this dump if I get to go…somewhere better!"
"Dinner is ready, can you set the table please?"
"Ok, forget the house. G-get a lawyer, please get a decent lawyer!"
"Holly, dinner's ready! Come wash your hands!" Skyler placed a child's stool under the kitchen sink and helped Holly onto it.
"You're running out of time here!"
"Are you going to set the table or aren't you?"
Flynn stomped to the cutlery drawer and grabbed some knives and forks out very roughly. "If you don't do it now, th-there won't be enough time for the lawyer to get to know your case and -"
"I'm not going to do it all," said Skyler, drying Holly's hands. "I don't think it's a worthy use of that money."
"What? H-how is it not worthy - you desperately need someone who can defend you properly, n-not -"
"Are you gonna set the table or are you gonna keep waving those knives and forks around dangerously?"
"Can I have a apple juice, Mommy?" asked Holly.
"Yes you can." Skyler placed a hand on Holly's head and leant towards the fridge, holding it open and helping Holly take the bottle out. "Wait hold on, what do you say?"
"Please," said Holly, smiling sweetly and swaying slightly as she held what was to her a very heavy bottle up towards her mother.
"Ok." Skyler took the bottle and poured Holly a glass, which she diluted with water. "Go and sit down."
Flynn was placing the knives and forks on the table with more force than was necessary. He stopped himself when he got to Holly's place, and put her cutlery gently down as Skyler put her apple juice next to it and pushed her into the table.
"Why you grumpy, Finn?" asked Holly.
"Because Mom isn't listening to me."
"Why?"
"I don't know." Flynn went back into the kitchen to help his mother serve the food.
"This is not the time or the place to discuss this," Skyler said in a low voice. "But that money is your beacon of hope for the future. It should not be used throwing good money after bad into the deep dark holes of my mistakes from the past. That's not what it's for. End of story." She grabbed her plate and Holly's and swept over to the table.
Skyler felt that she didn't deserve the money, especially not for something as self-interested as her defence against charges of which she was thoroughly guilty. But more than that, she had a feeling about that money. She smelled a rat. Not right at the start, when her son had received the kind but official letter from Gretchen and Elliott Schwartz on his 18th birthday. Then she just thought it was too good to be true, a joke, or maybe they wanted to give him a far smaller amount of money and had put the decimal point in the wrong place. But it didn't go away, the decimal point wasn't in the wrong place, and there followed meetings with lawyers, the establishment of a trust fund and the presentation of a cheque with seven digits on it. Gretchen and Elliott weren't present for any of that, and Skyler first smelled a rat then, but it was confirmed when Flynn had insisted on buying them a big thank you present and taking it to them personally. The Schwartzes had reluctantly agreed and allowed Flynn, Skyler, Holly and Marie to have the most awkward afternoon tea of all time at their house. They were kind people, Skyler knew that. But kindness was not what she saw in Gretchen Schwartz's eyes - what she saw in Gretchen's eyes was fear. And then she knew. She would never speak of it, but she knew.
Skyler deduced, based on some opinionated statements Flynn had made when he found out she and Walt had paid for Hank's medical treatment, and on the fact that he had hung up the phone on his father when he had called to offer money, that he had no interest in profiting from any ill-gotten gains, especially not from his father, and so she suspected that if he knew where the money was really from he would refuse to take it. She wasn't sure of that, and often wondered whether, when faced with the honest-to-god choice between 9 million dollars and a life of poverty, his principles may fly out the window just as hers had. But she wasn't going to put him to the test, both because she didn't want to destroy what remained of his innocence, and because she really did want him and Holly and Marie to get whatever they could from the money so that she wouldn't have to worry about them anymore. She was actually quite relieved to know that all of Walt's shit hadn't been for nothing, although she hated herself for thinking that. She justified it by reasoning that she should not allow any of the money to be spent on herself. If it could make her family's lives richer and less stressful, that was absolutely wonderful, and they should enjoy that in their innocence and ignorance. But Skyler was not innocent, there was blood all over her hands from this money, and if she allowed herself to knowingly profit from it, she would never forgive herself. It was ok for them to profit from it, because they didn't know. But she knew.