Chapter 7- Setting the Jett Record Straight Part II
It was the man who would become his father's abusive boss, a man DJ came to despise. As expected, he was 30 years younger, Caucasian, and looked to be around the same age as Dave. He was wearing a white striped zoot suit and a red tie. Even in his 40's he was bald and was wearing oval lens sunglasses. The teen didn't know why, but the gaze of Ian had paralyzed him.
"Hello?" Ian said in smug tone as he waved his hand in front of the new chipmunk, who remained still as a statue. "Is there something wrong with him?" Ian asked his producies.
"Oh this is DJ" Dave answered "he's the boy's cousin from Canada"
"Oh, he can't speak English?" the manager genuinely questioned.
"O-of course I can!" DJ snapped "it's just, you started me"
"I startled you?" Ian asked rather skeptically.
"Yep..." the headphone wearing chipmunk trailed off.
The man looked at puzzled a bit more and then shrugged. "Hey, how are my favorite singing rodents doing today" Ian enthusiastically greeted the other chipmunks.
"Hey uncle Ian!" they all cheered. Ian then went around giving them hi-fives and fist bumps.
This immensely confused the chipmunk from the future "why is he treating everyone so nicely. They seem to really like him, even calling him 'uncle'"
"Oh Theodore" Ian beckoned "I got a surprise for you… bam!". He then took out a huge cookie.
"Wow, you're the best uncle Ian!" Theodore cheered as he snatched and cookie and gobbled it up.
"How come Theodore gets a cookie!" Alvin pouted.
"Don't worry, big A" Ian pronounced "there's a lot more where that came from". The zoot wearing fellow then clapped his hand as an assistant came around the corner with an entire plate of the huge cookies. The six chipmunks cheered some more as they rushed in and consumed the cookies one by one.
"Hey DJ, want one" Simon asked as he passed his nephew a cookie. DJ was put off by Ian's nice gestures, amplified with the knowledge of how the man will act in the future.
"Um no thank you" he told his uncle softly. Simon looked at him strangely before eating the cookie himself. This didn't go unnoticed by Ian, who continued to stare at him suspiciously.
"Alright kids, that's enough" Dave stated as he pushed the Chipmunks and Chipettes away "Ian, I appreciate the gesture but they shouldn't be consuming so much sugar". "
Come on, Dave" Ian said nonchalantly "They're rockstars, they should get to dine like ones"
"That's right!" Alvin exclaimed excitedly "Alright uncle Ian, what are we singing today?"
"Well Billy Joel's still topping the charts, so you all will be singing We Didn't Start the Fire!" Ian explained.
"Another cover?" Dave questioned "But they haven't recorded any original songs for 3 years now".
"Dave, everything these kids touch turns gold" Ian elaborated pretty smugly "if ol' Billy's songs are super successful, then the Chipmunks and Chipettes performing them will shoot them into the stratosphere!".
"Dave does have a point" Simon chimed "it has been a while since we actually performed actual new songs".
"So what?" Brittany said all poised "Like Ian said, everything we touch turns to gold".
Now that DJ thought about it, the last couple of years of the Chipmunks and Chipettes career were filled with cover songs. So much so that people in his time joked that they were the "OG nightcore bands". Sure they were successful, but it kind of tampered their reputation. Now he could see that Ian Hawke was the root of that problem, and something told his gut that the man had many more roots as well.
"Yeah, Brittany gets it" Ian nodded "Alright, all of you enter the booth. Let's get rolling". The Bald man then turned to DJ "Hey, you wouldn't happen to sing like your cousin, would you?"
"Oh no, no, no" the teen denied "I don't sing".
"Why, are you bad at it?" The man rudely asked.
To be honest, DJ didn't know if he was a good singer or not. He definitely knew his twin sister could sing, probably as well as their parents, but he was always too scared to do it. After all, after spending his entire life being compared to the former rockstars, if it turned out he couldn't sing as well, he feared that people would think he was a failure. That was one of the major reasons he got into dj-ing, not only he was sure he was good at it, but it didn't require him to sing.
"Well that's disappointing" Ian snarled when he got his answer. DJ was getting quite annoyed by the bald man's condensation towards him, but he just shrugged it off not wanting to cause a scene. Ian walked over to some shelves consisting of many cassette tapes and took out the one labeled "We Didn't Start the Fire instrumental" and put it into the sound machine. The Chipmunks and Chipettes all got into position as they approached the three microphones in the booth and put on their headsets. Inconveniently, Alvin and Brittany just so happened to be standing next to each other.
"Hey, stop breathing down my neck, Brittany!" Alvin pushed his counterpart.
"Hey, don't put your gross fingers on my clothes!" Brittany fired as she pushed them back. The two pushing and shoving each other some more while their siblings felt rather awkward.
"Hey, what the hell is going on!" Ian yelled, seeming quite annoyed.
"Sorry, Ian" Dave responded "Alvin and Brittany are going through something at the moment, maybe they should just sit this one out".
"What?!" the two hot headed rockstars cried.
"He's the one who should sit out!" Brittany pointed Alvin.
"What, I'm not the unreasonable one here, you sit out!" Alvin glared at his counterpart.
"Neither of you are going to sit out!" Ian interjected as he turned back to their manager "Are you crazy, Dave? They're both the main stars, the lead vocals! I can't exclude them from any track!"
"But they clearly can't work with each other today!" Dave exclaimed "plus you have four other big stars who get along just fine"
"Yeah, uncle Ian" Jeanette joined "the four of us don't usually get to lead".
"Oh, Jeanette, Jeanette, Jeanette" Ian shook his head condescending "The reason why you, Simon, Theodore, or Eleanor don't get to lead is because you guys don't have the raw star power Alvin and Brittany have"
"Oh…" Jeanette sighed, as she looked at the ground.
DJ didn't like how the producer was speaking about his uncles and aunts. "Hey, what is that supposed to mean?!" the headphone wearing chipmunk spat.
Ian gave him a sinister glare before giving him a sly smirk "Look kid, Alvin and Brittany are just really good at performing, too good to ever be excluded"
"I still don't think this is a good idea…" Dave stated. "The two of them are staying and that's final!"
Ian exclaimed "Enough screwing around, let's start!" He pushed the play button on the sound board, but it was playing the cassette at the mid point. Ian groaned in frustration trying to fix it "Who's been playing my tapes? Of course this has to happen on the day the sound guy is sick!".
DJ could clearly see what the bald man was doing wrong "Let me look at it"
"Oh, like you could do better" Ian remarked but still allowing the chipmunk work on the sound board. Even though the technology was pretty primitive to the 21st century teen, he easily figured out how the controls work as he worked with old sound boards before. After pushing some buttons, DJ pressed the play button and the instrumental actually started to play from the beginning.
Everyone was impressed how quickly the new chipmunk was able to fix the problem, even Ian. "Wow, that was amazing!" Eleanor cried.
"Yeah, way to go, DJ!" Alvin cheered.
"I actually agree with Alvin for once" Brittany added "that was pretty impressive". DJ blushed, feeling quite flattered for the praise he was getting.
"Hey, there is some use for you after all" Ian patted him on the back "Do you think you could man the sound board for the day?".
DJ didn't really want to please the producer, but he did want to help his family "Sure, why not?" He rewound the tape as he counted down with his fingers "3...2..1…". He then pressed the button, and starting instrumental played out and then the rockstars started to sing:
(Alvin) Harry Truman, Doris Day, Red China, Johnnie Ray
South Pacific, Walter Winchell, Joe DiMaggio
(Brittany) Joe McCarthy, Richard Nixon, Studebaker, television
North Korea, South Korea, Marilyn Monroe
The two leads were trying to outdo each other, which was nothing new, but this time it was getting a little too competitive. They two of them sang even louder
(Alvin) Rosenbergs, H-bomb, Sugar Ray, Panmunjom
Brando, "The King and I" and "The Catcher in the Rye"
(Brittany) Eisenhower, vaccine, England's got a new queen
Marciano, Liberace, Santayana goodbye
The others were feeling quite comfortable by the performance, but they reluctantly joined in anyway, singing the chorus
We didn't start the fire
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it
Alvin and Brittany continued to glare at each other as their siblings sang. DJ and Dave couldn't watch, worried that everything will fall apart at any moment. Ian however, was intrigued
(Alvin) Joseph Stalin, Malenkov, Nasser and Prokofiev
Rockefeller, Campanella, Communist Bloc
As Alvin sang his verse, he was putting his heart into it as he stared smugly at his rival.
(Brittany) Roy Cohn, Juan Peron, Toscanini, Dacron
Dien Bien Phu falls, "Rock Around the Clock"
Brittany then was looking kind of dumb, with her finger and her thumb, in a shape of an L on her forehead (I'm not sorry).
(Alvin) Einstein, James Dean, Brooklyn's got a winning team
Davy Crockett, Peter Pan, Elvis Presley, Disneyland
Alvin was planning to steal Brittany's verse, but she saw it from a mile away. She then pushed him and sang her verse
(Brittany)Bardot, Budapest, Alabama, Krushchev
Princess Grace, "Peyton Place", trouble in the Suez
Their siblings continued to feel uncomfortable by Alvin and Brittany's behavior. Dave was trying to pull the plug but Ian just shush him. DJ cringed, feeling pretty embarrassed how his younger parents acted. Simon, Theodore, Jeanette, and Eleanor then sand the chorus again, but this time their siblings threw in some vocals of their own.
We didn't start the fire
(Alvin) We didn't start the fire!
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
(Brittany) no way!
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it
Brittany then stole Alvin's turn.
(Brittany) Little Rock, Pasternak, Mickey Mantle, Kerouac
Sputnik, Chou En-Lai, "Bridge on the River Kwai"
Alvin was furious, and decided to return the favor
(Alvin) Lebanon, Charlse de Gaulle, California baseball
Starkweather, homicide, children of thalidomide
Then the both of them tried to sing the next verses solo, but ended up singing at the same time as they glared at each other some more.
(Alvin and Brittany) Buddy Holly, "Ben Hur", space monkey, Mafia
Hula hoops, Castro, Edsel is a no-go
(Alvin and Brittany) U2, Syngman Rhee, payola and Kennedy
Chubby Checker, "Psycho", Belgians in the Congo!
When the "Psycho" part played, the two chipmunks started to get more physical, trying to push each other away. Everyone was uneasy, but the four other chipmunks sang the chorus, because why would they stop now when they gotten this far?
We didn't start the fire
(Brittany) Woah, Woah, Woah!
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
(Alvin) woo hoo!
No we didn't light it
But we tried to fight it
At this point, the tension between Alvin and Brittney seemed to almost reach its climax. They were straight up fighting.
(Alvin and Brittany) Birth control, Ho Chi Minh, Richard Nixon back again
Moonshot, Woodstock, Watergate, punk rock
Begin, Reagan, Palestine, terror on the airline
Ayatollah's in Iran, Russians in Afghanistan
(Alvin and Brittany) "Wheel of Fortune", Sally Ride, heavy metal, suicide
Foreign debts, homeless vets, AIDS, crack, Bernie Goetz
Hypodermics on the shores, China's under martial law
Rock and roller cola wars
Theodore then yelled "I can't take it anymore!", inadvertently finishing the verse.
We didn't start the fire
(Alvin) Yeah-ah-ah!
It was always burning
Since the world's been turning
We didn't start the fire
(Brittany)Oooh!
But when we are gone
Will it still burn on, and on, and on, and on
Alvin and Brittany's siblings then kept singing that last part and DJ slowly lowered the volume and stopped recording. The song was finally over. "What kind of singing was that?" The red capped chipmunk insulted his rival "you sounded like a dying vulture!".
"Oh yeah?!" Brittany fought back "well you sounded like 50 dying vultures!". Simon then grabbed a hold of Alvin while Eleanor grabbed Brittany. To almost everyone, the recording session was a complete disaster. Yet there was vibrant clapping coming from the bald producer.
"That was excellent, absolutely excellent!" Ian cheered.
"It was?!" Dave asked, very confused.
Ian then entered the booth and put his each of his hands on Alvin and Brittany's shoulder. "What did I tell ya, you two are superstars!" Ian said enthusiastically. The two of them looked absolutely ecstatic hearing him say this, though they still thought they were better than the other.
"But Ian" Simon cut in "Alvin and Brittany just fought the entire time"
"And it made the song even better when Billy Joel sang it" Ian remarked "I loved watching these two competing against each other".
"Thank you, uncle Ian" Brittany said as she put her hand on her heart.
"You really liked it?!" Alvin asked joyfully.
"Absolutely" Ian answered "maybe we should use it to our advantage". Everyone watched as Ian walked over to the sound board, took out the cassette tape, and took out a new one. "Here's a great song to take out the rivalry in you" Ian pronounced "We Will Rock You by Queen!". He inserted the new cassette into the sound board "Work your magic you two!". The chipmunk didn't like the fact that Ian was trying to get his parents more riled up, especially since he needed them to get along or he'll stop existing. He was about to say something to Ian when Dave beat him to the punch.
"Ian, can I talk with you outside for a moment" the manager requested. Ian just shrugged and the two adults left the room, which made DJ curious.
He got up from the sound booth and entered the booth. "DJ, what are you doing here?" Theodore asked "shouldn't we start recording?"
"Sorry Theo but I need to use the bathroom" DJ lied "Simon, can you man the sound board while I go?".
Simon looked at his nephew puzzled, wondering what the boy was planning. "Okay…" the bespectacled chipmunk responded. Simon reluctantly decided to go along with DJ's mysterious plan. Jeanette grew a bit more suspicious, becoming more and more sure that Simon and DJ were hiding something.
DJ showed Simon how the sound board worked. "You understand, right?" the teen asked his uncle, who began to chuckle.
"DJ, I'm a future genius inventor, I think I understand" Simon smirked. DJ nodded to the brainiac as he pretended to leave the room, hiding behind one of the couches by the door. Simon didn't catch him in the act and simply started the recording. He then walked back into the booth. They all began to stomp their feet and clap their hands as Alvin and Brittany once again sang the lead the others have started to perform, DJ crawled to the door, cracking it a bit. He began to eavesdrop on Dave and Ian's conversation.
"I'm just saying, Ian. The kids haven't performed an original song in a long time, people are going to catch on and think they have become sell outs" Dave said.
"Come on, Dave. Why do we need to waste our time coming up with new songs that we aren't even sure will captivate the public? They can just perform songs that are already smash hits and people will eat it up because they're singing chipmunks". DJ leaned in closer, finding the men's conversation being quite intriguing.
"But they are so much more than that!" Dave objected "They didn't just become popular because of what they are, people enjoy them for who they are as well. I wrote the boys' first hit for crying out loud, and all of their other original hits. You don't think I'm capable of writing more?". It was true, DJ knew Dave an amazing songwriter. He had written hits such as Witch Doctor, Christmas Don't be Late, and The Boys & Girls of Rock N' Roll.
Ian just sighed loudly "How about this Dave? If you can write an original hit song by the end of the week, I'll allow you to write the remaining songs for the new album".
Dave lit up as heard the producer's challenge "You have yourself a deal!". He then shook Ian's hand while DJ continued to listen.
But little did he know that not all the others were distracted with performing. Then eavesdropping chipmunk was a little to exposed and it got the attention of Eleanor. She didn't say anything to the other, she just simply glared at DJ.
"By the way, Ian" Dave continued "I've been trying to get Alvin and Brittany to forgive each other all day and your encouragement isn't helping"
" Don't worry about it, Dave" Ian brushed off "I don't want them to actually hate each other, this feud between them is just the perfect thing to boost their popularity!". Dave was getting pretty crossed with the bald man "Listen, as manager and father figure to the Chipmunks and Chipettes they're my responsibility, and I won't have you meddling with their personal lives"
Then out of nowhere, a reporter and her cameraman appeared. They seemed to have snuck through security. They rushed over to Dave and Ian, shoving the microphone in their face. DJ recognized who the reporter was, it was Crystal Cameron, the host of a show about Hollywood gossip, "Crystal Clear". She was infamous for reporting on various celebrities scandals and spreading false information like wildfire. She wore a neon blue suit with shoulder pad, and a neon blue skirt. She had blonde hair with a neon blue streak in it, with a white headband around it. She was also around 40. Crystal Clear was cancelled by DJ's time because the host was caught in the act of intentionally fabricating information on the internet. But seeing how DJ was in the past, no one had caught Crystal yet, and the internet wasn't public yet either.
"Mr. Seville, what do you know about the incident at the skating rink yesterday morning?" She asked forcefully.
"What are you doing up here?" Dave protested "If you don't leave now, I'm calling…"
Before Dave could finish his threat, Ian huddled him and began to whisper. "Dave, this is Crystal Cameron!" He said quietly enough for Dave and an eavesdropping teen to hear "We have to tread lightly or she can take down all of our careers!"
"I know that, Ian. But she needs to leave now!" Dave stated.
"Just follow my lead. I've dealt with these kinds of people before" Ian assured. The two men than faced the noisy reporter once more as Ian began to speak "Why hello Crystal! I don't think Dave has told me about this incident"
"Well apparently you're client Alvin Seville allowed a dangerous gang take Brittany Miller away and do god knows what to her" Crystal responded.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" Ian waved his hands "I'm sure this was all a big misunderstanding, Alvin would never do that"
"But what about the clear rivalry between him and Brittany" the reporter argued "if he wanted anyone to be taken out, it would be her".
"Well the rivalry part is certainly true" Ian admitted "but… how about this? We're kind of busy right now, but I'll allow Alvin and Brittany come onto your show later and explain what happened". Dave was about to interject but Ian covered his mouth before he could let the words out.
"That sounds perfect, Mr. Hawke" Crystal said excitedly "Bring them by the studio by 4. And stay tuned folks, and make sure to watch Crystal Clear at 4, as we'll have the lead singers of the Chipmunks and the Chipettes themselves answer all your juicy questions!". The camera stopped rolling and Crystal took out a card "Here's the address, make sure to be their by 3:30".
Ian took the card "We sure will".
Crystal and the cameraman then left, and Dave wanted to give the producer a piece of his mind "Are you insane? we can't let the children come onto her show!"
"I know it doesn't seem smart, Dave" Ian continued, "But we can't pass on this level of publicity. Crystal Clear is one of the highest rated shows in the country. We'll have our biggest stars go on and the new album will fly off the shelves, re-establishing the Chipmunks and Chipettes as a household name! Plus, I think it's the perfect way for Alvin and Brittany to settle their differences"
"I don't know about this, Ian" Dave stated "A lot could go wrong"
"And a lot can go right!" Ian exclaimed "Trust me, I know what I'm doing".
DJ knew he screwed up now, his parents never even got close to appearing on such an incriminating show. Now that he had altered the past, his existence seemed less and less certain. The chipmunk then saw that Dave and Ian were coming back to the room. He rushed back to the sound table and started to act all oblivious. It also seemed the others have finished performing. "Alright, kids" Ian announced as he re-entered the room "I'm assuming the song went great as usual".
"It would be great if Alvin didn't sing off key!" Brittany fired.
"I did not!" Alvin defended himself "you're just can't accept the fact that I can sing better than you!".
"Don't you start again!" Dave yelled. And luckily, Alvin and Brittany shut their mouths, not wanting to get in trouble. "You better listen here" Dave demanded "You two need to stop this nonsense! Ian just got you booked for Crystal Clear, so you better talk like young adults and learn to get along!".
Brittany then squealed "I'm going to be on Crystal Clear?! That's my favorite show ever!"
"You and Alvin" Dave clarified.
Brittany lost her energy when she heard her manager. "Great…" she sarcastically said under her breath.
"Hey, I don't want to go on that show with you, either" Alvin snapped.
"Guys, what did I say?" Dave scolded "While we wait to go on the show, I want the two of you to talk, okay?".
The two rivals just sighed "Okay…"
"Alright" Dave said calmly "Let's try this again. Alvin, what do you have to say to Brittany?". Alvin was exhausted with fighting at this point and simply wanted to please father "sigh… I'm sorry Brittany"
"And Brittney, what do you have to say to Alvin?". Brittany was flabbergasted "What, there's nothing I need to say to him!".
"Brittany…" Dave said sternly.
Brittany stopped protesting, being quite exhausted as well "sigh… I'm sorry Alvin".
Everyone let out a sigh of relief, finally they made up! "Alright, now that's settled" Dave continued "I'm allowing you kids to hang out a bit before the show, so be on your best behavior".
"Okay, Dave!" the kids said together.
"We'll see you kids later" Ian announced "I have to go to a meeting to discuss the marketing of the new album"
"Oh uncle Ian" Theodore cried as he ran to his producer "I've made you something". Theodore then took out a piece of paper. It was a poorly drawn picture of him and everyone (minus DJ) on a grassy field with the phrase "We love you, Uncle Ian" written on the bottom.
"Oh thank you, Theodore" Ian said and he ruffled the small chipmunk's head "I love it"
"I'm really glad you do" Theodore stated happily. DJ could see Ian's face, it was more emoting an awkward feeling than a happy one.
"Well, see you guys later" Ian waved as he left the room.
"Bye, uncle Ian" the children said simultaneously.
The entire time DJ knew the younger version of Ian Hawke was weird. Though he was rude and a tad too superficial, the man seemed to be beloved by his family. Maybe Ian had yet become the rotten egg DJ had come to know. Ian made his leave, and DJ decided to be polite and hold the door open for him. "It was nice meeting you, kid" Ian said to him. And as the producer left the room, DJ was going to close the door all the way, but something inside him told him to give the man one last look. He peeked out the door as he did before and he saw Ian looking at the drawing Theodore made for him. But what the man did next cemented DJ's opinion of him as he crumbled up the picture and threw it in the garbage with a disgusted look on his face. The man was the rotten egg DJ had come to known.
That took a while to write. Sorry if Alvin and Brittany were a little too unbearable these past two chapters, but I promise this is the worst of it. Not that there won't be any speed bumps along the way, but their fighting won't consume this much of the story in future chapters.