Skyler awoke from a muddled slumber the next morning to the feeling of a tiny hand stroking her hair. She relaxed, and smiled. "Good morning, darling," she said, opening her eyes.

Holly's tiny face was close to hers, and she was smiling. Skyler couldn't help but smile back. "How did you sleep?"

"Good. How about you?"

"Alright. Everything's better when I'm with you."

Holly climbed onto Skyler's chest and snuggled into her neck. "Can we stay forever?"

"Oh, that would be good. But I think we'd get bored. There's no day care or playgrounds or swimming pools or parks…"

"There's a forest."

"Yeah."

"And there's Mommy."

"Yeah. Right here right now. Nothing lasts forever, but let's remember every detail of this moment. What can you hear?"

"Are there birds?"

"Yeah. There are lots of birds in the forest."

"Wow."

"What can you feel?" Skyler rubbed Holly's back.

"Love."

Tears came to Skyler's eyes. Out of the mouths of babes, she thought. "Yeah. I can feel that too. What can you see?"

Holly opened her eyes. "Your neck." She burrowed closer in and blew a raspberry.

Skyler flinched. "Oh! You can see raspberries, can you?"

Holly giggled. "Yeah."

Skyler moved her hand up Holly's back. "I'm gonna find something else, I think it might be something you can feel..." Her fingers darted into Holly's armpit and tickled her.

Holly squealed.

"Oh, what was that I just heard?" Skyler tickled her again and Holly squealed again.

"There it goes again! What was that?"

Holly giggled.

"I think this requires further investigation." Skyler flipped Holly over and leant over her, stroking her hair. "Hmmm. Was this the beautiful creature that made that funny noise?"

Holly giggled again, and then laughed harder when she was tickled again.

"I think there's another noise I can find if I look very carefully, hmm let's see." She ran her fingers over Holly's tummy, and Holly giggled again.

"No, that's not the noise I'm looking for." She lifted Holly's pyjama top and made a show of looking beneath it. "Oh! Here it is." She leant forward and blew a very long raspberry on Holly's stomach.

Holly screamed.

"Ah, you broke my ears, now I can't hear anything!" She tickled Holly's armpits again, and Holly giggled loudly.

"I can't hear anything!" Skyler laughed.

Marie, sitting on the sofa in the living room, listened to the laughter, a cup of coffee going cold in her hands.

...

"Do you ever think about how different our lives would be if certain things had never happened?"

"100% of the time. Yeah."

"Like if I'd never met Hank or you'd never met Walt, or we lived somewhere else… or one of us lived here and the other one didn't, or…"

That wasn't what Skyler had thought Marie meant. She didn't think about that. She just thought about all the decisions she wished she'd made differently. That, and what would have happened if Walt had never got cancer. If that were the case right now, her life would be perfect. But she couldn't even imagine it.

"Life is so weird, it's so random." Marie looked up at the stars.

"We should get back."

"No."

"No?"

"They're fine. Flynn has the TV and his phone and his fancy new laptop. And Holly's asleep."

"Do you think he's alright?"

"I do, but you got him a therapist appointment, didn't you?"

"Yeah. It's on Friday. Make sure he goes, won't you?"

"Absolutely."

"And you're not mad at him?"

"No. Kids will be kids."

"He always reacts like that when he doesn't understand. He lashes out. He's outspoken, always has been."

"Yep."

"It doesn't mean he means anything by it."

"I know."

"Good." Skyler adjusted her position on the log she was sitting on and lit a cigarette.

"Oh, you're polluting this beautiful forest."

"Sorry."

"Come over here. You can see the stars better."

"Isn't the ground cold?"

"Yeah. But if you look up just here you can see through the gap in the trees and you can see all the stars."

Skyler walked over to where Marie was lying in the middle of the clearing. Holding her cigarette in her mouth and grunting, she threw her tired body onto the ground next to her and looked up, breathing out a long trail of smoke. When it cleared, she saw the stars, and they took her breath away. She wondered if she'd be able to see stars at all for the next five years, or ever again.

"Were there any times," said Marie slowly, "when you wanted to tell me?"

Skyler breathed in, still looking desperately up. "Yeah," she said.

"When?"

"Swimming pool night."

"Not before?"

"No. Before that it was better for you if you didn't know. And it still was then, but... as you noticed, I was getting pretty desperate by that point."

"When you need help, you should ask."

"I was scared of what you'd say. And do."

"I wonder what I would've done if you'd told me then."

"Take the kids like I asked, I hope."

"I'd wanna take you too. My biggest regret is that I left you there with him."

"You're a beautiful person, Marie. Thank you so much for your concern. But you did not do that."

"What were you thinking when Hank and I knew but you were still with Walt?"

"I couldn't think then. I was a deer frozen in the headlights."

"What would you have done if I'd gone over there one more time? Without Hank. And without Walt, because if he was there I just would've yelled at him. If I'd gone over there and asked you to come with me."

Skyler breathed in and out.

"Would you have come? Just to my house, not to the police station or anything. Just you and Flynn and Holly to my house."

"I don't know. What would you have said?"

"Are you afraid?"

"Yes."

"Then let me help you."

"Weren't you angry with me?"

"Yeah. I don't think I could've done that after the blackmail. But before it, yeah. I was thinking about it. But I decided to approach Flynn first, because I thought he could convince you. And I thought he could do it in a calmer manner than me, and not slap you in the face in the middle of it."

"Is that why you called him?"

"Yeah. He had to know anyway, and I had to get him out of there as well, but then I thought he could help me get you."

"Damn. That probably would've worked."

"If fucking Walt the Manipulator King hadn't swooped in there."

Skyler stubbed her cigarette out on a rock and put the butt in her pocket. They were silent for a couple of minutes.

"Is it true about you and Ted Beneke?"

"Is what true?"

"That you had an affair with him."

"Yeah. I thought you knew that."

"I thought it was one of Walt's lies."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was just pretty confused and messed up and… I screwed his life over as well as everyone else's. So there wasn't anything to tell, because… I didn't know what I was doing or anything about it."

"Is that why you were cooking his books?"

"No, this was after that. And I wasn't cooking his books - he cooked his own books. I just didn't turn him in."

"What do you mean you didn't know what you were doing?"

"I just wanted to escape. Have a different reality for a little while in the afternoons."

"Did it help?"

"Not in the long-term."

"Did you tell him anything?"

"No."

"How did Walt find out?"

"I told him."

"What?"

"I wanted him to get out of the house, and I… I think I wanted to hurt him."

"What did you say?"

"'I fucked Ted.'"

Marie's eyebrows rose and she turned her head towards Skyler. "What, you just looked Walt in the eye and said, 'I fucked Ted?'"

"Yeah."

Marie laughed. "Awesome! What did he say?"

"Nothing, Louis was around for dinner and I just went right over to the dinner table at that point."

Marie laughed again. "Deadpan. Classy."

"I was pretty angry with him, and that was the only thing I could control." Skyler sighed. "I think that's why I did it."

Marie's face fell. "Did he punish you?"

"No. He yelled a bit and I yelled right back. And then eventually he went to live in the condo, which was good."

"Is that why he did that?"

"I don't know."

"Huh. How did it happen, then?"

"How did what happen?"

"With Ted, you know. How did it start?"

"I just kissed him in the break room one day."

"What?" Marie grinned. "At work?"

"Yeah."

"Did you fuck him at work?"

"No. His house."

"Oh. He any good?"

"Yeah."

"Oh really?"

"Just how much detail do you want, Marie?"

"Compared to Walt."

"WHAT?"

"Well, you know."

"No no no no. That's, no, it's apples and oranges, no."

"Ted's pretty hot."

"Marie!"

"You must have an opinion on it."

"No I don't, it's apples and oranges!"

"You break up with Walt and five minutes later you're fucking him."

"No, it was not five minutes later; I was pretty heartbroken about that, actually. My entire life had just been blown up, and then Walt came back to the house and he wouldn't leave, and he wouldn't take the money away; he wouldn't stop any of it, and I just got angry and I made a stupid decision."

"Ok. How long did this stupid decision last?"

"About a month, I guess. Bit over."

"Oh. Not very long."

"No, then Hank got shot and I was forced to rethink my priorities. At which point as you know, I made a much stupider decision."

"Ah. One that resulted in a lot less sex."

Skyler snorted. "Yeah."

"For both of us, because now we're both widows and we don't get to have any sex, and actually I think we need to stop this conversation now because Ted is really hot, and this conversation is turning me on, and there's nothing I can do with that, so…"

Skyler laughed again. "Yeah. Yeah, that really sucks."

"I hear ya."

Skyler continued to laugh. "Marie! Too much information!"

"You're not normally this open with me."

"Well, I said I would do anything you want. That includes answering very personal questions."

"Alright. Ben Lomax, 4th of July 1988. Did you or didn't you?"

"Marie!"

"You said you'll answer personal questions!"

"You said you wanted to stop talking about sex!"

"Well that depends on if the answer to the question is yes or no. If the answer is no, then we're not talking about sex. But if it's yes…"

Skyler looked up at the stars, her body convulsing with laughter. She'd forgotten how this felt. It was perfect.

"Is it yes?"

"I don't kiss and tell!"

"Oh, says the woman who just told me Ted Beneke is a good fuck."

"You're a damn gossip, Marie, where is this gonna go now?"

"I don't know anyone who knows Ben Lomax anymore! Come on! You were gone for like four hours and Dad was so mad at you!"

"Well I wasn't gonna tell him."

"No! I should hope not! You can tell me, though."

"You were 16 then, I wasn't gonna tell you either!"

"You think I was innocent when I was 16?"

"You were a virgin then, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but I'd been to second base - I wasn't innocent!"

"Ah. I see."

"See, I don't tell you everything either."

"Apparently not."

"Now stop changing the subject."

"You're the one who wanted to change the subject and stop talking about sex!"

"Yes or no?" Marie turn her face inward and stared unblinkingly at Skyler.

Skyler giggled. "Yes."

"Ahhhhh! I knew it!"

Skyler continued laughing, her heart leaping for joy.

"He was hot too. I'm jealous."

"Yeah, well, you're only young once."

"Oh thanks, don't rub that in! You know how freaked I am about turning 40."

"How do you think I feel?"

"So where was it, was it in the boatshed, because -"

"Yes, yes, it was in the boatshed - all of your suspicions are realised."

"Oh my god. This is gold."

Skyler laughed. "You're funny."

"Yeah."

Their laughter faded as they looked up at the night sky. "I miss this," said Marie.

"Me too."

"I'm really angry about what happened to us, and sometimes I don't know who to blame and I lash out at whoever's there. Even though blame only hurts the blamer."

"Well it's all very well to say that, but the reality is often we really need someone to blame. You don't wanna think your life turned to shit because of a random accident. Although if you were gonna do that, Walt's cancer would be it."

"Yeah? You think it was just because of that?"

"Yeah. The problem with someone who's dying is they don't have any fear."

"Hmm. Check out before the consequences hit."

"Yep."

"Selfish asshole."

"Stupid asshole. Since there were five other people around him who didn't need to check out."

"Mmm."

"He literally did not foresee consequences for anybody else. So ignorant, stupid and yes, yes, selfish, absolutely. Can you see this, Walt?" Skyler yelled. "Can you see these consequences? He was an atheist, so I hope he can see this, because then there'd be something else he was wrong about."

"Yeah."

"I am hanging on for dear life."

Marie took Skyler's hand. "I've got you."

Skyler turned to look at her sister, her eyes searching. Marie met them and squeezed her hand. Skyler wanted to say something but all that came out was a tortured cough. She turned back to the night sky and looked up at it, tears falling down the side of her face. Marie watched.

"Thank you," Skyler whispered.

"You're welcome. Before, it was um… I didn't make a decision to forgive you before, it was kind of a fake it 'till you make it thing. And it was out of necessity because you were getting kicked out of your house and everything was horrible - the DEA and the money and everything else. You needed my help and I wanted to help, so... I put it to one side because there were more pressing problems. And those problems actually helped me because they were practical problems, and I desperately needed something to do, something to occupy myself. So it was actually really helpful to me, to be able to do all that stuff with Ramey and house hunting for you and all that kind of thing. I needed that; it helped. And then one day when it was all over I turned around and realised I didn't blame you anymore. I'm not sure when that happened but it was good, I did want it to happen, I'd been trying to make it happen but in the end it was just… the anger slid away. And it was definitely helped along by the fact that you are so clearly a victim. But sometimes the anger comes back again, and particularly with this latest thing you've told me, it um… it just comes back - not all the time but I hate it, I want it to go away again. But somehow it's more complicated this time."

"Yeah."

"It hurts and I really hate it."

"I'm so sorry. It ah...yeah, I hate it too. F-for me, it never goes away. There's never a moment that it's not there. Every breath I take, every place I go, when I'm asleep, when I'm awake - all the time, it never stops. And every time I close my eyes, I see him."

"God, you must have been so afraid of him."

"No, not Walt. Hank."

Marie's head turned again, her eyes boring a hole into Skyler's temple as she looked expressionlessly up into to the dark.

"I can't blame you if you say that."

"No, do, please do. I need you to."

"Even though I told you it hurts me more if I do?"

"Then don't."

"You always sacrifice your needs for the rest of us."

"No I don't, I'm not selfless - I'm not achieving anything for anyone. I'm just trying to keep my head above water."

"You do. You achieve a lot for us. I know it really took it out of you last night arguing with Flynn, but you sorted it out for us. You didn't care about the impact on yourself. And I liked what he said. How you fell on your sword to save the rest of us. That makes sense, I like it. Helps me understand his perspective too."

"I didn't save anybody."

"No, you made several very stupid decisions in the mistaken belief that they would protect us. Your intention has got to be, ah... credited. Along with your suffering. Fell on your sword was a good way of putting it, I thought."

"Well at the moment he's acting like Holly. Complete opposite to what he was doing a month ago. Well not opposite, he was still being very kind to me then but he was out doing his own thing most of the time - his life was much more balanced. And I'm sure he'll go back to that, but at the moment he's saying some sentimental things that are not necessarily -"

"He meant it. And it makes sense. Simplistic, sure, but... What do you mean he's acting like Holly?"

"Holding on to me for dear life. Looking at me like I'm gonna fade away at any moment."

"You're not."

"Yes I am. I'm fading away right now. I won't mind if I can just go up into those stars."

"Hey, no you're not." Marie sat up and leaned on her elbows, grabbing Skyler by the shoulders and shaking her. "No you're not. Don't you dare."

"I'm not talking about killing myself. I'm just saying that my life is over."

"They might find you innocent."

"They won't."

"They might. Kim said the longer they take the better it'll be."

"No, she didn't. She said it just means they're disagreeing."

"Which means they're less likely to find you guilty, because it means a majority of them aren't saying that."

"They've got three options - it's not hard to split them."

"They're giving all three of them a lot of thought."

"Yeah. But I don't think they're as forgiving as you."

"But even if you do go to prison for a few years, that doesn't mean your life is over! You can still do some things in there, and then you come back out and you have a normal life again, you can rebuild it - we'll be there to help you. You're only 42; you've got at least 40 years' worth of life left in you! You're only half-way through!"

"What if I get lung cancer at 50?"

"Oh, shut up."

"Or if I do kill myself, or…"

"Don't."

"If that happens, it won't be something I can control."

Marie grabbed Skyler's hand and held it up in both of hers. "Hang on. Just hang on. We've got you."