Stuck in a Hole with Laslow, Odin, and Selena
Let him say this right now. He may have been a terrible tactician, but Kiran was proud of his accomplishment. The world of Binding was a weak bitch if you knew what you were doing. Watching Robin beat Emblia's Roy upside the head with his tome was one of the most satisfying things he'd ever seen in his life.
What was more satisfying was getting Orbs. Anna's weird little bird brought some by every now and then, but it wasn't enough if he was gifted one a day. It helped, he'd never be able to say it didn't, but it wasn't as fulfilling as getting them himself.
As the Heroes and Askrians all celebrated their accomplishment in weakening Emblia once again, Kiran strolled off to the Summoning Sigil with a bag of forty Orbs. He was a hoarder in that sense. Stay in Askr for three and a half weeks and suddenly you feel like the greatest person on the planet.
Summoning was enjoyable, and then Frederick appeared.
"Where am I," he demanded, eyeing up the Summoner. Kiran sweat in his robe and quickly noticed the man heft his massive hammer to his side and glare down on him.
"Where is Lord Chrom? Lady Lissa? Robin? Furthermore, where have you spirited me off to, Mage?"
He couldn't. He was too busy fanboying over the unit that almost singlehandedly carried him through Awakening's Proud Mode.
"Answer me or pick a God and pray."
He said the thing! Holy shit, he said the thing!
The hammer crashed into the ground before his feet, and Kiran came close to pissing himself. He rattled off the explanation he'd been attempting to simplify for everything that was going on, but it mostly became a bunch of awkward squeaks and voice cracks as he saw the man glare at him and wave his hammer about in a threateningly casual manner. Kiran instantly resorted to begging.
"I promise to summon Chrom, Frederick! L-Lissa too! Robin's around somewhere, go find him! Just… don't pound my skull into dust."
The man still looked about ready to pound him into the floor like a nail, but sighed and threw his weapon over his shoulder.
"You're far too skinny to fight in war. I'll have to correct that."
With the possibility of the Frederick's Fanatical Fitness Hour threatening him, Kiran sighed and let the man off to wander on his own accord. He wasn't out of shape… r-right? He was a runner, not a fighter.
He grabbed an Eliwood, Gaius, Niles, and surprisingly enough-
"I am Odin Dark. Mage of Nohr! Twilight traveler! Infinite enigma! (And, hey, all-around nice guy.)"
Odin. Or Owain. Whatever continuity he currently was. The half naked blond man proudly stood in all of his Four-Star glory, book in hand flipping through its pages by the power of magic.
The next five were mostly similar. Hinata, Sakura, and-
"I'm Laslow, a mercenary from the Kingdom of Nohr. Shall we grab a cup of tea? It's the perfect icebreaker!"
Then-
"I'm Selena, a mercenary who works for Nohr. Very talented. Ask anyone! They'll say I'm cute too. Bonus!"
Kiran snorted. Selena / Severa blushed and instantly started complaining, but Odin / Owain and Laslow / Inigo grabbed her before she could cause a scene and spirited her away. Kiran just rolled his eyes and predicted that they'd probably have a meeting about the new world and what it could mean to have Heroes from Awakening appear and recognize them.
Okay, one last green!
He clicked the trigger once again, smiling already from a successful pull.
That smile grew wider when a blast of air came off of the Summoning Sigil, and a blast of blue light filled his senses.
He saw rabbit ears and a tight corset, and his good day went even better.
"I'm Camilla, eldest princess of Nohr, come dressed for the spring fest. But it's rather tight, don't you think?"
Hot! She's homicidal and sort of crazy, but hot!
The world of Awakening got absolutely rocked, as Kiran had aptly stated.
It was a wave of chaos that they brought to Emblia's territory. Laslow looked to his comrades as he wiped the sweat from his face, their walk enjoyable as Kiran led the way back to the Askr portal. Selena and Odin both looked tired but proud of themselves for helping break off the control Veronica had over them.
Camilla, on the other hand, was the one figure he kept his eyes off of. He'd almost begged Kiran to get her a set of normal clothes so he didn't have to deal with ogling the princess donned in a rabbit outfit, but the Summoner would have needed to summon a normal version of Camilla.
Laslow didn't quite understand it. It looked like Kiran didn't either, because he spoke the words with such an unbelieving tone that he may as well have not said them at all.
Odin didn't seem to mind. Laslow thought he could've just never realized had he not seen Odin's blush when they were first decided for the fight.
Selena, on the other hand…
"He's a pervert! He's a giant pervert!"
She didn't take it very happily. At least she had the gall to keep her voice down lest Kiran hear, but her constant torture of the boy from behind was unsettling to witness. She could only jab him with her armorslayer so many times before he became worried for the Summoner's life, and stepping on his heels as he walked seemed childish but effective. He was even more worried considering they were walking past a very dangerous looking crevice in the stone that they walked across.
Then she upped the ante and pushed him. Her arms went forwards, slammed into Kiran's back, and he toppled.
"Oh SHIT!"
Kiran fell into the crevice, and Laslow just watched as he tumbled further down and almost out of sight. His crash into the bottom was loud and sounded extremely painful, and the Nohr Mercenary winced at the low groan the Summoner let out.
Selena was sweating, still in the pose she'd taken when she shoved him. Odin was on his hands and knees, screaming with laughter at the sight of their old friend so mortified over something dumb.
"Selena," Lady Camilla called out, and Laslow averted his eyes from her figure before his eyes inevitably strayed from the rabbit ears to something more scandalous, "did you just shove our adorable little Summoner into a hole?"
"I'm not adorable!" Kiran shouted back up. Laslow watched as Selena uncomfortably turned to where he believed Camilla was standing with faux-surprise written on her face.
"I… think so…?"
Lady Camilla was silent, then Laslow realized that she'd sauntered up beside him to look down the hole as well. He had a face-full of her costume and jammed his gloved fingers up his nose to keep the nosebleed back.
He had a wife, dammit! He shouldn't be looking, no matter how seductive the temptress was!
Maybe he could equal out her attractiveness with her homicidal tendencies… wait, shit! He'd married Peri!
"I'll see if my wyvern can get to him. Marzia," she called to her mount, knocking Laslow back from his stupor. The woman daintily pointed to the crevice with a smile on her face with one command: "fetch!"
Laslow was about to point out how terrible of an idea that sounded, but was drowned out by Marzia ramming its head into the gap and being met with a scream of a child in return. The man remembered seeing the wyvern snap at numerous enemies in his time serving the Kingdom of Nohr, and he had no doubt that the Earthling was screaming in absolute terror as the beast snapped and screeched at him.
Kiran's head wouldn't be taken off yet, because the area the robed boy had fallen through was just small enough to bar the creature entrance. Marzia couldn't reach her prey, so it fluttered back to the woman looking much like a kicked dog. Camilla soothed her mount with a hand petting its jaws.
"I'll return to Askr to get help," she stated after a moment of thought. "Would any of you like to join me?"
Laslow swore she was repressing a chuckle as he felt her gaze on him.
"We'll make sure he stays safe. See you soon, Lady Camilla."
Selena waved her liege off and watched as she mounted Marzia and flew off. Odin, on the other hand, was gazing suspiciously at Kiran, who was still raging.
"How did he manage that fall without getting hurt? It doesn't seem feasible."
"He said something earlier about how there wasn't fall damage. Maybe that's how?"
Laslow pondered the meaning of those words. Odin apparently did it faster.
"No time like the present, my comrades!"
Odin let out what was accurately described as a war cry and launched himself into the crevice, leaving a thunderstruck Laslow and Selena behind. The two more level-headed Mercenaries shared a sigh, then started to carefully lower themselves down. It was agonizingly slow, and Odin's boisterous laughing combined with the Summoner's indignant shouts certainly didn't help his concentration.
Finally, they'd made it to the drop that had taken Kiran and their own Mage. Selena jumped down without hesitation, no fear in her soul after fighting Risen and Faceless and Grima and Anankos. Laslow slid down after her, if only to complete the holy trilogy.
He landed on the Summoner. The string of apologies and the string of curses had interwoven into a chorus of white noise and the rare discernible word. They managed to disconnect, and to Laslow's own credit, Kiran only looked slightly homicidal.
"Why did you guys jump in here after me?! You're putting yourselves at risk because I was stupid enough to fall in a goddamn hole!"
Laslow glanced to the Mage of their group when Kiran turned to groan at the opening of the crevice. Odin's gaze met his own, and they both glanced back to Severa, who who blushing and fiddling with her collar in an attempt to act nonchalant.
The three of them would keep quiet about how he actually made it down here.
When the robed boy was done screaming at the heavens, he plopped down and ran a hand through his messy black hair, suddenly looking years older than he should've been. Laslow knew what stress could do to someone.
The Retainers had met the night before, pondering what to do with their new situation. If Kiran could Summon Heroes across time and space, there would inevitably be a hero that would recognize them from Ylisse and use their real names. There would be suspicion and concern when there shouldn't have been, and while it wouldn't necessarily be Kiran's fault, it would be his actions that cause the infighting. They decided as a group that they needed to explain to him their situation, as to avoid such problems before they would arise.
"Kiran… we've got something to tell you about us."
"I already know about you guys," he sighed. "What more is there to know?"
'More than reasonable,' the Mercenary mused to himself. "It's about our own lives."
Kiran only blinked and rose an eyebrow.
Odin didn't let him get a word in.
"We heroes chosen by fate have decided to tell you everything! Our fates, awakenings to this truth, our hard brought decision to include you in the knowledge that could save dimensions untouched by realities we know of! Our dread beasts burning within our very souls have pushed us forwards! Kiran," Odin roared, holding a hand out dramatically. Laslow sighed and Selena slapped a hand to her face, "join us in the truth! Heroic Summoner of the Kingdom we know only as Earth, allow us to show you everything! Our battles! Our trials! Our worst nightmares turned to reality!"
"Someone shut Odin up before I stab him," Selena roared, but she couldn't get the threat out fast enough before Odin let the story explode out.
Kiran looked understandably confused as Odin began to rattle off the contents of their journey, starting from remembering chewing of a toy sword and barely getting to the end of The Grace Period before an hour passed. Laslow attempted to get a word in here and there, but was promptly drowned out by Odin describing the taste of a Ylissean meat skewer.
Kiran, however, was not one to be drowned out.
"Owain, dude, Inigo's trying to talk. Severa's the personification of silent but deadly over there. Bug her."
Laslow nodded to the blonde man, even though he was met with a glare by Selena that spelled disaster for him later.
"So as I… was… saying…" Laslow trailed off, watching as Kiran's grin grew. The robed man just smiled at the son of Olivia as Laslow attempted to decipher what the hell had just happened.
The sound of Odin slipping on something and crashing into the ground went unspoken as Selena shuffled into his peripherals with amazement on her face and a hand tight on her sword.
"I'm sorry," his fellow time traveler and world jumper mumbled, "what did you just call us?"
The edge in her voice was muddied with the shock Laslow himself was feeling. The girl drew her sword and had it pointed right at Kiran's neck, likely one push away from putting him down. The dancer had his hand on his own blade, ready to aid his family without a moment's hesitation.
Kiran sighed, carefully clamped the sword's edge with two fingers, and threw it to the side as Selena stabbed. He flinched as the sword dug into stone and dirt, but sat still and looked at them with his disarming brown eyes.
It would've done better to stop them if his other hand wasn't holding Breidablik in a death grip.
"Severa, you know damn well what I called you."
Laslow brought his blade from his sheath, glaring down at the boy.
"So… you know about everything?"
"Everything?" he asked, shaking his head, "I don't even know what your last names are, let alone what timeline you guys are from."
"Plural?" Selena managed, still shaken by the fact that the idiot that had brought them to another world knew far too much about them to be normal.
The boy paused and sighed, and the three heroes shared looks of wariness and concern. If he knew of multiple timelines, than that could potentially be disastrous for their objective. All of their secrets and half-truths would be exposed instantly, and the bonds they'd formed with friends and family could potentially be shaken.
Laslow didn't want to know what his daughter may think if she learned he'd been lying to her all her life.
Then Kiran dropped a bomb that made him freeze.
"Do any of you have kids yet?"
Kids?! He knew about Soleil!
Laslow had to stop himself from stabbing Kiran then and there. If he knew about his daughter and wife and was planning something that might hurt them, he'd kill the man without hesitation.
"How do you know so much? Alright, what's my child's na-"
"Soleil. She's a girl. The hair color depends on who you boned, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and say she's a pinky."
He… how did he know that?! Soleil's hair color from birth was pink, but she just dyed it blue because it reminded her more of Peri. If the Summoner even knew that, then-
"What was our purpose in the Kingdom of Nohr?"
Odin of all people spoke up, a dark look on his face and his fingers brushing against his grimoire. Kiran's eyes flickered to the book, but he only rolled his eyes.
"To protect Corrin and or Kamui, then help stop Anankos."
There was one other person who knew that, and he was a damn dragon that had enslaved Valla. It gave them yet another problem.
"And are you…?"
Kiran's brown eyes focused more intensely than Laslow had thought possible. Kiran didn't just look mad, but pissed.
"No, I'm not with the dragon. Honestly, he's an ass and I'd have no qualms with anyone putting him into the floor after what he'd done to your World. His good half is probably insane already. Also, Iago can die like the scrawny prick he is."
Laslow choked on his spit, and Selena smacked him hard on the back, more or less punching him. The girl seemed exasperated as she punched him in the spine, but Laslow was more focused on the pain and saliva in his windpipe.
"I don't think you could have made your allegiances known any better," Odin stated, the boisterous tone back in his voice.
Kiran grinned.
"Well, if you know all about us, then we should know about you. It's only fair," Selena decided, tearing her weapon from the wall but keeping a tight hand on it. Laslow himself felt the same. If Kiran kept secrets from them, he'd never have their trust. Odin sat down beside him, and the three Nohrian Retainers faced the cloaked Earthling together.
Kiran blinked, took a moment to ponder, and grinned.
"Yeah, I guess that's fair. It's probably really damn weird for someone to know everything about you guys without having knowledge in return. What do you want to know?"
They asked questions about his world. Where he got all of his information from was something Odin desperately wanted to know. Laslow thought it might have been a protector of an Outrealm gate that had witnessed their lives.
He told them about Fire Emblem. Not the Ylissean treasure or Corrin's Yato, but about a game.
Details that had been lost to history books were given out like candies. Background information that the most privy of individuals had hard times acquiring were stated without hesitation.
Laslow didn't know how he should react. Odin was demanding to know all about a group called Nintendo and Selena wanted to know how the people - characters, he supposed - were created. Laslow just wanted the name of the sick bastard that wrote his mother as someone disposable when he needed her the most.
The deaths didn't matter. Their lives were dignified to health points, Classes, and Skills. His life was that of the fictitious character in a game that you could completely deny even existing if his mother didn't marry.
He thought Kiran as a God for one long moment. His sword was tight in his hand as he wondered if everything would be erased if Kiran just perished.
"I didn't know what to do in the beginning. A bunch of people I idolize yet know don't exist are suddenly thrust into my hands. How is one supposed to react to that?"
Laslow looked back up at the cloak of white and gold. He made himself pull his hand from his sword.
"I've had more than enough of watching people get hurt. I don't want it to keep happening, even if I have no clue how to prevent it, but I try. I keep an eye on Nino to help her learn to read like a kid her age should. I'll be around to make sure Robin's emotions don't get the better of him without Chrom around. And…"
Laslow's jaw clamped in anticipation.
"Well, I guess I'll be around to keep the identities of you nerds safe."
Laslow blinked. All of the treacherous thoughts that had been plaguing his brain were killed by the sigh of relief that he let out.
Kiran would keep them safe. Laslow shouldn't suddenly trust his words, but there was so much acceptance and sympathy in the hooded boy's voice that he felt immediately at ease.
"I'm sure then that you can all tell that Kiran isn't exactly my real name either?"
Laslow and Selena both nodded, but when Odin heard that secret, he slipped and crashed into the ground so hard that it looked like he forgot how to breathe. The dancer of the group just watched as his old friend flailed in attempt to pull himself back together, and when he did, it was as shocked as possible.
"Kiran is just a moniker?! Impossible! Inconceivable! That just doesn't make sense, plain and simple!"
"The three of you had new names when you stepped into another world. So did I."
"Well spit it out," Selena demanded, "It's not kind to keep secrets from your friends!"
The robed boy laughed, but looked a little pale. Laslow understood why: to give out your true identity would be to trust those told with your closest secrets. If he was worried that it would place a burden on their shoulders, he was wrong. They knew how to keep secrets.
He explained as much. Kiran's smile lifted the atmosphere once more.
"Don't go spreading this around… but my real name…"
He wetted his lips, preparing himself. The Retainers patiently waited for his answer.
"My real name is-"
Sharena looked down into the hole that Camilla had claimed Kiran had fallen into. She didn't see Laslow, Odin, or Selena anywhere nearby, and that worried her. Her friends were precious, and if they got hurt, she'd feel terrible for not being there.
She saw the white coat of the Summoner, moving around as the Earthling swayed. It looked like he was pacing, like Alfonse would when he had a particularly bad argument with their father.
"Kiran!" she shouted into the crevice. The coat stopped moving and the sight of the Summoner's face, untouched by blood or dirt, and she let out a sigh of relief. The boy waved, and three heads peeked from previously out of view to see her.
"Are you guys alright? I brought rope to get you back up!"
"We're fine! Give us a minute! Odin's doing a charade!"
Sharena blinked. The four went back to what was previously happening, and Odin pinched his fingers close together and brought it to his waistline. Selena immediately gave a shout in return.
"Oh! It's Laslow!"
"What?! Why is it me?!"
"It's because his little penis!"
"ODIN!"
A chorus of laughter followed the Mercenary's indignant shout, and Sharena suddenly felt like she was missing out on something. She turned to look at her fellow princess, and Camilla grinned and nodded. Without hesitation, Sharena threw herself into the hole as well. She landed right on top of Kiran.
"WHY?!"
"How did all of you manage this?"
Alfonse had watched as Heroes had all left the castle to go help get Kiran out of a hole - of all things? Camilla had arrived in her scandalous outfit, a large and mischievous grin on her face, and spirited people away to assist.
When she came to get him, he hadn't known how to react.
Now he was just tired. He was in the middle of building his bench and had to be interrupted by this.
Literally every hero under Kiran's command was in a hole, crammed together in a tight space and laughing up a storm.
"Marzia," came Kiran's shout from the pit of writhing and giggling people, "fetch!"
The wyvern beside him perked up, and Alfonse didn't even have the chance to uncross his arms before he was plucked from where he stood and launched into the hole.