NO FREE RIDES
It was a beautiful day in Vale, perfect for those that were taking their driving tests.
"Here we are again at the Mrs. Goodwitch's Driving School."
Behind the wheel of one of the cars was a student named Ruby Rose who was eagerly and reckless driving the car around the driving school. Sitting in the passenger seat with her was her teacher Glynda Goodwitch who was clearly on edge as she clinged to the interior of the car like her life depended on it.
"Today is once again the day of Ruby's driving school exam, but more importantly this is the last test for the year and if Ruby doesn't pass this one then it means another WHOLE YEAR OF DRIVING SCHOOL!" Following a loud crash, the author lies on the ground groaning in pain next to the broken camera that they're previously using.
Ruby looks at Glynda in confusion. "What just happened?"
Glynda smiles to Ruby, not seeming to care about what just happened. "Oh, nothing important Ruby. You just struck down another pedestrian. Minus 20 more points." She writes on the clipboard, adding another penalty to Ruby's test.
"How many points does that leave me with?" Ruby asks, getting slightly concerned.
"Negative 224." Glynda answers with a straight face.
"How much time do I have left on the test?" Ruby is even more concerned.
"The test is over Ruby."
"That's enough time, I can make up those points!" Ruby shouts with excitement, catching Glynda by surprise as she grabs the lever of the car, causing Glynda to panic.
"No, wait Ruby, you didn't hear me!" She screams as the car goes into reverse at high speed, trying to reason with Ruby as she goes out of control. "It's too late to pass Ruby!" Her cries are unheard as Ruby drives the car backwards through a line of cars, a brick wall, and finally launches the car into the air so it crashes in front of the building, turning into a heap of broken junk.
Glynda rises up from the pile, coughing as the dust cloud clears while Ruby pops next to her, neither of them harmed thanks to a little thing called Aura.
"Okay, Mrs Goodwitch, what's my final score?" Ruby asks eagerly, somehow believing the last stunt she just pulled saved her final grade.
Looking over her clipboard, Glynda's answer was simple. "Six."
"Whoo!" Ruby cheers. "And how many do I need to pass?"
"Six."
"Whoooooo..." Ruby starts building up for a louder cheer, slowly raising her arms upward.
"Hundred."
Ruby pauses, looking at Glynda with confusion. "What?"
"600. You need 600 points to pass. You only got six." Considering Ruby's earlier score, that was quite the recovery but sadly it wasn't good enough.
"Don't worry, I'll be alright Mrs. Goodwitch!" Ruby looks like she's struggling not to cry but soon cheers up. "Besides, this just means that I get to be in your class for a whole 'nother year!" She slaps her fist down on a piece of metal, launching a chunk of the cars former motor into the air. "See you next Tuesday!"
As Ruby gets up and leaves, the motor piece that was sent into the air lands on top of Glynda's head, messing up her glasses as her eye twitches violently while she holds on the urge to scream in pain.
Ruby was totally obivous as to what she just did as she leaves the front of the driving school, singing to herself. "Yeah! I'm gonna get my driver's license and it's only gonna take one more year, one more year, one more super duper year!" As she sings she leaps onto her parked unicycle and starts riding in circles outside of the school. "One more super-spectacular, extra-magical, extra-fantastical year!"
As Ruby sings, Glynda is staring blankly ahead, sweating nervously as she processes the true horror of the situation she was in. "Oh, dear Oum! Another year with her! Beowolves! Dirty Beowolves! I've got to do something to save myself! Wait, I know! There's only one way out of this: a teacher's ace in the hole!" She suddenly smiles as she stands upright. "Extra credit!"
Ruby pauses what she was doing to look at Glynda. "What was that Mrs. Goodwitch?"
"Extra credit, Ruby! The extra credit!" Glynda runs up to Ruby, laughing as she grabs Ruby and shakes her excitedly. "I still have a chance! Oh! I mean, you still have a chance." Glynda corrects herself, hugging Ruby tightly to her chest.
"What's extra credit?" Ruby's question was muffled by the hug.
"It's when you get credit for the things you weren't able to do before." Glynda explains after releasing Ruby from the hug.
Ruby let's out a happy noise, liking the sound of that.
Back in the classroom, Ruby was sitting at her desk while Glynda was standing at the front of the class, ready to put her plan into motion. "Now Ruby, are we ready for the extra credit?"
Ruby nods excitedly. "Extra credit!"
"That's the spirit." Glynda smiles, happy to see Ruby willing to cooperate. "So all you have to do to earn your extra credit and pass my class, and never have to come anywhere near this school again, is to write a ten-word sentence on what you've learned in driving school." She explains, getting a bit too excited for a moment at the thought of Ruby being gone for good.
"But I've learned so many things here." Ruby comments.
"It's alright, just pick one. I don't care which. Here, I'll help you get started. "What I learned in driving school is..." There! That's already seven words! Only three more left!" Glynda helps Ruby, hoping to get this over with quickly.
Ruby down what Glynda says, mumbling of herself as she does so. "L...e...a...r..." She pauses as her pencil tip snaps off. "Oh, beowolves."
"What's wrong?" Glynda questions.
"Got to sharpen my pencil." Ruby walks over to the sharpener, sharpening the pencil and pulling it out to examine it before repeating the process. She keeps repeating the process while humming to herself while Glynda is left staring at her, starting to sweat from the stress of having to put of with Ruby's nonsense even now. After getting the sharpness that she wanted, Ruby returns to her desk to resume writing. "E...d..." Another snap is heard and Ruby is once again approaching the sharpener with a broken pencil.
"Give me that!" Glynda takes away Ruby's pencil forcefully, giving her a pen instead. "Here's a pen."
Ruby admires the pen she was given. "A pen! One of the most permanent of all writing utensils. "She returns to the desk, singing to herself as she finally finishes the paper and holds it up for Glynda, "Done."
"Fantastic, now let me see it."
"No, wait! I change my mind!" Ruby suddenly panics, making some changes on the paper.
"Ruby, I'm sure whatever you've written is fine, just let me see it."
Ruby covers the paper with her body instead, refusing to show it. "No, don't look! It's not ready!"
"It's so simple, it's only ten words! "What I learned in driving school is blankity, blankity, blank!" Glynda was starting to lose her own mind, unable to understand how Ruby could be having so much trouble with such a simple assignment.
"I can do this! I can do this!"
"What I learned in driving school is...!" "What I learned in driving school is...!"
"I can do this! I can do this!" Ruby starts panting and sweating heavily, clearly losing her mind due to the stress. "Is it hot in here Mrs. Goodwitch? Why is it so hot in here?!" She suddenly screams as she grabs her hand. "My hand is cramping, Mrs. Goodwitch! Make it stop!"
Unable to take it anymore, Glynda leaps on top of Ruby, trying to force her pen to write on the paper while Ruby resists her. "You only need three... more... words!" She screams, getting cut off as she desk crumbles under the combined weight of the both of them. She groans as she climbs off of Ruby, grabbing onto the paper. "Okay, let me see what you've written."
Ruby grabs the paper, still hesitant."It's not ready yet."
"It's okay, Ruby. Show the teacher what you've written.
"No!"
"Give it to me!" Glynda demands, pulling on the paper forcefully as Ruby pulls back.
"No!"
"Let me see it!" The paper rips in half, causing the two to pause for a moment before Glynda glares at Ruby and grabs her piece, putting the two halves together so she could read it. "What I learned in driving school is... um..." Aside from the first seven words she gave to Ruby, the rest was a jumbled mess of crossed out words and random doodles. Sweating as she tries to comprehend it, she decides she's had enough and tosses the papers aside. "The rest doesn't matter! You pass! You pass!" She laughs, feeling great relief at saying those words.
"Mrs, Goodwitch, I don't tell like I really did anything." Ruby looks a bit concerned.
"That's how extra credit is supposed to feel."
"Really?" Ruby cheers up at those words.
"Besides, here's your license." Glynda smiles as she hands Ruby her driving license, already prepared for the day she would normally earn it. Sadly, that day never came.
Not that Ruby cared as she started at it in awe. "My license!" Without warning, she picks it with her tongue. "It tastes just like I dreamt it would. Mrs. Goodwitch, I...
Glynda doesn't give Ruby a chance to speak as she is already pushing Ruby out the front door. "Thank you, Ruby. Congratulations, and have a nice life!" She waves happily as Ruby leaves, finally free of the most chaotic student she has ever met.
Ruby walks away from the school, holding out her license proudly. "Look out Vale! There's a new driver on the road and her name is Ruby Rose!"
Ruby's name echoes in Glynda's ears as she looks on in horror, a horrible vision suddenly coming to mind.
Ruby was driving her car happily while singing to herself, swerving back and forth wildly as she hits many pedestrians, sending them flying through the air screaming. She even knocks over a bus, crushing a poor citizen that happened to be next to it. The worst part of it being when she drives through a birthday party, dragging out screams of pain and terror as she ran over the partygoers.
On the news channel, Lisa Lavender is reporting on the chaos as a image of a burning city is placed in the background with the sound of screaming. "So much destruction... this reporter can only ask "Why?"
An image of Glynda appears on the background as Lisa continues. "Local consensus has chosen to place the blame on this negligent, selfish driving instructor who..." She cries out in pain as Ruby runs her over, getting into the studio somehow. She weaking stands back up into the view of the camera. "Lets... not...use that take." She clasps to the floor.
Snapping back to reality, Glynda shakes off the vision she just had. "That's preposterous. She did the extra credit and there is no need to worry. She doesn't even have a car to drive." Smiling as she feels at ease, Glynda continues on with her day till it's time to head home.
It's now nighttime as Glynda is walking home, feeling a lot happier now that Ruby was going from her class. "Now to go home, have the rest of that pasta and relax for the night." She walks through the front door of the house, turning on the light and screaming in surprise.
"Surpise!" Standing in her house was Ruby with her parents Taiyang Xiao Long and Summer Rose, along with a massive cake that read "Thank you Mrs. Goodwitch!".
"To the greatest teacher ever!" Ruby adds, making it clear this was all meant for Glynda.
Taiyang approaches Glynda. "Thank you Mrs. Puff. I know I speak for everyone when I say that we consider you a member of the Rose family." He takes Glynda's hand and starts kissing it for a long while as Glynda just stands there, wondering how this people got into her house.
"I think you made your point dear." Summer speaks to Taiyang to get his attention.
Taiyang blushes as he regains his composure, walking back over to his family. "I got to admit Mrs. Goodwitch, we were starting to think Ruby was never going to get her license, but you never gave up on her, you never quit, you never took the easy way out!"
"Y-Yeah, thats right." Glynda smiles nervously, hoping no one noticed.
"That said, we wanted to make sure that Mrs. Goodwitch, the greatest driving teacher in the world, was here to see this!" Summer speaks excitedly.
"See what?" Glynda grows more nervous.
Taiyang then walks over to a covered object nearby, yanking off the sheer to reveal a bright red convertible that he somehow snuck into Glynda' .."Ta-da!" He reads the license plate to everyone. "IM-RDY."
"A BRAND NEW CAR?!" Both Ruby and Glynda scream in unison, Ruby being excited while Glynda was horrified.
"For me...?" Ruby wobbles before fainting from the surprise, landing backwards onto the cake that was set out before.
After Ruby's fainting episode, the family had gathered into Ruby's new car as they prepared to leave with Ruby still passed out in the back seat.
"Don't worry, Mrs. Goodwitch, Ruby will be driving by tomorrow! Toddle-Loo!" Summer waves to Glynda as Taiyang starts the car and drives them home.
As soon as the family drove off, Glynda began to panic. "Oh, sweet Oum what have I done?! As soon as Ruby starts driving everyone is going to know that I just let her slide through school! I'll have to move to a new city and start a new driving school with a new name!" Suddenly, her panic clears as she instead feels the desire to stand her ground. "No.. not again. This time I have to end it before it begins." Knowing what she had to do, she prepares for the long night ahead.
Back at the Rose home, Ruby was resting in her own bed with bandages around her head.
"You really took quite the fall there." Taiyang checks are Ruby.
Ruby suddenly bolts upright in bed. "What I learned in driving school today is!" She's stopped as Taiyang gently pushes her back down.
"We're going to have to put a hold on the driving for a while."
Summer agrees, covering up Ruby in her blankets "He's right honey. For now, just stay in bed and no going near the car." Turning off the bedroom light, her parents leader her there to get some rest.
A few seconds later, Ruby gets out of bed and sneaks out of the window once it's all clear, heading straight for where her car was parked near the house. "Hi, Cary." She smiles, running her hand along the side of the car and gasping as she feels the cool metal. "Cary, you're cold. Here, take my socks." After covering her socks o the car she climbs on the side door embrassing it lovely. "Oh Cary, I'll always take care of you. You're the best car in the entire world!" With a kiss to the lever, she falls asleep in the backseat of the car after showing she was definitely feeling the effects of the fall from a short while ago.
Shortly after Ruby feel asleep a shadowy figure sneaks up to the house and up to Ruby's new car, revealing itself to be Glynda in a black ski mask and black outfit as she climbs into the driver side of the car. She had come to the conclusion that the only way to stop Ruby from driving was to steal the car and she was fully prepared as she reached into a brown bag she brought with her.
"I hope I still remember how to do this." Pulling out a purple balloon, she blows it up and twists it into a balloon animal, looking content as she sighs happily. "Oh yeah, I still got it..." Feeling more at ease, she starts up the car and drives off with the hope that this would save her job.
Unfortunately for Glynda, she was obvious to the presence of a sleeping Ruby in the back seat of the car, the motion of the car causing her to wake up and see the sky passing overhead. "Hey! I'm driving!" Sitting upright, Ruby and Glynda see each other, causing the both of them to scream in surprise as Glynda losing control of the car for a moment, sliding wielding before getting back in control.
Ruby jumps into the passenger seat of the car, looking furious as she confronts the burglar trying to get away with her car. "Who are you?! And what are you doing with my car?! And why are you wearing that ski mask?! You're not skiiing?! She suddenly gasps, covering her mouth. "Oh my gosh, I know who you are!"
"No, no you don't! You don't know who I am." Glynda panics, fearing that Ruby was going to call her out.
"Yes I do! I know that you're... a car-jacker! I never thought I would have to use this pepper spray!" Pulling out the pepper spray she kept on her person, Ruby aims it at Glynda and presses on the nozzle, causing a cloud of pepper spray to cover her own face due to the nozzle facing her direction. "MY EYES! SOMEBODY HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!" Her screams of pain her silence as she gets a kick to the face by Glynda, sending her into a some trash cans.
"I'm so sorry Ruby, but this is for your own good!" Glynda apologizes as she continues to drive, hoping that Ruby wasn't hurt too badly. Much to her surprise however, Ruby had already recovered and was right next to the car, panting heavily as she used her unicycle to keep up with Glynda.
"Give me back my car!" Ruby shouts as Glynda speeds up to get away. Catching up to Glynda again, Ruby leaps from her unicycle and grabs onto the windshield of the car, her arms stretching like rubber as Glynda swerved sharply to try and shake her off buy she refuses to let go. "You better stop this car!" This only causes Glynda to speed up, slamming Ruby into the road behind the car but she still hangs on, arms stretching longer as she runs behind the car. "I'm... not... letting... go!" Her shoes create sparks as she slides on the road while Glynda makes a sharp turn.
"Nothing will stop me! Not even..." She gasps in horror as she sees a sign approaching with the image of a Beowolf on it. "GIANT BEOWOLVES?!" She screams as she's dragged through a pack of giant beowolves as they bite and claw at her. As she leaves the pack, she's covered in scratch and bite marks, her outfit having several tears in various spots and her cape is ripped off but she was still hanging in.
"I'm still... not letting... go... even for..." She gasps in horror again as she sees another sign, this time with the image of a cheese grater on it. "CHEESE GRATERS?!" She screams again as she's dragged through a group of giant human-sized cheese graters, the graters shredding her up fiercely. As she leaves the cheese graters she's been reduced to an outline that was still holding onto the car.
"If you think I'll let go for a little..." A new sign appears, signifying the worst thing imanigable to humanity. "EDUCATIONAL TELEVISION?! OH NO!" That proved to be the finishing blow as she finally let's go, screaming in the distance while Glynda looks back to see her gone.
"Whew, looks like that got rid of her. Now for some nice tunes." Smiling with relief, she turns on the radio, not noticing that it looking strangely similar to Ruby's face.
"We're now back to KRUD with all of your personal "You won't get away with stealing my car!" hits."
Glynda looks at the radio in confusion before screaming in horror as it warps outward, revealing itself to be Ruby in disguise as she tackles Glynda and starts brawling with her, leading to the car going out of control and driving in circles.
In the distance a police car is parked in place as the two officers Qrow Branwen and Clover Ebi were enjoying a peaceful night on duty.
"Huh, would you like at that." Qrow comments as they watch the out of control car in front of them. Shortly afterward, the car with Ruby and Glynda drives up and off a nearby hill, sending it flying into the air and toward the police car as Qrow and Clover scream and huddle together at the approaching car.
Even as the car is flying toward an unavoidable crash, Ruby refuses to stop fighting as she controls to beat a struggling Glynda. "I'll never let you have this car! Not even if you're..." During the fight she rips off the ski mask, stunned into silence as she recognizes the face of her teacher. "Mrs. Goodwitch?" This reveal causes Ruby to have a minor episode of insanity as the car crashes into the police car. A few seconds later, the siren goes off.
"So, how's it going Mrs. Goodwitch?" The following morning after the incident with the police car, Ruby was visiting Glynda in jail to check to on her. Considering Glynda was caught dressed like a burglar and stealing.a car, it wasn't too surprising she ended up getting arrested last night.
Glynda sighs. "Listen Ruby, I want to apologize for everything that happened yesterday. I never should've passed you when you really weren't ready."
Ruby nods with understanding. "Guess this means I have to give back my license then?"
"On the plus side, I heard that Mrs. Peach is starting a new class Monday morning."
"You kidding me? You're the only teacher for me." Ruby smiles, showing her loyalty to the teacher that put up with her all this time. "And besides, I talked to the warden and she said she'll let you out early if you do her a favor."
"What favor is that?"
"Free driving lessons!" Ruby laughs, ignoring the groaning that came from Glynda.
END
This is the first of what I plan to a collection of Spongebob parodies involving the RWBY. Finding very few parody fanfiction of RWBY involving Spongebob episodes, I decided to work on bringing those to the fanfiction community. There may be a few spelling errors here and there, but hopefully it's still enjoyable. I intend to check back on the chapters I've written and tidy them up when I can so please don't mind the typos too much.
Reason I choose to do this episode first is because it's one of my personal favorites and I love the idea of Glynda being Mrs. Puff in this story. It's such a perfect fit with Ruby being Spongebob. I plan to change the characters based on the episodes but so far, Glynda as Mrs. Puff is one I plan to keep consistent along with Ruby as Spongebob though I can see Jaune being Spongebob on some chapters. Feel free to comment on which characters to think work best for certain roles or episodes. I'm currently unsure of who to use for Mr. Krabs, Plankton, or Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy for those episodes.
Aside from the main characters, figure the random background characters could be whoever you want them to be if I haven't decide who to use. Feel free to comment who you think could work for this chapter or future chapters as background characters. I'll consider those suggestions when cleaning up my chapters.
Please comment if you like the story and tell me what your favorite moment of this episode is. My favorite part is the cheese graters scene simply because of how perfectly random it is. XD