I was filled with indecision, even though my brain is big enough to process several scenarios simultaneously. I'd accepted at once the truth of my bond with Bella, it all finally made sense.
I was not crazy as I feared, merely drawn to what was mine.
I want to take Bella and make her mine in the true sense of that word and yet I can't think of any way to block my family from finding out until I want them to. Reciting my battalion's names, ranks and families particulars repeatedly while around Edward and Bella was only enough to block my brothers talent, not Alice. Edward had asked me why I chose to use this annoying mental block and I'd told him that it helped me deal with the hunger being around Bella brought to life inside me, which he accepted as fair enough, given how I'd tried to avoid her at all costs in the beginning of their relationship.
But now, with her in my arms I couldn't take what I wanted...what we both wanted...and this frustrated me more than a little.
"We can't do this now, darlin'. It's not safe for us...what about Edward and Alice?"
Realisation dawned on Bella's face just as I severed the bond between us and left the water with Bella following me, I felt a physical ache at once at the loss of our bond. Once out of the pool Bella doubled over, clutching her abdomen – I went to her at once.
"What's wrong, Bella?" I asked, worried.
"It's so painful." Bella whimpered. "Every time you leave me it gets worse."
I was hurting her. That knowledge burned me, because I could not help it.
Backing away, angered, I slammed my fist into a nearby tree, sending the thick trunk flying fifty feet away where it crashed into the undergrowth.
"Jasper...don't be angry this is not your fault. I'll be fine." Bella panted, straightening with effort.
"But your not fine darlin', you're bent over in pain because I can't be with you, like we both need to be."
"We'll find a way...Jasper...we have to...I need you. I know that now. This thing between us, it's real and good and true. I have to tell him. Edward. I can't do this to him, lying isn't right. He has the right to know."
I laughed humourlessly. "Oh we will tell them, Bella, but be prepared for the outcome. It won't be pretty. We'll rip this family apart."
Bella's face paled at my words, her hands still cradling her mid section. "No! We can't do that...they...the Cullen's are meant to be a family. You're part of them, I can't destroy that."
I went to her and stopped a foot away, "I've never really been a part of them, Bella. I'm not a Cullen and I never was. Carlisle likes to rescue strays and I was emotionally wounded and alone. The perfect candidate for adoption. But I've never been one of them, my past is too bloody and violent for their liking. I tried for many decades to be what Alice saw me to be. But I'm realising more and more lately that it just isn't going to happen darlin'."
Bella came to me slowly, that invisible tie that bound us together slowly pulling her to me, one fucking beautiful step at a time. "I want to know you, the real you, please tell me who you really are?"
Her face eased instantly the moment she entered my personal space, I could feel the pain leave her body and I stopped breathing when her warm skin touched me. The water had long since dried on her skin, her long hair falling around her sensually.
"I'm Major Jasper Whitlock, Ma'am, I'm a decidedly non vegetarian kind of vampire and I have fought and killed thousands with these two hands." I raised my hands on either side of her face and grinned at her. "And God help me I want you more than my existence, more than my next meal and more than is right or even sane. I'm 150 years older than you and I've seen more in my many lifetimes than some could ever dream of, but none of that matters because I want to share every part of myself with you."
Bella's eyes remained trapped by mine as she leaned up into my body and wound her arms around me, her soft fragrant hair touching my cold cheek as her face slid along mine. "I'm very pleased to meet you, Jasper Whitlock."
The calm acceptance of that simple statement shocked me. My hands fell automatically onto her head, stroking her shining hair before sliding deep into the satiny softness.
"Let's go home, you're freezing." I said.
Bella smiled at me shyly. "But I want to be close to you Jasper, don't disappear and leave me, promise."
Her words made my venom sing in my frozen veins and just for a second I felt alive as I hadn't in over 150 years. Close to her? I could do that, fuck, I never wanted to leave her side. Not fucking her might be a slight issue however.
"You'll have to be good for me Bella darlin', can you do that for me?" I pretend scowled at her lovely face.
Bella blinked at me her expressive eyes wide with innocence. "I'm always good." She said, affronted.
I grinned at her innocence. "That's not what I meant. I mean that you mustn't kiss me or touch me, I might be a vampire, but I am only a man. Do you understand?"
Bella frowned up at me, an adorable scowl creasing her alabaster smooth forehead. "But the pain only stops when I touch you. Before the was just an ache in my chest, but today it's very painful. Besides, I like touching you."
What was I supposed to say to that?
I sighed and took her hand, our fingers instantly tangling together as naturally as we'd done this our whole lives. After gathering her clothes I took her home.
Her emotions were raw and confused. They made me agitated and a little angry, I want to fix her problems and make them all go away.
Her arousal was still sharp and unfulfilled, it brought to life a response in me that kept my cock hard and my body tense.
I wanted to satisfy her and make her come all over me, again and again. But I wasn't sure if I could stop there, once that ever present monster was released, could I control the hunger I felt for her blood?
Once back at the house, I sent Bella to shower and get dressed as the weather had taken a turn to being the typical Forks day and it was now raining lightly.
Bella went reluctantly, her pain returning the minute she left the room. I had to stop myself going to her, it was a physical drag now and painful even for me.
She washed and dressed fast, I kept tabs on her all the while she was busy. Every breath, every sweep of her fingers across soap suds or fabric, each and every heartbeat, I monitored it all closely while I showered and dressed myself.
The house was silent except for the silent cry of Bella's physical pain which to me was louder than a thousand shrieking banshee's.
I pulled on a pair of jeans and nothing else, as I settled in to wait for her, for I knew she would come.
Bella had never come to my room before.
My study was the only personal space she had invaded easily, this was more intimate and I knew she would hesitate a little.
Whisper soft came the sound of her foot steps padding along the corridor which led from Edwards room to mine. Unlike the other vampires in this house I had a bed, although like them I never slept. It was a personal preference, because I liked to use it to relax on or just read on.
Alice had always thought it a waste of space, I, on the other hand thought it could be very useful.
Bella stopped and hesitated outside my closed door, her pain already lessening as the distance between us grew smaller.
My whole body shuddered as I absorbed her lust and desire for me, it was so strong for a human and yet nothing compared to what I felt for her. Her wonderfully floral scent drifted through the door and I swallowed the scent greedily.
"Come in darlin'." I said softly.
A second later the door knob turned and there she was, my mate.
She wore a tiny set of sleep wear, dark cobalt blue, it consisted of barely there shorts and a camisole vest top beneath which she wasn't wearing a bra.
Her body was perfection, not too thin, rounded in all the right places - Bella Swan was my fantasy come to life in the body of a seventeen year old woman.
Without words she came to the bed and crawled up its length towards me.
Stopping scant inches away from me, she eyed my bare chest and the obvious hardness beneath my jeans with shyness, barely meeting my gaze.
Sitting up, I lifted her face upwards until her eyes met mine. "Don't ever be ashamed of what you do to me darlin', I'm not. If I could, I would take you now and make you mine in every way imaginable."
A shudder shook her body at my words and her lips parted to emit small panting breaths. Her body was wound so tightly with suppressed passion that she was a live wire.
"I want you to kiss me again...I know you told me to be good, but Jasper I need to taste you again."
I growled low and deep at her words.
The sound startling in its ferocity. It was inhuman and yet Bella didn't flinch away as I though she might. She only placed one tiny hand on my chest, fingers running along scars as if she were memorising them.
"Fuck me, Bella. I want you so badly, you make me feel alive when I've been dead for so long I'd forgotten what it felt like. But I don't know if I can be with you without draining you, darlin', you taste so sweet..."
"I don't care. I want to be yours, I need you inside me and I want to be inside you...drink from me, Jasper. Make me yours."
Who was I to say no to that?