The Mercy Seat
And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of truth
An eye for an eye
A tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die
They came and picked him up from his home and sent him quickly down this dead row.
For crimes of which he was nearly wholly innocent.
At least that's what he'd like to believe.
Those who screamed in terror when he vaporized them with his buster rifle would probably disagree with that assessment. The families of those victims even more so.
The time had finally come to pay for the sins of his youth. A teenhood filled with war crimes and mass destruction.
The rush to execute the Gundam pilots came so suddenly. So many opportunistic politicians and noted ESUN figures from all over began asking for the heads of those who ended the war. You could call them ungrateful, but it's not like he didn't see their point of view.
Did they end the war? Sure.
Did they stop Dekim Barton during the Mariemaia incident? Sure.
But did they also murder Field Marshal Noventa? Yes.
Did a Gundam pilot willingly assist Dekim Barton? Yes.
Did Wing Zero randomly destroy an entire colony with a single shot? Yes.
And they haven't even gotten to their obscene body count.
Information was out there now. The public knew this… all of it. These were absolutely unforgivable crimes of war. He thought about that, wondering exactly how war could be conducted in a lawful manner. Shit happens in war and death is guaranteed. Sometimes things aren't going to play out the right way, but…
Their screw ups were undoubtedly criminal. They needed to pay, and it only made sense that they pay with their lives. So here he was… walking down a long, narrow hall with his wrists cuffed; a group of officers walking him down towards that room.
And in that room… was The Mercy Seat.
Waiting for Heero Yuy.
And the mercy seat is burning
And I think my head is glowing
And in a way I'm hoping
To be done with all this weighing up of truth
An eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And I've got nothing left to lose
And I'm not afraid to die
Oh Relena… his dear wife. How she tried so hard to fight for them. He never thought he would see the day where her influence wouldn't be enough to sway the people's hearts and minds. But he knew she needed to stop. The public wanted them dead.
They began to view her as some sort of terrorist sympathizer, which seemed ridiculous at first. She was a Peacecraft, after all. But for Heero, he could see where they were coming from. As he noted before, his hands were stained with blood from the mistakes of his past. So how could the world's most respected pacifist and politician stand by someone like that? Let alone marry him…
Her brother also tried to hurl Libra onto earth. That didn't help, either.
Threats on her life became more frequent. Heero and the rest of the Preventers were working overtime to stop the plans of those wanting to kill Relena. There were already some still out there who held a grudge against the Vice Foreign Minister and, with the sudden turn of public opinion against the Gundam pilots, it only emboldened them to go after her even more.
However, she still had her supporters. There were still some out there with favorable views on the Gundam pilots and Vice Foreign Minister Yuy. So, negotiations began.
Talks were held.
Conferences were staged.
And they came to a compromise.
Out of respect to Relena Darlian Yuy, the Gundam pilots would not be executed… at least, not all of them.
They just wanted one. That's all.
As soon as Heero heard this, he immediately sought out Commander Une. He asked her to bring him straight to the top. He would make the choice for all of them.
How appropriate… they get to kill the pilot with the angel wings on his machine. He was an angel to some, but a white winged demon to others.
He would be the one… to take their place on The Mercy Seat.
And the mercy seat is smoking
And I think my head is melting
And in a way I'm helping
To be done with all this twisted of the truth
A lie for a lie
And a truth for a truth
And anyway, I saw no proof
And not a motive why
Boy, were his comrades mad at him.
He had no right to make that decision for them. That's what they told him. But honestly, were any of them really trying to sit down and discuss which one of them would die?
Heero wanted them to run no more. They could hide out in the colonies all they want, but that would only serve to recreate the animosity that existed between the Earth and colonies from the past. Heero wouldn't allow that to happen. They worked… and killed to create this peace.
They begged him to reconsider, but he wouldn't hear any of it. He made his decision; he knew going directly to Commander Une would speed up the process, and he would be put on the fast track towards eternity.
An eternity of nothingness.
The anger of his fellow pilots, however, was nothing when compared to that of his wife.
They fought…
They argued…
They cried…
Relena couldn't believe he would do this, especially without even telling her what his intentions were.
He didn't consider her feelings… she said.
He didn't consider their life together… she said.
He didn't consider the friends he would leave behind… she said.
And he didn't consider their unborn baby… she said.
But the truth is, he did it because he thought of all of the above. If he gave up his life, then the attempts on Relena would cease, or at least go back to something manageable. Une and the rest of the pilots promised him Relena would be protected, and he knew he could trust them. It was the least they could do, they all thought, for Heero and the sacrifice he was making for all of them.
Sure, there would be no life together, but there would be one Relena could have with their child.
Their… child.
Heero almost stumbled as he continued his way down the empty corridor. He could feel tears threatening their way out… but he wouldn't let them fall. He told himself when they picked him up this morning…
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to die.
He had been trained long ago not to fear death. So here it was… the opportunity to show exactly what kind of cold hearted monster that training created. When he wanted to, he could still pull out that hardened, stoic Heero Yuy that rampaged throughout Earth and Space in that giant, flying death machine.
The one that could spit in the eye of the grim reaper and jump headfirst into any situation that had the lowest percentage of success. If that meant his death, so be it.
He could find that Heero that existed before Relena changed him.
He could find it… but… right now… it was just so hard.
I'm not afraid to die.
Again, he told himself. He had to believe it.
They arrived at the end of the hall. An officer moved before him, twisting at the knob. The door opened, and they entered the room.
And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of proof
Of an eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
But I'm not afraid to die
April 6, AC 205
That would be the date that he died.
A day before her birthday. How cruel of them.
They had an early birthday party for her a couple days ago. Everyone convened at their home in Brussels. The Gundam pilots, their friends; Milliardo and Noin made it back from space in time to 'celebrate'.
They all tried to act as normal as possible. It was hard to be in a festive mood when someone you know had about forty-eight hours left. It didn't even feel like a birthday party for Relena. The sadness was hard to fight.
But they continued onward, looking for a reason to smile.
Everyone made sure to have their alone time with Heero, letting him know that they would be there when they came to ship him off towards that maximum security prison deep inside the heart of Brussels.
He finally got to bury the hatchet with Zechs. He even joked to him, saying just when he was getting used to being his brother-in-law, they go and kill him.
Zechs got a kick out of that.
He appreciated all of them for being there. Being surrounded by friends, knowing when his time was coming to end… it helped numb the pain just a little bit.
But as grateful as he was for his friends, he just wanted to spend his final hours with the most important person in his life.
They stayed home for these final two days.
They talked.
They laughed.
They cried some more.
From their first meeting on the beach to now.
How crazy their lives together had been, right? They wanted nothing more than to remain in each other's embrace from here till the end of time. Heero wanted to hide his face in her tresses of gold, wishing they could never find him there. He wanted to keep his lips permanently plastered on hers. He wanted to make love to her like it was the first time all over again till they couldn't go anymore.
This woman changed him for the better; she was the only reason he made it this far. He was alive because she made life worth living.
With Relena, life never felt cheap. Why he never believed that before, he had no idea. But that's why he needed her.
His hand remained on her belly as they lay in bed together.
Whoever you are…
Daddy loves you..
One more thing, Heero thought.
To you and your mother…
I'm sorry.
And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of proof
Of an eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
And I'm not afraid to die
The gray walls of this isolated room boxed him in with these correctional officers. They moved about, getting everything prepared to end a man's life. All while Heero looked at the device that would send him towards a world of black.
An electric chair.
Heero had to hide back an absurdly inappropriate chuckle. How the hell was this still around? They were going to kill him with something that should've never made it out of the 20th century.
He shook his head with a smirk.
He looked around and the only person he recognized was Commander Une. They began escorting him forward. She gave him a salute, and Heero gave her a nod. Her expression gave away nothing, but that's because Une had already told him what he needed to hear.
She would do all she could to keep his wife and child safe. It was her way of thanking him for all he had done, and for everything he had inspired. She would protect his legacy.
His heart began to pound as his feet progressed further towards the chair.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to die.
He repeated to himself over and over again. It was true. He could bring out that Heero Yuy… Operation Meteor Heero Yuy.
'I'll kill you' Heero Yuy.
His brows furrowed and he was locked in. They brought him to his seat, removing his cuffs and instructing him to sit.
He got as comfortable as he could on this tough wooden chair. The feeling of it sent his mind racing. This wasn't the position he thought he would be in when the time for his death arrived. Dying on his back is how he saw himself going. He took a deep breath and eyed the staff as they strapped him in, placing electrodes all over him.
He felt his body begin to shake and he inwardly cursed himself. Now wasn't the time to show weakness. It was time, into the abyss he goes.
He further scanned the room, his eyes shifting around as his head could no longer move. They added water over his head and allowed it to fall to arms and legs. He could feel the streams crawl over his exposed skin, chills running throughout his body.
He felt himself shake; his frame quivering as he saw his executioner hover over the lever that would turn him into a lighting rod. He heard talking, but he didn't listen.
His eyelids closed and his thoughts wandered, allowing himself to think about the only thing that mattered.
Relena…
She begged for him to stay before they shipped him off. All he could do was tell her that he loved her while she sobbed and cried. No matter how many battlefields he saw, this was by far the toughest thing he ever had to witness. Zechs had to hold her back, otherwise she would never let him go.
Once more, he told her that he loved her.
He loved both of them. The child he would never know.
He was placed in a van and even as they drove away, he could still hear her pained screams… calling out to him. Her cries struck like a dagger to the heart.
And that was the last time he would ever hear her voice again.
The talking had ceased. It was time to get this fireworks show going.
His breathing began to stutter and also quickened at a rapid pace; the quivering in his body began to get more violent. His hands dug into the wood, splinters penetrating his skin. Sweat begins to mix with the applied water. His body was weakening.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to die.
Any last words? They asked him.
Nothing.
If he had any, they would only be for Relena… and she wasn't here.
Very well. They got ready to pull the lever that would send a fatal rush of electricity flying throughout his body. He swallowed hard, preparing for the moment of truth.
Ready? He heard.
Yeah, everyone was ready. Him, too.
At that point, images of a life now lost began flashing in his head like a sped up slideshow. He could see the birth of his child. He and Relena appeared to have a daughter. She was beautiful… just like her mother. She could see her daughter growing up, taking her first steps, saying her first words, going to school for the first time. He could see his daughter graduate high school; the next thing he saw was an older, but not any less gorgeous Relena holding their grandchildren and then he…
A sob escaped him and then he growled to himself in anger.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not afraid to die.
I'm not…
No, that wasn't true. Not anymore.
He didn't want to die. For the first time in a long time, he legitimately feared death. He tried to say he wasn't afraid, but it was a lie.
All set. He heard. The time came and the lever was pulled.
He was afraid to die. He gnashed his teeth and felt his body become consumed with lighting. His body was on fire and he felt himself disintegrate.
The world became white and, on this day, Heero Yuy died as a former Gundam pilot, a former soldier, a former preventer, a loving husband and also… a liar.
And the mercy seat is waiting
And I think my head is burning
And in a way I'm yearning
To be done with all this measuring of proof
Of an eye for an eye
And a tooth for a tooth
And anyway I told the truth
But I'm afraid I told a lie
AN: Something different... real different. Uh, yeah. I just heard a song I haven't heard in such a long time and I forgot how intense it was. It's such a harrowing listen and it inspired me to write this out of nowhere. Not a happy thing I wrote here, but well, happy is what the last chapter of Yr. Skull is for lol Sorry.
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - "The Mercy Seat"