I am pretty much an enigma. I am hard to read, impossible to live with, hopefully also without, at least that is what I tell myself. Friends usually stick around, if I don't stab them in the back, like I did with Nicole, but usually they stay. Partners though, that is a whole other story. I am rarely single, unless you count the year Lily died, then nobody wanted to be near me, but after that, I have rarely been single. I have kissed a few guys… not to many, but a few. Duncan Kane was my first, I was so in love, it was magical...I mean I think it was, I didn't have anything to compare with. Then is was Troy, oh.. that was a disaster, the relationship I mean, not the kiss. I remember it being very… different from Duncan. But on the other hand I didn't know what to feel then. My third partner? Well, it's the one who would be the one I would go to whenever I wanted. I was in control, totally… actually, when I think about it, I kind of used him. It sounds really bad, the kisses though… they were the opposites of bad.
The very first time, out of nowhere (for me)
I did something I should not have done. I planted a bug in Ms James office, I needed to hear what everyone was saying about Lily. It might have been a mistake. Some did not speak, like me, others didn't have to speak because Ms James already knew and some spoke plenty.
15 years ago
"What the hell, why are you here?" He said, but I just tipped my head to the side and crossed my arms. "What?" He just said. "You and Lily?" I said and now I had his attention. "Shit." Was all he said before opening the door all the way, he looked back into the house. "Let's go out back!" He said and started to walk, I followed him. He made sure no one was listening. "Where the fuck…" He started, but he was not going to get this one. "No! Really, you and Lily, why didn't you tell me? She was my best friend!" I said. "Then why didn't she tell you?Huh? If she was your best friend, why didn't she tell you? And actually, why should I have told you?" He asked and … well, he may have had a point. "Because I… I am trying to understand what happened, who killed her!" I said. "You know who killed her, and if you think that I wasn't interrogated by your dad or if you think I did it, then you wouldn't stand here!" He said. "My dad talked to you?" I asked, cause I had my hands on the investigation, but I hadn't yet read all of it. "Yes. I have an alibi… first time community service ever helped me! But that's beside the point, do you really think I would have killed her?" He asked. "You said you could have loved her… that she was someone you could have loved!" He now looked at me. "I did say that, but not to you!" I bit my lip, I was a bit embarrassed because now he knew where I had heard it. "You listen to conversations in Ms James office?" He asked. "I just..need to know!" I said. "Well good! Now you know, and if you get your hands on the investigation, you can read about it too, hell why not even ask your dad!" He said. "Did you love her?" I now asked and he looked at me. "I thought I did, I know now that she didn't love me! So maybe you can understand why I don't talk about it...she was ashamed of me, and I will not let her destroy my rep!" He said. "That's harsh!" I said. "You think? You think I am out of line, look what she did!" He said, and I knew he was right. I did know Lily, she liked attention and sleeping with the big bad biker leader must have been a big deal. However that did not explain why she never told me, unless he was the secret she told me she had… the good secret. I never got to know what that was, she died that day. "Are we done?" He asked. "I guess so...actually, I do get it. I was her best friend, so I do know how she was… not always very thoughtful." I said. "Oh, so you know she was no saint, that is a bit of comfort actually!" He said. "Sorry?" "You are a smart girl Veronica, smart and hot just like her. Before she died I only ever thought you were hot!" He said. "Never thought you noticed me!" I said a bit stunned, I mean he had a way of with playing with words and to flirt but this I didn't know. "I did. Bit hard to miss when you were on Kanes arm and wherever Lily was!" He said. "Well, now I am with neither!" I just said and was about to leave when he grabbed my hand. "No, and look at you now..morons keep away from you cause you scare them and from what I have seen from you, they should!" He said, but he continued to talk before I could reply. "Do you really miss being with them?" "You mean, do I miss having friends?" I asked. "No, they weren't friends. Friends don't do that!" I looked down at where he held my arm and he let go, I looked up at him again. Then out of nowhere (or at least out of nowhere for me because I missed all the signs) he kissed me. I was so stunned, yet I noticed how I responded to his kiss. I broke it and he smiled. "Good night Veronica Mars!" He then said and left me there.
We never spoke of it, not to anyone and al though he could have thought I was just like Lily he didn't.