Family matters ch 3
Ororo is standing in the doorway to our kitchen. Calm, composed, beautiful, as always.
"Jean."
I look up from my coffee, it's bitter and cold now "Ororo! Is he okay?"
She looks down at me, those sky blue eyes are piercing. "Kurt needs to eat, could you provide something?" Her tone is neutral, as though she's speaking to a stranger, that stings almost as much as her earlier anger.
"Oh! Of course." I'm kicking myself, I should have thought of this, he's not eaten since he was revived, he must be ravenous. I do a mental inventory of the kitchen. "Toast and scrambled eggs and tea?"
"That will suffice." She turns to go.
"Ororo?" She doesn't turn back but looks over her shoulder. "Is he okay?"
"No, Jean he is not 'okay'. He is very sick."
I swallow, oh, Kurt. "Please, let me help. Please don't be angry..."
She turns back towards me, her face is a mask.
"I am no longer angry, Jean, I am simply heartbroken that people I loved, people I trusted, could allow one of our own to be hurt like this. You have not earned the right to 'help' him. Leave that to those of us who have his best interests at heart, rather than that of Krakoa or the Council."
The guys return and Logan goes off into his room with a bag of Kurt's clothes, he doesn't so much as glance in my direction, Ororo's words are still in my ears. I haven't earned the right.
We hold a council of war, in our lounge. Ororo joins us by my psylink; Kurt is asleep but she won't leave him alone. The fewer people involved, the better, but we'll have to expand our number by one; none of us know how to program the Image Inducer, beyond its basic settings. Uploading a new image is easy, Logan's managed to make Kurt look like Angelina Jolie before now. But customising the image is much harder. Of course, Kurt would know, Logan looks at Scott when he suggests it.
"Fuck off, Summers." Oh, this is going so well.
"He knows how..."
"What part of 'traumatised' don't you fuckin' get?"
"This attitude isn't helping him."
"Use your fuckin' head, Summers. We're programming this thing to look like him, after a goddam' bomb has gone off in his face."
Scott rubs his hand across his forehead. "Ah, hell, Logan. Of course you're right, I'm sorry. I haven't slept for over twenty four hours."
"Good for you. He hasn't slept for two fucking weeks." Twisting the knife. "Unless you count when he's dead?"
Ororo speaks up. **I trust Forge?**
I agree with her. "So do I, but I think Hank might be even better?"
We agree on Hank, mostly because we all know Kurt likes him.
I scan him as he enters the Luna habitat, a deep scan, it's what I've been using every time anyone is out of our sight, to quote Logan, she's a sneaky bitch. But she can't hide from a deep scan.
Hank is allowed access to Kurt, his watchdogs want him checked over, he comes out of the bedroom wiping his glasses and declares Kurt exhausted but otherwise physically fine, he's mentally very fragile, we all know that.
We fill Hank in on our plans.
We're doing this tomorrow.
I can't sleep, seems to be a common problem around here.
I go into the lounge and watch the Earthrise, gradually I become aware that I'm not alone.
Of course, he's all but invisible in the dark. Just his eyes, softly glowing, and tips of his ears, nose and cheekbones reflecting the blue light of our home planet.
His knees are drawn up onto the sofa, his hands on them, a classic Kurt pose, he wasn't made for human chairs. He rests his head on his folded hands and looks at me.
Eyes which glow are not that unusual amongst us, I know mine do at times, Ororo's too and we won't go into the unbridled force of Scott's, it's the pent up power within. But Kurt's eyes are different, it's not latent power, it's a warm, soft glow. It drove Moira insane, she so loved unpicking the tangled knot of our genomes, her scientific curiously insatiable. But those golden lights defeated her science. Maybe it's the light of fairyland? Or maybe it's heaven?
His eyes might be open, but his mind is not; he's asleep, or mostly so.
I'd better get him back to his bed. I go and crouch beside him.
Logan looms over us, I feel his presence like a growl in the back of my head.
**He's sleepwalking.**
**I know.** He bends and smoothly lifts Kurt, who closes his eyes and relaxes, his arms going loosely around Logan's muscular neck.
"Come on, it's time good little elves were in bed."
I'm left crouching beside the empty sofa.
**I think he needs help, Logan.** He knows what I mean. I'm expecting a battle but, as always, he's full of surprises.
**Yeah. He's gonna need a shrink, this is gonna' take more than 'Ro and me to fix. But we need to corral that toxic bitch first, the fear is eating him alive. We take her down. Then I'm taking him somewhere safe, somewhere away from all this crap.**
He lowers his head and kisses the soft blue hair. He looks at me for the first time. **Love isn't just sex, lust, want, Jeannie. It's people who are there for you when the bad shit happens. He's always been there for me. Hell, even being dead didn't stop him. And I wasn't there when he needed me. Because no one told me what was happening. People I trusted didn't tell me, because they knew what they were doing was wrong. So I owe him, and I love him, so I'll carry him until he doesn't need me to, until he finds his legs again. However long it takes.**
He turns his back on me and goes into his room.
He's never been really angry at me. Ever. I suppose I never thought he would, that I expected that whatever I did, it would be okay, I'd be okay. Because it's me. Because of what's between us. Because he loves me. Because we love each other.
Worse than anger, that cold nothing. Being cut out of his circle.
He has this very strong sense of family. Not by blood but by some strange, inner moral code that puts those under his care into a special place in his heart. They're usually young, often young women. Kitty, Jubilee, Laura, Gabby. He's their mentor, their protector, their champion.
And then there's Kurt. His friend. His best friend. Where does he fit in?
He loves him. What does that mean? Loves him like a brother? Son? Lover?
It's none of my business. He loves him, that's all I need to know.
I sit and the stars keep me company.
I've welded the power of a god. I've flown amongst those stars, I've saved the universe. But what's the point of saving the universe, who am I saving it for? I look down at the globe below. I'm saving it for them, for our family on Krakoa but also for all of them, the ones I know, the millions I don't know. The ones who hate me. Who'd kill me. Who love me. I'm saving it for golden eyes that trust me, that trust me to do the right thing.
But I'm living in a privileged bubble on the moon, Kurt doesn't live in seclusion, he has dinner in a public cafeteria, he talks to everyone, he knows everyone, what they do, where they come from. Which made him a soft target.
I have a lot to think about.