Erotomania

Chapter 11

Ryan's choice had been simple. He was not going to pass up his first chance at taking a shower with Hope. And since she was asking him to join her, Ryan knew that she didn't mind him taking one with her. And after so many times over the last two or so years of imagining what it would be like, having the other with them was a surreal moment for both Hope and Ryan. And while their time in the shower was amazing, it was as they were laying in Hope's bed after yet another round of love making, cuddling naked under the sheets that furthered their relationship and deepened their connection. With one leg draped over Ryan's and her head resting on his chest, Hope drew random patterns on Ryan's chest and contemplated how to phrase the question she wanted to ask. She was curious about Ryan's previous relationships, and how exactly his relationship with his high school girlfriend had ended, but she had no idea how to go about asking about it without making him upset.

"Ryan?" Hope asked softly.

"Yes, Princess?"

"I was wondering... and you don't have to answer if you don't want to... but how did your relationship end with your first girlfriend?" Hope inquired and instantly regretting asking as Ryan tensed. "I'm sorry. It's none of my business. You don't have to tell me." She said.

"No... it's just that... it didn't end because we wanted it to. She um, she passed away." Ryan replied slowly.

"Oh, Ryan, I'm so sorry. I... I didn't know..." Hope said as she sat up on her hip and rested her hand over Ryan's heart. "You don't have to talk about it. Losing someone you love is never easy." She added while leaning down and pressing a kiss to the corner of Ryan's mouth.

"It'll always be a part of me, something that made me even more of the man that I am today. You deserve to know. I don't want to keep anything from you anymore than I already have, Hope." Ryan responded as he pulled Hope back down and tucked her head under his chin.

"Are you sure? Because it doesn't have to be right now."

"I'm sure. I want you to know."

Hope nodded against Ryan's chest, waiting for him to start. Even though she had never gotten the chance to meet her mom, Hope found it hard to talk about her at times, given that it was when her mom was giving birth to her that she passed away, so Hope couldn't imagine what Ryan must be feeling. So she waited patiently. Just from him having tensed up when she first asked, and despite him saying that he wanted her to know what happened, Hope got the sense that Ryan wasn't ready to talk about it. So she wasn't going to push him any more than she already had. But as the minutes of silence went on, and Hope started to think that Ryan had changed his mind about telling her, he tightened his grip around her body and let out a sigh.

"Her name was Nicole. We first met in Freshman year of high school. We ended up being partnered together for a project in our English class where we had to rewrite a scene from a Shakespeare play of our choosing and make the scene the opposite genre of what the play was, and then preform the scene in front of the class. I think we chose a scene from Hamlet." Ryan explained and Hope smiled.

"You had to make it a comedy?" Hope asked.

"We did. And we did a pretty good job, in my opinion. And we became friends after that. The other friends that I had at the time would poke fun at her. The way she talked, the way she dressed. Needless to say, I wasn't friends with them for much longer. I refused to be friends with a group of guys that made of fun of such a sweet girl."

"You've always been a good guy, haven't you?"

"I've always tried to be a good guy. My father... he wasn't. He cheated on my mom constantly, and she left him when I was still young, and he was barely there for me. Then he met Seylah and got her pregnant with Landon, and when Landon was around 4, my father took off himself. I vowed at that point, even though I was only 10 years old, that I would never be like him. That I would respect women, no matter what. That I wouldn't allow myself to eventually become a dead beat father like he was. So I couldn't allow myself, in good conscious, to continue being friends with those guys. After I stopped being friends with them, it was just me and Nicole. And I was okay with that." Ryan explained before swallowing thickly and taking a deep breath.

"Do you want to take a break? Grab something to eat?" Hope asked softly. "Or something to drink." She added.

"Yeah, that would be good." Ryan agreed with a nod.

Pushing the covers off of their bodies, Ryan pulled his jeans on and handed his shirt to Hope. Once she had slipped the soft material over her head, Hope moved across the bed on her knees and wrapped her arms around Ryan's waist while resting her chin on his shoulder. When Hope turned and pressed a kiss to his cheek, Ryan let out a deep sigh and leaned back against her before turning his own head to face her and gave Hope a light kiss. Placing his hands over Hope's, Ryan lifted on of Hope's hands up to his lips and pressed a kiss to her knuckles before standing up and linking his fingers with Hope's and leading her towards the door.

As they headed downstairs, Hope kept squeezing Ryan's hand lightly to remind him that she was there for him. After every squeeze, Ryan would return it with a squeeze of his own until he just turned to face Hope when he reached the bottom step and pulled her in for a kiss. There was something different about this kiss, that much Hope could tell, but she couldn't figure out what about it made it so different than all of the other ones that they had shared over the last week and a half. As he kissed her, however, Ryan kept his hands completely still as he held her hips close to him. Hope simply wrapped her arms around Ryan's neck and lightly played the hair at the base of his neck. When the kiss broke, Hope saw tears in Ryan's eyes and she pulled him in for a tight hug, whispering words of reassuring that she was there for him, no matter what.

Legacies – Erotomania – Legacies

Once they had gotten something to drink- tea for Ryan and hot chocolate for Hope- they returned to her room and Hope curled up against Ryan's side, letting him continue with his story when he was ready. Before he did though, Ryan rolled them over so that Hope was beneath him and pressed his lips to hers again. But this time, his hands wandered. Up her outer thighs, pushing the hem of his shift up her torso so that his fingertips ghosted over her ribs, and finally pulling the shirt over her head before discarding it and molding her breasts in his hands. When he broke the kiss to stare down at her, Ryan gave Hope a small smile as she worked on getting his jeans off. Once they were both naked again, Hope rolled them back over so that she was straddling Ryan's lap and slowly sank down onto his dick, letting out a soft moan as he filled her.

While their first few rounds of love making that afternoon had been about finding out what the other enjoyed, this one was different. This one was slower and more sensual. It wasn't about reaching a release; it was about showing the other that they were in this whole thing together. That they accepted each other with whatever bad things had happened in their pasts. But even with that, when Ryan spilled his cum into Hope's womb, he felt a small part of his fragilely pieced together broken heart get glued back into place. And once Hope collapsed on top of him, Ryan pressed a kiss to the top of her head and held her close, knowing that he would be able to continue his story of his first love.

Legacies – Erotomania – Legacies

"How long were you and Nicole friends before you started dating?" Hope asked softly.

"We started dating at the end of Sophomore year. There wasn't much that we could go out and do, since neither of us had a job at that point, and neither of us could drive, but we made it work. I would show up at her house every Saturday morning, and we would either go on a hike, or have a picnic at the park. We found small and simple things to do every weekend that didn't require having to drive somewhere or didn't require much money. But we didn't need anything fancy or over the top. As long as we were together, we were happy." Ryan explained.

"You... you loved her, didn't you?" Hope questioned while blinking back tears.

"I did. She was the first person that loved me unconditionally. She was the first person that treated me like I was a person. Not just the son of the man who left Seylah from his first marriage. Not the spare mouth that needed to be fed. I loved her, and she loved me." Ryan replied with a nod while rubbing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "She was my first love." He added.

"But not your only love?" Hope inquired.

"That's a dangerous question to ask me right now, Princess." Ryan muttered.

"Oh... OH!" Hope said as her cheeks heated up and she buried her face in his chest.

"But no, she is not the only girl that has held my heart." Ryan said with a half-smile. "We were happy, and her parents approved of us being together. When I would get into arguments with Seylah, I would go over to Nicole's house, and her parents would let me sleep on the couch. When I didn't feel accepted in my own home, I felt accepted there. But what Nicole and I had... it wasn't meant to last." He said and Hope glanced up to see tears falling from Ryan's eyes, which she brushed away with her thumb.

"I'm not going anywhere, Ryan. Just take all the time you need." Hope whispered as she rolled over to grab her hot chocolate.

"The first year that we were together was amazing. But at the end of our Junior year, we got some bad news. She had been getting sick a lot over the last couple months of school. And then we found out that she had cancer. Her parents were both working as much as they could to cover the costs of all of the medical bills, but it wasn't enough. My dad had left behind a car for me, so I got my license, and I started working as much as I could to help out. I made sure that I was always able to get her to her doctor's appointments. But it was only a matter of time." Ryan said with a shuddering breath while pulling Hope back into his side.

"I'm so sorry, Ryan." Hope whispered.

"You would have been around 12 at the time, Hope. Even if we had known each other then, there wouldn't have been anything that you could have done to help save her." Ryan retorted shortly.

"I can still be sorry that you had to lose someone you loved, Ryan." Hope replied, taken aback by his tone.

"I know... I just... so many people emptily said that they were sorry when she first past that I got defensive about it. It was a knee jerk reaction to question the sincerity. I'm sorry, Hope."

Hope stayed silently. She was starting to truly question if asking Ryan about his first girlfriend had been a good idea, because it was making her question who Ryan cared about more... her, or his first girlfriend. And she couldn't help feeling like the answer was the latter. Which was something she prayed wasn't true. She didn't want to belittle what Ryan felt for Nicole, but she just wanted to know that, if nothing else, his feelings for her paralleled the other girl.

"What are you thinking?" Ryan asked as he tilted his head to the side to meet her gaze while running his fingers through Hope's hair.

"Something that's unfair to everyone involved." Hope mumbled.

"Can you tell me?" Ryan questioned.

"It really is unfair and selfish of me to be thinking in the first place, so I don't think telling you is a good idea." Hope replied. "I don't want you to hate me for thinking what I'm thinking." She added.

"Believe me, Princess, the only thing that could even remotely make me hate you would be if you ever believed anything that Landon said about me. And even then, I wouldn't hate you. I would be hurt, but I wouldn't truly hate you." Ryan said as he tilted Hope's head up by her chin. "Please tell me what you're thinking."

"You know that I need to be guarded with my heart, right?" Hope asked, and when Ryan nodded, continued. "Listening to you talk about Nicole... I can't help thinking that maybe you felt stronger for her than you do about me. That you're just with me until a more suitable option becomes available." She explained, moving her gaze away from his.

"God, Hope... why would you think I would hate you for that?" Ryan asked.

"Because it's selfish." Hope replied.

"No it's not. And for the record, you are the best thing in my life. Yes, I loved Nicole, but like I said, she's not the only girl that's held my heart. You ensnared it years ago and haven't given it back since. Please don't ever belittle your importance to me."

"But..."

"No, Hope. No 'buts'. You are the most important person in my life. More so than anyone else ever has been, even Nicole. But that does not lessen the love that I had for her, or the impact that she had on my life. Everything that she and I went through helped shape me into the man that I am today."

Hope nodded as tears filled her eyes. But after that, both of them remained quiet. So quiet that they both ended up falling asleep. When Hope opened her eyes an hour or so later, she was alone in bed and found Ryan sitting at her desk, his back to her, going through something that Hope couldn't see. Climbing out of bed, Hope made her way over to Ryan and draped her arms over his shoulder while pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"How long have you been awake?" Hope asked.

"About half an hour. Long enough to go out to the storage space and find this." Ryan said, motioning to the photo album that was laying open on the desk.

"You still have stuff that belonged to Nicole?" Hope questioned, unsure of how she felt about that knowledge.

"Just this photo album. It was the only thing that was completely ours. Her parents donated the rest of her stuff. But I wanted to show this to you." Ryan replied.

After pulling Hope into his lap, Ryan continued telling her about Nicole. About how during their Senior year they knew things most likely wouldn't be going in their favor, so they tried to do everything that they could. That Ryan wanted to give her as many life experiences as he could before it was too late. And that, while there were some things that he wasn't able to do for her, he didn't regret their time together, or the lengths he had gone to for her. Because he had help.

"There was this little girl. She couldn't have been more than 10-12 years old. When Nicole was bedridden in the hospital, this little girl would show up at least every other day, if not every day, to read to the younger kids, and play with the ones that were strong enough to do so. Since Nicole was only 17 at the time, she was in the pediatrics' ward, and when this little girl would visit the sick kids, she would occasionally visit the older kids. Nicole took a liking to her, and so did I. Wherever she went, she radiated this bright light, and put a smile on everyone's face. I didn't know what her name was, and honestly, I still don't know what her name was. I called her Candystriper, even though she definitely wasn't old enough to be an official volunteer." Ryan explained.

"Is this her?" Hope asked, pointing to a picture of Ryan, Nicole and a younger girl.

"Yeah. Why? Do you know who she is?" Ryan questioned.

"Pretty well, actually. And so do you." Hope commented while biting her lip.

"Hope..."

"That's me as a kid, Ryan."

Ryan stared up at Hope, a look of pure shock written on his face. His eyes kept darting from the woman on his lap to the picture of the little girl with him and Nicole. The longer he looked between the two, the more he started kicking himself for not recognizing Hope as being his favorite Little Candystriper. He kicked himself for not realizing that the woman he was falling in love with now, was the same little girl that helped him through the last few months of Nicole's life. He kicked himself for not realizing that Hope had always been selfless, even at 12 years old, and had helped him decorate a small unused room at the hospital to throw Nicole a Prom when it became clear to them that she wouldn't live long enough to make it to their high school's Prom; and not the spoiled rich girl that he assumed she was when he had seen her with her family at the restaurant before they had become friends. That Hope was the one friend that he had after Nicole passed away just hours after he had given her his grandmother's engagement ring, asking her to marry him.

"Why didn't I see you after the funeral?" Ryan asked in a small voice as he stared at the picture.

"You weren't the only one that didn't know my name. I didn't know yours either, Ryan. Like you calling me 'Candystriper', I called you 'Nicole's Boyfriend'. I heard her parents mention your name at the funeral, but before I could go over to you, my dad and I had to leave. I didn't put it together that the Ryan I had befriended 8 years ago was the same Ryan I literally ran into 2 years ago." Hope replied while taking his face into her hands and lifting his head up so that she could look into his eyes. "If I had known who you were, you would have been a more prominent fixture in my life for a lot longer than you have been." She said before leaning down and pressing her lips to hers.

"You have no idea how much I wanted to find my favorite Little Candystiper to thank her- thank you- for everything you did. You cared enough to dedicate your time to help me decorate for the mini-Prom. You sat with me after she passed away while I cried and didn't judge me for crying. You were a true friend to me and Nicole, and you didn't even know us." Ryan said with a sigh against Hopes lips.

"I, um, I did more than that, Ryan." Hope whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I picked out all of the decorations. Being 12, my dad paid for all of the decorations, but I picked everything out. And the day she passed away... I had been on my way to hang out with you both, and I overheard her parents talking about all of the medical bills, and the cost of the funeral. And then I saw you sitting on the floor in the hallway, crying, and I knew that I had to do something more to help you all." Hope said before blinking back tears. "Ryan... I asked my dad to pay off the outstanding medical bills, and to pay for Nicole's funeral. You two were my friends too, and she deserved to have a funeral. I know it wasn't a big funeral, but it was something."

Ryan pressed his lips to Hope's shoulder before lifting her up and carrying her back to the bed and maneuvering them back under the covers before pulling Hope back against his chest and draping an arm across her waist.

"Are you mad?" Hope whispered.

"How could I be mad at the girl that didn't have to do everything that you did, for doing what you could to make me and Nicole happy back then? You were an important part of my happiness during the bleakest part of my life, and you're even more of an important part of my happiness now." Ryan responded. "But now I have to find a way to thank you properly." He added in a low voice, directly in Hope's ear.

"I didn't do what I did in search of thanks, Ryan. I did it because I wanted my friends to happy."

"I know, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to find a way to thank you properly."

As Ryan spoke, his hand roamed over Hope's stomach and up her side before cupping her breast and pinching her nipple, causing Hope to gasp.