As she watched the helicopter float above her, Buffy screamed as hard as she could. Her heart was racing, her stomach was dropping, her throat her, tears were stinging her eyes as she repeated his name, begging him to hear her, begging him to look back and just see her.
'Why do they always do this?' her brain screamed as the helicopter turned.
It wasn't near as painful, but it reminded her of Angel right now and that only made the panic inside of her bubble up more. She mustered up all she had left and yelled for Riley one last time but he didn't hear her.
She sank to the ground as the helicopter flew further and further away. She wasn't ready for this, for him to be gone. She was angry, hurt... it wasn't fair of him to pull something like this. She was angry at Xander for cornering her and making her almost have hope, almost remembering all the good memories they had had together. She knew she was going to miss him... but her reasons for running after him were more complicated than that.
Buffy let out an extremely shaky breath as her thoughts turned to Angel. Her knees came up and her head buried against them, tears falling freely. "Why do they all leave?" she whispered between hiccups.
Angel had left her so she could find someone like Riley and she almost felt like she was letting him down. Angel was the biggest reason why she couldn't truly move on and at the same time they couldn't be together because he thought she deserved so much more. It was a stupid roundabout. Angel stood in the way of her ever letting someone fully in, of loving them but God, she had tried her best with what she could when it came to Riley.
And he'd been as best as she would ever get, she knew that. Riley was as close to normal as someone like her was ever going to have. And even that wasn't really all that normal, but she was a vampire slayer... you get what you can. She was a girl in love with a cursed vampire, Riley seemed pretty damn normal in comparison.
He was human, he knew her secret, her friends liked him. He accepted her, he loved her.
He was good.
He wasn't going to lose his soul and start killing everyone because she made him happy...
Buffy squeezed herself in the tightest hug she could manage. Flashbacks of Angel were overpowering. He had left her and she still hadn't recovered... right now was certainly proving that as she kept reliving her break up with him more than focusing on what had transpired between her and Riley.
She'd think of how Riley was gone and he wasn't going to be in her future memories...but he'd quickly drift away from her mind and it'd be Angel all over again. He was gone first, he was gone longer... he'd broken her far worse. Her future without him strangled her if she gave it thought every single time.
She had tried so hard to accept it, but she knew it'd never truly happen.
Buffy didn't know how long she sat there, but eventually she had to get up, she had to wipe her face and start home. Home... to be alone again, to be poor Buffy who can't give the men she loved what they needed, to be poor Buffy who was left behind again.
THE END.
ButImBroken:
"Well, we kiss like painted tigers, but we bleed like no one else."