/So, this is something that has been an idea for a while. It's a different take on the relationship between Ana and Christian. This start is a quick intro of Ana Steele and her life. Please let me know what you think. This chapter was hard writing, but it is full of emotions.

Anastasia Steele was a strong, independent twenty-three-year-old book editor from Seattle. The long-legged brunette woman was at the height of her career, who had fallen in love with her best friend Christian Grey. The man had made her feel complete and noticed when everyone else just saw her as the dorky girl whose dad was the police chief. He saw her love for art, books and life, he saw his friend who just wanted to live life to the fullest. It wasn't always easy for Ana due to the walls she'd built up because of her mom had spent most of Ana's life out of it. Ana hardly let anyone in, but Christian had been there for everything. But more recently they'd gotten a lot closer, she was finally willing to accept that he could be more. Christian Grey had made name for himself without the help of anyone else, she was proud to have experienced every moment with him. Christian truly was a man who took what he wanted and yet, he was a good humble man who just wanted to make sure the world was a better place.

Ana sighed before sitting up as she thought about back to the moments with him, it pained her to remember the times with him. The only thing that truly sucked was the fact Ana was scared of all the emotions that would come with Christian's complicated character. He was a famous business man who everyone wanted, but to Ana he was just the boy who always found her in the tree house…even if he was the one who could break it without a thought.

Ana was sitting out the window of her treehouse, she found herself thinking about collage and the future she was supposed to adapt to. She wasn't sure she was ready for this world and moving to La. So far away from Ray, the few friends she'd made and her best friend Christian. Ana found herself doubting the move…maybe it wasn't time for it, she could forgo the opportunity? Ray would probably kill her and never forgive her for staying back and not doing something with her life because of Christian. Even he knew the attraction between the two of them was there all these years she'd been in Seattle. But to Ray it didn't matter, she was always his little bookworm who loved her treehouse. "You look lost in thought…" Ana shook her thoughts from her mind as she looked at Christian. He was taller and less geeky than he'd left her last year. Christian was just one year ahead of Ana, but their ability to converse it was effortless that you could never really tell how old either of them were.

"I am…I was thinking of my move. How did you leave your family? I mean you're all the way in Harvard and I know it couldn't have been easy for you to leave yours." Ana moved over as her friend slid in next to her. It was effortless how the two of them just fit into each other. It was almost like a magnetic pull that neither really questioned or talked about. "I just don't know what to do Christian. Dad needs me here. He only has me." Ana's voice broke, her guilt was there on full display for the world to see, but Christian was the only one that understood her.

"As hard as it was to leave them, it didn't hurt as much as leaving you. You get me Ana; I trust you more than anyone…" No one would know it from the outside, but Christian Grey didn't let ANYONE touch him or be in his inner circle. He always shook someone's hand or lightly hugged them. Yet, when it came to Ana, Christian let some of his walls down just as quickly as her touch made him feel something. "It wont be easy, especially cause now you and I are even farther apart, but I'll always be here for you Ana. Especially the times you're missing home. You can always come back here if you want." Ana smiled as she leaned against Christian's shoulder, he simply gave her the peace and reassurance that she needed. Maybe in a few years when they came back to Seattle, they'd find their way back to one another.

Present day

The pain was indescribable, things we're just paused and frozen in time. Waking up today was hard for Ana, but then again, it's been like that for the last few weeks. Ana was constantly just wishing things made more sense. Looking up at the ceiling she could feel her eyes start to water. The dream she'd had last night felt so real, so life-like that she almost believed what was happening...yet it wasn't. There was no changing whatever made him walk out of her life. She snuggled closer to her pillow; she was confused what she had done to deserve all of this happening. She thought she had to a chance to see the light, but not anymore. 'Call him' her inner thoughts raced attempting to make sense of things. He probably didn't know that today was going to be a pretty rough one...Would he even care? She never thought she'd be in the position she was in currently in, to say goodbye to the only father she'd ever known. How would she really get through all of this without someone holding her together? Ana sighed as she sat up from her bed trying to gather the strength to get out of bed and put on a face for her friends and family to grieve with.

Knock knock "Ana?" Turning Ana watched as her best friend walked into her room, her own eyes stained with tears. "Oh Ana, I know things look so dark right now." Ana shook her head as Kate came toward her, how did she know anything. She didn't lose two of the only men she would ever love...leaving her to just be here. "Things will get better Annie..." Biting her lip, Ana just signed as she rose out of her bed to the shower. She needed to relax; she couldn't let anyone see the pain she was in. She couldn't let anyone see her walls slowly, but surely rising up again. She couldn't let anyone see her breaking at the moment, she would leave her tears for the shower. That was going to be the safest place for her to deal with everything going on at once. Kate was still sitting there on Ana's bed when Ana re-entered the room, Kate seemed to be lost in her own thoughts looking down at the black dress she'd picked for her friend. "You haven't talked much lately, or even eaten. Everyone's wondering when you're going to break." Leave it to Kate to be blunt and keep her from relaxing herself.

It had been about two weeks since Ray had passed away, the moment that a man decided to grab at his phone and beer instead of focusing on the road. His body was so bruised from the truck, an image that continuously would be ingrained in her head. Ray was later taken to the hospital where he held on enough for his only daughter to say goodbye.

It had only been a week since Christian had left her no choice once he was caught with his ex. Embracing like she never mattered. Who was she to possibly even think she was enough for a man like him? She didn't want to think about it anymore, she just needed some space from everyone and everything, maybe it was time to head out and find herself back with her dad. "Ana?" Ana tried to keep her mind from Christian as Kate came running into the house. Lately Kate had been trying to keep her own boyfriend from coming over since he was Christian's brother. Though I didn't…" Ana!" Kate snapped her fingers in front of her brunette friend.

"What is your problem Kate, you don't have to be a brat. I don't want to talk about him okay, it's over and done with. He chooses her over me, I refuse to wait around hoping he decides I'm enough." Instantly Ana felt her tears fall from her eyes, she'd kept them bottled up the last week, she was trying everything to keep what was going to affect her, it didn't seem to affect him. Kate tried to hold back her own tears as she watched her best friend finally having her break down. But the guilt set in instantly knowing that her poor friend was about to get a rude awakening. "What did I do? Why does this always happen to me Kate, you were right I should've never gotten into this…"

"Ana it's Ray sweetie…He was hit by a drunk driver. We need to get to the hospital okay. I just need you to brea…" Ana felt like her heart was beating out of her chest as they just stood there in the room, she'd been hiding in. The pain felt like someone had stabbed Ana repeatedly, but decided to keep in there before moving it through her heart. Sinking to the ground she clutched her own chest trying to steady her breathing. Glass was rapidly cutting though the thickness of her skin and opening her greatest fears. Losing her father was always a fear with him being a police officer, but for a freak accident to take his life so quickly, how?

Kate didn't take long to scoop up her friend and help her to the hospital where Ana would say her last goodbye to her father.

Shaking her head Ana grabbed the dress from Kate, her thoughts brought her back to the present away from a piece of her life that she didn't want to remember. Slipping into the dress, Ana shook her head at Kate, she just didn't get it. "I don't know what you want me to express or explain Kate. My dad's dead. The only person who believed in me and had my back in the worst moments is gone. There's nothing I can say or do to change that and I don't want to even begin to talk about it right now." The pain was there, the anger she'd been holding in for the last few weeks. The little make up she had on dropped down her cheek, it wasn't just that here dad was gone, but it was the fact that she wished Christian was here to hold her together. She was now living in a world alone. Sure, her mom was here, but they weren't close like Ana and Ray. "Can't I just bury my dad! Can I just go through one moment where I get to process everything? You all look at me like I'm about to break, but not one of you have let me breathe for a second; no, you all just keep staring at me!" Ana knew it was an extreme, but she was tired of everyone walking on eggshells and waiting for her to lose herself, or to break. She wouldn't dream of giving anyone the satisfaction. After getting dressed Ana left her room leaving Kate as she opted to go downstairs and entertain the whole group of people who seemed to have gathered at her father's home.

"Annie..." Carla her mother attempted to get her daughter's attention. Ana hated that name now. The only person who was allowed to call her that at all was dead, she only wanted to hear his soothing voice call to her, but yet here she was getting the unlucky burden of burying her father. How lucky? "Ana, maybe you should eat? We'll be heading to the grave site soon. Ray wouldn't want you to be like this Ana. He'd have all our necks if you weren't taken care of. So please help me help you through this." Ana pulled away from Carla. Yes, pushing away the only parent she had left wasn't the nicest thing to do, but right now Carla was pushing her very last button.

Kate watched from the distance as Ana sat away from everyone snacking on little pieces of bread. She looked like a skinny lost bird that seemed to no longer have any light left in her. "Your brother is an ass. If there was any way for him to get his shit together, it would be a good time." Kate sighed putting her plate down before facing Elliot. This had been the cause of a lot of disagreements between the new couple. They'd gone back and forth about telling off Christian for leaving Ana, but Elliot had made the point he didn't know about Ray just yet. "He should be here…She doesn't need a man in her life, but she would've let him in, she would have a stronger person to take her in when she needed him more." Kate stared back at Elliot as he looked back to Ana. His girlfriend wasn't wrong, but there was nothing he or she could do. All they really could do is keep Ana close and make sure she didn't feel any bit alone.

The drive to the funeral was filled with sniffles and tears as Ana drove herself. No one wanted her to drive alone, yet no one fought Ana on it. It was clear that there was no getting through to the grief-stricken young woman. The grave site wasn't too far into Seattle, right by the ocean where Ray enjoyed fishing. He would've loved this spot; he'd taken Ana so many years to just relax and just be them. She'd always had a nice relationship with Ray, he was simple, loving, but knew when to give Ana her space. He never crowded her, also knew when she needed him the most. Yet here she was needing him and he was in the ground below her.

five months prior

Ana stared out into the ocean as Ray got their chairs ready for the sunset. Ray wasn't your usual police officer; he enjoyed the lighter things in life. He especially loved spending time at the beach with his awkward, book-loving daughter. Once their chairs were ready, Ana sat next to her father with a beer in her hand. "Always remember this moment sweetie. Life gets so crazy and I know things always aren't the best, but remember moments like this." Ray looked out into the ocean as the sun began to descend into the water. "Someday I won't be here. Someday life will take me and as much as I don't want to ever have to leave you…I know you'll be okay. Not right away, but it'll be okay sweetie."

"No, you'll never leave me Ray. You and I both know that." Ana smirked before taking a sip of her beer. A simple smile covered her face. The little moments she had with her father made her wish for this moment to never end.

"I know you probably don't want to talk to your old man, but what's going on with you and Christian. I thought he was dating that one girl." Ana laughed at her father's attempt to gossip, but she knew better than to tell him much since he loved to gossip her and Christian's 'relationship' with Christian's parents. "I'm just saying Annie, if you two date, you could do worst. He's not a bad guy."

Ana just rolled her eyes trying to escape the questions. "Why don't you and I just worry about our time together. Maybe instead of my lack of relationship. Remember, this is about me and you."

Tears escaped the side of her eye; the painful thought crossed her mind quickly. Don't do this Ana, save it for your safe place. She reminded herself as her father's friends began parking their cars on the hill. The memory kept her through the whole ceremony, even though it was beyond tough to just sit there blankly staring at the plot where father was now resting while everyone cried, morning everything that was Ray. Carrick and Grace Grey had come back from their vacation to attend with Mia, all three surrounding the broken Ana as she stared out into nothing. Grace felt for the young woman as she just sat there unmoved by the whole movement. Ana had been so strong through the whole thing; Grace was worried to leave her alone for too long with the fear of her breaking. When the ceremony ended and the sun began to set, everyone kept wishing her their condolences as if it would bring Ray back. But it wouldn't and what did it matter at this point. She truly didn't care anymore. "Honey," Grace waited till most were heading to their cars to pull Ana to the side to chat. "Carla said it was okay for us to host Ray's memorial at our home. He was family and our dearest friend; we would be honored if you'd allow us to do this."

Ana sighed before looking up at Grace, a flash of guilt hit her, she'd forgotten she wasn't the only one to have lost Ray. Grace, Carrick had been friends almost all their lives and now they would have to suffer losing him too. Grace's eyes were stained with her own tears and it was hard to see how sad she was. "Dad always loved his Sunday evenings with you guys. He called me before every Sunday with you." Tears started to fall down her face as she thought about her talks with her dad. He truly was everything to Ana and it pained her to know the calls would never come, his voice wouldn't beat her bad days away…it was so hard to not break at the thoughts. "I would love for you guys to host it. Could you leave me alone for a bit though? I'll meet you all there I promise…I just want to say goodbye to my dad…No one has given me that yet. They all keep checking on me and hoping I will just get through it…I just.."

Grace stroked Ana's face, there was no need to explain anything. She understood Ana's desire to just be alone for a few minutes with her dad. "Take all the time you need okay. We'll make sure you have time." With one kiss on her forehead, Grace left the grieving daughter to have one last moment with her father.

It was finally the moment Ana was dreading. "I wasn't going to do this. I was going to avoid it till it was unavoidable. But I don't know what else to do Dad. You can't actually be gone. Like I just talked to you." Tears started to fall again as she leaned against the tree, she was angry and sad at the same time and nothing would ever be the same. "Why did you have to go out that night…Why did you have to be the hero? You were supposed to be home getting ready for Sunday night dinner with them, not taking the damn call! I don't understand why…" Her make up forgotten, she slipped to the floor before the anger took over as she began throwing things at the pile of dirt that stood above the area her father laid. "You promised you would be here! You swore you'd always come back to me dad! I hate you for leaving me here alone! I needed you, why couldn't you have held on longer!" In the back of her mind she was thankful no one remained in the area, but then again, she didn't care, she was angry and broken, Ray was her world, the one person she could count on, but now he left her to deal with the pain and emptiness. "You promised me you'd never abandon me like my mom did. You swore you'd stay with me…you promised!" She yelled at the grave as she cradled herself in her own arms.

Numbness surrounded her as she laid there letting the free falling tears slip across her cheeks. It wasn't until she felt arms around her waist that she finally felt air returning back to her lungs. The pain stopped with a gentle ease. "I'm here…I have you my bookworm." Sitting there she just let herself lean into the softness of his touch. He'd come back home; she had no words she just wanted the pain to stop.

Should I continue or should I just leave it as a one shot? Please let me know by reading and reviewing.