Like all other forms of love in life, being a good brother or sister is all about learning how to take the good with the bad.

So, before I start complaining—and I know I'm going to start complaining, I love to do it about people related to me—let me make a disclaimer. I don't hate anyone in my family, and there's a lot of good in all of them, even though I might seem like I'm taking it for granted.

—I'm having one of my aesopic conversations with Inner Minato as Tsunako-san and I approach the giant western-style house nestled in the back of the village. There's a bit of history behind that term in the Shinobi World—'western'. Think I'll talk about it some other time.

My home was located right at the edge of Hokage Rock's shadow, near some other important buildings like the village's assembly hall and the new Academy.

I looked up at Konohagakure's most famous monument, the scalps of Dad and his predecessors outlined in the early evening's satin blue sky. From this close up, looking at the Hokage faces gave much more of a bottom-up perspective. From most points in the village, it looked like they were watching over the village. But from this angle, their eyes looked like slits, looking straight past the village and its walls, and out towards the forests, as if waiting for their chance to stare down any invaders…

…If those stone faces were any smart, they'd quit looking at those faraway trees for potential trouble and look straight down at our house. Everyone who was guilty of desecrating Hokage Rock lived there.

When the three of us were younger, Shinachiku made us swear a secret pact as siblings that each time one of us graduated from the Academy, they'd have to grab a paint bucket and a brush and vandalize the faces of our village's leaders.

When Shinachiku graduated, he climbed up the side of Hokage Rock, painted the faces of all of the Hokage, and then laughed maniacally as he was chased around by half of the village's ninja—none of which being fast enough to catch him. Then, later at home that night, he took the disciplinary yelling from Mom and the week-long grounding he got as a badge of honor, proud of the fact that he had successfully pissed all the old guys off.

Unfortunately, when it was my turn to paint the faces on Hokage Rock, Dad was ready. The day I graduated from the Academy, I climbed up to the top of the First Hokage's face, only to find Dad waiting for me with a paintbrush and bucket of his own around the Fourth Hokage's face. He started painting right when I did, encouraging me and happily shouting loud enough to draw a crowd of villagers and confused shinobi below—including a bunch of people from my own class. By the time I got to the Second Hokage's face, my own was beet red, and I couldn't paint anymore because I was using both of my hands to cover my eyes. I ran away in shame and locked myself away in my room for two days, Dad having effectively embarrassed me into giving up. It was a truly cunning dad-move on his part, and my complete defeat.

My redemption, however, came in the form of my little sister—who had been waiting for her time to shine since the moment we the Uzumaki Siblings had made that sacred promise to eachother—

When Hanami graduated from the Academy, she rushed straight from the forehead protector ceremony to the faces on Hokage Rock. And who was waiting for her on top with two buckets and two paintbrushes in his hands? It was our Dad again, ready to pull the same 'embarrass them into quitting' trick on her that he had used on me a few years before. However, when Nami started painting, and Dad started paint too—Nami's innocent happiness of being able to mess around with our Dad won out, and as time went on Dad started to forget why he was up there in the first place. They both ended up coloring the faces of our honored leaders, including a competition to see who could make the Fifth Hokage look sadder, and a collaborative mural that stretched from the Second Hokage's right cheekbone to the Fourth Hokage's left eye. This went on until night, a bunch of Dad's advisors and subordinates begging him to stop the whole time, until one of them had to fetch Mom so she could yell at both of them to come down.

Operation 'Paint Hokage Rock even better than Dad did' turned out to be a resounding success. It took three whole days for all five of us in the Uzumaki Family to wash out the combined artwork of Nami and our father, and Shinachiku got grounded for a week again for being the ringleader who put the idea in our head in the first place. It was beautiful.

—My Anbu bodyguard and I reached the gate, the beginning and end of our journey together for the day.

火｜う
影｜ず
官｜ま
邸｜き

'Hokage Residence/Uzumaki'

That's what it says on the brass nameplate embedded in the brick wall, adjacent to a wrought iron gate that was always open. It looked more like an entrance to a public park than someone's house.

The New Hokage's Mansion was wider than it was tall, and with a rectangular façade and perimeter in contrast to the circular style of many of Konohagakure's older buildings. It was four stories high, each level dedicated to a particular purpose.

The first floor was open to the public 24/7 and led into a reception desk right from the front door. It was full of offices and mission debriefing rooms where a bunch of Leaf shinobi stood in line to turn in their mission reports and get paid. A lot of the day-to-day administration of the village was done there. I usually don't spend much time there myself.

The second floor was semi-restricted. You could enter if you were high-ranking, or if you received security clearance on the first floor to do something like meet with the Hokage, or if you just so happened to actually live at the Hokage's Mansion like yours truly. The second floor had the Hokage's Office, the Jounin-Commander's Office, a conference room where Dad met with members of the Council so they could yell at each other, a guest wing for foreign dignitaries visiting the village, a commercial-sized kitchen and grand dining room for really big dinners (not usually where we eat, more for when Dad hosts the one of the other Kage or some other special occasion). I spend some time here in Shikamaru-sensei's office playing shougi with him or stopping by Dad's office when I can't find him upstairs and need to let him know dinner's ready.

The third and fourth floors were entirely the private residence of the Hokage and his family. Dad put a personal fuuinjutsu around all the walls, windows, and doors on these floors that repels anyone but members of the Uzumaki Family, personal friends of ours that Dad manually added the chakra signatures of into the seal (everyone from Sarutobikai has access), and Anbu (just in case of a security emergency…pretty unnecessary even then, as long as Mom, Dad, or Shinachiku were home). It wasn't as extravagant as the Fire Daimyo's Palace in the capital, but our family's home still had plenty of unnecessary luxuries for our personal use. Like more bedrooms than there were people living there, a library and study that had a bunch of books that no one ever reads and the Scroll of Seals containing many of the village's Ninjutsu, a washitsu dojo outfitted with training gear, and a heated grand bath and frosted glass walls that gave a pretty amazing view of the village at sunrise and at night.

I think I can also mention that there's another 'secret floor' that not too many people know about. Directly underneath the Hokage's Mansion is a hidden underground complex that contains secret tunnels to the Anbu HQ, the vault where all of the money the village receives from missions and security contracts gets deposited, and a few forbidden ninja relics that Dad's sealed away. Even I'm not allowed down there—and I know from experience that the high-level guys they have posted there get really grumpy if you try to sneak in.

"—It appears we've arrived, Minato-kun. Would you like me to accompany you upstairs?" Tsunako-san spoke up as we reached the gate of this fusion of a public administrative building and a family home.

"Ah, no, no, no, it's fine." I shake my hands with gapped fingers at her. "I'm good from here on out. You don't need to babysit me anymore for the day."

"Very well. I shall take my leave." She says as she forms the Seal of Confrontation against her featureless Anbu mask…what's up with kunoichi and masks today?

"Yeah. See you next time they assign you to put up with me." I raised the back of my hand at her as I walked on ahead, hearing her dissipate in a puff of smoke behind me.

As I got closer, I spotted two familiar faces flanking the front door…looks like these guys are on guard duty again today.

"Hey, Minato-sama!" One of them calls out to me as I get closer…kinda wish he didn't add the suffix on there.

"Aha, please don't call me that." I smile a bit painfully. "Just 'Minato' is fine."

I'm a little uncomfortable being called 'Minato-sama'…especially by the older villagers who knew a different 'Minato-sama' that actually deserved to be called that. The only time people give me the 'master' honorific is when they're trying to be polite because I'm one of the Hokage's sons. I didn't really do anything to earn it.

"—Kotetsu-san. Izumo-san." I bow about fifteen degrees when I address them, not quite enough to show my neck, but enough to show a bit of casual respect to the two shinobi in their fifties who had lived through both the Third and Fourth Shinobi World Wars…there's not too many Prewars like them around on active duty anymore, since most of them are either retired or dead these days. I usually try to not put myself up above them when I can.

"Alright, 'Minato' it is." Kotetsu-san shrugged and went along with my request. "How're you doing kiddo?"

"Ah, you know." I sighed with a smile that looked just a little tired, and pointed my nose at the huge building behind them. "Just coming back to my family's giant waste of taxpayer money is all."

"Don't worry about that, Minato." Izumo-san reassured me. "Your father paid for all of this out of his own wallet. If anything, we should be thanking him."

"Yeah, well, I wonder about that…" I looked away with narrowed, suspicious eyes. The only ninja that make big-big money are the Jounin and Anbu who consistently do a lot of A-ranked and S-ranked missions for years—and even then not something on this level of ridiculous. My Dad went straight from Genin to the Sixth Hokage when he was seventeen, and there's no mathematical way he could've paid for all of this with his salary as Kage and Mom's income from running the village hospital…he didn't embezzle money from the village treasury, did he…?

"Mmm?" Kotetsu notices the hardback I have tucked under one of my arms. "What's that you're carrying? Some sort of book?"

"Ah, this?" I hold up the copy of A Whirlpool of Lightning: Volume 1 that Shino-chan lent me. It was over a thousand pages long and had this really vivid cover art of a pair of disembodied Sharingan eyes superimposed over a photograph of a whirlpool. "This is just a book one of my friends gave to me. She said it's really good and that it'll change my life, and stuff."

I leave out the fact that I agreed to read it primarily for the mercenary reason of trying to solve her IHaveToRunAwayFromTheVillageOrElseIWontBeCool-ism.

If possible, I'd like to do the typical guy thing and get an abbreviated summary off of someone else instead of putting in the effort to actually read this thing. No point in asking these two, though. Only Postwar teenage girls and a few War-Gen women read it, so a couple of Prewar guys would have no clue what it was about. I'll have to try asking one of the kunoichi at the hospital tomorrow.

"By the way—" I keep talking. "You two haven't seen anyone else from my family come home yet, have you?"

I'm worried about one family member in particular. Specifically, the one with blond hair and green eyes that seems to have the unintentional habit of making the opposite sex draw hearts in their eyes.

"Mm, I haven't heard anything about Naruto-sama coming back yet. Izumo...?" Kotetsu looked to his side.

"Naruto-sama and Sakura-san are still at the Gokage Summit in Amegakure…last word from Ame is that talks are wrapping up, and that they should be back in the village either tomorrow afternoon or the morning after that." He answered.

"Aha—I'm not really worried about Mom and Dad." I rubbed the back of my head. I'll admit that we used to get a little clingy when we were younger, but all three of us Uzumaki Siblings were teenagers now. If anything, the annual trip our parents took out of the village to meet with the other Villages' Heads was a small vacation for us. Mom and Dad—particularly Dad—can be pretty overbearing at times.

I was thinking more about my brother and sister. Specifically, Nii-san.

Shinachiku has an apartment of his own and a network of safehouses scattered across the Five Great Shinobi Countries, but between his duties as Anbu Commander and the times he feels like spending the night at our house, we still end up seeing him more days than not.

…In case you happen to remember my explanation earlier about why us younger shinobi tend to be weaker than the older generations, being that we've never experienced war—I would like to note my older brother is the absolute exception. Uzumaki Shinachiku is a really dangerous man, and don't be fooled by that pretty-faced bad boy persona that he's cultivated ever since the day he hit puberty, either. He's evil. Pure. Evil. The worst. Geh…

"Hanami-sama and Shinachiku-sama came here an hour before you did." Izumo answered. "I think your sister went upstairs and Shinachiku-sama said he had something he needed to do, so it'll probably just be you and your sister here tonight…want us to get the cooks on the second floor to send you something up? It'd be no problem."

"Ah, no thanks, it's cool." I put an open hand, palm facing out, in front of my chest to reject them. "Nami probably just wants ramen again tonight anyway. I should be able to handle that much." I raise that same hand over my shoulder. "See you guys."

It's nice to have the option to have food sent up to you, but it's too easy to fall into the trap of being spoiled if you start to rely on it. I've been cooking for myself ever since I've been tall enough to reach the stovetop. Kind of a necessity. Mom's attempts at food are about as deadly as her poisons are, and Dad has the occasional habit of setting the kitchen on fire.

More importantly…

My older brother is adept at traveling at the speed of light (not joking), so them saying he's not here isn't a guarantee that it's true. He could still use his space-time ninjutsu to teleport through an open window and then lay a trap for me on the other side. He might have even made it look like he's not inside on purpose so he can catch me off-guard.

If Nii-san's here today, I'm going to have to be really careful…check every corner, look up at the ceiling each time I pass by an arch that obscures my sight…I won't even be half-safe until I get to my room, and even then…

…I know, I'm being really paranoid right now. I have my reasons.

Last time I got caught by one of Shinachiku's pranks, I was stuck inside a genjutsu that wouldn't release until I did every one of the twelve basic handseals consecutively in under two seconds…and before that I got hit by laughing gas that came out of the wall, and I couldn't stop laughing until I made the antidote that he left me instructions for, and the instructions were in this really small text that I couldn't read because I was tearing up from laughing so hard…and then there was this one time where I stepped on a snare that trapped me in a net with a bag of dulled kunai inside, and I had to find the weak points in the rope to get myself free.

"Ah, Minato-sama, welcome bac—hm?"

I silently shush the receptionist up front by pressing two fingers against my lips. I got on my belly and started crawling towards the staircase to the second floor, honing my sight straight ahead for any traps.

"[What the hell is that kid doing? Is this some sort of new teenage fad?]" The receptionist mutters something else that I can't hear.

My 'defect' prevents me from using most ninjutsu, but I can still use my ninja senses and judgment to keep myself out of danger. In fact, as a medic-nin, I'm obligated to.

The first floor probably doesn't have any traps. There are too many office workers and visitors that come in and out that could have accidentally tripped one. The second floor is more likely.

I slither up the stairs like a silent snake, zoning out all the weird looks from the Jounin and village higher-ups on the second floor that think I'm crazy. I pass by the Jounin-Commander's office, and see Shikamaru-sensei sleeping at his desk inside…Yamanaka-san's really going to get mad at him once he gets home late again tonight.

Eventually I come to the last hallway before the staircase upstairs. Usually only members of our family bother to pass through here, so there was little risk of someone else accidentally triggering any nasty pranks my older brother might have left for me. Additionally, Dad's protective fuuinjutsu on the third floor was too powerful for even Shinachiku to interfere with—it'd take someone a destructive force equivalent to at least five Bijuu Bombs in order to break it, so it's safe to say there wouldn't be any chakra-based traps once I got there.

If I were going to get caught in anything, this was the most likely spot. Let's focus and think here—

It'd be easy to replace part of the floor with a covered plate that would actuate a switch when I stepped on it, and trigger some sort of trapdoor or kunai coming out of the wall or something.

"Ha!" I jumped over to the wall on the left and stood up sideways on it, my feet anchored by the fixed amount of chakra I'm focusing to them. Luckily, my 'defect' didn't affect the old chakra control practices of walking on trees or water, so I could still pull off basic stuff like this.

Staying away from the floor took away the risk of triggering a floor switch. Granted, many underground lairs and other places with ninja-conscious security mitigated this by putting the same kind of switches on the ceilings and walls. But thanks to my knowledge of homebuilding from laboring those lowly D-ranked missions, I might be able to mentally cross off that risk.

—I take out a kunai, and jab the tip into the wall I'm standing on, slicing open a small slit—

Peeling back the drywall just enough for me to see inside, I took out a thin pen-shaped flashlight that I had jammed in one of those summoning scroll pockets that's on our flak jackets, and tried to get a feel for the dimensions inside.

Seems like the interior wall thickness is the typical 11.43 cm, with 5x10 cm steel studs that are the standard 40 cm on center…those things are a pain to bolt stuff onto, the other fresh-out-of-the-academy genin that I worked with during my rookie year always complained about it and why they 'had to do this stupid stuff when we should be out fighting and learning ninjutsu'.

I can't see end-to-end down the wall since the vertical framing and all the mechanicals in between are in the way, and if I try moving every 40 cm and cutting another hole in the wall to check, in the process I might end up triggering Shinachiku's trap that may or may not exist. Plus, I'd probably get yelled at for all the damage I did (as for the one hole I've already made, I can probably tape&mud over it later without anyone noticing).

—I look up at my slightly-oversized forehead (well, technically I look to the right—I'm standing sideways right now), thinking. I'll have to use that boring construction knowledge that the civilian tradesmen try to explain to the teenaged ninja, who usually zone them out while waiting for their low-level laboring mission to be over. Bear with me for a sec, no one else ever likes listening to this boring stuff…

Let's see…11.43 cm of interior wall thickness between here and Shikamaru-sensei's office, 5x10 cm studs and joists, and all the utilities that I can't account for yet…how much space can I estimate there to be in between those? I know there are two bathrooms above me, which means at minimum each of those have a vertical drainpipe with at least 7.6 cm diameter…and there's that large kitchen on this floor that's about the same size as something you'd find in a medium-sized commercial restaurant, so that's going to include all of the regulated 5 cm floor drains and corrosive-resistant piping that the waste piping that's all going coagulate into a bigger vent stack that the drains on our living floors are going to hook up to. Chances are those 7.6 cm minimum drainpipes are actually going to be 10.16 cm so the more complex DWV system below can get some wet venting…that means there won't be any space in the wall to safely route around the piping. The electric conduit going upstairs to the 3rd and 4th floors' primary subpanel—which is right above me—is going to all need to be vertical. Plus, that huge grand bath is on this corner of the house on the 4th floor, it has about 2.5 cubic meters of heated water (seriously, it's really nice, I'll show you it later), the copper on the hot water supply lines running up through here is going to be insulated, but postwar building codes are going to regulate at least 20 cm spacing from the electrical lines as a precaution against electrical fires too…all in all, the maximum amount of space Shinachiku could've found to put a switch or fake part of the wall in would be…

…You didn't honestly read all of that, did you? Don't worry about it, no high-level ninja or anyone that's any exciting pays attention to this kind of thing. But me? I don't have any kind of advanced technique that lets me effortlessly fly past all danger or teleport to the other side—that kind of stuff is for heroes and main characters who need to get going so they can fight the big villain. I have to take my time and use my head instead.

Anyway, important thing is this—there isn't enough space for him to hide a physical trap in the walls without me noticing. Condition #1 for me crossing is clear.

That didn't preclude the possibility, however, of a chakra-based hidden seal that would activate when I passed over it. Nii-san was brilliant at the old Uzumaki Clan's Fuuinjutsu, so it'd be child's play for him to do something like that…he was brilliant at a lot of other things, too. I think the one field he was best at was bullying me.

Luckily, this isn't the first time I've had to go through this procedure. I get my hands together for a couple hand seals.

Modified Ox, Tiger, Annddd…

Mystic Palm Technique!

My hands glow green. Normally, I don't need to use hand seals to activate this, but it's best I take the time to meld my chakra and get my output as high as possible in this case. I'm not going to be healing anything, I'm going to use a trick I've learned to trigger any hidden sealing jutsu on the wall I'm standing on.

I place my glowing hands flat against the wall, and using my jutsu as a conduit, I 'stretch' my green chakra from end-to-end across the hallway. Dad once taught me that you can prematurely trigger ninety-percent of all trap-type fuuinjutsu by using some sort of ranged technique that gives off a chakra signature. That way you're nice and out of the way when it activates and tries to ensnare the empty air.

I feel some sweat trickle sideways across my forehead, pulled down to my right by the force of gravity. Using Mystic Palms from a distance takes a lot of chakra to maintain, and severely decreases its effectiveness. I can only manage it right now because I'm using it on an inanimate object. If I were to try to use this technique on a medium-to-long distance target like a living person that needed healing instead, chances are I'd just make us both comatose. Think that'd be the closest thing I had to an offensive ninjutsu in my arsenal.

Only legendary medic-nin like Mom, the Godaime Hokage, or that Kabuto guy from the history books have ever been able to use Shousen Jutsu with any range and still be effective with it. I'm relatively good with medical ninjutsu, but I'm not quite at that level yet.

I repeat my 'Mystic Palms Check' three more times, checking the other walls for fuuinjutsu that might activate if my shadow passes it, or ones that might only activate if they sense my signature twice.

Condition #2 clear.

After confirming that it's clear of hidden seals, I pull out three shuriken from the pouch on my hip, placing each on a finger, and swing my arm forward—

—The three shuriken harmlessly stab the wall on the other side. They didn't snag or cut any invisible tripwire. Good.

I throw three more and then another three after that; checking for vertical, horizontal, and diagonal tripwire. Condition #3, clear. The head of some medium-sized clan in the village came up to me in middle of it, asking me to stop—

"Minato, please stop playing whatever game this is in the hallway. You are making a mess and worrying everyone…"

"You think is a game?! My life's in danger, here!" I shouted, trying to keep my concentration firmly on uncovering hidden threats.

"Oh, I…sorry…" They walked away confused, leaving me to my mission.

…Alright, 'my life' might have been an exaggeration. But my dignity's still at stake. I'll throw it away before I let my older brother take it from me, dammit.

—After confirming this hallway is free of all hidden traps, I proceed forward by walking on the first wall that I checked. I stop when I reach the staircase up to the third floor, and repeat all the same steps from before…it's clear…maybe Shinachiku doesn't have a prank waiting for me at all?

I proceed slowly upstairs, ready for one of his trademark surprises to pop out at any moment.

…This is the moment of truth. If there are any pranks from my older brother waiting for me, they'll be right behind this door at the top, leading to the Uzumaki Family's private residence—

I have no way of seeing what's on the other side, that Mystic Palms trick from earlier only useful for sending out a false chakra signature. Checking the crack underneath, I can see no one's standing nearby at least…maybe if I had Inoi or Shino-chan's abilities, I could use the Shadow Imitation Technique or Kikaichuu to get a sense for what's on the other side…well, no point worrying about that now. I just need to muster the courage to turn the knob, and push forward!

I swing open the door with all my strength—

"TADAIMA!" I shout the customary greeting for returning home like it's a warcry, and dive to the ground like I'm dodging an explosion overhead.

I wait for the inevitable, horrible thing that's going to happen…

…and it never happens.

I perk my head up. I'm in the vestibule-esque genkan of the Uzumaki Household. It's the entryway with the wooden landing where you're supposed to take off your shoes. I'm completely fine.

"Haaa…"

I'm way too paranoid…all the years of my older brother's lighthearted bullying has really taken its toll on me.

I slip my sandals off. I don't see anyone else's shoes, so I'm probably safe for the day. I unzip my green flak jacket and take it off along with my forehead protector, while keeping on the Leaf Uniform's blue pants and the long-sleeved blue undershirt with red swirls at the shoulders. I pick up Shino-chan's book while I'm at it. I should probably get to work on putting a dent in the first chapter soon.

I walk up to the next door, the sliding one that leads into the Uzumaki Household proper.

I open it.

And I trigger the shinobi's trap on the other side.

I hear something from above fall straight towards my head, and see its shadow out of the corner of my eyes—

Oh…oh no…

I was being conceited. Why would I think I'm safe just because I made it past the hardest part?!

It doesn't matter now. I have failed my duty as a ninja to see underneath the underneath. Now all I can do is accept whatever punishment that is heading right for me.

I brace for impact, and feel something soft hit the top of my head—