So, this is one of the A Hat in Time parody fics I had in mind. So yes, while the first story is with Snatcher, I decided to make this parody with the Conductor.

Anyways, this story is based off a funny video called "Substitute Teacher", made by Key and Peele. That video is so hilarious to watch, I cannot get enough of it. So I decided to make this and put in little changes. :p

Here goes! I hope you enjoy! :D

*scene: The Owl Express*

The black train was moving onto the next stop. It'll be a while until the train arrives at the next stop, so the passengers were already getting pretty comfy.

It's the first day that this new group of express owls came onto. There were 10 of each of these brown owls, looking around the main room of the train, and talking. The room was dark, with very little lights. But bright enough for anyone to see.

All the owls payed their attention to the right as someone walked in. This one is a yellow owl whose eyes are unseeable because of the conductor's cap. He wore a black suit with a white t-shirt and a purple tie. His pants and boots were also black, and his hands are the same color as his yellow skin, and they had four sharp fingers.

This is the Conductor, the host of his movie productions, and his rivalry with DJ Grooves. The new express owls watched the Conductor walk to the center of the room.

"Awright, listen up, owls," Conductor greeted, "I am the host of half of Dead Bird Studio, the Conductor. I 'ave been makin' movies for a long time, and earnin' many rewards thanks to my success! So, you peck necks better not think 'bout messin' wit' me! Yer got that?"

The owls nodded as a response.

"Wright, let's take role here." Conductor said. He pulls out a clipboard from behind him. On that clipboard had a paper that had all the names of the group of express owls.

Conductor stays silent for a couple seconds before calling out the first name on the paper.

"Jehr-mee-myeehr-ah."

All of the express owls felt confused. They all just looked at each other, not sure how to respond.

"Where's Jehr-mee-myeehr-ahh at?" Conductor asked. Again, no one responded.

"There's no Jehr-mee-myeehr-ahh here?" Conductor assumed. One of the brown express owls, wearing a plaid hat, jacket, black pants, and also a pair of glasses, slowly raised his hand.

"Ya?" Conductor pointed at the owl, ready to hear the question.

"Umm... do you mean Jeremiah?" The owl, whose name was Jeremiah, asked. Conductor set the clipboard back down and glares at Jeremiah.

"Okay, so that is how it'z gonna be. Yer wanna play." Conductor exclaimed. Jeremiah looked at Conductor, confused.

"Awright then. I got my eye on yer, Jehr-mee-myeehr-ahh." Conductor warned. Jeremiah just scoffed, unamused that he still pronounced his name incorrectly.

Conductor picks the clipboard back up and looks at the paper again.

"Balakay." Conductor called out. Like before, everyone just looked around, confused.

"Where is Balakay at?" Conductor asked, "Iz there no Balakay 'ere today?"

One of the express owls, who wore a white shirt and a green jacket, along with jeans, slowly raised his hand.

"Yes sir?" Conductor pointed at that owl.

"My name is Blake." The owl replied. Conductor stood there, flabbergasted.

"Bl-" Conductor paused quickly to set the clipboard back down. He crosses his arms and glares at Blake.

"Are yer out of yer pecking mind?" Conductor exclaimed. Blake just raised an eyebrow, not sure what to respond with.

"'Blaaaaake'. What?" Conductor mocked the owl's real name. Blake was about to respond, but Conductor quickly interrupted him.

"You wanna view a myerdur scene, Balakay?!" The train host yelled.

"No."

"Because I have a myerrrrderrr scene ready!"

"No."

"I am for real. I am. FOR REAL. So yer better check yerself." Conductor threatened. Blake put both of his hands up, and just backed up.

Again, Conductor leans down to pick up the clipboard again to call out the next name.

"Doh-meen-ack."

At this point, all of the express owls had no idea what to respond with.

"Is there a Doh-meen-ack?" Conductor asked. Silence fills the room. Conductor growls in anger from the silence.

"If one of yer owls says some silly pecking name... this entire group iz gonna feel. My. Wrath." Conductor threatened every one of the individuals in the group.

"Now, Doh-meen-ack." Conductor called again. This time, there's an owl with just a black t-shirt, jeans, and glasses who raised his hand, and quickly called out the correction.

"Do you mean Dominic?" He asked.

"You... PECK NECK!" Conductor shouted as he slams the clipboard on his right leg, breaking it in half. Everyone except Dominic gasped and murmured amongst themselves.

"Yer better say yer name right. Right now." Conductor commanded as he points at Dominic.

"Dominic." The owl said.

"Say it right." Conductor groaned.

"Dominic."

"Correctly."

"Dominic."

"Right."

"Dominic."

"Right."

Dominic hesitated for a second before he responds with:

"Doh-meen-ack."

"Ayy, that's better! Thank yer very much!" Conductor sarcastically said. Dominic just scoffed and rolled his eyes.

Conductor kneels down to pick up the paper. Luckily, it didn't rip and break in half, unlike the clipboard.

"Now... Ay-Ay-Ron." Conductor called out. Everyone just shared their confused looks, just being with this train conductor in the first place.

"Where are yer? Where iz Ay-Ay-Ron right now?" Conductor questioned. Silence fills the room.

"No Ay-Ay-Ron, eh?" Conductor assumed as he places his left hand on one of his hips. Again, there was no talking.

"Well, yer better be sick, dead, or mute, Ay-Ay-Ron!" Conductor yelled. Another one of the express owls had a plaid hat, and had that same plaid pattern on his shirt and pants.

"Here!" He called out while raising his hand, and then he just mumbled, "Aw, man..."

Conductor caught hint of the mutter, so he puts the paper down and walks to the murmuring owl.

"Why didn't yer answer me the first time that I said it, eh?" Conductor asked.

"Huh?" The owl looked up at the Conductor, who seemed curious.

"Yer know, I'm just wonderin'," Conductor said, "I said yer name about four times. So, why didn't yer say it the first time that I said 'Ay-Ay-Ron'?"

The owl inhaled deeply before he corrected the Conductor.

"Because it's pronounced Aaron." The brown owl replied.

"YOUUUU PEEEEECK NEEEEEEEECCKKK!" Conductor screeched as he runs over to a desk and knocks over everything sitting on it. Every object fell off the desk, causing a loud clattering noise to be heard. Everyone was even more shocked by the Conductor's actions.

Conductor growls as he approaches his victim again.

"Yer done messed up, Ay-Ay-Ron!" Conductor yelled, "Now take yer floofy bottom down to where the lassie is across the room RIGHT NOW! An' tell her EXACTLY what yer did!"

Aaron was confused on Conductor's description of who he was mentioning.

"W-Who?" Aaron asked.

"The 9-year-old lassie from the room across from here!" Conductor shouted as he pointed at one of the doors to the right of the room. Aaron looked at the door, and recognized it, along with who Conductor was referring to.

"The child with the hat, who's in the cafeteria?" Aaron responded.

"GET OUT OF ME PECKING TRAIN BEFORE I BREAK ME FOOT UP YER BEAK!" Conductor screamed. Aaron then panicked and sprinted over to the cafeteria, where Hat Kid would be waiting.

"Insubordinate..." Conductor started as he turned back to the group. He calms down and slowly walks back to the center of the room. He took a deep breath before finishing his sentence:

"...an' churlish."

Everyone then paid attention to the conductor again after that loud fiasco. Like any other moment, knowing how to respond to THAT was almost impossible.

Conductor gets the paper again. He still isn't done with the roll call.

"Teem-oath-eeee." Conductor called out. Another owl with an outfit similar to Agent 3 from Splatoon leans to the side and raises his hand.

"Present." He said.

"Thank yer!" Conductor groaned as he slaps his hand on his left knee.

Author's Note: And, yeah. That's all for today. I did my best to keep in track with the Conductor's Scottish accent, but at least I didn't forget any 'pecks'! XD

So, if you're wondering if I'm going to make a part two to this; yes, I am. Though consider this parody complete for now. I'll work on City of Light now so then I can continue my other A Hat in Time fic a bit as well.

But that's all, guys! Have a wonderful day, and see you next time! :D