The plan to get Holly used to being taken care of by Marie was working very well. It made sense to do it whenever Skyler was at work, which was still very often despite Flynn's repeated offers to support her with the money he had been given.

A few weeks into her even lonelier life of working day and night to pay rent and bills on a place her kids were now hardly ever at, and which seemed to give her more damage than solace when she was there alone, Skyler did consider giving into this. She knew she was going to prison to be punished, and that it was therefore not strictly necessary for her to punish herself in advance in her own prison. She wanted to spend as much time as she could with her children before she couldn't anymore, and if it had been in their interests for her to do that, she would have abandoned her principles and let Flynn spend the money on her.

But it wasn't in their interests. They needed to get used to being without her. So did Marie. Skyler was watching her carefully, trying to make sure she knew what she was doing with Holly and was coping, and she was. Skyler had the thought many times that Marie was a better mother than her. For one thing, she could smile and laugh with the child, which Skyler had not been able to do for a long time. Holly and Marie had fun together. Marie made suggestions and encouraged her to try new things, something which was beyond Skyler now. She used to have an active and inquisitive mind, but it seemed to have been gummed up. She didn't have the energy or brain power to think of new things for her child. Most of the time, she had trouble just keeping up with her.

For these and many other reasons, it was better for Holly to spend as much time as possible with Marie, and for Skyler to stay away.

She was used to it with Flynn. He had been pulling away from her for years now, which was normal and healthy for a young man his age. It hurt now, and had hurt many times in the past, but she knew it was the best thing for him and she'd learned to suppress her own feelings. But why was it so much harder with Holly?

Skyler sighed as she emerged from Central Taxis and lit a cigarette. It had been a long day. In the morning she had had a meeting with Kim which, rather than calm her nerves about the potential outcome of her upcoming trial, always seemed to freak her out even more. Then she had been supposed to do a short a day shift at work, but two people had phoned in sick for the later shift, which meant that Skyler was asked to stay on, fortunately not all night but long enough for her not to be able to get to Marie's until well after Holly was asleep.

"Sorry," she said weakly when Marie answered the door.

"You know you don't have to do that job anymore, right? Since you have a millionaire son who's willing to support you?"

"Well I still have to pay rent and bills and, you know, eat."

"Yeah, that's what Flynn said he's willing to cover."

Skyler didn't reply, walking to Holly's bedroom door and going inside. Marie went to the living room bar and grabbed a bottle of wine and two glasses, taking them over to the coffee table, where she poured herself a glass and sat down in an armchair.

Skyler reappeared some minutes later looking very subdued. She sank onto the sofa and accepted the glass of wine her sister offered. "Thank you. Was she ok today?"

"Yeah. She missed you at dinner, though."

"I missed her at dinner."

"Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, I grabbed a salad roll from a 7-Eleven."

"Would you like something more substantial?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you, though."

"Alright. Returning to our previous conversation."

"No, don't."

"The job is eating into your time too much. I mean, I don't wanna freak you out, but it's only four weeks until -"

"Yeah, I know. But it's Flynn's money, not mine."

"He has more than enough for himself, and Gretchen and Elliott said that it was to be used for his family too."

"Well are you gonna stop working?"

"No, but my job is only in business hours and will be ongoing for years; I don't see how whatever you can earn in only four weeks at what do you make, $8 an hour? can make any impact at all."

"$8.50."

"You need to pack up the house anyway - you're all moving out of it. It's not like he'd be paying ongoing rent for you, it's temporary."

"The money is not for me."

"It's not about that, it's about your time. We're… gonna lose you for quite some time, and we would like to spend some time with you before you... go."

"I'm sorry - it's a burden on you, I know."

"No! I love the kids, I'm just saying we, all three of us, would like to spend some time with you, and we're sick of witnessing you working your hands to the bone unnecessarily! And Holly needs to be around you while she still can, so that -"

"I thought we were trying to wean her off me and onto you."

Marie's eyebrows rose and she paused. "Ok, well that is a bizarre term to use to describe it, but yes, we are, but it's supposed to be gradual."

"It is gradual - we did one night a week, then two, now it's three -"

"It's not based on any schedule at the moment, it's based on your work!"

Skyler's heartbeat quickened. "Is she ok?"

"Yes."

"Did something happen today?"

"No no, I'm not saying that -"

"Has she been upset?"

"No - she kept asking when you were going to come, but not excessively, not an upset way."

"I just thought that... well based on what Dr Jensen was saying, if we can gradually get her used to me not being around, it'll be a lot easier on her when…"

"When you go to prison. You can say the words, it's a lot better for you mentally if you don't dodge around things and hide from them; that just makes them worse - you don't know this because you haven't had therapy, but I have and I know that running away from things increases their power over you, but talking about them openly decreases it."

Skyler swallowed. "Do you think she's ok? Is the process working?"

"Yes, yes, that's not why I brought it up! It's just... you shouldn't disappear completely."

"I'm going to."

"I know, but before that we should make some nice memories together!"

"Is she alright? Did she cry today?"

"No, she's fine, that's not why I brought it up. She was disappointed you didn't come to dinner. So was I."

"I'm sorry."

"I just think that given that money is not an issue anymore, there are better things you could be doing with your time right now. You could be working on your case - didn't your new lawyer say there was a bunch of research that had to be done? And you need to pack up your house. And spend some time with your family before you lose the ability to."

"Mommy?"

Both women jumped and turned to see Holly standing at the edge of the sofa holding a teddy bear. "Are you back, Mommy?" She climbed onto the sofa and crawled over to Skyler, who took her onto her lap.

"Yeah. I'm sorry I'm late, darling," she said, stroking the child's face. "Why aren't you asleep?"

"I looking for you. Can I have a cuddle?"

"Of course you can." Skyler leaned back. Holly snuggled into her chest and promptly fell asleep again.

"She asleep?" asked Marie.

"Yeah." Skyler held her close and looked at her, a look of deep concern on her face.

"She's fine. I didn't mean it like that. Hey, you wanna start planning the..." Marie's volume fell. "...birthday party?"

Skyler leaned her head back on the sofa, emitting a small cry.

"Jenny at work was telling me there's a company that will come to your house and host parties in whatever theme you want, and they have actors working for them who do characters, so like you can have fairies or wizards or animals, or... So I was thinking we could give Holly a list - discreetly, you know - of all the ones that they do and just ask her which one of those she would like the best. I think she would really like fairies, but she's interested in so many different things, it's hard to tell. What do you think?"

Skyler shrugged. "I'm probably not gonna be here. So yeah, you should do something really good, give her a treat. Take her mind off it."

"You'll be here."

"It's a week after the trial starts."

"It'll take longer than that. You'll still be here."

"A lot of trials take less time than that."

"Less complicated ones."

"Anyway yes, I agree, Holly should have a very special third birthday."

"Alright, you want me to look into it?"

"Sure. Thank you."

"Ok. And can you please think about what I said about work? Are you working tomorrow?"

Skyler shook her head.

"You're not?"

"No."

"Well take the kids and do something fun. You can go to the aquarium! Or the zoo, or Cliff's - that's fun. Ask Flynn and Holly what they wanna do."

"Flynn's probably busy."

"Flynn will clear his calendar for family stuff."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I don't wanna make him do that, though. He's 18, he should be out having a good time with his friends. And he does, and that's fine. I don't wanna intrude on that."

"He's been here four days this week."

...

"It wasn't like that! I really loved my dad, bu-but he betrayed my whole family and caused…so much pain to us and to-to so many other people – I can't forgive him for that, h-he was an asshole!"

"What about your mom?"

"Wh-what do you mean?"

"Did she lie to your family? Did she hide things from you?"

"Yes, but…"

"But…"

"I…Mom…."

"This is where you jump in and defend her," said Kim, pacing around the motel room. "The prosecutor won't give you much time to talk – not on that topic, anyway – you need to be ready to go, jump right in there."

"Well, Mom was j-just trying to protect us - I mean yes she hid things from us, but it was…because she thought we would g-get hurt more if she revealed them."

"Hurt in what way?"

"Well when Dad got found out, th-the government took our house and all our money - I mean, th-that was-"

"You don't wanna focus on that: the money was illegitimate."

"The house wasn't!"

"Dad used his illegitimate money to pay the mortgage on the house without Mom knowing about it, and when she found out she realised that if Dad was caught, she I and my sister would become homeless because the house would be seized. Make your dad the subject of the sentence because he's the one who did it - not your mom, and not the government - we can't criticise the government for taking the house because that's the law, and the court upholds the law."

"Y-yeah, I can see that sounded bad."

"That's ok, we've still got plenty of time to practise. Another point," Kim raised a finger, "is that in any situation where there is more to tell, where you have more to say, do not start your sentence with a yes or a no. Just before I asked you, 'Did your mom lie to your family and did she hide things from you?' The answer is yes, right?"

"Yeah."

"Yes it is, but when you said yes, I immediately cut you off, because you'd already answered my question and that means it's ok for me to move on and ask you another question. That's how questioning works, especially in a courtroom, and from what I've heard about the prosecutor we've got, he is known for cutting people off. If he gets a yes or a no out of you he'll consider that question done, and move straight on to the next one. So if he asks you, 'Did your mom lie to your family?', what do you say?"

"Sh-she was trying to protect us."

Kim smiled. "That's right. And he may press you further – I'm not saying evade the questions and I'm not saying never give yes or no answers – sometimes there's nothing to say other than yes or no. But 'Did your mom lie?' is a question that's designed to make her look bad. You need to counteract that by jumping straight in with the reason she lied – if you think it is a good reason."

"I-I do; and it wasn't just the money, there-there were lots of really scary people that Dad was working with; th-they were criminals, and if you go to tell…the Police about criminals, they could just kill you."

"Yes. That's a very good point to emphasise – that's a really central one. So we'll go through everything a few more times until you've worked it down to some key concise points you can make that explain things clearly, and you can practise saying them in your own time and you can ask me for help anytime. They probably won't ask you about all of them, but it's better to be prepared."

"Y-yeah."

"Alright. How do you feel?"

"L-like there's a lot to be done, but…I'll do it."

Kim nodded. "You will." She smiled. "How do you feel about going through my questions?"

"Wh-what about?"

"Well the points you just made about the criminal threat and your mom protecting you and stuff, I'm not gonna be asking you about that because I'll be asking her about it, but it's really important that you know about it and you have all those points prepared to say in case the Prosecution asks you about it."

"Right."

"I'm gonna be focussing on what you were directly witness to, which was the events of March 13th 2010 and your parents' relationship with each other, how they were around each other, and also what your mom is like as a person and what your dad was like as a person – like we talked about when we met up the first time."

Flynn nodded. "Ok."

"Do you wanna practise some questions about that?"

"Sure."

"Ok. Let's go."

...

Skyler read Holly a bedtime story, like she did every night and had taught Marie to do, too. As she read, she ran her finger beneath the words, which a parenting book had told her is good preparation for teaching children to read.

She closed the book and stroked Holly's hair. "Time to go to sleep now," she said softly.

Holly looked at her mother with wide eyes and said, "Why are you so busy now, Mommy?"

"Busy?"

"Yeah. You don't spend much time with me now."

Skyler took a breath, and looked at Holly's little face. "I'm sorry," she said.

"Why?"

"It's not that I don't want to. If I could choose, if it was up to me, I would be with you all the time. You're my favourite person to be with." She stroked the child's cheek.

"You're my favourite person too."

Tears appeared in Skyler's eyes, and Holly saw them.

"Why are you always sad?"

"Because some very sad things happened when you were a baby. Not your fault. Nothing to do with you. But they still make me sad, and they're also the reason why I have to be busy all the time."

"Was it when Uncle Hank died?"

Skyler's heart skipped a beat. She'd never heard Holly says those words before. "Did Aunt Marie tell you about that?"

"No, Finn."

"Oh."

"Aunt Marie said it makes her sad too. But she's not as sad as you."

"That's true." Skyler nodded. "Yes, I am sad because Uncle Hank died. But that wasn't the only thing that happened. A lot of sad things happened, and I think about them a lot. And that makes me sad."

"Don't think about them."

Skyler shrugged. "I wish I could stop but I can't."

"You're such a nice lady, Mommy, you shouldn't be sad."

Skyler smiled with her mouth but not her eyes. Then she leaned closer and began to stroke Holly's hair. "Let me tell you something really important. You need to make sure that you always remember it. It's really really important." Skyler paused just long enough to swallow her tears. She looked away, and then she looked back. "Holly, I love you so much. I think you are the most wonderful girl who ever lived. And everything I do is for you and your brother; you are the two most important people in the world to me. I think about you all the time and I love you so much. But sometimes the things that I have to do take me away from you. That's why I'm busy now, and it's why in a little while I'm gonna have to go away for a while. It's not your fault. If I had any choice I wouldn't do it. If I had any choice, I would stay with you always."

"Why?"

"There are always some things you don't have a choice about. Like how you don't have a choice about brushing your teeth or having a bath. You have to do them even if you don't want to. Or like how Flynn has to walk with crutches. He doesn't have a choice."

"What if he didn't?"

"He'd fall over. He wouldn't be able to walk. There are some things that we just don't have a choice about. And unfortunately, one of those things keeps me away from you. But I promise you it won't be forever and it doesn't mean I love you any less. And when I am away from you, I am thinking about you and missing you all the time. All the time."

"I think about you too. When you're not here."

"Oh, don't. Don't do that. You just enjoy being with Aunt Marie or Flynn or your friends. Just have fun. You don't need to think about me. Don't do that."

"Why?"

"Because that's not how it works. Mommies think about their children, but children don't need to think about their mommies. Especially not if their mommy's not there. You will be just fine without me. Time to go sleep now, ok?" Skyler leaned forward and kissed Holly's forehead.

"I don't want you to go away."

"I'll stay until you fall asleep. Shhh now." Skyler stroked Holly's hair and began to sing.

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word,
Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird.

And if that mockingbird don't sing,
Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring.

And if that diamond ring turns brass,
Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass.

So hush little baby don't you cry, Aunt Marie loves you and so do I."

Skyler sang a few more verses until she was certain Holly was asleep. Then she sat and gazed at her tiny sleeping face for a long time.

She was almost asleep herself when she heard a key turn in the lock downstairs. Standing up and rubbing her sore neck, she padded downstairs to meet Flynn.

"Hey Mom," he said, giving her a hug.

"Hi, honey. You want something to eat?"

"No thanks. I've been at Pizza Hut with L-Louis and Bianca and we ate… a lot."

"Ok. Soda then?"

"Sure, ok."

Skyler poured Flynn a soda and herself a glass of cheap wine, something her budget allowed her to have now that she was spending less on food for the children. She handed him his glass and sank onto the sofa next to him.

"You're not gonna offer me s-some wine?"

"No, you're 18." Skyler sighed and leaned back, looking straight ahead.

"L-listen, I've been meaning to... tell you something. Y-you won't like it, but it's for your own good, so."

Skyler turned to look at him.

"I've been m-meeting with your lawyer. She said the only reason she h-hadn't asked to meet… me before now was sh-she thought I was 17. But because I'm 18 I can decide myself what I do. So I'm gonna be a… defence witness for you."

Skyler closed her eyes.

"She was really grateful that I ph-phoned her because she said what I have to say is really… important and it's s-specifically connected with what she's building her entire case around. Sh-she said it could make the difference between a guilty or not guilty verdict. It's r-really important."

"I am guilty, Flynn."

"No you're not, y-you only did it cos Dad made you."

Skyler opened her mouth, wanting to say, 'He didn't make me,' but then she heard Holly saying, 'I don't want you to go away,' and she fell silent.

"Anyway, I'm 18 so it's my choice. So th-that's that."

"Did she explain to you what it will be like? You'll have to stand in front of lots of people you don't know, in a really scary, high-stress kind of place, and talk about the most horrible thing that ever happened to you. And even if you're ok with being asked about it by Kim, after that you'll be cross examined by the Prosecution lawyer, and they will do everything they can to make you become upset and contradict yourself."

"I won't."

"They will question every single thing about what you say. They'll act like you're a liar."

"I-I'll just tell the truth."

"About the most harrowing thing you ever witnessed? That's not fun to talk about, that stuff, but to be questioned on it, to be contradicted - yes, it is a key piece of evidence, and the Prosecution knows that, they will do everything they can to-"

"Y-you know what, Mom? Y-you may have let your principles slide to hell, but I haven't. When I was gr-growing up, I was taught, by my parents, that I should… always do the right thing, n-no matter what. That doing the right thing is an end in itself and I sh-shouldn't see any reward or be… scared of any consequence of doing the right thing."

"What makes you think this is the right thing?"

"Because it'll stop you rotting in prison for nine years!"

"Your Uncle Hank and Agent Gomez and a 14-year-old boy in Whitehorse and an 11-year-old boy downtown, and a mother in Houston -"

"Died because of Dad. Because of Dad. Not you."

"I don't understand why you treat me differently to him."

"Because you are different! N-none of it was your idea, you didn't want it – y-you didn't stop it, sure. Your crime was that you didn't stop it. Blaming you… f-for that is victim blaming. And I don't think you could have… stopped it anyway, because Dad was an asshole who never l-listened to anyone, least of all you. You don't believe me when I say anything about it be-because you think I don't know anything. And if it was up to you, I wouldn't, but I do - I read the news, I talk to Aunt Marie, I talk to Kim W-Wexler, and in the trial I'll probably find out… some things that I didn't know, b-but that doesn't phase me because -"

"No no no, you're not going to the trial."

"I've just said. I'm 18. Your lawyer wants to call me. Y-you don't get a choice."

"If you wanna do that, fine. But you are not sitting in the public gallery for any other part of it. You come in, say your bit and you go."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to watch it."

"It affects me, it's my… business, it's my decision."

"No it's not, it's my business! I don't want you to know everything about me! Do you want me to know everything about you? Like where you go when you're out all night? Are you getting drunk? Are you having sex? Do you want me to know that? I don't ask you. I respect your privacy. Please respect mine."

"Th-that's not the same thing at all."

Skyler drained her glass of wine and got up to pour another one. "What's the worst thing you've ever done?"

"What?"

"Would you tell me, your mother? Of course you wouldn't. Would it make me think less of you? If I knew?"

"Do you mean morally or l-legally?"

Skyler shrugged, spilling a little wine on her lap as she sat back down. "Either, I don't know, it's a rhetorical question so it doesn't matter. My point is -"

"L-legally the worst thing I have done is drink underage, and one time I dr-drove my car after doing it. And I've witnessed drug use but not… partaken in it, but I didn't go and turn them into the cops, s-so that's illegal too, isn't it."

Skyler scrunched up her eyes and fell forward, her heart pounding. She leaned back again, opened her eyes and looked at him. "I didn't wanna know that, honey. That does change the way I think about you."

"I don't do drugs, Mom. For obvious reasons, f-funnily enough."

"Drinking and driving? Now I'll have nightmares about you dying in a car crash!"

"Well why did you ask me, then?"

"It was rhetorical question! My point was I do not want to know those things about you and I don't want you to know those things about me!"

"You don't wanna know because y-you wanna turn a blind eye again. How is that helpful? Responsible, r-respectful adults talk about things honestly. I don't care if you get mad at me about it, I don't e-even care if you wanna parent me about it, if you wanna s-sit me down and say, 'Hey Junior, drinking and driving is a r-really bad idea because it's dangerous, s-so how about next time you arrange to stay the night.' Well don't worry, Mom, I… didn't enjoy the experience because I th-thought it was kinda scary actually, so I'm not planning on doing it… again, and I have stayed overnight e-every time I was drinking since then. That's why I've been away all night. And the only reason I didn't… tell you that before now is y-you didn't ask me. If you ask me, I will be… open and… honest with you. You, on the other hand, do e-everything you can to not answer my questions and to fr-freeze me out of your life!"

"I'm not…" Skyler looked away, and then back again. "That's not what I'm doing. I just… I can't handle you being there."

"I have a right to know what happened to my family! If you don't let me… watch the trial I'll see it all i-in the newspapers and on the… internet anyway, s-so I don't see why you're making a big deal -"

"That's not the same thing. Reading something in a newspaper is not the same as hearing a witness recount it in distressing detail -"

"Oh, of course. The real reason comes out. You wanna prevent me from kn-knowing anything ever because y-you wanna protect me from the evil truth."

"I can't handle you being there."

"What does that mean?"

"It'll make you think less of me."

"D-do you think less of me now you know I get drunk every other night? Y-you're doing exactly the same thing right now!"

"Enough!" Skyler's volume rose, and she pointed a finger in his face. "I can give you exactly two choices on this. One, you disrespect my wishes and sit in the public gallery for the whole trial and you do not give evidence."

"What?"

"Or you stay away from the public gallery but you do give evidence. Kim Wexler works for me, not you, I can stop her calling you. Those are my terms. Take it or leave it."

"Why would you s-stop her calling me when it's in your interest to -"

"Take it or leave it."

"You're being ridiculous! Is Aunt Marie allowed to listen to it?"

"I can't deny Marie anything and I'm sure she'll tell you all about it, so I don't know why you're worrying!"

"If that's the case then w-what's the point in -"

"This discussion is over." Skyler stood and walked to the kitchen, where she poured herself another glass of wine.

"Oh great, n-now you're gonna keep drinking!"

Skyler turned and looked Flynn defiantly in the eye.

"Y-you know what?" Flynn stood. "If you wanna destroy your own life, th-that's up to you. I'm done with it. I don't know w-why I thought I could convince you to take a… reasonable view on anything!" He turned and stormed out the door.