The first knock was gentle and tentative against my door as I was now on my bed, looking right up at the ceiling and resting my hands on my lower stomach. Of course, my fit in front of Poe and Finn did the trick since for the first few minutes I wasn't disturbed at all. Maybe it did the real trick, or maybe it made me look worse. Either way, the left me alone with my thoughts. They were haunting, having me think back to why I did what I did. Then again, a part of me was glad I did what I did. All I was thinking about was my mother, the energy that I used to feel seem here was so small now the I could barely feel it, even if I concentrated so hard.
"Sweetheart?"
Of course, the way he would say my nickname was enough for me to genuinely know what he was trying to come from a good place. I closed my eye briefly, having me wish that we won't have another conversation that would turn into a fight. We had fought in the past, pasts over the protection of the other, and yet we were both too stubborn to give in. But this time, this was bad.
We both knew it.
"What I said back there was wrong," He said behind the door, this voice muffled from the thick door blocking him to get to me, "I was so heated and angry about something else going out of my control out here. With all that's going on….I shouldn't have taken it out on you."
I got up from the bed and looked at the door, debating within my head if I should just open the door or let him ramble on since I was still feeling far too much.
"You're the one person I would never want anything to happen to. Since I lost my folks and was out on my own, I had no one really to call my true family. I need to be in control with who I can protect all the time, and I think I tried to do that with you," Poe explained some more from his spot in the hallway. I walked over slowly, not making a sound now as I stood right in front of the door. I was so tempted to open it, but I also felt like I should wait a few more moments.
"Listen, I want you to know that I do trust you, I trust you more than anyone else here in the Resistance," he explained some more as I placed my palm there against the steel door, almost feeling the genuine tone he was using within my fingers, "I know I've been reckless at the best of time because I thought what I was doing was right…..and you were only doing the same. I don't know what you have with your brother, so I shouldn't have yelled at you for it."
Finally, I pressed my forehead against the door and I took in a deep breath, having me feel emotional again since this was Poe. My Poe, the same Poe the I fell in love with and would move mountains for me if he could. As reckless and cocky as he was, he was still genuine and kind within himself. He knew when he was wrong, and he would always find a way to make it right.
"I know you hate me right now," Poe started, in which I finally spoke up and used my gentle tone.
"I would never hate you, Poe," I reminded him, hearing nothing from the other side fo the door, "I'm too in love with you to ever hate you,"
"Even after all that I said?" Poe asked, almost heartbroken as he said that to me, "I would take it all back if I could,"
"It's already forgotten," I reassured him as I turned and leaned back against the door with my back and head, "All that's happening to us right now, with this war, I only wished it was easier."
"I know, sweetheart," Poe soothed, "I do believe you, by the way."
"Believe me…" I repeated after him.
"About all of it: your brother and him coming back from the Dark Side…what you feel with him….All of it. I was too stubborn to admit it, but I do believe you." Poe admitted to me as we were still talking to each other now with our hushed tones. Nothing else was heard, the slow hum of the ship and the occasional creak within the walls were the only things ringing in the open air.
"I'm tired, Poe," I said in a languid and drawn out tone as I looked dead ahead, feeling my insides that once were warm with the light almost going dull, "I'm tired of being someone important in this Resistance. I'm tired of being the daughter of Han and Leia Solo. I'm tired of being the sister of Kylo Ren. I just…I don't know who I can be anymore,"
It was odd to think of who I was supposed to be, in a time like this. I thought I knew my place before, I thought I was hiding true to the path I was supposed to follow. But it all changed from the simple mission Poe took to Jakku years before and when the war got bigger and even more dangerous. The biggest shift was my brother and how I was determined to find him and bring him back to the light. It felt like I lost my way.
"You're Neyli-Organa Solo," Poe said from behind the door, sounding sure of himself, "You're one of the best pilots in the Resistance, a brilliant mechanic who knows how to fix droids and X-wings with her eyes closed, someone who knows how to do the right thing more than others, the love of my life that I don't want to lose ever, and most importantly." He paused, having me crane my neck to have my ear closer to the door to hear what else he had to say, "You're a Jedi. If there's one thing I want you to be sure of, it's that."
I grinned slightly, already feeling a sense of peace slowly coming back over me from the feeling of dread that was once there. I had to let those words sink in, let them come over me like water, and I had to remind myself of those facts that Poe pointed out. There were times before when we would fight, then we would remind each other of who we were and we would reconcile. This was different, it felt like it at first, but we were still going to work this out together.
Finally, something dawned on me now as I raised my eyebrow, "You didn't want to come in here and talk to me?"
There was a moment of silence on his side of the door, "I didn't know if you still wanted to see me."
"You know I would have."
"Well, I wanted to be nice about it and knock first." I had to smile wider from how he was trying to say it nicely. I finally got up from leaning against the door and I faced it, placing my hand on the pad to open it swiftly. There he was, standing with his hands carefully placed at his sides and looking at me dead in the eye. His hair was still swiftly moved to the side, but the look on his face compared to before was different. It was softer now, almost mournful from how he saw me tear streaks on my face and how I looked more vulnerable.
He walked over the last few steps to be right in front of me, almost invading my own space now when he applied his hands on my face to cradle my face. He was beyond gentle, having me still see the look of remorse on his face from what he did and how he felt guilty with how he talked to me.
"I'm so sorry, Neyli," he said to me with the sadness on his face, "I'm so so sorry, I have no right to say any of those things to you—"
"Did you mean what you said?" I asked, seeing him raise his eyebrow now at me, "When you were telling me that I was the love of your life?" I knew it sounded like I was doubting him with his feelings for me. But to me, I had to hear it one more time to make sure we both were on the same page.
"You always were," Poe reassured me as he could tell I was searching his eyes. I finally smiled widely at him, leaning in to kiss him boldly. He held it, his hold against my face was still gentle and yet protective as we were kissing there in the hallway of the ship. I hands gripped his shirt within my fingers as I planted another kiss and I felt him scoot a bit closer.
Once I pulled away, I could see the blissed-out look on his face as we were looking at each other. His eyes were realized and yet wide as he was taking in a deep breath.
"Then we're okay," I reassured him, watching him give me a reassuring grin as he then leaned in and wrapped his arms around me to hug me close. I was glad we had this kind fo closer, that we both were wanting to be on the same side and not fight.
"Yeah," Poe said in agreement, "Yeah we're okay. And we're gonna be back to base real soon," I paused a second, already trying to feel out my mom like I did before. But it was weak, way too weak for me to even try and contact her.
"My mother," I said in a whisper, "She's weak, real weak."
"We'll get back to her and talk to her. With all that's happening right now, we're gonna need her," Poe reminded me as he moved his hands from my neck down to warm up my arms, "We'll regroup and find out what to do next."
"What about Rey?" I asked.
"We don't know where she went," Poe answered, "But I hope she's okay."
"Me too."
We landed the Falcon back on base, and the four of us walked out to head right over to headquarters in hopes to see my mother. But something was off as soon as we saw the other Resistance member, looking at us with grave looks and stares. I could feel it behind my shoulders as we were walking through together as a group, already looking worn out and rung out to dry. I was next to Poe, who was clutching my hand with his gloved one and was having us through the familiar jungle terrain. Commander D'Arcy jogged over to us with a worried look on her face as she tried to talk to both Poe and myself and stop us.
"Poe, Neyli, something's happened-" She was cut off by Finn.
"This can't wait," Finn cut her off as he walked past her.
"We have to see the General," Poe said to her as we passed Commander D'Arcy and kept walking. But she said two words that made us stop and look at her in sorrow.
"She's gone."
We all froze, looking back at her briefly before we looked at each other. That was why I couldn't feel her as well as I did before, she was dead. Her energy was barely left b the time we landed back at base, so who knew how long she was dead for. It made me think back to when I was with Ben, and we both felt it so strongly that we stopped fighting. Our own mother slipped from us and we both were affected so dramatically by it. Poe instantly looked at me with sadness in his face as I was blank, trying to wrap my head around it.
Now, I lost both my mom and dad.
Poe was hugging me gently now as I could hear Chewbacca wailing in the background, Finn was trying to cool him but it was no avail. I wasn't screaming, nor was I thrashing in pain and anger, I was silently crying within Poe's embrace and I was silently mourning for my mother. I wasn't there for her when she was last alive, and yet it felt like I was with the connection we had together with The Force.
"You need anything?" Jencon asked me as we were sitting together at the edge of my mother's old quarters at the base, it was nestled at the side near the line fo X-Wings, including my own. I was looking at all of her old things, whereas her body was covered in a white cloth right in the middle of the made quarters. I was trying so hard not to look, but at this point, with that blast of anger that I had on the Falcon, it was almost numb and melancholy with what I was feeling.
"I'm okay, thanks," I replied as I was looking over her schematics and planning that she was always trying to be ready for. Jencon was quiet for another few moments before he walked over to me and stood next to me.
"She was worried about you," he explained, having me look and watch him, "She always was. But I think this time…she knew you were going to be okay."
"That was my mom for you," I commented, nodding slowly as I saw R2D2 roll over to me now, along with Q2 right behind him. I heard R2D2 beeping at me sadly, in which I gave him a slow nod.
"I'm glad you were here with her, D2. I appreciate it." He beeped back at me with melancholy in his beeps. The droid knew my mother long before I was born, I tend to forget that R2D2 has seen plenty of things that we would never be able to comprehend.
Q2 beeped at me rapidly now as well, Jencon looked at my droid, "You were there too, Q2."
"I knew her health was never the best But I didn't think…" I trailed off.
"I don't think any of us did," Jencon added as I turned and looked at my mother's body on the platform covered and not seen. It should be that way, even her body looked peaceful and poetic. But she was still gone, and it felt odd that she wasn't here for me when I needed her.
"Where's Poe?" Jencon asked then, chaining the subject.
"Talking to the others about what to do next," I explained, scratching my hair thinking about it, "We're at a standstill."
"Any word about Rey and where she went?" Jencon asked, in which I shook my head.
"No word from her and no sign as to where she flew off to," I replied, "Since we don't know where she is, we're at a much bigger standstill than we were before. She didn't even mention if she found the last Wayfinder that would lead to Exegol…."
"Neyli!" Both Jencon and I looked over to see Rose running over to us, a look of heaviness there within her eyes, "We need you with the others. Something's happened."
"What is it?"
"Kijimi's been destroyed."
"Kijimi…how?" Poe asked, sounding devastated as we were with Rose, Beaumont Kim, Jencon, Commander D'Arcy underneath one of the tens with the panels showing the coordinates were Kijimi used to be.
"A blast from a Star Destroyer. A ship from the new Sith Fleet." Commander D'Arcy explained from next to Rose at the panel. Poe placed his hands in his hips, already looking dread about what just happened.
"The Emperor sent a ship from Exegol Does that mean every ship in the fleet—" Beaumont asked in surprise as we were all thinking the same thing in our heads.
"Has planet-killing weapons. Of course, they do. All of them, this is how he finishes it." I answered for Poe, seeing him give me a grim look now as it was all sinking in for the rest of us. But then a message in some other language came through on our panels, Rose looking at the numbers and then motioning to us.
"Listen! It's on every frequency." Rose said as she turned up the volume. The message was filled with static, but it was Beaumont who spoke up and translated.
" 'The Resistance is dead, the Sith flame will burn. All worlds, surrender or die, the Final order begins.' " Beaumont translated as the message was read over and over within its own code. I could see the others all looking at Poe now, the look on his face was grim mournful from the news.
"Leia made you acting General, what now?" Rose asked him. They were wondering as well what our next move was, and yet Poe was frozen. With all of the setbacks that we had there for the Resistance, Poe felt like he hit a wall and there was no way to go around.
General Poe Dameron was stuck.
Poe was sitting next to my mother's body, watching it closely as if he was waiting for her to wake up from being asleep, the night came over us now with a chill within the air as the others were waiting for his orders. I told the others to give him some space, tinning that he needed some time within his head to find a way for us to come back and fight the First Order.
He was resting his chin within his fingers as he was leaning on his knees and watching dead ahead of him, I could see how he was trying to think of a way, and since he couldn't think of one he was getting frustrated. I didn't say anything, but I watched him in both concern and admiration.
"To be honest I don't really know…how to do this. What you did….I'm not ready." Poe admitted, almost sounding broken himself as he was talking to my mother. Maybe he thought she would answer him, and yet there was nothing. I felt terrible for him, walking over to stand right behind him and placing my hands on his shoulders to somehow show him I was there. We both were coming from raw places, from a recent fight on the Falcon, and now we were vulnerable together once more.
Slowly I leaned over to press my head against his head from behind, wrapping one good arm around his front against his chest and keeping him there for a brief moment. He held my arm with one hand, showing that he knew I was there and that he didn't mind it.
"Neyli I don't think I'm ready for this," Poe said in a softer tone to me as he was rubbing my arm with his thumbs, I only breathed him in.
"No one can be at this point," I reminded him, "And yet we're all going to stand right behind you and help you, no matter what."
"But still…this is all or nothing, being ready seems impossible," Poe admitted.
"Neither were we," We both got up and looked over our shoulders from behind us. It was Lando Calrissian, walking over to us with a soft glow in his eyes. We both were surprised to see him since we thought we left him back on Planet Passana, "Luke, Han, Leia, me, who's ever ready?" He then looked over at me directly in the eyes, walking over to give me a knowing look. I smiled back at him, though it wasn't a big smile as it was before.
"I'm so sorry to hear about your mother, kid," He said to me, squeezing my shoulder.I nodded at him, seeing him eye my outfit there and he pointed to my vest, well, my father's vest.
"Your dad's, right?" He asked.
"Yeah," I answered, "Figured I would wear it in honor of him," he smiled widely at me.
"He would have wanted it that way." He confessed to me, and now Poe was walking over to stand next to me and face Lando.
"How'd you do it?" Poe asked, "Defeat an Empire with almost nothing?" I was wondering the same thing ti was just the four of them together in the Resistance a long time ago against the Empire. They had to have been our age at the time, having the same fear within them and the same insecurities if they could really fight against Darth Vader and win.
"We had each other," Lando said with a shrug with his shoulders, "That's how we won." As soon as he said that, I saw something go off behind Poe's eyes as he thought of something. I caught it, nudging his shoulder with my own now.
"What?" I asked, seeing him look at me with a glint back in his own eyes.
"I think I know what to do."