/Do not own anything except the storyline
There are times in life when you can't help but experience grief. When you lose someone you love or have another serious loss in your life, it would be unrealistic to expect stable emotions. Learning how to move through the stages of grief is crucial.
Work was becoming the eight hours of pure distraction that Ana needed. Everyone seemed to just stare at her with pity. For the last month, everyone is giving her looks, but she tried her hardest to ignore it. She was barely keeping it together; she'd refused to let anyone in anymore. Sitting at her desk, Ana found herself looking into her tea attempting to find answers in it. The last few weeks haven't been easy, Ana was avoiding everyone and didn't need to be around anyone except her work, she found solace in the stories. She was avoiding and running in her way.
Ever since the news of Ray's death, Ana had been in a state of denial. She was emotionally drained thinking about the phone call she'd gotten, let alone the moment she watched them buried him. Ana felt her mood darken as she thought about the pain she constantly felt thinking about Ray. Her mind clouded, Ana closed her eyes trying to figure out what to do. Knock Knock. Ana looked up to see her assistant hesitantly walk into her office. "Ms. Steele, your friend Kate keeps calling. She's very insistent on talking to you. I tried to tell her you aren't here like you asked, but she's hardly taking it. Should I…"
"Can you tell her I'm not here. I don't want to talk to her." Ana knew Kate would know she was here. When she wasn't home at her dad's, she was in the office. Sometimes it was easier to hide in the office. "Sam, I think I'm going to take the rest of the day off." Sam looked up sadly at her boss. Ana hadn't been the same in the last couple of months. It killed her coworkers to not have a way to help her, but she was pretty gone from her usual self. Running her figures through her hair, she grabbed her things and headed towards her car. She had nowhere to run, she couldn't just go back to her dad's place yet, but she defiantly burned another bridge with her anger when it came to Kate and Elliot. Her fingers scraped through her hair as she began banging on the stearin wheel. She was pissed and just done with all the emotions currently piling on.
As if on autopilot, Ana just drove until the pain subsided. She needed air; it was as if she hadn't been able to breathe the last month since he'd gone. When she finally found herself at a stopping place, Ana quickly realized her heart had led her to the safest place for her. The cemetery. For the last few weeks when she felt the depression seeping into her, she found herself at her father's grave. Today wasn't anything different, she found herself sitting in front of the plaque. Tears escaped down her face, resting on the dark stone that laid in front of her. "I hate to bother you, but are you okay?"
Ana wiped her tears before looking up at a woman standing next to her. The young woman couldn't be older than Ana, but she seemed to hold the same weight on her shoulders. "My dad passed away a month ago and I'm just learning what it means to get through this. Do you ever think you'll never get past the pain or the guilt?"
The woman let out a heavy sigh before looking at Ana. "I used to think you couldn't; that you were lost with anger and denial forever, but I had to come to a place of peace. It wasn't easy, but I eventually saw the path I wanted to choose."
Ana shook her head rapidly, she knew no one got it. Why would they? The pain was unimaginable. "I don't think you get it."
The stranger just simply smiled before pointing off into the distance. Her pointer finger landed on a Tinkerbelle statue over a smaller plaque, it wasn't that far off from Ray. "When I was 12, I lost my cousin. She was only 7 years old when she passed away. I thought my life was over. She was my best friend and for me, I thought what was the point of living if it meant I would never see her bright blue eyes anymore. But then around the age of 19, I had to figure my shit out. I couldn't hold onto the guilt of living or the pain that came with every breath I took after she died. Don't get me wrong, it isn't easy at all, but that little angel I have taken every ounce of pain or guilt I have about living and makes it what pushes me." Wiping her tears, the stranger took Ana's hand. "You don't know it now, but you will see the light, it just takes time. Give yourself time to grieve, but don't punish the world or yourself because of your pain."
After sitting with the stranger a bit longer, Ana found herself exhausted and wanting to just take a night of deep sleep for a few hours. Saying goodbye, Ana experience a slight lightness driving back to her father's place. Once home she found the sun saying goodbye to a day. Her earlier angry thoughts were replaced by happier ones; at least that was before Christian's car sped into her driveway.
For two days, Ana hid in the room she'd spent most of her childhood in. She was still dealing with the lack of her father's presence and now Christian decided it was his mission to overstay his welcome with his presence. Ana didn't want to even see or speak to him, so she hoarded a few things two days ago up to her room and ever since then she'd just sit and pine over the pain that was rippling through her. To be honest Ana was surprised Christian was just leaving her alone without issue. Yes, she could hear him downstairs, at some points she'd heard him come up to the door, but nothing happened...he simply just made his way downstairs and continued whatever he was doing before coming upstairs. She couldn't understand why she was scared to get out of the room, maybe it was the fear that reality would hit her like a ton of bricks. Ana sighed before opening her door, she knew Christian was downstairs keeping himself busy trying the whole space thing hoping she'd change her mind. But she was stubborn and wanted to be alone in her father's house.
Putting her emotions on the back-burner, Ana found herself walking down the stairs trying her best to keep herself together; she couldn't let Christian see her weakness, she didn't trust him to stay longer. The only thing was Christian knew Ana better than herself, she knew the instant he saw her there was no hiding. Running her fingers through her hair, Ana was trying to keep her mind on the mission. She needed something to eat and all her snacks weren't working anymore. As she made her way down each step, her eyes continued to search for Christian down on the main floor, for some reason a piece of her was angry at the fact that he left her alone; it was a twisted thought the more she thought about it. Why would she feel the need for him to be around but want him to leave her alone? The thought was confusing and annoying. Pausing she found herself at the bottom of the steps, her eyes roaming the small, yet comfortable living room. Memories of the last time she was here with Ray came quick and her heart broke with pain as she remembered.
Ana watched as Ray rocked in his chair staring at the game in front of him. Anytime Ana came home, her favorite thing to see was her father sitting there just hanging out in his little world. It was a godsend sometimes to just be in the moment with Ray. In her moment, Ray smiled up at his daughter. She was the lightest and brightest part of his life.
Ray took a deep breath as Ana reached the end of the stairs. "You know you and Christian should talk. You two have been through too much to let it all come to an end. I don't want to see years of friendship go down the drain." Ana rolled her eyes walking down the stairs. To Ray, Christian could do no wrong even after the break-up. A week ago she'd found Christian holding hands with the woman who had pushed Ana so far out of Christian's life when he and that woman first. Alexia Lincoln was Elena Lincoln's granddaughter. An evil little brat if you asked Ana, but she hated dealing with her and the tie that they had together.
"Ray we've talked about this…" A loud sigh rang through her voice as she sat across from Ray. She hated upsetting him but didn't like this conversation. Ever. "Look, I know how you feel about him, but I'm going, to be honest with you, I don't want to think of talking to Christian Grey. He hasn't tried reaching out or even been seen anywhere. So there is no point Ray; can't we just drop it?" Ray frowned knowing that he had hit a bad nerve. She was hurting, no matter what she wanted the world to see, he could see it in her eyes and hear it so clearly in her voice. "I have to leave tonight. I have the big bosses coming into to see the publishing house tomorrow and it seems very important." She hated cutting her trip short with Ray, it wasn't always the easiest thing, but he understood every time.
"No worries, I have my weekly dinner at the Grey's tonight. They do miss you though. I know Grace would love to see you soon" Ray knew Carla wasn't the best mother, but it was made up when she came to live with Ray. He'd introduced her to the Grey's and after that Grace and Ana got extremely close; which led to Christian and Ana getting a little closer. "Will you call me when you get back to the city?" Ana smiled before hugging her father. "I'll see you next week right?" Ray asked as he hugged Ana a little tighter than usual.
"Ray, I come every week. Next week will be the same. I love you, daddy." A ping in her chest made her feel something was off about this interaction.
"Ana…Ana…" The voice didn't sound like Ray's at all.
Shaking her head reality trickled in as she looked up to see Christian staring at her, concern written all over his face as he touched her cheek. "Ana I've been trying to get your attention. You were in your world. Are you okay?" She could feel her cheeks were wet. Touching her face softly, Ana just stood there staring at him. The pained look in her eyes caused Christian to panic slightly, he was trying not to push his boundaries with Ana. It wasn't that hard to know she needed the space, but at this point, it had almost been a month. He was tired of walking on eggshells with her at this point. The grief he knew would sweep her up and eat her alive, something he would do anything in his power to stop.
Ana finally got her grip together as she stared at Christian's worry. "I don't understand why you're still here. I'm sure Alexis is waiting for you to go back to her." Bitterness stung like a bitch when the words came out. Ana's voice couldn't hide it. "I'm not some pet project you need to worry about anymore Christian. You made your choice a month ago I cannot help, but think your guilt of being an ass is the cause of this overwhelming need to be around after his death."
Christian pinched the bridge of his nose as Ana stormed passed him into the kitchen. Again she attempted to run and hide. No. He wasn't going to let this happen any longer. "And I think it's your pain causing you to be a brat about this whole thing. You do realize you've pushed almost everyone else away. Your grief is getting the best of you, Ana. I'm trying to be a good friend and stop it from happening." Rolling her eyes she went through the cabinets pretending to look for something. "You know, I get it, Ana. You want to hide and maybe then you can refuse the idea that Ray is gone, but it isn't going to work."
Rolling her eyes again, Ana turned to Christian with a frown. "Don't you have work or somewhere else you have to be? I just don't get it Christian. I can't get you on the phone when you break my heart, but hell let's just move into my dad's house to make my life a living hell." Ana hated being an ass, but she needed him to leave. She needed space to think. Yet, here he was attempting to drive her insane. "I don't need you or anyone else for that matter to tell me how to grieve or how to react to something." Ana ran her fingers through her hair before biting her lip softly. She wanted to go back to her room for this week she'd taken it off just to deal with her lack of emotion
Christian shook his head and grab her arm. Ana was his kryptonite, even if she was pissing him off, she refused to see what this was doing to her. She didn't want to let anyone in because it scared her to lose someone again. "You know this pushing away isn't going to work. We've been through too much to push me away." Ana sighed as Christian touched her cheek softly. It scared her that he got her in a way that no one else could. Christian wouldn't let her go, physically or emotionally; he held her tightly in life. "I promised you years ago Ana, you'd never get rid of me. I don't want to see a day where you're not in it. I just don't know what to do to make you see it. To make you understand." Ana felt her tears falling down her cheek, her eyes burned as she stared up at Christian. For the first time in months, Christian saw the young woman who he'd fallen for; he couldn't help the pain he felt ripple into his chest.
"Why did you come back?" Ana asked resting her head on his chest. She had tried to push him away, she didn't want to keep letting him hurt her, but he wouldn't…she'd come to terms with that, it was the easiest thing to do. "Why aren't you running like everyone else Chris?"
Christian just shook his head and continued to stroke her hair. Her words saddened Christian, she had tried everything to keep people in the dark, but Christian refused. She wouldn't push him away again nor would he run for the hills. HE wanted to fight for them now, he wouldn't hide and after tomorrow he would fix the damage he inflicted months prior. "You never gave up on me." He raised her chin up so their eyes would lock and she would hear and see the words in his eyes. "I hurt you so many times, and you never gave up on our friendship. I left and you still tried to be there; I ran and pushed everyone away and you fought with me to be my new kind of normal…You will always be the only one I allow to touch my chest."
Ana could've simply been an ass and react negatively to what was being said, but she was tired, and things were weird. A month of practically ignoring him was starting to get to her. He was her best friend; he did mean something to her. "I need to go to bed. If I need to be on my best behavior, I should get at least a few hours of sleep. Plus, I need to get some things done tomorrow for work." Ana looked up into his eyes. It was strange to see past their issues and remember what they once had, even if it was hard to put back together...she was willing to try.
As Christian watched as Ana pulled away. He couldn't read her; it was a strange feeling. "Tomorrow…"
"Tomorrow." Ana stole one more look before walking up the stairs again.
By the time Ana was up and ready to go, Christian's car was no longer taking up space in her driveway; it was just her time to be alone with her thoughts. Ana relaxed on the couch for a little bit, she needed to process the whole month in a few hours. She needed to talk to him and finally clear the slate that they already were dealt with. Ana spent most of the night wondering what would've happened if she would've stayed at Ray's house the week, he passed…it would've probably not made any difference, but something told her it would've probably been a bit harder to see it. After about four hours, Ana decided she needed to get out of the house, the waiting around was causing her to go a little stir crazy.
Getting dressed Ana chose to wear jeans and a casual top, something she could easily just walk around in. Running her fingers through her hair as she locked up the house. She was thinking of heading up to the lake down by the woods opening. "Ana…" Turning Ana's plans were halted when she saw Christian's mom. Grace Grey was a kind woman who had a soft spot in her life for Ana since the day they'd met. Even more so now, Grace couldn't find herself to leave her alone. She was responsible for Christian essentially moving in these last few days. It wasn't that she didn't think Ana couldn't handle the grief alone, more so, she thought they needed to push through whatever issues they were having and start their new life on a positive note. "I was in the garden and saw you leaving and wanted to check in with you."
"Well your son just left, so I can finally breathe. However, I won't deny him being here has made it a little less lonely." Ana knew exactly what Grace was hoping to hear, but she couldn't humor her and lie, neither of them was going to call this a relationship or even a friendship at this point. Ana was grateful for Christian and him caring enough to be here for her, but she still didn't trust him not to leave anytime soon. "He's at work if you're looking for him, I don't exactly know when he will be back."
"Do you remember when you both came home after your junior prom and that one boy stood you up? What was his name?" Ana laughed remembering that night. Kate's brother was supposed to be taking her to the prom, but he ended up finding his ex and spending the dance with her. Ana was heartbroken. However, the second Christian found out he came to Ana's rescue and spent the whole night holding her, swaying into the night. It was probably the first time Ana saw Christian in a new light.
"He's always been there. I've always loved that about him." Ana would lie if she told anyone she didn't still have feelings for Christian, but it just wasn't the time to commit to something that she was unsure would be more than just a Band-Aid. "But it has been years since then Grace. I don't want to get hurt nor does Christian." Ana locked up the door before turning back to Grace, her eyes matching with the mother with a soft sigh. She felt for Grace, she just wanted all her children to be happy and she knew Ana was it for Christian.
Trying to change the subject Grace smiled at the young writer. She knew eventually Ana and Christian would find their way back to each other, but it would take time for them to see it. "Well enough about that. I was wondering if you'd come to the Coping together an event this year. Carrick and I have something we want to honor Ray. Without him, we couldn't have been able to start this up nor have helped so many children. We want to do this, and we want you to be there." Ana knew what the Coping Together Foundation meant to the Greys; it was their link to Christian and his past.
It meant the world that Grace and Carrick wanted to do this for Ray, it was an amazing feeling to know they cared still for her father. "I will be there. I love you guys and what you've done for me and my family." Tears falling down Ana's face, she looked up at Grace, she couldn't contain much of her sadness. "I'm sorry, I should've called and said thank you for the service you guys did…I don't know what I could've done without you. I owe you and Carrick so much money for what you did for Ray, I know you guys were close and stuff, but that was a lot. I think that is why I shut down."
"Oh Ana, we…" Grace bit her lip nervously before taking Ana's hand in hers, she led her to a small bench in front of Ray's hand. She knew she had something Ana wasn't going to be too thrilled about, but it was important for her to know and to clear her mind. "I'm going to tell you something and I want you to process this with me and try not to overthink this." Ana shifted a bit before nodding for her to continue. "We didn't pay for Ray's funeral or the plaque. Christian did it. The second we told him about Ray, his first concern was you. I know you think Christian is not a good person for a reason I'm sure it is valid, but he cares so much about you." Grace sighed as she watched Ana's eyes water up; it wasn't easy to tell her about Christian's desire to pay, but she wanted Ana to have a clear mind when they started again. At least she hoped they would. "He didn't want us to tell you because he was sure you'd lose it on us or him. Ray to him was someone who helped him through a rough part of his life. Plus, you and he were always so close."
Ana was trying to process everything Grace was telling her; she just couldn't believe Christian. Does it surprise you? Christian has always saved you…maybe he loves you… oh god now her mind was tripping on her. It was crazy to even have that idea plague her mind, it wasn't the time or place. "I don't know what to even say. I—" Grace watched as Ana's anxiety seemed to cause her to panic a bit. Tears began to fall again. Why was it hitting her so hard a month after the funeral? Still, the pain and frustration were there.
"Mother," Grace and a tear-stained Ana stared down at a very upset billionaire. "Why are you making Ana cry?"
"Christian, we were just talking." Ana defended Grace before Christian could rip into her. Ana watched as the gears in Christian's head began to turn and emotion and panic rose in his eyes. The usual strong stance Christian was used to erase and he was worried about the tears in Ana's eyes. But before he could do or say anything, Ana left Grace's arms and skipped over to Christian's arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck, then for the first time since her father's death Ana cried hard; it was pure emotions. Grace watched as the two exes seemed to embrace one another. They needed to heal, but for now, Ana needed Christian more than anything. He'd help her grieve and move one…
/Please read and review. The next chapter will be a great interaction between the two of them plus a little lemon and the Coping Together event.