"Is it true?" Luke couldn't help asking the question that had plagued his mind ever since the dinner with Noah's friends.
"What?"
"Did you almost die while driving a stunt car?"
Noah looked surprised. "Who told you that?"
"Sarah Ashford. . . at the big dinner our first night here."
Noah nodded. "Yes, it's true."
"And you stopped. . . You stopped doing stunts in your films after the accident. Did the wreck make you stop?"
Noah waited while their server topped up their wine glasses before answering. "You'd think it would, but no." His voice was quiet, deep and sure. The rose candlelight cut into the restaurant walls, lining his dark head in gold. "My take on it is I don't have any dependents. If I killed myself in a stunt at least I'd leave the world doing something I loved."
Luke almost chocked on his mouthful of wine, somewhat stunned by Noah's matter-of-factness.
"That's a terrible thing to say."
Noah shrugged.
"Sarah says you've been talking about taking up stunt driving again?" Luke pushed, worry evident in his voice.
"I'm not planning on careening out of control again, Luke."
"No, but-" Luke broke off helplessly, wondering if Noah actually knew how empty he made his life sound. "What about me?" The moment the phrase passed his lips, Luke couldn't believe he'd been so tactless.
Noah said nothing, choosing instead to start cutting into his steak.
"What I mean to say is, if anything happened to you, I'd be heartbroken." He gave Noah a small smile to lighten the impact.
Noah reached for his glass of ice water. "I'll keep that in mind."
Luke felt the urge to rub the spot in his chest that had gone suddenly cold. "So why then? Why did you stop, if not for the accident? Something must have made you quit."
Noah put down his glass, eyes lowered as though he were considering how much to say. He glanced up and stared deeply into Luke's eyes, weighing things up. Then he sighed. "I was in love once."
Luke drew a sharp breath but remained silent; not wanting to give Noah a reason to stop talking.
"He was closeted. Married. Things got... messed up for him. He broke if off with me. Two years later, I walked into a hospital room in Sydney and I barely recognized him. He'd become an alcoholic, just like my old man. He let his business slide, lost his wife, gambled away his life." Noah continued to meet Luke's eyes. "His ex-wife was there. She blamed me and I blamed myself. So I left LA. I moved to Sydney to live with him for a year. Got his business back on its feet, went every day to AA meetings with him and made sure he was okay. I owed that to him. But he hates me."
"Why?"
"The talent and the luck. He was jealous of me - my confidence, my success. The joke is he's the one who broke my heart. I would have given it all up for him. And luck had nothing to do with it. I worked hard all my life to get where I am. That's what I do. I work. I went back to LA and worked even harder. I wanted to prove to him that it was more than luck. I wanted to show him... and my father, too."
Luke swallowed a heavy stone in his throat.
Noah's expression turned grim. "It should have been enough for me, but it wasn't. I love doing the stunts. And now I don't have anything to prove anymore. To the old man, to Brendan, even to myself. I just want to drive again."
Luke was quiet for several moments. "So," he finally said. "This isn't just about a new studio? This is a comeback for you, too?"
Noah placed his hands palm down on the table, giving Luke a wry smile. "Have I ever told you, you have a world-class ass, Mr. Snyder?"
"Several times," Luke replied dryly, wiping away a tear in the corner of his eye, then offering up his most beguiling smile. Even though Noah was putting an end to the conversation, Luke felt he deserved one. He had just let Luke into a large portion of his soul. "I think you should take me home and I'll show it to you..."
Noah pushed back his chair, raised his hand for the check...
...
Luke lay with his head on Noah's chest, his mind full of the story Noah had told him at dinner. He knew it was selfish. But he couldn't help but wish Noah wouldn't stage this comeback. It was going to have repercussions on their fledgling relationship.
"Why now, Noah?"
"Why drive now?" Noah's voice was heavy, relaxed. "Like I told you. I love it."
"But why now in particular?" Luke pursued.
"I don't know," he yawned. "At the risk of sounding New Agey, I've been feeling a lack in my life and I know driving stunts will fill that."
"What sort of lack?"
Noah chuckled. "Not the sort you're imagining, Luke."
A little frustrated, Luke lifted his chin. "You don't know what I'm thinking."
"Yeah..." Noah's smile was lazy.
"You're confident you do know, aren't you?"
Noah gave him that very male look Luke was already familiar with. It was a redundant question. Noah was confident about everything.
Luke sat up. "During the early months of my rehabilitation, the one thing that got me out of bed was the desire to get back in the saddle. It was only when I realized I couldn't go back to competitive riding that I found the emptiness resided not in the fulfillment of a dream but in the absence of anything else in my life."
There was a long silence.
"So what's in your life now?" Noah asked, his voice deceptively lazy. But Luke knew Noah well enough to catch the watchfulness in those blue eyes viewing him from beneath heavy lids.
You.
The rush of feeling overwhelmed Luke. He wanted to be enough for Noah. Luke wanted to fill that space Noah felt driving stunts would.
Luke was determined to make Noah to realize what an extraordinary man he was; and, for once, stop pushing himself so hard.
Indeed, Luke wanted a great deal he probably couldn't have.
"I have my work," Luke said diffidently.
"Yeah, the charity, right?"
"No, the horses..." he began with a little frown.
"You have horses?"
"Yes... I mean... no. Not mine, but..."
"So you still ride?" Noah pulled back to look at Luke.
"Whenever I can at this place where I give lessons. It's just outside the city." Luke hesitated, then went on the offensive. "So what are you lacking in your life, Noah?"
"Me?" He seemed amused. "I'm just easily bored."
"I'll have to come up with some ways of keeping you from being bored then," Luke said softly, and slid forward over him. Their eyes met and all that banked up heat made the blood pool in Luke's lower regions. "I've got a few ideas."
Luke knew how to make a man want him; trip over his feet to get him. But it had never been about that with Noah. From the moment Noah had put his hand on Luke outside the hotel; telling Luke he'd handle the traffic cop; Luke had been off-center with Noah. Luke had always looked after himself, knowing all too well how unreliable men could be. He had given Noah access to the vulnerable part of his heart and made Noah his lover, and right now, he knew there should be more.
For the first time in his life, Luke wanted more.
"I take it the stunt driving comeback is supposed to be all hush-hush like the new studio?"
Noah cupped Luke's backside. "I think I'm safe."
Luke kissed him. Noah was telling Luke he trusted him; that he accepted Luke's right to know; and Luke had his respect.
"Besides," Noah said complacently as Luke kissed his way down the long body, his bare bottom resting back on Noah's thighs. "We're staging a well-timed leak Monday. By Wednesday, the media will be all over it."
Luke felt as if Noah had yanked a rug out from under him.
His head came up. Noah wasn't saying he trusted Luke at all! He was just saying the timing made it irrelevant. Luke tried to ignore the crumpling in his chest.
"What's happening Wednesday?" he asked, feeling a little sidelined.
"A press conference," he replied calmly, stroking Luke's thighs, "and then lock-down."
"What's lock-down?"
"Training."
"And then what?"
"We work the circuit, hitting the well-placed entertainment outlets; and granting interviews with who's who among the industry top columnists and reporters around the world."
"A lot of travel?"
"For the next year."
Noah sat up, and Luke let out a gasp as he was flipped onto his belly while Noah began placing hot kisses down his spine, over the rounded curves of his bottom.
"Perhaps I can fly in?" A somewhat stunned Luke suggested.
"I'd enjoy that," Noah replied, tracing one quivering buttock.
"Would you?" Luke said a little sharply.
Noah put his mouth to Luke's ear. "Your visits would be most welcomed..."
Luke waited for Noah to ask him to go with him.
But the invite never came.
Noah took the front steps three at a time, coming out of the darkness into the bright light spilling down the front of the bungalow. He was impatient to get back to Luke.
This afternoon they'd driven back to the bungalow around dusk. Noah had never felt less like a going out with his friends. But he knew he'd been fairly difficult to pin down, given he was spending all his time with Luke. There were ends to tie up and other people involved in this. He had responsibilities.
"Two hours, tops," he'd told Luke, "and then I'll take you out to dinner."
Luke had smiled softly, a little sad, Noah knew, because of what he had share with Luke last night. Noah had his reasons, and it had not been easy. But Luke needed to understand that work came first.
He found the bungalow empty and for a strange moment his insides hollowed out.
Luke was gone...
This was how it would feel next week, and the week after that, and after that...
Noah made a frustrated sound, slamming the door shut.. He was behaving like a stupid kid. There was no reason why he couldn't keep seeing Luke on a casual basis. A few nights here and there when he was in town, perhaps flying Luke out when he was working. Noah was capable of cleaning this up, keeping everything locked down... neat...
He noticed the wide opened glass doors leading out to the deck. He relaxed. This at least was familiar. Luke was outside - probably on the beach.
He then spotted it - a piece of white paper weighted under a rock at the top of the steps leading down to the beach. There was another one on the bottom step. He hesitated, then smiled to himself.
He had found four paper signals before he caught sight of Luke on the shore. The blonde stood at the edge of the clearing. He was clearly waiting for Noah, because the moment he saw the tall brunette he removed the robe he wore.
Noah stopped dead.
Luke was wearing the leather thong the boutique had interpreted as adequate. Adequate, Noah smiled, only on an exclusive, private beach like this one!
A sudden surge of instinct had Noah doing a quick scan of their surroundings, aware his might not be the only pair of eyes treated to this little show. There was nothing but the private beach, the rustle of the wind in the palms and tropical undergrowth - the murmur of waves lapping against the shore..
Luke was peeling off the thong, utterly unselfconscious. Noah watched as Luke lifted his arms above his head, moving with a lithe grace as he stretched sinuously, seeming to be enjoying the warm breeze moving over his skin. There was a full moon and, at this angle, Luke looked to be reaching for it with both hands.
Noah swore his heart stopped. He knew Luke's body - he'd explored every inch of his firm, tanned flesh - but in this moment, Noah almost didn't recognize him. This was different. He saw something more - the instinctive sensuality that was a part of Luke, his incredible naturalness and his acceptance not only of his body but of the cards life had dealt him.
Why didn't I see this before?
But Noah knew the answer - he'd been blind.
His desire for Luke was suddenly a living flame inside him. He strode down the beach to meet him. But as soon as he was close enough to touch, Luke laughed and took off running toward the water.
Noah didn't hesitate. He quickly stripped off his shoes, shirt, trousers, boxers and strode down to recklessly plunge into the cool ocean. The water was inky, but the moonlight cast enough light for him to see Luke, still now, as gentle waves broke over his hips.
Luke laughed as Noah caught him around the waist, dragged him down into the water.
A wave smacked against Noah's back and he caught Luke's mouth with his and tasted salt and man. His man. Luke.
Luke licked his way into Noah's mouth, winding those strong arms around Noah's neck, his slick body rising against Noah's in the water. Luke's legs wound around his, and he lifted Luke, their erections riding against one another.
Luke's body was hot and welcoming, and Noah was surprised the water around them didn't sizzle with the heat generating between them.
Luke was like a pagan god, initiating Noah into this rite, uninhibited and demanding as a great god should be, taking and offering in equal measure.
Noah rode deep into Luke's body; which Luke had made ready for him. The sway of the tide pulled them this way and that, making achieving a rhythm nearly impossible. Yet the ocean held their bodies up and Noah's climax eventually pulled him into a vortex of perfect symmetry with Luke; whose own body pulsed in response.
They helped each other out of the water, wrapping up in towels and returning inside. Luke was shivering and laughing as Noah dumped them both under a warm cascading shower spray. Noah washed Luke's hair and then rubbed some of the lemon-scented liquid into his own.
Luke leaned against him as Noah rinsed him off, and Noah was struck all over again by how beautiful Luke was. That feeling of possession he'd been nurturing this week roared into life. He didn't want to let Luke go.
It was never supposed to be more than a few days at a time - a last indulgence before the weeks of intensive interviews that lay ahead. He couldn't have known Luke would get under his skin. Men came and went. Yet as he tumbled into bed with Luke he knew part of Luke would always stay with him.
His chest tightened. But he knew he would get past this. He had life lessons to draw on in how to master his own emotions and make them serve him. Painful lessons, learned by a small boy too young to really understand what was happening in his life, always looking for someone to cling to; and always being punished for it.
A seemingly endless cycle of confusion.
There was nothing confusing about the life he had grown up to lead. Everything was compartmentalized, like a well-ordered military unit...
Everything had its place.
Including this.
Including Luke.
Tomorrow he would be flying back to LA and go straight into the press conference, as a producer and a stuntman, and then training. He wasn't ready. He had been doing too much thinking about this beguiling man in his arms and not enough time on preparing and taking that next career step.
The irony was, if he was given another week. he'd still spend it all with Luke.
But he'd once put a man before the job and he didn't plan to make that mistake again.
Like his father, Noah knew how to be ruthless and achieve his ends.
...
Luke was dreaming of walking down a long corridor. There were doors on either side of him, stretching as far as Luke could see. As he passed, they would open.
There was Luke's mother, much younger - as Luke remembered her in his earliest years - holding out a boy doll that looked remarkably like Luke had as a child.
Another door opened on Damian as Luke had last seen him - rigid in his suit, his back to Luke. In one hand he held a miniature of the house in LA.
The door hiding Holden opened next. The man smiled at Luke. That look of pride Luke strived to maintain.
Finally, there was Grandmother, holding out fistfuls of cash.
Luke could feel the constriction growing in his body. He was moving faster. Hands were coming out to snatch at his clothes, his ankles, demanding things of him until he thought he'd go crazy.
Then he heard a deep, distinctive voice saying his name. "Luke."
Luke stopped - stepped into warm arms and the walls of his dream fell away. He was held poised in midair in the strongest pair of arms imaginable.
"Noah." He clung to him and knew he was home, forever safe.
Noah wouldn't let go...which meant Luke could...
Luke gasped, coming awake in a bath of perspiration. Noah was leaning over him in the dark. He gently stroked the hair back from Luke's eyes.
"It was just a bad dream." His voice was deep and sleep roughened. " Go back to sleep."
"Yes," Luke murmured croakily, and closed his eyes.
For a long while he lay awake, with Noah's arm pinning him down. He felt a little twist in his heart. It could have been because of the dream, more likely the prospect of returning to LA in a few hours .
It wasn't the house or the debts that filled Luke's horizon, it was the man laying beside him. A man, who appeared not to be sleeping either although his chest rose and fell steadily.
Luke burrowed in a little deeper against his lover's body.
I've fallen in love with you.
He framed the statement in his mind and waited to feel the panic is should have opened up inside of him.
All those fears of dependency, of being left behind, of not being loved back.
None came.
He curved his body trustingly into Noah's and closed his eyes.