A/N: Happy birthday Ika and welcome to the 30s club! I hope you'll enjoy this (not so) little thing!
Now as for my usual rambles - hello to everyone who clicked on this story! It's based on a prompt Ika gave me a while ago, and since her birthday was coming up I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to post it on this day! The basic idea was that Light joined his friends for karaoke, got bored, then heard someone else singing from another room - L, of course - and that's how they would meet. And anyway, since I basically lived at karaoke back when I lived in Japan, I sort of had to write this story.
I chose to go with a canon-compliant timeline, because it made things more complicated and I hate myself haha. Basically this is set after Lind L Tailor, and also after Light showed that he can control time of death - but just before the FBI starts tailing him (which ends up never happening here). Their personalities are probably a bit different from how they are at that point in canon otherwise this wouldn't really work, but hopefully they're not OOC either!
In any case, I hope you guys will enjoy this story!
Why did I agree to this again? Light glanced tiredly at his singing friends. At least they were ignoring the fact that Light was barely participating... Still, they had been choosing increasingly bad songs for the past hour, and singing them increasingly badly too. Light idly wondered how much worse these things would become once they would legally be allowed to drink. Hopefully, by that time there wouldn't be anyone breathing down his neck and he wouldn't need to keep this façade up anymore.
Still absently watching the screen, he slumped a little in his seat and sighed. If nothing else, joining his friends for the occasional fun night did help maintain his "regular student" image. After Kira's last few taunts, Light expected L to start doubting the NPA. So, when Light inevitably ended up on L's list of suspects, it would be best for him to behave in the most "normal" way someone his age would be expected to behave. He might get perfect results, but studying all the time would precisely seem too perfect. Even geniuses needed to let loose sometimes… At least that was what Yamamoto had told him before dragging him to karaoke earlier.
Really though, all Light wanted was to go home and get some writing done. Doing nothing useful was making him antsy, and the grating idol songs were beginning to give him a headache. He needed a break. Excusing himself, Light stepped out of the room and took a deep breath as he closed the door behind him. It wasn't necessarily less noisy; music was also pumping loudly in the hallway and Light could still sort of hear the muffled beats and singing from nearby karaoke rooms… But he still felt some immediate relief from being finally alone.
Deciding to splash some water on his face, Light started making his way towards the bathroom. He was passing by some karaoke rooms when he thought he overheard a familiar beat coming from one of them. Without thinking, he stepped closer until he could clearly hear the lyrics from behind the door.
Just tell me why baby they might call me crazy
For saying I'll fight until there is no more
Light leaned against the wall and smiled softly to himself. At least there were people here who had some good taste in music… Maybe if his friends would put on such songs, Light would enjoy these outings more. Hell, he might even be convinced to sing along. Emphasis on "might".
Blinded I can't see the end
So where do I begin
Incidentally, Light had been listening to this particular song quite often since he had gotten the Death Note. Moving forward, starting again in a crumbling world… This was what the song was about, and it was also what Light was trying to do as Kira. Somehow, even as muffled as it was now, the music made him feel more energized and he leaned closer to try and hear better.
Look how far we've made it
The pain I can't escape it
Just then, a group of high school girls stepped out of another room and Light bolted upright, immediately resuming his walk towards the bathroom. Listening to other people sing wasn't exactly proper karaoke etiquette, but hopefully they had been too busy chattering to have noticed him standing there.
The cold water on his face felt heavenly, yet Light knew he didn't have much time to enjoy it. He berated himself for wasting time on such a random thing as spying on some stranger singing. Reluctantly, he started making his way back to his karaoke room, idly wishing that Ryuk had been around tonight. Watching the Shinigami dance along with his friends immediately made these things more fun - but this time Ryuk had felt like exploring Tokyo instead.
Light looked down at his watch, frowning as he calculated how much longer he should stay. He almost didn't see the door opening on his right and barely had the reflex to jump aside so as not to collide with the person who was stepping out.
"Sorry," Light said mechanically, giving a slight bow with his head. When the other person didn't say anything, he looked up, a little irritated. You aren't exempt from looking where you're going either, he thought sternly.
He was immediately taken aback, though, when he caught sight of the man staring expressionlessly back at him. No - not expressionlessly. It was true that the man's face betrayed no emotion at all, but his huge dark eyes were deep and piercing, and seemed to be burning right through Light.
Suddenly feeling uneasy, Light took a step back and averted his gaze. His eyes fell on the room number on the open door and he blurted out without thinking: "Oh, you were singing ONE OK ROCK earlier." He immediately blinked in surprise at having said that out loud. What am I doing? Get it together, Light! Glancing at the man again, he noticed a confused expression flashing briefly on his face. He also realized with instantaneous relief that the man was in fact not Japanese, and hoped that this might be his way out.
"Ah - I'm sorry I almost bumped into you. Have a good night," Light said in English, bowing again.
He hadn't even began walking away that the stranger replied in flawless Japanese. "I wasn't aware that listening in on other people was socially acceptable here."
Light closed his eyes for a brief second, trying hard not to groan as apparently his night was intent on getting worse. Honestly, he didn't particularly care about having been found out by some random stranger, but the weight of society rules ingrained in him from birth was still making him feel embarrassed. He also was starting to get rather pissed at himself for acting like an idiot tonight, wondering if it was really just a side effect of the crushing boredom that came with spending the evening here.
I just want to go home and go back to doing something actually useful.
Eventually, he sighed. "I'm sorry. My friends have been butchering songs that were already terrible all night, so it was nice to overhear music I actually like when walking by. I didn't mean to embarrass you."
"I'm not embarrassed," the man said simply, his tone betraying as little emotion as his face, yet Light was certain he saw a hint of playfulness somewhere in that piercing gaze. There was something so off about this man - his entire demeanor made it seem as though he couldn't care less about anything at all, but then his eyes… There was such intensity in them that it made Light feel both uncomfortable and intrigued at the same time.
"Alright, well then—" Light started.
"Going back to listening to your friends butchering songs?"
Light gave a derisive snort. "Yeah… Well, I will be leaving soon anyway."
The man tilted his head. "Or you could join me."
What?
"In fact," the man continued, "it would only be fair. You heard me sing, so now I should hear you sing."
"Wait— I don't—" I don't sing. I also don't tend to hang out with random strangers for fun.
The man had apparently decided to ignore Light completely. "I'll let you get your things and meet me back in the room. Now if you'll excuse me, I was initially going to get some more ice cream."
Light blinked as the man slouched away, not waiting for Light to answer - not that it seemed like it would have mattered anyway. What just happened? Light shook his head. Well, never mind. Whatever that guy had been thinking, Light was in no way obligated to agree. So, yes, he was going to get his things but then he was going the hell home.
At least, that had been the plan.
So then, why exactly am I here?
No matter how much he thought about it, Light couldn't explain to himself why his feet had decided to lead him back to the stranger's room after all. Was it curiosity? Boredom? Hell, he had the perfect tool against boredom at home, so why?
The man had a self-satisfied air upon himself as he was shoveling ice cream into his mouth, paying no attention whatsoever to Light. It was getting increasingly irritating.
"I'm Light Yagami, by the way," Light said, a little sharply. He had no desire to sing, but if they weren't even talking then he might as well have gone home.
The man looked up, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips. "You may call me Ryuzaki."
Light snorted quietly. "Just Ryuzaki, huh?"
Ryuzaki's gaze turned towards the ceiling. "Well, it is rather unwise to tell people your full name these days, wouldn't you agree?"
What? Who is this guy? Light managed not to visibly tense up. Was this a trap? But even if L was starting to suspect people connected to the NPA, there was no way Light could be a viable suspect at this point. And surely, if L was as good as he was supposed to be, he wouldn't send some random weirdo to interact with him directly. Calm down. It's probably not even about Kira.
Light shifted slightly in his seat. "What are you talking about?" he asked, keeping his voice as disinterested as he could.
Ryuzaki turned his eyes back to Light, the expression on his face unreadable. "Well, you have heard of Kira, haven't you?"
Light's eyes sharpened. "Of course. Who hasn't? So what?"
A small, indulgent smile appeared on Ryuzaki's lips. "You seem to be on edge, though I can't figure out why." Light opened his mouth but before he could say anything Ryuzaki was speaking again. "Anyway, you see, I'm a criminology student. I have a lot of interest in the Kira case."
Light relaxed ever so slightly. Still though… "And so what was that about your name?"
Ryuzaki's smile widened. "The internet is a wonderful thing. With all the websites dedicated to Kira, it's easy to find the list of his victims - even the ones that may not have been mentioned in the media. There are many theories out there as well, and while some sound entirely absurd, others do make sense. And so, based on all that and my own deductions, it would appear that Kira needs at least a person's name to kill them."
Technically, it wasn't completely unrealistic that someone would come up with such a "theory" if they had enough information. Hell, Light was rather certain that if he hadn't been Kira himself, he would have tried to figure these things out as well just for the challenge. Since there was nothing tangible that would point to him directly, such theories were rather harmless… Still, there was something about that guy that made Light uneasy. And yet, he couldn't help but feel intrigued. "Even if that were true, Kira only kills criminals. So, what does that make you?"
If it was possible, Ryuzaki's gaze became even more piercing. "Only criminals, you say? I guess you may not have heard about the Lind L Tailor incident… But even so, it's only one person passing judgment on others and making it seem like some sort of justice. So, let me ask you… How is it just? Can one person truly be qualified to judge everyone else? What is it that makes someone worthy of being killed in that person's eyes? And so, in the end… is anyone truly safe?"
Light was fuming. It was much later than planned when he got home and he somehow couldn't understand why he had bothered staying so late. In the end, he had managed not to sing, but mainly because he had spent hours arguing about Kira with Ryuzaki. That infuriating little... How dare he— How did that guy dare imply that Kira's judgment wasn't just? That he might end up killing people who didn't deserve it?
Light flopped onto his bed and buried his face in his pillow to muffle a loud groan. The worst part was that deep down, if he were completely honest with himself, this whole thing had been kind of fun. Light knew that he couldn't seem too much like a fervent defender of Kira, so he had remained calm and moderate in his arguments even though Ryuzaki always had something to oppose to whatever he'd said. And somehow… that had been the fun part. Because while incredibly irritating, Ryuzaki's arguments were smart and well-thought - and, as Light was loath to admit, the kind of arguments he could imagine having come up with himself if he hadn't been Kira.
Groaning again, Light flipped onto his back and screwed his eyes shut. Ryuk was hovering in the room, laughing to himself. The Shinigami had come back and joined Light shortly before he and Ryuzaki had left the karaoke, and apparently something was highly amusing because he had not stopped cackling since then.
"Could you please be quiet? I'm trying to think," Light hissed, keeping his voice low.
"Thinking about what to say to your new friend next week, huh?"
"...Just shut up." Light frowned as he sat up on his bed, exhaling sharply. Ryuzaki had said something about meeting again the following week, same place, same time, and Light had stupidly agreed. Technically, he could very well not go. They hadn't exchanged phone numbers, and he didn't even know that guy's full name. Or maybe even real name, in fact… His features weren't exactly Japanese - but then again that didn't necessarily mean Ryuzaki was a fake name. Still, the whole Kira thing… And what if that was why Ryuk had been laughing?
In any case, it didn't matter too much. Truthful or not, Ryuzaki was incredibly annoying and Light couldn't see any reason why he would subject himself to his company ever again. He shook his head, trying to rid himself of the lingering irritation he felt from this encounter and then stood up, eager to finally get some writing done and hopefully forget about all this.
Light ended up meeting Ryuzaki again the following week. And the week after that. And then again, and again. He told himself many times that he didn't have to go, that Ryuzaki was insufferable and arrogant and that they didn't even really know each other so he had no obligation towards him. And yet, each time, Light went back to that same karaoke and they always ended up talking for hours. It was true he didn't have to go… But - and he absolutely would never admit this out loud - he wanted to go.
It was many things. First, there was the challenge. Ryuzaki always listened to his arguments; Light was sure he had even heard the man hum in approval sometimes, but somehow he still held on firmly to his opinion. And it was fine, honestly - Light wouldn't have bothered with him if the guy was too easily swayed. It made for more exciting debates and interesting conversations. Still, Light really wanted to win this eventually.
Then, there was the way he could sometimes see himself in how Ryuzaki thought. The way it made Light wonder whether he would have supported Kira if it hadn't been him who had found the notebook. In a way… If he could get Ryuzaki to concede that Kira's judgment was righteous, or at the very least that he sort of agreed with what Kira was doing… That would be enough to silence that small part of Light's brain that still wondered sometimes.
Falling back onto his bed after coming home one of those nights, Light scoffed to himself. He never used to wonder about his actions as Kira before meeting Ryuzaki, and technically, he knew that he was doing the right thing. Still, this nagging feeling - as small as it was - was annoying, and Light wanted it gone, no matter how long it would take for him to convince Ryuzaki.
Besides, it wasn't as if he had anything more interesting going on… Nothing had been happening on the Kira investigation front for a while. Really, Light was starting to feel disappointed in L. At first he had thought that his father wasn't adding much to the case notes because they had figured out they had been hacked. He had gotten really careful, promising Ryuk apples if he checked whether Light was being tailed or if there was any kind of surveillance equipment in the house, but the Shinigami had never found anything. The case really seemed to be at a standstill, and while Light was skeptical that it was the truth, he was also becoming slightly bored. He had expected an actual challenge, but this was disheartening. So at least, he had those karaoke nights.
Sure, Ryuzaki was still showing no sign of conceding that Light could maybe be right, even after over two months of meeting every week… But it was still fun. And in fact, they did see eye to eye on many other things. Usually, they didn't even speak about Kira that much. To Light's relief, they weren't singing either. Ryuzaki would start talking about a case he was supposedly studying in class, then they would go through it together, and often come to the same conclusion roughly at the same time. It was always stimulating - definitely a lot more than whatever Light was doing in school, and he enjoyed it greatly. Kira would come up afterwards, when Ryuzaki would wonder out loud what kind of punishment the criminal would deserve in Kira's eyes. That was when things would become more heated… But no less stimulating.
In fact, Light always seemed to come home feeling completely on edge - electrified - after arguing with Ryuzaki. He had tried to calm himself down by writing the first few times, but eventually had accepted that he wouldn't be able to focus without taking care of the tension coursing through his body first. He never thought too much about it - it was something of a habit for him in a way; new challenges usually did this to him. It was never about a person, only the stimulation, the excitement, and the need to release some tension. Once done, he could always think more clearly - and he had actually done some very efficient writing on those occasions.
This night was no different. He had sent Ryuk away almost immediately after reaching his bedroom - the Shinigami always teased him about it but Light couldn't care less. Light was losing himself to the feelings, the thrill of solving the complex case Ryuzaki had brought that night, the rush of hormones flowing through his blood, the way Ryuzaki's eyes had lit up when Light had found the culprit at the same time as he had, the way Ryuzaki had licked ice cream off his fingers after it had fallen from his spoon that time, the—
Wait.
What?
Light opened his eyes and froze for a second then suddenly sat up, his hand tearing itself away from his pants as if it had been burnt.
What the hell?
Light never thought about people whenever he did this. He'd tried porn at some point out of curiosity and quickly noticed that one: women did absolutely nothing for him, and two: while he could find some appeal to men, a photo or a video would never tell him what the person was thinking, and stupid people were definitely a turn-off for him. Unfortunately, from his own experience, people were mostly stupid. So he'd kind of given up getting off on people.
Until… Now, apparently. And to Ryuzaki, of all people! That guy wasn't even good looking. He was weird, rude, arrogant, infuriating, smart - definitely very smart, interesting, so far from boring, maybe kind of good looking after all from a certain angle, also the way he keeps touching his mouth and licking his food is kind of distracting…
Ugh, no, stop!
Light fell back onto his bed again, grabbing fistfuls of his hair and trying to make sense of this. He tried to focus, tried to remember whether it was the first time he'd thought of Ryuzaki or if he had before and not paid attention… But his brain wasn't cooperating, and the more he thought about Ryuzaki, the more turned on he got - which was not helping.
He sighed defeatedly, knowing that he wouldn't be able to think clearly with this amount of arousal, and he really didn't feel like waiting for it to go away on its own. He tried to clear his head of any thought of Ryuzaki, focusing on the physical sensations only, the slide of his hand, the rhythm of his strokes, the waves of pleasure that were rising higher and higher… Maybe he was going to be fine; maybe it had just been a random thought; maybe it didn't mean anything—
Light bit his hand hard as he came, his eyes screwed shut and the very clear image of Ryuzaki's mouth wrapped around him flashing behind his closed eyelids, deep dark eyes staring intensely into his soul.
I'm fucked.
"Your brain is wasted in high school," Ryuzaki said idly the next time they met, after they'd gone through another case file. "Your deduction skills are better than most people I know."
"Oh, so is that why you make me do your homework?" Light laughed, trying to avoid looking directly at Ryuzaki for too long. Ever since the incident, Light hadn't really been able to get the other guy out of his head. He had reluctantly accepted that he was indeed attracted to Ryuzaki, and subsequently decided to store that information deep inside his mind and not do anything about it. For one, there was little chance of it being mutual; and also, most importantly, Light didn't have time to waste on attraction and relationships. Never mind that L didn't seem to be doing much to find him, Light still had a lot to do as Kira. Those meetings with Ryuzaki were a nice distraction, nothing more.
"Hardly," Ryuzaki shrugged before smiling at Light - and Light cursed inwardly as he could feel himself blush ever so slightly. At least the room was dark so it wouldn't be noticeable. "I just wouldn't want you to be bored."
Ah. The irony. Technically, Light had been bored - quite terribly even - before finding the Death Note. Not so much anymore when he had first met Ryuzaki, and yet… When the Kira investigation had stalled, Ryuzaki had somehow kept Light from becoming bored again.
"Well, in any case, I'll graduate soon. Hopefully, university will prove somewhat challenging," Light sighed softly. Ryuzaki only hummed in response, his spoon digging into what little ice cream he had left in his bowl. Light watched, slightly transfixed, as the spoon disappeared between Ryuzaki's lips and he blurted out without thinking: "Actually, it was my birthday last week." It was true - but Light had never really wanted to mention it and he mentally chastised himself for the slip-up.
Ryuzaki looked up with that blank expression he had on sometimes, the one that made Light wonder whether anything could ever surprise him or if he somehow already possessed all the knowledge in the world. "I didn't get you anything," he said, matter-of-factly.
Light huffed a small laugh. "Well, you didn't know."
Ryuzaki tilted his head like he was considering it. "Let's order some cake," he said finally, picking up the menu.
"It's okay— Really, I don't even like cake that much."
It was hard for Light not to laugh again at the offended look Ryuzaki gave him then. The man shook his head in disbelief. "It's your birthday," he said eventually. "We need cake. I'll eat it if you don't want to."
"Oh, I'm sure it'll be a huge sacrifice for you, considering the piles of sweets you always eat."
Ryuzaki shrugged and went to the phone next to the door and placed the order. "Alright, we'll have cake," he said as he sat back next to Light. "Now what would you like as a gift? Keep in mind that I can't do much while we're here though."
"I don't need a gift, although… No, that wouldn't be right."
"What?"
Light leaned back into the seat, a small smile on his lips. "Well, I kind of hope to change your mind about Kira one day. But I wouldn't want you to concede only because it's my birthday. It wouldn't be a real win."
Ryuzaki remained silent for a moment, then spoke very quietly. "The fact that Kira is one person judging everyone else is something that definitely doesn't sit right with me… However…"
Light's heart pretty much stopped as he waited for Ryuzaki to finish his thought. The other man paused for maybe half a second, but it felt like an eternity to Light and he stared intensely at the side of Ryuzaki's head, silently urging him to continue.
"However… Nothing is either black nor white. Under specific circumstances, I might be inclined to agree with you."
"...Circumstances?" Light forced out, his voice stuck in his throat.
"Well… While we may never learn who Kira truly is, I have found myself hoping that…" Ryuzaki cleared his throat, seemingly having a hard time organizing his thoughts. "I suppose, if it turns out that Kira is someone like Light-kun... Then maybe it wouldn't be so bad."
Light's throat seemed to completely dry up. He's not saying what— He's not— He swallowed hard and somehow managed to breathe out: "Why?"
Ryuzaki looked up, giving Light a small, enigmatic smile. "I like the way you think," he said simply.
Light's mind sort of blanked right then, and it was a good thing that a staff member chose this exact moment to bring over the cake Ryuzaki had ordered, because Light absolutely wasn't able to think of anything to say in response. Dumbstruck, he stared maybe a little too intensely as Ryuzaki took one bite of the cake and licked some crumbs off his lips, making a small sound of approval. Light knew his expression had to betray at least some level of inner turmoil because when Ryuzaki looked up, confusion flashed briefly across the man's features.
"Did you actually want some?" Ryuzaki asked, then picked up a small piece of the cake with his fork. He lifted it towards Light, his eyes slightly teasing. "Come on, celebrate with me."
Light blinked at the cake and then at Ryuzaki, his racing thoughts leaving him absolutely no opportunity to calm down and look at the situation clear-headedly. There was this man - this infuriating man who somehow could get under his skin like no one else and yet whose company Light enjoyed, this man to whom Light had tried to show many times that what Kira - he - was doing wasn't necessarily bad because he needed this win… And now, this same man had pretty much admitted that if Light were Kira then he would be fine with it… This man, who Light felt irrationally and undeniably attracted to… This man, with his stupid teasing smile on his stupid lips, offering him some stupid cake Light couldn't care less about because all he wanted to do was—
Sweet.
The taste of cake on his lips acted like an electroshock, bringing him back to the moment - and, most importantly, the fact that was apparently kissing Ryuzaki.
What the—
His eyes opened wide and he jumped back instantly. If Light wasn't outright panicking right then he'd probably appreciate that, for once, Ryuzaki actually managed to look somewhat surprised. The man was indeed silently staring back at Light with unblinking eyes, the fork he was holding still hovering aimlessly in the space between them.
Ryuzaki opened his mouth but Light couldn't - wasn't able to handle any of this right now, so he quickly stood up and grabbed his bag, loudly clearing his throat. "I forgot— I should go—" He stopped in front of the door and looked back but couldn't find it in himself to make eye contact, so his gaze ended up somewhere above Ryuzaki's head. "Same time next week, yeah?" Light said without thinking and left, not bothering to wait for a reply.
L was pacing - that in itself was already unusual for him, but what was even more uncharacteristic was that the cake he had ordered earlier was still sitting on the table, completely untouched save from the bite he had taken before… Before…
Well.
He had certainly never expected Light to kiss him. It hadn't necessarily been unwelcome - really, L had already accepted that he was enjoying the younger man's company a little too much, but… He had never allowed himself to pursue that line of thought for too long. For one thing, Light had never really shown any sign that he actually liked their meetings beyond debating opinions… Also, the situation was too complicated.
Stumbling upon Light here had been a coincidence. L had simply wanted to let off some steam before considering the FBI's offer to get involved in the Kira case. He had recognized Light almost immediately from his own initial study of the NPA's personnel files… Even back then, he'd had a hunch about Light's profile. So, L had tried to use the situation to his advantage, saying things that should push the real Kira's buttons, and see whether Light was reacting. And oh, how Light had reacted.
He had been sure that Light was Kira after that first night. Even though Light had tried his best to appear moderate in his opinions, L had easily seen through him. All their subsequent meetings had only reinforced his certainty. Also, it had been the perfect opportunity for him to delve into Kira's psyche and understand his logic - and truly, aside from learning how Kira was killing, that was all L had originally wanted to do.
In fact, he had initially hoped to find Kira on his own. But he had quickly realized that in order to learn more about Kira, he'd have to provoke him and push him to his limits. Which was why he had contacted the ICPO to start an official investigation, why he had done the Lind L Tailor broadcast and then started working with the Japanese police. But really, it had never been about justice. It had been for himself. What he had said to Light earlier, about him being okay with someone like Light being Kira, it was only part of the truth...
The truth was that L had worked with enough countries to witness how flawed justice systems could be. The truth was that when Kira had started killing off criminals, part of L had been pissed at the idea that someone could think so highly of themselves that they'd decide to "purge" the world according to their own criteria… But mostly he had been pissed about the fact that he didn't have that power. Other people were stupid, L had learned many times over. At least, if he had that power, he knew he would use it properly.
But Light wasn't stupid.
Light was incredibly smart, almost as smart as L himself was, really. Light thought the same way L did, usually reaching conclusions as fast as him. They were very different in many aspects, but it only made it more exciting for L. Their heated debates over Kira were of course biased in that he was purposefully trying to rile up Light and thus not necessarily being truthful… But it also gave him an idea of how thrilling an actual debate between them could be.
Dammit.
L nervously ran one hand into his hair. What the hell was he supposed to do about all this? The case was at a standstill - had been for a while, really. It was relatively easy for him to stall the investigation; he'd simply have people do useless tasks or not answer them for a few days. After all, he always did whatever he wanted. He knew the NPA and the ICPO were starting to question how slowly the case was moving but he really didn't care about them. Plus, it sort of amused him to think about Light fishing for information about the case and finding nothing.
Light. There was the thing, though. If trying to piss him off was kind of fun, hanging out with Light was just nice. They had been meeting every week for over two months now, and L knew he couldn't really justify it by wanting to learn about Kira anymore, but... He just didn't want to stop seeing him. Aside from the attraction he had been trying his best to ignore, having someone to talk to who was on his level wasn't exactly a common occurrence for him. In fact, it had been an unexpectedly welcome change from the solitude he had grown used to over the years. He really didn't want to let this go... So he'd dragged these things on, postponing the moment he would have to decide what to do about everything.
But now… Now Light had kissed him. And he'd just sat there like an idiot. Had this just been a spur of the moment or had Light really been trying to convey something? How had L not seen this coming at all? And what was supposed to happen next? Light had said something about meeting again next week before he'd left - fled - the room, but really L had no idea if Light was even going to come back considering L's lack of reaction. And if he did, then what? L couldn't keep up this charade forever. He would have to tell Light at least some amount of truth at some point, as well as deal with the case.
L stopped pacing and sat back down, pulling his knees up against his chest and nervously biting his nails. Technically, he knew he could always disappear easily if the ICPO started breathing down his neck about the case. He would have to say something to Watari, but really the older man probably wouldn't bat an eyelid if L told him that in the end he sort of agreed with what Kira was doing. But as for Light…
Screw this.
He wanted to see Light again. He wanted to ask Light to work with him. He wanted to tell Light who he truly was. He wanted to tell Light what he actually thought about Kira. He wanted to tell Light that he knew, and that he was not going to go against him. And he really, really wanted to kiss Light again - and preferably be aware of it this time.
So L was going to do all that - he'd just have to figure out in which order. Shifting forward in his seat, he reached for the forgotten cake and started making a mental list of everything he needed to take care of before the next week.
Light wasn't sure what had pushed him to come back. Last time, he had thrown in that line about seeing each other again out of habit, and also because he had definitely lost most of his ability to think clearly then… But really, what good could coming back do? Ryuzaki might very well not want to see him again, and on the off-chance that he did, it was just going to be super awkward. After all, Ryuzaki's complete lack of reaction had been easy enough to read.
But what if he had just been surprised?
Light screwed his eyes shut for a second, shaking his head. He would have groaned if he hadn't been in public because, really, he didn't need to be thinking along those lines. He'd just spent the whole week alternating between feeling angry with himself for ruining a perfectly nice thing, and hanging on to the hope that maybe he'd left too quickly and Ryuzaki might not have been mad at him - or maybe he might even—
Stop. Thinking.
This was ridiculous. He was Kira. Meeting with Ryuzaki had provided a nice distraction from the disappointment L had turned out to be, but he didn't need it to continue, and he certainly did not need for it to become even more distracting. This whole "attraction" thing had to stop - he had to focus on his new world, especially as there had been some confusing new information on his father's laptop, something about a huge meeting with the ICPO. Depending on what this meant, Light might need to be able to think clearly again.
Besides, Ryuzaki was already over fifteen minutes late. It seemed more and more likely that he wasn't going to show up at all.
"Think your date stood you up?"
Light bit back a curse and sent a dark glare Ryuk's way. He couldn't tell the Shinigami to piss off as they were in public, but he was getting very good at conveying the thought with his eyes. He usually enjoyed Ryuk's company but the teasing about Ryuzaki had increased so much over the past few weeks that Light's patience was reaching its limits.
Fortunately, Ryuk seemed to get it and phased through the wall - his laughter surprisingly quiet, as if he had sensed he was starting to push Light too far. Light watched him go, trying to ignore the disappointment he could feel rising in his gut as part of him actually considered what Ryuk had said. He checked his watch and decided to wait for another ten minutes before calling it quits. It sucked that they had never exchanged phone numbers, but Light supposed that if Ryuzaki was going to stand him up anyway, it wouldn't have made much of a difference.
Moments later, Light sighed and picked up his bag, getting ready to leave and mentally berating himself for having acted without thinking. When he looked up, though, he saw a familiar face rushing through the doors, visibly out of breath. His eyes met Ryuzaki's, and Light could swear the other man looked relieved. Neither of them said anything, but Light still moved to the counter to ask for a room. They both picked up something to drink then walked in slightly tense silence to their assigned room.
Light threw his bag on the seat and set his drink on the table, but he didn't sit down. He looked slightly away from Ryuzaki, feeling way too self-conscious for his liking. "I thought you might not come," he said quietly.
"I'm sorry. I had to take care of something important and it ran a little longer than I had hoped. But, really, I…" Ryuzaki stepped a little closer, trying to catch Light's gaze. When Light made himself look at him, he was slightly taken aback because this had to be the most expressive he'd ever seen Ryuzaki. The man was usually unreadable, but now there was a definite softness and sincerity to his features. "I wanted to see you again."
"Oh…" Light said simply, biting his lip to try not to smile as the shreds of hope he had held onto during this past week came back to haunt him.
"But… before we talk about that," Ryuzaki said, a small, teasing smile flashing on the corner of his lips, "I have to tell you something. I haven't been… entirely forthcoming with you, for reasons that I hope you will understand."
The shreds of hope disappeared as confusion mixed with dread rose inside Light's chest. What did this mean? Was this about his name again? What if— No, even if it had been some kind of trap, Light had never said anything incriminating, so he had nothing to—
Ryuzaki interrupted his train of thought as he spoke again, and he was also looking visibly stressed. "So… I will tell you, but first, Light, do you remember what I told you last week? About Kira?"
Last week?
Light blinked at Ryuzaki, the mention of Kira doing nothing to help him calm down. As he stared into Ryuzaki's deep dark eyes, though, something suddenly came back to him.
"I suppose, if it turns out that Kira is someone like Light-kun... Then maybe it wouldn't be so bad."
Ryuzaki must have seen the realization in his eyes because he didn't bother repeating the question. "Alright. I need you to remember it. Because I did mean it."
Light nodded very slowly, then raised his eyebrows, silently urging Ryuzaki to say whatever the hell he had to say because it was driving him insane.
"Right," Ryuzaki said, then took a deep breath. "The truth is. I am L."
The world stopped.
What?
Impossible.
He can't be.
Light's thoughts were swirling. He was starting to feel dizzy but somehow the way Ryuzaki - L? - was still staring right at him anchored him a little. He didn't really have the leisure to contemplate the irony of it, because he was busy replaying all of their exchanges, trying to figure out whether he might have said anything compromising. He was berating himself for being such a tremendous idiot, debating Kira with a complete stranger. Was this why there had been nothing new on the case for months? Because L was observing him on his own already?
But how had L known where to find Light in the first place that night? Had he already suspected him and followed him there? On what grounds, though? Light was sure that there had been nothing pointing to him specifically back then - and technically, aside from the fact that he was sort of defending Kira's stance whenever they talked, there still shouldn't be anything substantial against him. Maybe Ryuzaki was just messing with him - suspecting something for some reason and trying to get a reaction out of Light.
"Light?"
Light noticed he was starting to hyperventilate and tried to regain control over his body. He was usually perfect at keeping his composure, but he realized that he had started letting his guard down too much around Ryuzaki, and—
"Light. Remember what I said?"
Ryuzaki had spoken more firmly and it shook Light out of his spiraling thoughts a little. He actually took in Ryuzaki's expression, and it was still as soft and sincere as it had been earlier, although now there was a definite edge of worry to it.
What he said.
"If it turns out that Kira is someone like Light-kun…"
Light felt himself sober up a little, although he was still immensely confused and on the verge of panicking again. He swallowed hard and took a few deep breaths, trying to get a hang on himself until he could finally feel like he was able to speak. "I'm going to need you to explain what you're trying to say."
Ryuzaki exhaled loudly in what seemed to be relief, and gently laid a hand on Light's shoulder, inviting him to sit. They sat next to each other, and Ryuzaki assumed his usual position with his hands hugging his knees. He looked up at Light with a small smile. "I'm trying to say that I know who you are. In fact, I've known from the first time - but before you start to spiral again, I am not here to arrest you or anything."
Light narrowed his eyes at him, feeling somewhat calmer and able to think more clearly. Whether this guy was L or not, there was no way he had any kind of tangible evidence on Light. And Light wasn't about to compromise himself by answering him, so he remained silent.
Ryuzaki sighed. "You don't believe me. Figures." He reached into his bag to pull out a small laptop. "Maybe this will help," the man said, powering it up and pulling out a screen Light was definitely familiar with - his father's work computer. Light's eyes widened as this pretty much confirmed that Ryuzaki was actually really L and not just messing with him - but he still didn't say anything and let the man continue. "I know you've been hacking his computer," he said, his voice carrying a hint of amusement. "Anyway, you were probably wondering what this big ICPO meeting was all about. I can tell you that it's over now because it was actually the reason why I was late. I didn't take part in it but I still wanted to observe it, because… Well, I guess you should see for yourself."
Light leaned forward to read his father's latest notes on the Kira investigation. He ended up reading them three times over because it didn't make any sense. L had… removed himself from the case? He'd all but disappeared on them?
What?
"I sent a message saying that basically I had found out everything I wanted to and thus didn't feel the need to pursue this case anymore. Then I deactivated all the lines of communications I had set up with the NPA and ICPO, so they can't contact me anymore. No one can. I contact people." Ryuzaki - L - dammit this is weird - had a small, self-satisfied smile on his lips, and for a split second Light felt himself wanting to kiss it.
Ugh - stop this!
Besides, this proves nothing. It could still be a trap.
"Still not trusting me, huh?" L asked softly. He reached into his bag again and took out a folded sheet of paper. He handed it out to Light. "Here. Honestly, I would really like you to show me how you do it, but it can wait until you finally believe that I'm not here to oppose you."
Light hesitantly took the paper and unfolded it. He blinked at it - it was a list of names, with pictures attached. Some of the names were familiar; Light remembered having seen them as he was looking for criminals, but there were never any pictures. He raised his head, staring at L incredulously.
"A few years ago, I worked on a case that involved a human trafficking ring. Obviously, I found all of the members, but it turned out they almost all had connections deep in that country's government. They were never prosecuted and their identities protected. It made me so angry - my computer didn't survive that case."
"What?"
"I… may have kicked it in frustration and sent it flying into a wall," L said, shrugging.
"No, wait—" This hadn't been what Light had reacted to. "You… You really mean…?"
L gave him an indulgent smile. "What I've been saying since we got here? Yes. I am not against you, Light - Kira. I wanted to find you… because I had to know who had this power. And I was jealous, to be honest. Doing this… Working cases… I enjoy it, I like the puzzles, but it can get so frustrating when you solve them and nothing happens."
"I… can understand that." After all, seeing all the work his father was doing sometimes amount to nothing had definitely played a part in him becoming Kira. "Still… Forgive me, but so far you haven't exactly shown your support towards Kira, whether acting as L or as Ryuzaki," Light said, the distrust not really fading yet.
"Ah, well. I understood quickly that I wasn't going to find you if I remained hidden. I had to provoke you - and as you know, it worked very well." There was that self-sufficient smile again - why did it suit him so much? "Meeting you here, however, was merely a coincidence. I had a rather large pool of suspects, but I already had a hunch about you. I was about to have everyone followed, but then I met you, and I knew it wouldn't be necessary. Debating with you here… It was as much about confirming my suspicion as it was entertaining, I'll admit. But in essence, I agree with your train of thought. It's why I said what I said last week - if it's you who has that power, then I'm fine with it."
Light's head was swimming a little and he rested it against the wall, looking ahead for a moment to try and organize his thoughts. All the time he'd been hanging out with Ryuzaki, being challenged, doubting, arguing - he'd actually been hanging out with L. L - who in fact never really wanted to stop him, only to find him. L - who supported him, even. And so, it was actually L whom he—
"Is that alright?" L asked softly, leaning forward a little to try and catch Light's gaze.
Light glanced at him and exhaled softly. "Yes. I think. I don't know. It's a lot to take in and I'm not sure I entirely believe it yet, to be honest."
"I understand. Take your time." L moved over slightly until their shoulders were touching, and somehow Light found the contact grounding.
Does it mean that…
Light took a deep breath, the back of his head still resting against the wall. "Say… What were you hoping would come out of you telling me all this?"
He felt Ryuzaki shift against him and could picture the other man biting his nails the way he often did. "Well, to be honest I was hoping we could talk about Kira and your plan openly, for one. Then… I thought maybe we could find a way to work together. I have resources, you have that power - which I'm still very curious about, by the way. And discussing all these cases with you showed me you are more than capable of joining me."
A small chuckle escaped Light. All this seemed so surreal; he felt as if he was having a fever dream. "If someone had told me that L would want to join forces with Kira after the Lind L Tailor broadcast…" He said to himself more than anything, then straightened up in his seat and turned slightly towards L, giving him a questioning glance. "And… About..."
The smile that flashed on L's lips then was almost sheepish, which wasn't an expression Light had ever imagined Ryuzaki - or L - capable of wearing. "I suppose it's my turn to ask whether you meant it or not," the other man said.
"I meant it," Light replied way faster than he intended to, cursing himself and his rising heartbeat. At least it made L's smile become less hesitant.
"In that case… I will say that I am not opposed to seeing where this could go," L said, his eyes almost appearing to be shining in the dim lighting - but Light was definitely not the kind of person to pay attention to such details, of course.
"Alright," Light simply replied, returning L's smile. His gaze fell onto the other man's lips and he unconsciously licked his own, wondering whether it would be fine to kiss L again - properly this time.
Unfortunately, L interrupted that particular train of thought by standing up and reaching for the control pad. Light gave him an incredulous look as L started typing something. "We should celebrate," L said very matter-of-factly, sensing Light's eyes on him.
"What?"
"Well, we've been meeting here for months now, and I realize now that I never got to hear you sing. As I told you the first time, it would only be fair since you were listening to me through the door. Now seems like the perfect time to do so." L handed Light one of the microphones and Light wasn't sure whether he should be offended or burst out laughing.
"You're not seriously—"
"I'm always serious," L retorted with a smile that said the exact opposite. When Light reluctantly took the microphone, L held out his free hand and pulled Light up beside him. "Besides, I know you like this song," he added softly.
Light looked up as the title of the song L had chosen showed up on the screen - The Beginning, from ONE OK ROCK - the same song he'd heard L sing that first night. This was almost romantic - but again, Light was of course not one to care about such things.
He shook his head at L in fond exasperation as he decided to comply. L was still holding his hand and Light took the initiative to lace their fingers together as the song started playing. He was rewarded with a rather breathtaking smile from the other man, which made a gentle warmth spread slowly across his chest.
Just give me a reason
To keep my heart beating
Don't worry it's safe right here in my arms
Light couldn't help but notice how well their voices sounded together - it reminded him somehow of when they had been discussing cases together, and how perfectly in tune they seemed to be most of the time. He wondered if this would also be the case with everything else they were planning now… L had hinted at so many things Light had never allowed himself to consider - but wanted so badly now that they were offered to him…
They would be partners, he supposed - partners solving cases, partners doing Kira's work, and a less professional kind of partners as well, it seemed.
Turning to look at L, Light stopped singing for a moment, allowing himself to really listen to L's voice. It was deep and melodious, and it seemed to reverberate within Light, making him wish the room was silent so that he could listen to it properly.
Why was everything about this man so attractive? What had happened to the "annoying weirdo" from the first time?
I'll risk everything if it's for you
A whisper into the night
Telling me it's not my time and don't give up
Dammit, and what did it matter if things had changed since their first meeting? What mattered was here and now - and right now, Light decided he'd done enough singing for the night.
He set his microphone down on the table, and when L gave him a questioning look he swiftly slipped his hand behind the other man's neck and brought their lips together. This time, L barely froze for a second before leaning into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Light's waist to pull him closer.
"You couldn't even make it through one song," L said teasingly against Light's lips when they broke apart.
"Shut up," Light breathed out. He discarded the second microphone and pushed L down into the seat, immediately straddling his thighs and capturing his lips again. L laughed softly into the kiss before returning it eagerly, his hands settling on Light's hips.
Light knew he was taking a leap of faith believing L tonight, but his instincts were telling him he was making the right choice and he usually trusted them. He felt on top of the world already, passionately kissing the world's best detective in this dark karaoke room, where they'd revealed each other's secrets and decided to join forces. Light had done a lot as Kira already, but allying himself with L would remove so many obstacles. His new world was in reach now, this was only the beginning.
L slipped a hand under his shirt and Light moaned softly at the contact, his head starting to swim again - except this time it was exhilarating and he didn't want it to ever stop. He shifted in L's lap and allowed himself to put all thoughts about his plans and projects at the very back of his mind for now, as he focused on the onslaught of sensation overwhelming his senses. This was another beginning, one Light was no less curious and excited about. He kissed L with renewed intensity as he surrendered to the other man's intoxicating touch, the forgotten song still playing in the background.
Look how far we've made it
The pain I can't escape it
It finally begins
A/N: Thanks a lot for reading! I hope you liked this one-shot :)
If anyone wants to listen to the song they're singing, you can look it up: The Beginning - ONE OK ROCK. In the end I left out the parts in Japanese because it didn't fit the flow of the story, but I liked the idea of using a song with lyrics in both English and Japanese. (And I like their songs :p)
Also Light's reaction to L's voice is me when listening to L in the Japanese musical - NO I will never get over his voice I'M NOT SORRY.
I feel a bit bad for leaving Ryuk on the sidelines most of the time but this was long enough already (_) I'm sure he'll be very amused by this new development once he comes back.
Please visit Ika's Tumblr (ikathemadhatter) and AO3 (Hanakoryu) too, she has awesome art and fics!
And don't hesitate to bother me on Tumblr (yuneyn) and Twitter (Yuneyn_) if you want to chat!