Disclaimer: I don't own the show or characters. All I own is the writing and story.
Author's Note: Yes, I suck. I'm the worst author on here because I've failed terribly to update my multi-chapter stories and I'm so sorry. I have no excuse. Anyway, this is a little Valentine's Day one-shot and it's dedicated to my two cats, because they are what keep me going and who depend on me to work so that they can have a better life with their fancy cat food. But I love my furry babies with all my heart and they deserve only the best. I'd say Happy Valentine's Day but as I am editing this note, it is two years later and the beginning of June so...happy not Valentine's Day!
Warning: Alcoholism and self-harm discussed.
Her Sunshine
The first time they met, Nicky Nichols instantly knew the petite brunette woman was all she needed in her life. The person who always seemed to form a smile on her face. Something she rarely used to do before the pair of them met. That very day changed her life forever. She could never go back to a life without her beloved Lorna Morello in it. That very day the pair of them met changed her life forever. Brought with it a sunshine she never knew she needed. That was exactly what Lorna Morello was - as cliche as it may have sounded - her sunshine.
The rain came down in what seemed like buckets. By the time Nicky finally made it inside the nearest diner, she was dripping wet. Her bush of red hair an even wilder mess than its usual untamed self. The day couldn't get any worse, she thought, as she plopped herself down at an empty table near the window. Watching the rain pour as hard as she craved to pour a bottle of whiskey down her throat that very instant.
"What can I get for ya?"
Such a chirpy, high-pitched, and heavily-accented voice caught Nicky off guard. It was enough to temporarily take her mind off wanting to down a bottle of whiskey. She turned to look at whom the voice belonged to and felt her breath catch in her throat at the angelic waitress that stood before her. Petite and tiny framed, pale, porcelain-like, skin, and thick brown waves of hair. Dark brown orbs that could make anyone weak in the knees. A warm, genuine, smile that could light up the world. Or at least it appeared to light up her own world for the long five seconds she spent silently admiring the young woman's figure.
"Yeah, ya got any whiskey round' here?" She finally questioned once her voice came back to her.
The young brunette waitress smiled sadly and shook her head. "Sorry, no alcohol here. But we do have coffee and real good homemade apple pie-would any a that work for ya?"
The innocence that resided within her accent made it difficult for Nicky to refuse such an offer. Even though her body craved the alcohol, maybe there was a reason she walked in here. A reason she had this angelic being as her waitress. Maybe it was a sign of some sort. "I can settle for coffee and a slice of pie. Does this place, at least, allow a smoke? I need something to calm my nerves."
"No smoking either, sorry. But how about this-I can go put your order in and come back to join you? The diner's usually slow when it's raining so it won't be much trouble. Ya look like ya need someone to talk to. I'll be right back."
Nicky felt her heartbeat jump a little. She usually avoided people like her waitress at all costs. That amount of chirp and optimism was unnerving to her. But something was different with this woman. Something about her seemed comforting, almost like a homey-sensation. She wasn't about to refuse her offer. Hell, maybe she could even get her number. Immediately, she shook her head, this woman wasn't like all the other women she lusted after before. This woman was unique - like a gem buried in the white sand at an abandoned island. She didn't crave sex with her, no, she craved feelings and emotions, affection and security. The thoughts that swam through her mind came as a shock, a puzzling mien sat on her face. She barely met the woman, how could she so suddenly crave all of this? Crave being in this woman's presence as much as possible?
However, only moments later, Nicky was jolted from her thoughts by the very woman taking up space in the seat across from her. She swallowed thickly and sighed. It wasn't like her to have such a hard time forming words to anyone. Hell, she hardly ever cared what came out of her mouth in other people's presence. But other people weren't like the brunette. There was a connection between them that she never imagined to be possible. They only met ten minutes ago, yet, it felt like she knew her all her life. Like she was here sitting with her long-lost best friend or something.
"Having a rough day, are ya?"
That voice. To anyone else that's all it was - a voice. But to her, it was music in her ears. Angelic even. She would pay to listen to this young woman talk all day long. Another troubling thought that she did her best to shake away as she came back to reality. She shrugged, picking up the coffee that was sitting in front of her. "Could say that," she muttered with a sip.
The brunette watched her with those innocent doe eyes of her. That smile never leaving her face. "I mean ya did ask for whiskey. Can't be a good day if you're asking for that kinda alcohol, can it?"
"Touche." Nicky agreed, sipping on her caffeine-feeding cup of straight black coffee. "Do ya sit with all the customers and have a chat with them? That's a good tactic to get them to come back, yeah?"
"Not usually. It just seemed like you needed some company is all."
Nicky couldn't with her. That statement only made her fondness of her strengthen. She sighed, using a hand to brush her bush of red curls out of her eyes. Another reason she hated the rain. Her hair was an even bigger mess than usual. "Ya might be one a the nicest people I've run into in a long while, ya know? Especially down here in the city. Ya sure you're from around here and not really from the south or some shit?"
The brunette smiled brighter, so bright it nearly blinded Nicky for a good few seconds. And then it happened. The sound of angels singing. A small, bubbly, giggle slipped from her throat.
"Don't ya think that's a bit cliche of ya to say? I'm actually from Boston but I've been livin' here the past ten years."
"Ya mean stereotypical, yeah?" Nicky couldn't help but find the young woman's slight misconception endearing.
With another musical giggle, she only shrugged in response and went to retrieve the steaming slice of pie that sat on the counter that separated the dining area from the kitchen. She brought it back to the table and placed in front of the redhead.
"Can I ask your name?"
After cutting a bite-size piece of pie, Nicky looked back over at her and let a genuine smile form on her face. Something that rarely ever happened. "I guess ya can, yeah?" She jokingly stated, a chuckle escaping her as she brought the fork to her mouth. "Nicky. And what's your name? Hmm? Could it be Dolly? Cause' ya look like a doll to me," the comment rushed out of her before she could even process it.
The question immediately turned the young woman's cheeks a bright shade of pink. She covered up her blushing flattery with a laugh of her own. "Funny," she smiled and shook her head. "It's Lorna, actually."
"Lorna? A pretty name for a pretty woman. Well, Lorna, I'll tell ya that having my coffee and pie with you was a much better choice than chugging a bottle of whiskey like I originally planned today. Thank you."
Lorna smiled kindly in response and grabbed the notepad from her apron pocket, jotting a pattern of numbers on it in black ink. She slid it over to Nicky and responded with, "I'm glad I could help. Here's my number if ya ever want a distraction from alcohol. I'm a good listener. Don't be afraid to text or call if ya need to."
That day was heavily imprinted in her brain. She went home a new person that night. Didn't even look twice at her beloved bottle of whiskey. Instead decided to take Lorna up on her offer of texting. Which soon turned into nightly phone calls and weekly outings to local coffee shops and whatnot. Lorna changed her life that very day. Her dark and gloomy path seemed to find a light shining at the end. A bright light that could only be described as sunshine. Lorna was the sunshine. Lorna was her sunshine.
Lorna Morello smiled every morning she awoke next to her beloved Nicky. The very woman who saved her from a destructive path. The woman who made her see the light again. Who helped her to find the will to keep living, to keep thriving. To make better choices, to put herself first for once. Nicky Nichols was the sunshine in a very dark time in her life. And now, she was her sunshine all the time. The person who made life worth living.
That first meeting in the diner was the start of a deep and strong bond between the pair of them. For a while, Lorna kept her own problems a secret, focusing her heart and soul on being there for Nicky. Helping her through the alcohol addiction, being there for her at all hours of the night to stop her from poisoning herself to death by downing a bottle of whiskey. It made her happy to be able to take care of her, to bring some positivity to someone else's life. She could forget about her own issues for once and focus on another person's.
However, the more time the pair of them spent together the more vulnerable she was to having her own problems coming to light. When they officially became a couple and, of course, posted it to social media, all hell broke loose. Lorna's deeply hidden secrets came to taunt her. Her life quickly turned upside down and she had no way of stopping it.
Lorna found herself a paranoid mess for weeks afterwards. Her abusive ex-boyfriend wouldn't stop calling her ever since she changed her relationship status. She suffered anxiety attacks almost daily and could barely find the will to leave her house most days. Too afraid of running into him and facing his wrath once more. She spent most of her time hiding away in her bed, terrified of the man who used to take out all of his frustration on her.
It was a cold and snowy Saturday afternoon when the door to her apartment swung open. The sound had Lorna immediately go into panic mode. She forgot she and Nicky had plans that day. Her mind preoccupied with worry and fear of being stalked by her ex. She instinctively grabbed a knife from the kitchen counter and shakily held in her tremoring hands.
"Whoa, whoa," Nicky's husky voice brought her out of her anxiety-stricken stance. She placed the bags she carried on the table and quickly made her way over to her pale-as-a-ghost girlfriend. Covering her porcelain cheeks in two warm hands. "What's going on, baby? Why are you holding a knife and looking like ya just saw a ghost?"
She opened her mouth but couldn't form any words. Her hands went limp, the knife falling rapidly and, unfortunately, landing right on her foot. But, in her state, she didn't even flinch at the sensation.
"Lorna? Hey, are ya with me?" Nicky searched her face with her big brown eyes, nothing but concern and warmth shinning through them. She tapped her softly on the cheek, trying to break her from the daze she seemed to be in. "Talk to me, kid. Come on. Look at me. Please look at me. What's going on, huh?"
It felt like an eternity passed before Lorna could finally form coherent sentences again. "Uh, I just-there's been a lotta break-ins around here lately and I just got scared. Sorry."
Caressing her fingers lightly along a pale cheek, Nicky tilted her head slightly and pulled Lorna against her. Nuzzling her chin lovingly over the top of her head. "It's okay, doll. I'm here, I'll protect you. How many break-ins take place around here, huh? Ya want me to come stay with you? Would that make ya feel safe?"
Lorna swallowed hard. She bit her lip and shook her head slowly. "It's okay, I'll manage."
"Yeah?" Nicky raised an eyebrow, tightening her hold. "Look how shaken up ya are right now. I think it'd be best if I move in with ya, yeah? You'd feel safer with me, wouldn't ya?"
Such a thought was a dream to Lorna. Living with Nicky was too good to be true. But she couldn't allow it. She couldn't let Nicky live with her and see just how truly messed-up she was. That would ruin everything. She would ruin everything. Just like she did with everything else in her life. "I-I don't wanna trouble ya, hon. I'll be okay."
The comment immediately had Nicky's head shake. She cradled Lorna's head in her hands and brushed a tender kiss against her forehead. "You'd never trouble me, sweet girl. You've done a lot for me, now let me do this for you. Let me take care of you, Lorna. You're shaking, come here. Come have a cuddle with me, yeah?"
Nicky took the brunette lovingly by the hand and helped her into the living room, situating the both of them on the couch. She lay against the cushions, gently bringing Lorna down against her. Her lips pressed lightly atop her head. "I'm gonna stay with ya, okay? This isn't up for negotiation. You're scared, you need me. I'm staying. End of story."
It wasn't long with the pair of them living together before Nicky started to take notice of the changes in her girlfriend. How she seemed to always be in a state of panic. How her body shook almost nonstop. It worried her tremendously to see her in this state. She tried to keep her worries to herself until she caught sight of her when she clearly thought she was alone.
She froze in the doorway of her room, shocked to see such a distressing sight. To see her harming herself like this, it made Nicky wonder how long she'd kept this a secret. How much else Lorna was hiding from her. Once she regained her composure, she hurried inside to stop her from continuing. She plopped down on the floor beside her and engulfed her in her arms.
"You're not okay, are ya?"
Lorna blinked almost emotionlessly up at the older woman. "How much did-did ya see?"
"I saw enough to know that you're hiding things from me," Nicky whispered, her voice breaking with the tears that spilled from her eyes. "How long? How long have ya been doing this? Talk to me. You have to talk to me. I'm not leaving you. You have to talk to me."
The brunette bowed her head. This wasn't supposed to happen. Her problems weren't supposed to be anyone else's. Nicky wasn't supposed to see this. Wasn't supposed to know that all of her cheerfulness and bubbly nature were all only an act. An act to hide the deep-rooted scars that her ex left her with. That her ex still caused her.
"Are, are ya mad?"
Nicky pulled her closer, resting her chin atop her head and shook her head. Tears poured from her eyes. Nothing hurt worse than to see the woman she loved in pain. "No, baby, I'm not mad. I'm not mad at you, sweetie. I'm just-I'm heartbroken to see you do this to yourself. I wanna know why ya do this, how long it's been happening. Please talk to me. I'm here. I love you. You're my baby, Lorna, you don't have to hide anything from me."
"I don't want you to see me like this. I don't want you to know I'm broken. I-I like being the happy, bubbly, Lorna who takes care of you, Nicky. I don't want you to see my pain."
"You're not happy and bubbly, my Lorna," Nicky murmurs, cupping her hands tenderly around her cheeks. Gazing softly into her deeply-pained eyes. "You're broken and ya need to let me fix you. Just like you've fixed me. I want to see your pain; I want to see all parts of you. Because every part of you is beautiful, doll. You're my beautiful, broken, Lorna. And I love you, I love every single part of you. Let me see all of you."
The brunette sniffled, looking away. She hated to let people see her cry. She wanted people to know her as the happy, bubbly, person she was supposed to be. She didn't know how to feel, to let her emotions pour out. For years, she had no choice but to keep them hidden. "My-my ex...he-he fucked me up real bad."
Nicky swallowed hard. Pulling Lorna closer to her, combing her fingers soothingly through her hair. "Shh, take your time. It's okay, baby, I'm right here. Tell me what happened, yeah? What this asshole do?"
"He abused me every day and ever since we broke up...I-I've been abusing myself. I-I was so used to being beaten that I can't function right if I-if I don't hurt myself."
Such a confession had both rage and compassion taking over the older woman's body. She bit her lip to keep her emotions in check. She had to stay calm, the last thing Lorna needed was to feel fear. Nicky sucked in a deep breath and lovingly placed the brunette's head onto her chest. Rocking her soothingly in her arms. "You're safe now, my baby. I'm here now, I'll take care of you and make you feel loved and protected. I'll take care of all your poor bruises. Hold you every time you feel like doing this to yourself. Let's make a deal, yeah doll?" She proposed, cheek nuzzling against the top of Lorna's head.
Nicky waited for Lorna's teary eyes to meet her own. She stroked a hand tenderly around her face. "Any time you feel like abusing yourself, I want you to come to me and let me cuddle you. I don't care what time it is or what I'm doing, if you come find me and tell me you wanna abuse your body, I'll stop everything and cuddle you. You don't even have to say anything, just crawl in my arms baby. You know I'll hold you. You're my sunshine, Lorna, and I wanna be yours. Let's both be the light in our own dark storms."
That day made Lorna Morello realize that the best gift she could ever receive was meeting Nicky Nichols. Falling in love with a woman who always showed her what the true meaning of love actually was. The woman who made her love life again, who helped her to regain her optimistic and cheery nature. The woman who made her whole. Nicky Nichols was her sunshine. And the best part of Valentine's Day was spending it with her sunshine. No materialistic gift could ever come close to the power of their love and strength together.