"Heyyyyy, honey!" said Nathan, stepping into the arrivals hall and giving Kim a big warm hug.
"Ohhh," said Kim, sinking into it. "You are so good at hugs."
"What about kisses? Am I good at kisses?" He pulled back and gave her one.
"Yeah, you're not bad at those either." She smiled. "Thanks for coming."
"Sure. I wanna see your old stomping ground." He slipped his arm around her and they began to walk out.
"Well, it's not that exciting, but ok."
"Are you kidding? The airport is called a sunport! What does that even mean?"
"I think it's a reference to the fact that Albuquerque has 310 sunny days per year."
"Oh my god. You're kidding me."
"No, no kidding. I used to wear a lot of sunscreen when I lived here. You have to get that special makeup with the sunscreen in it - well I do anyway, otherwise my skin looks weird."
"It does not. Is that what you're wearing now?"
"No, I am wearing Illinois make-up now. I am not sun protected." She laughed.
"Oh my god, we'll have to get a giant sun protection visor to hold over our heads! We'll make it out of tin foil. No, not tin foil, the stuff they make space blankets out of. Do you think that would work?"
Kim laughed. "Thanks for coming, Nathan. I knew you'd cheer me up."
"Did you need cheering up?"
"Yeah." She nodded. "I had my work cut out for me from the beginning, but this last week has been particularly... challenging. Do you have checked luggage?"
"No, just this bag. So it's over now?"
"Well, the bit where I have to work my ass off is over. Now we just wait for the jury to do their bit. Actually I hope they take a while, I think that's the only way they'll be able to consider everything properly."
They walked through the glass sliding doors and across to the parking garage. "You got a hire car?" said Nathan.
"Yeah. So anyway, thanks for coming, and thanks for not saying I told you so."
"Well. You knew it'd be a challenge, but you like challenges, so that's ok."
"That is a thing that I do, isn't it?"
"And you do it well."
"Well if the verdict does come back the way we want it to come back, I will feel an enormous sense of achievement. But in the meantime I just keep thinking about what I should or shouldn't have said, and worrying."
"Well I can guarantee that you did a very good job, because you always do a very good job. And now it's over and you just have to wait, so... Let's have some fun." He smiled.
Kim smiled back. "Yes please."
...
Marie guided Skyler past the media huddle outside the courthouse, and drove her home. Neither said anything on the drive, and when they pulled up in the parking lot of Skyler's apartment complex, neither of them moved from their seats.
"Do you really owe $14,000 on your credit card?" asked Marie.
"Yeah."
"Since when?"
"I don't know. It built up over time. Don't tell Flynn."
"Of course I'm gonna tell Flynn."
"Do not, don't you dare!"
"Well that won't go away, and with the interest it'll just keep going up and up and up! You'll never be able to pay it!"
"I didn't have a choice."
"I know."
"It was that or my children starve - you were paying my rent half the time, so I wasn't gonna ask you -"
"I know, I know, I'm not telling you off for it having happened, I'm saying we need to get Flynn to pay it off now."
"And I'm saying no. And it's my decision, not yours, so we will stop this topic of conversation now."
"You just said half an hour ago that you would do whatever I told you for the rest of our lives."
"Not on things like that. Not on things for me." Skyler paused. "You said you wanted me to argue."
Marie smiled and opened the car door. "Yes. Alright. You argue all you want, I'm still telling Flynn."
"No no no no no no, please don't!" Skyler jumped out of the car and ran after her.
"He won't mind. He wants to help."
"Not like that. That money is not for me."
"There's plenty to go around. And paying down a credit card debt is a very sensible thing to use it for."
"It's my debt, not his!"
"And you incurred it buying groceries for him, correct? Teenage boys eat a lot - since he's been staying with me, I've been running out of bread and cheese like every other day. And cereal, and -"
"That's not how parenthood works - you don't ask them to pay it back later!"
"Yeah I know, but when he has 8 million dollars and you have minus $14,000, I think it's reasonable. Plus I'm not asking him to pay it - I won't need to, I'll just mention it in conversation and he'll jump right on it. He wants to help."
The door of number 60 opened and Holly came running down the path, making a beeline for Skyler.
"How did that - she can't open that door, can she?" said Marie.
"No, she can't," said Flynn, appearing on the doorstep.
"Oh, thank god. That would be really dangerous."
"She can open your door now."
"Yeah, but my front yard is mine, here you've got... anybody could be here! Like right on the path!"
"I know, th-that's why we keep the door locked and w-we're leaving soon anyway." Flynn stood aside to let Marie in.
Skyler followed carrying Holly. "Hi honey," she said, giving him a kiss. "Thank you for getting her."
"Of course."
"Aren't you gonna say hello to me, Holly?" said Marie. "Can I have a hug too?"
Holly gripped Skyler's neck tighter and looked unsure. Then she held out one arm to Marie and said, "You can hug me and Mommy at the same time."
"Alright," said Marie, smiling in the awkward manner of one who knows they're second best. She hugged both of them, like Holly asked.
"Do you wanna stay for dinner, Aunt Marie?" asked Flynn.
"Sure."
"We – we…don't have much food in the cupboards," said Skyler.
"We do now. I went to the grocery store th-this afternoon," said Flynn.
"Oh, thank you."
"Are you alright?"
"Yeah, I'm just gonna go upstairs for a little while."
"Can I come?" said Holly.
"Yeah, you can, darling." Skyler adjusted her hold on the child and walked slowly up the stairs.
"Anything happen I should know about?" said Flynn to Marie.
"No. Just what we were expecting."
"The trial's… over?"
"Yeah. And we have no idea how long the jury are going to take."
"R-right."
"We'll have to talk to Holly again."
"What do you mean?"
"Just to say it's actually happening now. I mean soon. Like within a week."
"What if th-the jury says not guilty?"
"I doubt it."
Flynn's face fell. "R-really?"
"Well yeah, because she... did it, so…"
"But it wasn't her fault."
"Yeah, they'll take that into account in the sentencing. I think that's the main thing the jury will be debating on, whether to convict her of a felony or a misdemeanor. It's a pretty big difference." Marie put her handbag down on the sofa and moved through to the kitchen. Flynn remained standing near the door, a look of devastation on his face.
"We have to talk to Holly, though. And she won't react well, but she's not reacting well now, she's just... fixating on her all the time. Physically attaching herself to her mother any chance she gets, and… That can't be healthy."
"You're not gonna s-stop her?"
"No, no. I'm just saying. It's just another thing we need to manage. We have an appointment with Dr Jensen on Wednesday, which was meant to be an aftermath appointment, you know, because we didn't expect the trial to go on this long so we thought that she would already be gone by now, and... I just think that Holly, because we told her like four or five weeks ago that it was gonna happen and then it didn't, that maybe she's thinking it won't. Or thinking that she can maybe even prevent it by just physically hanging onto her mom as much as possible and going upstairs with her and everything else..."
"I-I'd like to do that."
"What do you mean? You'd like to talk to Holly?"
"No. I'd like to follow…Mom."
...
Skyler was lying on her bed on her back, looking up at the ceiling and counting her breaths. In and out. In and out. Holly lay beside her with her head on her chest and her tiny arm across her ribcage. She had been Dr Holly, asking Skyler if she was alright and laying her down and telling her to rest. Which was all Skyler wanted to do. She didn't want to move at all.
"Holly," she said softly.
"Yeah."
"You know that Mommy's gonna have to go away soon." Skyler stroked her child's hair and kept breathing.
In and out. In and out. "Holly? You know that, right?"
Holly's tiny hand began to grip Skyler's shirt. "I don't want you to."
"I know. I don't want to either. The last thing I wanna do is leave you. I'm so sorry."
Holly gripped tighter, and buried her face in Skyler's shoulder. Skyler rolled towards her and raised her other arm to cradle her.
"I'm so sorry, darling. I don't know when it'll be but I know it'll be soon. Probably this week sometime. If we're lucky, next week."
"Why?" It was a wine, a wail. Soft but earth-shattering.
"I will be asking myself that for the rest of my life. It's my fault, darling. Not yours. I'm so sorry."
They cried together.
...
Marie sat at the table with the dinner going cold for some minutes. She didn't look at her watch, but she thought it had been at least fifteen minutes since Flynn went up to fetch Skyler and Holly. She sensed it wouldn't be good for her to join them. That even though she had actively stepped up to act as the second parent, to shoulder a full weight-bearing load with Skyler's children, at the end of the day she was still just the aunt. A helpful person everyone seemed to like most of the time, but not a core piece in the puzzle. She had only realised this in the last three days, and the thought did depress her. She loved those kids as if they were her own. She remembered talking only half-jokingly with Hank about wanting to keep Holly. She was serious about not wanting to separate the child from her mother, but sometimes she just wished all of them could live together like a little nuclear family. She knew why that wouldn't work. She knew it was because of the adults rather than the kids. And this wasn't at all a reasonable or a logical thing to feel jealous about, but it hurt when she saw the kids pick Skyler over her.
A door opened upstairs, and there was movement. Marie stood up and put Flynn's plate in the microwave. Even the movement was slow. Flynn was always slow on the stairs, but this time Holly seem to be protesting quietly about something. The microwave beeped, and Marie took Flynn's plate out and put Skyler's plate in. Flynn finally appeared at the bottom of the stairs as Marie was putting his plate on the table. "Thanks, Aunt Marie," he said politely and sat down.
"You're welcome." She ruffled his hair.
Skyler appeared, carrying Holly, who was holding a tatty teddy bear and looking very subdued. The microwave beeped again. Marie took Skyler's plate out and put her own in. "Holly, just have a check of your food and see if it's warm enough for you," she said. "I haven't put yours in the microwave because I don't want to make it too hot, but I can for a little bit if you want me to."
"Thanks, Marie," said Skyler, leaning down to put Holly in her seat. Holly leaned in the opposite direction and dropped her teddy bear in favour of gripping Skyler's neck. "You don't wanna have dinner?" said Skyler.
"Can I sit with you?" said Holly.
"Well, your seat is right next to mine. And it's not a very big table."
Holly shook her head and continued hanging on tightly, looking at her mother with wide eyes. Skyler kept hold of her and sat down in her own seat. Holly buried her face in her neck.
"We've got Dr Jensen on Wednesday," said Marie, sitting down with her plate.
"Good," said Skyler absently.
"Holly, don't you wanna be a big girl and s-sit in your own seat?" said Flynn.
Holly shook her head.
"Yes you do," said Marie. "You're a big three-year-old now!"
"No."
"Hey Holly," said Skyler. "Look at me. Come on."
Holly pulled her head back slightly so she could see her mother's face. Skyler stroked her cheek and said, "When you're with someone all the time, it's really really hard to say goodbye to them. Because you're just used to the being with them all the time, and then all of a sudden one time they're not there, and that's really hard. But if you're only with them sometimes, it's easier. If you say goodbye a lot of times. Goodbye and then come back. Goodbye and then come back. It's still hard when they don't come back, but not as hard as it would've been if you'd never said goodbye before. Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Holly shook her head.
"You've been to stay with Aunt Marie a lot recently. And you have done so many fun things. You went to the zoo. You went to the fairy store. You played games and watched movies together. I wasn't there, but you were having a great time. I know because you told me all about it. And you made the wonderful costumes and decorations for your birthday party. I didn't do that, that was all you and Aunt Marie. And you've had lots of nice times with Flynn as well. Haven't you?"
Holly nodded.
"See. You've had lots of good times when I wasn't there. Just remember that. And you love Aunt Marie and Flynn and you trust them. They've made you a nice dinner now. I think it'll be delicious."
"I love you as well."
"I know, I love you too, but it doesn't have to be just me that you feel safe and happy around. It's not. It hasn't been before and it won't be in the future. Big girls have lots of people that they love. Not just their mommies."
"Th-that doesn't mean that you won't miss Mommy," said Flynn. "I-it's ok to feel like that. But you shouldn't worry because…you'll have us, me and Aunt Marie…to look after you, and w-we can have some good times together."
"If you sit there in your chair and have your dinner, I will lean over every few minutes and stroke your hair. Because I will always love you, darling, and I will never be far away. And I'll think about you all the time, I always will. I'll never be far away. But you need to go and sit there by yourself like the big girl that you are, and eat your dinner. Can you do that?"
Holly leaned in and wrapped her arms around Skyler's neck again. Skyler held her tightly and kissed her head. "I love you so much, darling."
Holly pulled away, dropped down to the floor and climbed up into her own chair. She picked up her fork and poked it into a potato.
"Tell me if it's not warm enough, ok?" said Marie.
Skyler leaned across and stroked her hair. "I'm so proud of you."
Holly smiled.
Skyler smiled back, an open and genuine smile. Flynn saw her and smiled in relief.
All four of them ate quietly for a few minutes. Skyler leaned across and stroked Holly's hair again.
"Skyler," said Marie, "I've got an appointment with Dave tomorrow. I want you to go in my place."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean I've talked to him about it, he said it's ok, so that's what we're gonna do."
"I thought you said th-therapy didn't work if you only did it once," said Flynn.
"Not therapy, no," said Marie. "Therapy takes time. What your mother needs right now very urgently is to learn coping strategies. I explained that to Dave and he thinks he can at least give you some tips and perhaps a bit of insight, or at least the means to self-analyse your own mind just enough so that you can tell when things are going badly and enact your coping strategies. That is, new coping strategies that he will give you, not your current coping strategies which are -"
"Marie." Skyler's eyes flicked between Flynn and Holly.
"- not optimal."
"Can we -"
"Oh, that's a good idea," said Flynn.
"Can we talk about this later?"
"I don't see why the kids shouldn't hear that it is sensible to go to a therapist when you need help with your mental health. I tried to get you in last week but failed because none of them do short notice. I am also working on finding one who will actually go and visit you in prison because that's what you really need, I mean that's the only way you can get long term care, but so far I haven't been able to find one that'll go out there - that's ok, though, I'll keep looking. Meantime, this appointment with Dave will be a good stop-gap."
Skyler nodded. "Ok."
Marie raised her eyebrows. "You agree?"
"I do. Thank you."
"G-good," said Flynn.