AN: Happy Birthday Worm!
And they all loved happily ever after.
As this work is a gift for my usual beta, it has not been beta'd.
Part 2 - And It Was Good
Mia hadn't been sure what to expect, but she guessed that a sullen hunter and a depressed angel just about covered the disturbing reality that was her life.
"Come in, Dean. Good to see you again." Dean mumbled something and made his way over to the couch.
"And you must be, Cas." Mia held out her hand to the slightly awkward man in the trenchcoat. He looked directly at her as he took it, and she was slightly taken aback by the intense blue of his eyes. And the sadness she saw in them.
"Can I get either of you anything to drink?" That was standard operating procedure, and so was Dean's reply of "beer, if you're offering." She was getting pretty tired of that joke and didn't feel she had to put up any pretenses with these two, so she just gave Dean a steady look. He slumped back on the couch and sing-songed "soo-rrryyy" under his breath.
Cas was still standing, seeming unsure of where he belonged. That was the reason they were here, really. So Mia directed him towards the couch, and he sat gingerly at the opposite end from Dean, butt just hanging on to the edge of the seat. He hadn't answered her question, but she poured out a glass of water from a pitcher on the coffee table and placed it in front of him.
This was not going to be easy.
Sam had given Mia the barebones about the relationship between the two men sitting in front of her. Sam swore they were in love, and Mia could believe it. You could cut the tension between them with a knife, and feelings that strong were either about love or hate. Sometimes both.
Mia had crossed paths with enough hunters to recognise that they used macho bullshit as a shield. She wondered if Dean would be surprised by how many hunters were in homosexual relationships out there. She figured he would. Mia got the impression that Dean's upbringing didn't include a lot of acceptance of alternative lifestyles that didn't revolve around weapons and violence.
She was considering how it would be best to approach the subject of Dean's feelings, when Cas spoke up, quietly. A little hopelessly.
"I know you don't want to be here. We could've done this at home, but you won't stay in a room alone with me for two seconds let alone long enough to have a conversation. So I figure at least this way we can get it all out and over with." Cas was obviously not expecting a positive outcome, but felt some need for closure.
Dean shifted uncomfortably.
"Dean?" Mia leaned forward in her chair, focusing her attention on Dean. "Do you want to talk about why you've been avoiding Cas?"
Dean sighed and rolled his eyes. He was going to try and shrug it all off as an overreaction, Mia was sure.
"I haven't been avoiding him." Mia raised her eyebrows, making it clear she was calling bullshit.
Cas slouched his shoulders, folding in on himself. Dean saw this and it was obvious that he felt bad about it, and knew that he was the cause.
"I mean. Not really. Sam is blowing this all out of proportion. I've just been busy… is all…" He trailed off, clearly seeing that his words were hurting Cas. He looked like he wanted to reach out to the other man, but stopped himself.
"Cas…" He said it softly.
Cas was barely holding it together. Mia wanted to go over to him and just hug the hell out of him. He looked so small and… forlorn was really the only word for it.
Mia looked over at Dean and saw that he was also looking at Cas, a raw expression on his face, like he was just now seeing how much Cas was hurting.
Cas shifted his gaze to Dean and quickly looked away again. "I don't know how to fix this. After everything with Jack and Mary… I know I hurt you. I realise that you probably can't trust me again. I'm not expecting us to go back to—" his voice broke a little, "back to how we were before. I know we can't get that back, and I don't expect more... anymore." He swallowed, voice tight. "I just miss my best friend. And if I've lost that—if I can't even hope for that, then…" Cas shrugged. His words were faltering, sentences unfinished. Like he couldn't put into words the absolute desolation this situation had left him in. But it was clear as day to Mia, and as she shifted her gaze to Dean, she saw that it was finally dawning on him too. And he looked devastated at the realisation.
"You're leaving." Dean whispered. It wasn't a question. He said it like it was the only possible outcome that made sense to him. "You're leaving me. Us." Mia wondered if that had been Dean's plan all along. Not consciously. But somewhere in his twisted up psyche, he probably thought pushing Cas right out of his life was the only way he could protect himself.
"I can't stay where I'm not wanted, Dean. And you've made it clear you don't want me around. Not permanently, not living in the Bunker. Not as part of your family."
A small choked sound escaped Dean, and Cas looked over quickly, misinterpreting its meaning. "I'll still help with hunts. I'll always be around to help you and Sam. Always."
"That's what you think I want from you? Just—just another convenient weapon to use in a fight?"
Cas gave another small shrug. "I honestly have no idea what you want from me anymore."
"Jesus." Dean dropped his head into his hands, and then scrubbed his hands over his face, and sat back up. He looked torn between anger and despair.
"So you're just going to run?" he asked, voice rising.
Cas flinched. "I want to do whatever will fix things for you, Dean," he answered, gaze fixed firmly on the floor in front of him.
Dean slumped back on the couch, exhaling loudly and running his fingers through his short hair. He was clearly frustrated.
"Hang on," Mia interrupted. "What do you want, Cas? Forget about Dean for a moment, what do you want to do? Do you want to leave?" She almost said "leave Dean" but stopped herself. Baby steps.
The small "no" Cas let out was almost a sob.
"And you, Dean? Do you want Cas to leave? If you can't be around him… you need to tell him if you don't want him around. It's only fair. Let's be clear, here and now. If that's the case, we don't need to go any further than that." Mia purposefully made her words sharp and clear. Dean needed to decide one way or another and he needed to realise the implications of his decision for both Cas and himself.
Dean was looking at her with his mouth hanging slightly open, like he couldn't believe she'd just said that. Good. Snap out of it Dean.
Then Dean turned away from her, like she was no longer worth his notice, and focussed on Cas entirely. Mia got goosebumps from the intensity of that focus. Holy hell she thought. He adores him!
Dean took a deep breath. "Cas." He looked a little lost, like he had no clue what to say after speaking the name of the man he was facing. Then he visibly braced himself. Mia thought he looked like he was preparing to take a punch.
"Cas. I'm not angry at you for Jack. Or for Mom." Cas's brow creased a little. He didn't believe Dean. "I was," Dean hurried to add. "But I'm not anymore. I know you Cas, and I know you only ever have good intentions. Sometimes my anger makes me forget—I just get so damn angry sometimes—but ultimately I'll always remember that."
"Then why…?"
"Fuck, Cas. Don't you see? You DIED. Cas, you died. Again. We were just getting—and then you were gone. You were gone again, and— it shattered me. I can't… I just. I just can't."
A tear rolled down Dean's cheek, but he quickly wiped it away and scrubbed his hand over his face again, shaking his head.
Well. Mia had not known that. Were angels like cats, with the whole nine lives thing? How many times could an angel die? Mia hadn't even known that was something that happened to angels. She was a little out of her depth here, so she kept quiet.
Cas looked confused, but he shifted a little closer to Dean. "You aren't angry with me?"
Dean gave small, slightly hysterical laugh. "No. I'm not angry with you, Cas. Not really. I'm terrified . It just feels so big, and maybe—maybe if I can keep you away, keep making myself feel mad at you, it won't hurt so much if you leave again. Die, I mean." He shook his head. "But I don't think it's working, because you just said you were leaving me and it felt like someone had stabbed me in the gut."
Dean looked up at Cas and said, "don't leave us. Me. Don't leave me."
A small smile had appeared on Cas's face, and neither of the men noticed when Mia quietly got up and walked out of the room. She was no longer needed, and felt like a mug of tea. She waited in the kitchen for the water to boil and the tea to steep. When she had the mug in her hands she stood in the doorway and watched them for a moment, her head tilted to one side and a small smile on her face. Dean was kneeling in front of Cas, his hands framing Cas's face. His back was to Mia so she couldn't see his expression, but from the smile on Cas's face and the devotion in his eyes, whatever he was saying was working.
They'll be fine, she texted Sam. But keep my number. I have a feeling this is going to be a rollercoaster relationship :)
Sam texted her a series of emojis: a thumbs-up, a grin and three eyerolls.
Mia smiled. That had actually been a comparatively easy day at the office. Not at all what she had expected. And she hadn't even needed to shed her skin.