Darry looked at Mrs. Richards, and said, "No, ma'm," when she asked that about interrupting us.
His voice sounded all funny, though. Sort of stilted, and all of that. Embarrassed. Ponyboy appeared at Soda's elbow, so that now it
was he, Soda and Mrs. Richards gazing into the kitchen at Darry and me. I had the sudden thought that it was if they were
all three watching a bad movie on television. A very bad movie.
Mrs. Richards let her gaze fall over Darry, and then land on me. "Hello, June."
"Hi," I managed to squeak out.
She turned a bit to look towards Pony. "Hello, Pony."
"Hello," Pony said.
"Well-" she said, then, and stood, as if waiting.
Darry went past her towards the living room. "Come on in here and we can sit down," he said.
"Alright," Mrs. Richards said, and passed in front of Darry.
Darry gave me a last look, and said, really quietly, "Change your clothes."
That left Soda and Pony. Soda gave another sort of a 'stricken' look, and followed Darry. Pony came into the kitchen, and
whispered, "What's happenin'?"
"Darry was yellin', and she heard-" I whispered back.
"Oh, man," Pony groaned.
"It's my fault, Pony!" I whispered. "What's she gonna think now?"
"It'll be okay," Pony said, though he looked worried and unsure of himself.
"I gotta change," I said, and made a beeline for my bedroom. I avoided looking towards where they were sitting in the living room
as I walked past. I closed my bedroom door, and stripped off the offending smelling shorts and shirt. I changed to a pair of
jeans and clean shirt, and then brushed out my hair. I stood, looking in my dresser mirror at myself. I looked okay-normal, unless
you gave my face a closer look. I looked pale-and scared. And, I was scared. Not only was I feeling
downright leery and terrified of Darry, but now, I had to be frightened of what Mrs. Richards was going to make of
Darry and I's set-to in the kitchen. Would she think that Darry was not able to keep me in line? Would she think that I was
smoking grass? That was probably enough to get me pulled out of the house and put in a girl's home or something! And, maybe
it would affect Ponyboy, too! She might think we should both be somewhere else-I wanted to cry just thinking about that part!
If I caused Pony to be hurt by something that I'd done-
I would have given anything not to have to go out to that living room.
When I came out and went to the living room, Mrs. Richards sat in one chair, and Darry, Soda and Pony sat in a row on
the couch. I stood, feeling awkward for a moment or so, until Soda moved over and there was a small space between he and Pony.
I went to sit there, and Mrs. Richards went on talking. She was talking to Pony about his job at the bowling alley.
After a few minutes more of that, her gaze fell to me. "And how are you, June?" she asked.
"I'm fine," I said, somewhat automatically, but I tried to sound sincere.
"Have you been staying busy this summer?" she asked.
"Mostly busy, yes ma'm," I said.
"What have you been doing?" she asked.
I was at a loss. I couldn't say I'd been doing chores around the house, even though I had been. Because today I'd let
everybody down on that issue. I don't think I'd ever felt so bad. So awkward and uncomfortable.
"I've been readin'," I offered, lamely.
"I see," she said.
"Junie's been takin' pictures," Soda spoke up. "She won a contest and got a camera as a prize."
Good old Soda. Always trying to fix things. I guessed that he thought bringing that up would make things look better somehow.
"Really?" Mrs. Richards asked, looking at me with interest.
I nodded, and she began asking me about the contest, and then how it had all come about. I told her a little about it.
"Some of her pictures are real good," Soda kept on.
"I'd like to see some of them before I leave today," Mrs. Richards said.
"Okay," I said.
"It sounds as though there's been quite a lot going on," Mrs. Richards said, and sort of just surveyed the four of us.
"It's been busy," Darry said.
Even at that time of my life, and in that moment when I was so miserable, I knew that Mrs. Richards hadn't been talking
about how busy we all were. She'd meant 'a lot' as in the household being all fired up. Basing it on what she'd overheard and seen
in the kitchen earlier, and she could also, I figured, go on the amount of tension in the room. It's never an easy or tension-free time
for us, when she visits. But, today, well, it was way worse.
She looked at me and I just couldn't meet her eyes. I looked away, and then down at my hands.
"Well," she said, "I'll do my usual walk-thru-" She stood up, and we all four stood up, too. She took her notebook, and began walking
towards the bedrooms, and Darry went with her.
I sank back down on the couch in misery. Ponyboy sat down beside me, heaving a heavy sigh.
"Damn, I hate this," he muttered.
"It'll be alright," Soda said, still standing, and looking after Darry and Mrs. Richards.
He turned to look at me, and then sat back down. "You picked a day, alright," he said.
I knew that he meant I'd chosen the wrong day to disappear, and to not get my chores done, and to come home smelling
like grass.
Miserable, I didn't even answer that. I just kept my eyes on my hands, picking at a hangnail on my thumb.
"I wouldn't have let her hear all that between you and Darry, but she was already inside when he started yellin'," Soda
said, really low.
"She's gonna think I shouldn't ought to be here," I said. "She's gonna think I was smokin' grass-"
"When she talks to ya, you'll just tell her that you weren't," Soda said.
"And tell her that ya know you need to watch who ya hang around with," Pony told me, in a whisper. "Social workers
like it when ya take responsibility for what you do-"
We all three clammed up when Mrs. Richards came back with Darry. She went to take a quick look thru the kitchen, and then
came back into the living room. Soda and Pony and I all stood up again.
"Well, Darrel, would it be alright if we talked privately now?" she asked.
"Sure," Darry said, with a nod. "On the porch?"
"That's fine," Mrs. Richards said, and proceeded to go out the screen door ahead of Darry.
Darry followed her out onto the porch, pulling the wooden door closed behind him.
I knew they were sitting in the porch swing, because we could hear it squeaking. We could hear their voices, too,
but not what they were saying. Down we three sat again.
"She always wants to talk to Darry alone," Soda said, into the quiet of the living room. "It doesn't mean anything's wrong-"
I thought he must be trying to convince himself, as well as Pony and me.
"She's gonna ask him if I'm too much-" I worried.
"That's stupid," Pony said.
"Even if she does, Darry'll set her straight," Soda said.
Suddenly, I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to get out of there before I busted out crying.
I got up, and ran thru the kitchen, and out the back door. I went to sit on the top of the picnic table, hugging my legs up to
my chest.
I found that I was trembling. Like I was a lightweight. A sissy. It was terrifying to me to think of being separated
from my brothers-I wouldn't be able to cope with it. I remembered when, about a year and a half ago, when Pony had
run away, after a fight with Darry. It had been a scary time, and then we'd had the court appearances, and the judge had
talked to Darry about being our guardian, and all of that.
And, we were still getting visits from social services, mostly Mrs. Richards, though they'd decreased from monthly to every
three months.
It seemed like I could still smell Charlene's grass in my hair.
I heard my name being called awhile after that. I turned to see Darry standing at the back door, holding the screen
open.
He motioned to me to come, and I sighed, and got down from the table, walking over. At least, I thought, comfort in small
things. When he'd called to me, he'd said, 'Junie' and not 'June Marie'.
At the door, I paused next to him.
"Mrs. Richards wants to talk to ya now," he said.
"Oh," I said, feeling the knot in my stomach tighten.
I swung a look up at Darry. I was thinking to tell him how sorry I was, about the mess of this afternoon, but before
I could, he turned to walk back thru the kitchen and into the living room. I tagged after him, and when I reached the
living room Mrs. Richards stood up from where she'd been sitting, on the sofa beside Soda. Pony was perched on the end
of the sofa arm, popping at his knuckles.
"I thought we could talk for a few minutes, June," she said.
What was I supposed to say? I surely was not jumping for joy at the thought of it.
I only nodded, and went to the door, giving Soda a forlorn look as I went out.
Once on the porch, I sat down in the porch swing and Mrs. Richards took the seat beside me. Somebody inside pushed
the door closed, so our conversation would be private. She faced me, and gave me a small smile.
"Darrel says you've been trying to earn money this summer," she began by saying.
I nodded. "Yeah."
"That you were babysitting?"
I nodded again. Wondering if Darry had told her, too, about how he'd said I couldn't go to the Wilsons any more.
I wasn't going to offer any information, though.
"How have things been going, here at home?" she asked.
I swore, sometimes I had to wonder about social workers. Why did they ask such dumb questions?
"Fine," I said.
Mrs. Richards was quiet for a moment or so, and then said, "I only want to help, June. Help you and Ponyboy, and Soda and Darrel, too. Help
to make things easier, and better for you all, if I can."
I met her eyes. She looked and sounded sincere. And, she's always been nice to me. But, I couldn't help remembering what
she'd overheard when she'd first arrived. It's not like I could confide in her or anything. She had the power, or at least the power to
recommend, that Ponyboy and I not be here, in the house with Darry and Soda.
"Is there anything that you'd like to talk with me about?" she asked.
"No. Not really," I said.
I guess Mrs. Richards had had enough of trying to get me to share anything, because she said, more pointedly, "Darrel and you
were having words when I arrived. Is there anything about that that I can help with, perhaps?"
I shook my head, but she was just watching me, silently, as if waiting for something.
"Darry was just mad with me. I-didn't get permission to go with my friend today." There. I'd shared something. I thought if I added
a bit, it might make Darry look a little better.
"Darry and Soda are real strict about that," I added. "About Pony and me havin' permission before we do somethin'."
"Well, that's probably a good rule," Mrs. Richards said.
"Uh huh," I said, and was quiet.
"A young person's future can be altered by the sort of friends that they have," she said. Ah. There you go. I remembered
Pony's cue from earlier.
"I know it's real important to hang around with kids who don't get in any trouble," I said, changing Pony's words of advice
only slightly.
"Do you spend a lot of time with friends this summer?" she asked me.
"No. Not really. Darry doesn't want me walkin' downtown a lot-" I began and then paused.
"I think that's wise of him," she said, and smiled slightly.
I decided that I better speak up, so that she knew which way the wind blew.
"Darry does a real good job," I said, swiftly. "Takin' care of us, and everything."
"I'm sure he does," Mrs. Richards said.
"He doesn't yell that often," I went on, feeling as though I should, maybe, explain just a little, about the hollering when
she'd arrived.
"I'm glad to hear that," she said. She looked real serious now. I felt the knot in my stomach reappear. What if she thought Darry was
in the wrong, for yelling like that? Maybe, instead of thinking that I was too ornery to be in the house, she might think that Darry was
being harsh. Well, he had been harsh, but-
"Today was my fault," I said.
She looked as if she was listening, very carefully, and said, "It's good when a person can recognize if they're in
the wrong about something."
"I was. And Darry-" I hesitated, and then said, feeling emotional, "Darry's not mean. He's fair about things."
"I think I understand," she said, sounding kind. "Darrel's taken on-quite a lot, with the family, June. I know you realize
that."
I looked at my hands, willing myself not to cry. I knew how much Darry had taken on for us. He never said much himself, about things, or
complained, but Soda made sure that Pony and I remembered what Darry had given up.
"I realize it," I said.
"I think that later, you and Darrel have some talking to do," she said, and I looked up to meet her eyes. "Don't you think so?" she
asked me.
I found that I could only nod in response.
"Alright. Remember, June, I'm available if you do need to talk," she said.
"Yes, ma'm," I said.
Mrs. Richards stepped inside, to tell Darry that she was getting ready to leave, and said goodbye to Soda and Pony.
"Again, I apologize about the change in the visit time and date," she said, to Darry. "I'll try not to let that happen
again."
"Things happen," Darry said. "I understand."
"We'll see you in a couple of weeks then," she said, and walked on down the front porch steps. "Goodbye," she said,
as she passed by me. A couple of weeks?
The four of us stood there, on the porch, as Mrs. Richards got into her car and backed out of the driveway, and then drove
down the street past the house.
"What does she mean, a couple of weeks?" Pony demanded. "We should be good for three months before the next visit!"
"She thinks she ought to go back to comin' every month for awhile again, like before," Darry said.
I was just as horrified and shocked as Pony was, but I could tell Soda already knew.
"What?! Why?" Pony asked.
"She just does, alright?" Darry said, sounding clipped.
"It's not a big thing. We'll get thru it," Soda said, in a soothing tone.
I stood there, nibbling at my lower lip, and looking at Pony, who was furious; Soda, who looked resigned; and Darry, who looked, well,
unapproachable.
"Is it because of me?" I asked, feeling sick at my stomach.
Darry's gaze swept over me. "It's not any one thing." He looked at all three of us again. "It's just the way it is, alright?" He turned
and went into the house, letting the screen flap behind him.
"Man, this is stupid," Pony complained.
He pulled at the door, and went inside, too.
Now, it was Soda and me.
"Let's you and me go in, too," he said.
"I don't wanna go in there, Soda," I said. The thought of facing Darry had me thinking I'd sooner go to the dentist as step inside
our house.
"I know," he said. "But, ya can't stay out here forever." He reached out and took my hand. "Come on, June-Bug."
Outsiders