Here's the second half of the previous chapter. Thank you so much to all of you who are reading, and especially to those of you who leave reviews - they definitely keep me motivated.
I don't own The Brave or any of it's characters... But I wish that I did.
Chapter 15
The next morning Dalton crept out of his bed, leaving Jaz asleep. They had both managed to get a few hours of solid sleep after relocating Jaz back into Dalton's bed, but the bathroom beckoned after all of last night's drinks, and Dalton was surprised to find McG up and already in the kitchen.
"You're up early." Dalton observed after coming out of the bathroom.
"Yeah, I didn't sleep much after Jaz's nightmare, thought I'd try and make myself useful and make breakfast." McG replied, whilst opening various drawers and cupboards looking for various paraphernalia.
Dalton silently started to make a pot of coffee as McG started to prepare some food.
After a couple of minutes, McG looked over at his captain and broached quietly, "How often is Jaz having her nightmares?"
Dalton met his eyes briefly before answering honestly, "A lot more than she should be."
"That's what I thought." McG nodded slowly, before continuing, "And it would seem the nightmare free nights with company, only apply to you."
Dalton just stared down at the kitchen bench, not quite sure how to respond. After a little while, he stated, "I'm not sure what you're implying."
"Top, I'm not implying anything, honestly. I'm just making an observation." McG defended himself, "But given the situation, it's concerning that her only comfort is with you sleeping in the same room as her. I'm glad she has that comfort for now, but she can't go on like this forever, and she shouldn't be suffering like she is. None of us want to see her suffering."
Dalton turned to face McG and took a deep breath, "You're right, and I'm concerned too."
"I can talk to her if you want, make some recommendations. She seemed to take to Xander Martin in Turkey…?" McG offered.
Dalton thought about it quickly, trying to figure out what would be best for Jaz.
"Let me try first. Xander might be a good option, but let me broach the subject with her first."
"Sure, let me know if I can help." McG said slowly before turning back to his food prep.
"Thanks buddy." Dalton clapped McG on the shoulder before letting Patton out and stepping outside himself.
McG was right. Although Jaz seemed ok when they slept in the same bed, he knew that it wasn't a long term solution. They didn't even know what was going on between them at the moment, or where it would lead or end up. As comfortable as they were with the current situation, and as much as they were enjoying it, the feasibility of it presented some problems. Dalton knew that the nightmares needed to be addressed, probably the sooner the better.
Jaz crept out of Dalton's room to find McG in the kitchen starting to cook breakfast.
"You're cooking?' She asked with a laugh.
McG grinned at her, "I thought with it being Amir's last morning I should return the favour."
"Just don't give him food poisoning, the guy has a woman to impress." Jaz teased.
"Ha, ha, Jazzy. I haven't killed anyone yet."
"Yet…." Jaz echoed as she walked around him to grab a cup of coffee as McG scowled at her.
"Where's Top?" She asked.
"He took Patton out a few minutes ago. I saw him heading to the jetty if you're looking for him."
Jaz quickly averted her eyes, "I'm not looking for him, but I might go and stretch my legs before breakfast."
"Sure thing, don't be late though." McG called out to her as she headed out the door, coffee in hand.
McG just watched as she disappeared outside. As both the team medic and one of her best friends, it hurt him to see her suffering so much. There was help available for her, in abundance. It was just convincing Jaz of that, and he knew how bull headed she could be. He silently wished Top good luck in trying to get her to come around to the idea.
Jaz walked up slowly to stand beside Dalton on the jetty. He was throwing a stick into the water, while Patton swam and retrieved it.
"He really has turned into a water dog hasn't he?" Jaz chuckled as Dalton turned slightly, acknowledging her presence with a faint smile.
He didn't answer the question, but he studied her face, noticing how tired she looked and then looked her in the eyes and asked, "You ok?"
"I'm fine." She answered quickly, but turned away from him to stare out across the lake.
Dalton didn't move his gaze from her face, trying to read her thoughts. When she didn't offer any supplements to her answer he thought long and hard about how to tackle this.
"Jaz, you can't go on like this." He whispered.
She didn't take her gaze off the lake but questioned innocently, "Like what?"
"You know what." He answered quietly.
He could see her jaw clench as she decided how to respond. When she remained silent, he continued on, still speaking softly.
"Jaz, your nightmares are a lot more frequent than they should be, and the theory of keeping them at bay by someone keeping you company, doesn't seem all that accurate now. If it's only me that helps keep them at bay, then we might run into some problems."
Jaz turned to look up at him, a little bit angry and a little bit hurt. "So is it my nightmares that you're worried about, or what it means for you and me and our jobs?"
Dalton held her gaze for a few moments before answering. "I'm worried about you." He said simply.
"Well I'm fine." She retorted, before turning around and heading back towards the cabin.
Dalton just watched her go and took a deep breath. That wasn't supposed to be how it panned out. He didn't try and call her back or continue the conversation. It was clear that she wasn't ready or didn't want to talk about it at the moment, and although he thought it could help, if he pushed her too far, she would run.
Jaz walked back into the cabin and sat down at the dining table just as Amir walked out of his room. He raised his eyebrows at seeing McG in the kitchen and headed in that direction.
"Let me guess, breakfast burritos?" He queried.
"You betcha buddy, thought I'd give you the morning off." McG grinned widely.
"So thoughtful of you." Amir replied sarcastically before chuckling and starting to set the table.
Just as McG was ready to serve up breakfast, Dalton and Patton came back inside.
"Good timing, Top."
As McG placed the food on the table, he couldn't help notice that Jaz kept her gaze down on the table and her plate as everyone sat down. She barely raised her head as they all ate and drank their coffee and she excused herself as soon as she was finished.
Amir went to finish getting his stuff together after thanking McG for his breakfast, leaving Dalton and McG sitting there finishing off their coffee.
"Just gonna hazard a guess that it didn't go so well with Jaz?" McG looked at Dalton.
Dalton just shook his head and sighed, "You guessed correctly."
"Jaz is defensive, give her time to cool down and see what happens. She knows you have her best interests at heart." McG placated.
Dalton just sat and thought for a minute, "I'm not sure I conveyed that very well." He replied, a little despondently.
They sat quietly for a few minutes just sipping their coffee and thinking about Jaz. McG was hoping she might be a bit more receptive if he spoke to her, as an impartial stake holder, but also from a medical point of view.
As Dalton stood up and started to clear away some dishes, McG said quietly, "Let me try and talk to her. And if that doesn't work, we'll set Preach on her."
Dalton just smiled wryly, but appreciatively of McG's assistance. He knew he was going to need it.
An hour later, Amir had packed his bags into his car and was ready to start the drive back to DC.
Since they would all be seeing each other again at Preach's soon, the goodbyes weren't too hard. Dalton made sure he knew the way out of the mountains and McG jokingly wrapped up a left over burrito in aluminium and a ziploc bag just in case he got hungry.
As Amir said goodbye to Jaz, he gave her a hug and whispered in her ear, "Be happy Jaz, you deserve to be happy." Before pulling back to look in her eyes.
She frowned slightly at the sentiment, but when he gave her a small, knowing smile in response, she couldn't help but give a ghost of a smile back. Amir knew. Of course he did. The invisible man was everywhere, saw everything, but said nothing. Until now.
The three of them stood and waved Amir off as his car disappeared into the surrounding forest, before McG ran into the cabin to move his stuff into the spare room. Now that Amir was gone, he could get off the couch for a few nights.
Jaz and Dalton were left standing outside together, neither of them knowing what to say after their earlier conversation.
A little bit startled by Amir's observation and still… she didn't know what… from their earlier conversation, Jaz kept her gaze on the floor, while Dalton just stared at her, willing her to look up at him. When she didn't, he thought he'd try and smooth things over, "Jaz…"
But before he could get any further, Jaz just shook her head, blurted out a quick, "I can't right now," and went back inside. She decided she needed to get out for a bit, and changed into her hiking gear. Some exercise and the great outdoors might help her clear her head for a bit.
Dalton just stayed outside, still standing where Jaz had left him. He had dealt with Jaz in these types of situations before, but this time, there was a lot more involved. There were feelings involved. Not that there hadn't been before, but this time the feelings had been acted on, and partially acknowledged.
This was a whole different situation, and he was stumped.
McG saw that Jaz was in her hiking gear as she was filling a water bottle in the kitchen. He quickly went back into his bedroom and got changed himself before filling his own bottle up to.
"What are you doing?" Jaz asked, as she noticed what he was up to.
"Coming with you." He stated simply.
"I don't need a babysitter."
"I'm not babysitting you, I just need to get these legs moving. Need to sweat out all of that booze from last night." He tried to joke.
"Whatever. You better keep up, I'm not slowing down for you." Jaz relented.
They walked out past Dalton, who was still outside on the porch, sitting down now and playing with Patton. He looked up as they walked past him.
"Just going for a quick hike, Top." McG explained as he stayed alongside of Jaz, but gave Top a knowing look.
Dalton just nodded as his eyes met Jaz's briefly, before she quickly glanced away and started to stride off towards the hiking trails.
Once again Dalton just let out a deep sigh and hoped that McG had better luck than he did trying to talk to Jaz.
Jaz led McG at a punishing pace for the first half an hour of their hike. She had a lot on her mind and tried to process some of it the best way she knew how. She couldn't quite figure out if she was angry, hurt, sad or frustrated… or anything else for that matter. She knew that the frequency of her nightmares were a worry, she just hadn't expected Dalton to call her out on it, especially after she had been nightmare free every night she spent with him. And the touchy subject of their jobs, was always going to be a sensitive point. They were still just riding the 'fuck it' wave, and had tried not to think of anything beyond that so far.
No words were exchanged between her and McG as they hiked, just heads down, pedal to the metal. They were climbing to an observation point that Dalton had showed Jaz prior to the others arriving, and by the time they got there, they were both sweating and breathing deeply.
They took a few minutes to catch their breath and just take in the view, which was of course, absolutely stunning.
Finally McG looked over at Jaz and breathed out, "You trying to kill me back there?"
Jaz just grinned, already feeling better after a bit of exercise, "Struggling to keep up pretty boy?"
"Aww, you think I'm pretty. That means so much."
Jaz just rolled her eyes at him and shook her head, before looking back out at the view. She waited a few more minutes before asking, "So you gonna spit out whatever you want to talk to me about?"
McG feigned innocence, "Just felt like getting out of the cabin, needed the exercise."
Jaz turned and looked him straight in the eyes and tilted her head at him, no words needed.
"Ok, ok…" McG held his hands up, giving in, before taking a breath and starting in a more serious tone, "I just wanted to ask you about your nightmares, Jaz. They seem to be quite frequent."
Jaz turned to look back out over the tree tops, concentrating on taking deep breaths so that she didn't get upset or lash out.
Seeing her doing so, McG continued softly, "We all have nightmares; it's unavoidable given what we do and what we see. Realistically we probably will for a long time, but the frequency and intensity of yours are concerning Jazzy, and we're just worried about you."
"You've all been talking about me?" Jaz shot back.
"No, we haven't. I've only had a chat to Top, because he seems to know the most about them. And from what I understand he provides a bit of comfort from them…"
Jaz lowered her gaze slightly, not prepared to discuss the comfort that Dalton provides her.
"Look Jaz, I'm glad that there is some comfort for you, and Top has his own experiences with nightmares and probably has a lot to share with you. The bottom line though, is that these nightmares can take over your life; control your life. None of us want to see you getting to that stage. You were dealt a pretty shit hand in our last deployment, and we want to make sure you make it to the next one with as clean a slate as we can expect in this job." McG broke off, to let his words sink in for a moment.
Jaz's gaze was still lowered, but she had listened to everything that McG had said. She knew he was right, but admitting that she needed help didn't come easily to her.
As if reading her mind, McG spoke again gently, "I can give you the number of a couple of different people to talk to. Or, Xander Martin will be back in DC in a couple of weeks, I know you chatted to him in Incirlik. I'm not suggesting you need anything radical, just an opinion, or someone impartial to talk to and work through some things can really help."
When Jaz still didn't respond to him, he went silent and just looked out over the view as his mind ticked over wondering what else he could say to try and convince her.
But Jaz had listened to every word and after clearing her throat, but still not raising her gaze she whispered, "Maybe I could talk to Xander."
His head shot around to look at her and couldn't believe what she said, but McG controlled his response so as not to overwhelm her. Instead he just asked evenly, "Yeah?"
Jaz nodded her head and lifted her gaze to meet him, "Yeah." She confirmed.
He smiled gently at her and she gave a ghost of a smile in response.
"We just don't want to see you suffering Jaz, and I can help you out as much as you need. We all can." He offered.
"I know." Jaz admitted softly.
They turned back to take in the view and he put his arm around her shoulder and leant his head on top of hers. Jaz was like a little sister to him and he would do anything to ease any pain she was feeling, and it hadn't just been lip service suggesting that they all would. They were a family and looked out for each other, first and foremost.
When he felt Jaz's arm snake around his waist in response he just smiled and teased, "And anyway, your nightmares will interrupt my beauty sleep, and I need to keep up my pretty boy reputation."
Jaz chuckled and punched him lightly in the stomach with the hand not wrapped around his waist. Leave it to McG to always be able to lighten the situation. It was one of the things she was most thankful for. He always made her laugh or smile, sometimes in annoyance, but mostly in the way that helped to ease some of her darkness.
"You definitely need all the help you can get." She retorted.
"There she is." McG laughed, and Jaz joined in.
As they started the descent back to Dalton's cabin, McG asked her, "You know that Top's just worried too right?"
Jaz nodded slowly and looked up at him, "Yeah I know. I'm not sure I conveyed that very well to him earlier though. Or at all." She replied, a little despondently.
"Talk to him. I'm sure he can offer you a lot of – ummm, assistance." McG smirked at her.
She whacked him in the stomach with the back of her hand, "Shut up." Jaz threw at him, before jogging off ahead of him, leaving him to catch up to her, as always.
When they arrived back at the cabin half an hour later, they found a note on the kitchen bench from Dalton saying he had gone fishing.
Jaz knew he had gone to give her some space so she decided to have a quick shower to wash away the sweaty grime from their hike, and it was one of the best places to do some thinking.
As she showered, Jaz thought about her conversation earlier with Dalton and she cringed. She knew that he was just worried about her, just like McG had said. And he was being cautious with the others being around and for what it might mean for them down the track. She shouldn't have snapped at him, he was just being realistic. That reality had a lot of questions hanging over it, but she didn't want to ruin whatever they had going on at the moment, it meant too much to her.
After her shower she got dressed quickly and McG knew without her even telling him where she was headed.
He picked up Dalton's keys to his truck and told Jaz, "Tell Top I've gone to get more beer."
Jaz just nodded in response, knowing that McG was purposely making himself scarce to give her and Dalton some time to chat. She was grateful for that and smiled at him. He gave her a wink in return before heading out to the truck.
Dalton was sitting at the end of the jetty, waiting for a fish to bite when he heard footsteps behind him. He knew the sound and pattern of that gait straight away and tried to supress the small amount of relief that he felt knowing she had come to find him. He raised his head to look up at her as she came to a stop beside him.
"Hi." She offered quietly, looking and feeling uncomfortable.
He looked straight into her big brown eyes, seeing the discomfort there, but also the softness.
"You're losing your ninja qualities, I heard you coming this time."
"I wanted you to." She responded, before sitting down next to him on the jetty. "Thought I'd give you a chance to leave if you wanted to."
He once again focused his gaze on hers, "I'm not going anywhere." He said seriously.
Jaz's eyes locked on his beautiful blue eyes, and she couldn't look away as she whispered, "Me neither."
Dalton sighed slowly in relief. It's one of the things he had worried about the most since their conversation this morning. He knew when Jaz felt any discomfort she had a tendency to run. He really wanted to break that habit and keep her close, without sounding desperate or making her feel trapped.
Still looking directly into his gaze, Jaz took a deep breath and stuttered, "I'm – I'm sorry… for earlier. I'm sorry for snapping at you, I know you were just concerned."
Dalton didn't take his gaze off hers, "You don't need to be sorry, Jaz. I just need you to talk to me; to be honest with me."
Jaz let that sink in while she took a few more deep breaths. One of Dalton's best qualities was that he never held a grudge against any of his team members, or anyone he was close to. It's what made him a great leader, a great friend and a great guy.
"McG told me that Xander Martin is going to be back in DC in a couple of weeks. He thought it would be a good idea to talk to him about my nightmares." Jaz shared with him.
Dalton gave a small smile, "Well Xander is good people, so that sounds like a good plan."
Jaz just nodded slowly, already aware of how Xander had helped Dalton through a few tough times. If Dalton could vouch for him, that was more than enough for her.
"Listen, what I said before about potentially running into some problems…" Dalton started, but Jaz cut him off.
"No, it's ok. You were just being realistic, and trying to convince me to get some help. I know that. I knew it then too." Jaz conceded, before continuing, "I know at some stage we are going to have to have a conversation about this," she gestured between the two of them, "There is clearly a lot to think about. But…" She paused while working up the courage to finish her sentence. With her voice shaking, she continued, "… we still have a fair bit of leave left and if you're still willing to continue with this label less situation, I'd really like that." She finished off tentatively.
Dalton smiled softly at first, so glad that she had brought the topic up. Then he smiled big, all the way up to his eyes, "I'd really like that too."
The relief that Jaz felt hearing Dalton's agreeance was palpable. She had been worried that she might have ruined it by being distant and moody. Not that he hadn't seen that side of her multiple times, but the stakes were higher this time, and she could actually lose something that made more sense to her than anything had in her entire life so far.
Dalton had been equally worried that he'd put his foot in it. Jaz had never been afraid of calling him out on stuff, questioning him, or making her distaste for a situation known, but there were now feelings involved, or acknowledged feelings, and the stakes were even higher. He had admit that much to himself, and that had been a big realisation for him. Knowing how it felt to have more of Jaz in his life, made potentially losing her feel catastrophic.
Wanting to be honest with her, he continued, "I'm not used to going into something without a plan, and that could catch us out at some stage and it worries me a little. But I also know how good we are at improvising, and that might be what we do best. Whatever this is, it's making me pretty happy, and happy feels good; feels great actually."
Jaz's smile took over her whole face as she listened to him and replied, "Yeah, it does." She tentatively reached out her hand to entwine her fingers with his, and felt a calmness rush over her; the same calmness she always experienced when Dalton was near.
Dalton squeezed her hand in response and felt the heaviness of the morning leave him. He turned around to look back towards the cabin and asked, "What's McG up to?"
"He's taken your truck to go and get some more beer."
With a smile on his face he said, "Well in that case, I can do this." He pulled her closer to him, lay one of his hands on her cheek and leant forward to capture her lips with his in a soft, tender kiss.
As he pulled back to look at her, his hand still on her cheek, his face turned serious and he whispered to her, "I just need you to keep talking to me Jaz. No matter what, good or bad, just keep talking to me."
She looked back at the earnest look on his face and could see how much he meant the sentiment.
"I will, I promise." She whispered back and then reached up to cover his hand on her cheek with hers. They leant in for another kiss and as their lips lingered on each other, they both felt the instant safeness and comfort they had searched for in other places. It seems they found that in each other, and neither of them could imagine what it was like without it at the moment.
McG was particularly excited to go to bed that night, since he was no longer on the couch. You'd think he had been sleeping on a concrete floor for years, that's how excited he was. He went off to bed a bit earlier and left Dalton and Jaz sitting by the fire.
They sat in complete silence, the only sounds coming from the crackle of the fire and the occasional singing of a grasshopper. Both were content after their conversation earlier that day and were relieved that one of their obstacles, or at least one of Jaz's, was going to be addressed.
After sitting there for another half an hour, Dalton got up, snuffed out the fire and held his hand out to Jaz. She took it and stood up and Dalton led her inside to their bedroom.
They got into bed and lay on their sides facing each other. They whispered into the night about anything and everything, before Dalton pulled Jaz close, so they were nose to nose, with his arm around her waist and her hand laying on his chest. They just breathed each other in and let themselves drift off to sleep, warm and content. There was nothing sexual about this evening, it was about comfort, companionship and a whole lot of feelings, the depth of which they were yet to admit to themselves.
There you go, what did you think? There's a couple of fun chapters coming up, followed by some even more fun chapters, and then comes a bit more angst... Thanks again for reading and the reviews. Please let me know what you thought, love you all XXX
