Cover art - Mike (Sorry for the wait on this one. I just heard some distressing news. Mike is dead. Someone - and I don't know who - broke into his apartment and shot him ten times in the face. Who would do such a thing? Oh well, at least he had a good friend like me.)
Chapter 10 - Blasphemous Union
"Mr Arc? Ms Belladonna?"
Bartholomew Oobleck felt his patience twinge. Neither of his students was listening to him. They weren't even looking at him. Their faces were hidden behind the books they were reading. Normally he encouraged his students to read more, but not at a time like this.
He felt his eye twitch. "Mr Arc and Ms Belladonna!" he said in a louder, sterner voice.
The two of them slowly lowered their books so that their eyes were peering out at him. The bottom halves of their faces were still covered.
"Yes, Doctor, how can we help you?" Jaune sighed.
"I'd appreciate if you didn't take that tone with me, Mr Arc," Bart said. "I didn't call you two here for my benefit. On the contrary, I'd rather not be here at all."
"You'd rather not be in your own office?" Blake asked.
"Under these circumstances, no."
"I'm afraid we can't help you there, sir," Jaune said. "Now then, if you'll excuse us…"
The two raised the books up again.
"Again, this is not about me!" Bart said with an edge in his voice. It took all of his patience not to snap at them for their snarky behaviour. "If you don't put those books down, I shall have to take them from you."
The two of them let out a groan that lasted two minutes - that was not an exaggeration, he counted the seconds in his head. They put their books down once they were done complaining.
"I was halfway through the chapter," Blake grumbled. "If I space out during this meeting, it's because you made me distracted thinking about what's going to happen. I accept your apology."
"You're not allowed to read during detention, Ms Belladonna," Bart said. "Especially when that book is clearly not an official study… guide…"
He trailed off when he looked down at the book and saw the contents written inside it. His eyes widened like saucers behind his glasses.
Daryl's tongue slithered into her mouth, trespassing into her territory like a dirty foreigner. His hands gripped Elise's sweet woman flesh that her sixty-eight exes hadn't yet touched. So many obstacles had gotten in the way of this moment; disapproving parents, societal expectations, raging genital warts. But now, the only thing separating them from their destiny were some clothes. First came off the fedoras-
Bart pulled his gaze away before he could read anymore. Good gods above, they had been reading this in front of him? Did these children have no shame?
He looked up at them. Their expressions were disturbingly neutral, almost bored. Like the whole thing was an inconvenience for them. They didn't care that he had just read their uncouth choice in literature.
The sooner he was done with this detention the better.
"Listen, I don't like this any more than you do," he said, trying to push his attention away from the book. "You two are usually a pleasure to teach. It disappoints me to have to call you in like this."
"Does this mean you'll be letting us go?" Blake said.
"Not until this matter is resolved. Even then, you should expect further punishment."
"I still don't know what this is all about," Jaune said. "Blake and I have done nothing wrong."
"We both know that isn't true."
"I've no reason to lie to you, Doctor. I've got nothing to hide."
There was more truth in that statement than he realised. Bart grimaced as he once again averted his eyes from the open book.
"That's why we're here," he said. "It appears both of you have nothing to hide. The two of you were caught discussing answers with each other during the history test. You didn't even try to be discreet about it, despite the fact you were sitting next to each other."
He had caught the two of them gossiping like wives the moment the test started. They were so loud that even some of the class told them to shut up.
Blake shrugged. "We briefly considered whispering, but it was more convenient for both of us just to speak out loud."
"It made it easier for us to understand what we were saying," Jaune followed up.
"Thanks for that, by the way," Blake told Jaune. "I was struggling with question eight."
"My pleasure."
Bart was baffled. This was hardly the first time he had caught students cheating during a test, but never before had a pair been completely honest about it.
"Then you admit it?" Bart said. "You admit to cheating during the test?"
Blake looked puzzled. "Cheating? You're accusing us of cheating? That's a bold claim to make, don't you think?"
"Ms Belladonna, you just admitted to talking to Mr Arc during the test."
"So?"
"And you admitted to sharing answers with him."
"Your point?"
"... I don't mean to sound condescending, but do I have to spell it out for you?"
"What Blake and I did can hardly be called cheating," Jaune scoffed. "The two of us were merely exchanging answers because we think so alike. Our thoughts are one and the same. The only way for us to become more connected was to get the same answers."
Blake nodded like his explanation made perfect sense to her. "It made no sense to leave things to chance, so just to be safe I shared my answers with him and vice versa. It would save us needless complications down the road. Now are connection is stronger than ever."
It was often said by most people that Bart lived lightyears ahead of everyone. Whilst he did think this was an exaggeration, he was a man who could not be deterred. His thoughts were always moving a mile a minute, giving him the strength to think past shocking and disturbing moments without breaking his rhythm.
This was one of the few instances that made his train of thought screech to a halt.
"You're saying that the reason you cheated is because you wanted to understand each other better?" Bart said slowly.
"We'd be grateful if you didn't say we cheated," Jaune said. "But yes."
"Mr Arc… Ms Belladonna… that is easily the worst excuse I've ever heard in all my years of teaching to justify cheating," he said.
"Is it really cheating if we're of one mind?" Blake said. "If so, who would we be cheating on? Ourselves? Ridiculous."
"I could never cheat on myself. I don't have the balls," Jaune said.
"This is not up for debate," Bart said. "Whatever connection the two of you might think you have is irrelevant. You should know by now that it is forbidden to swap answers during a test. As much as it saddens me to do this, this will be going on your permanent record. Your actions caused great disruption within the class."
The two of them looked at each other thoughtfully. Had he finally gotten through to them?
Jaune's eyes lit up. "Oh, I see his point now," he said. "He's telling us to be quieter the next time we discuss answers. Otherwise, eavesdroppers will copy from us - which would be cheating."
"Interesting," Blake murmured. "Perhaps we should do it through text next time? Maybe even interpretive dance?"
"I can get Ren to give us some dancing lessons."
"That's not what I'm saying at all!" Bart barked, beginning to lose his temper. "You shouldn't be exchanging answers with each other period. You have to work by yourself. Otherwise, you have an unfair advantage over the rest of the class - although, to be fair, any student would be wise not to copy you if they cared about their grades."
Jaune frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Which brings me to my next point." Bart pulled out their tests and placed them on the desk. "I took the liberty of looking through your tests before this meeting. I haven't marked them yet because I don't see the point. It's obvious from a glance what these papers are worth."
Blake nudged Jaune slightly. "Told you we passed," she said to him.
"Quite the opposite, actually. Let's take a look at what you wrote for question ten." He adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat. "The question was, explain the battle tactics of Captain Miles Beratson during the Battle of Weepy Gail. Rather than actually answering the question, you wrote, 'Beratson was a dirty scoundrel who fed on the bodies of innocent faunus orphans because he was evil and smelly.'"
The two of them smiled. No apologies, no explanation, nothing. They were proud of what they wrote.
"Moving on to question eleven - where you were asked to name the war crimes of the faunus general Ferris McGregor - you again ignored the question by saying, 'Don't listen to what the government wants you to believe. It's all run by snot-dribbling gremlins and SDC dickheads, who are probably also gremlins.'"
"That was one of my favourites," Jaune chuckled. "It was my choice to call them gremlins."
This was going nowhere. He needed a drink. He reached for his coffee cup. Realised it was empty. After accepting that the world was a dark and cruel place, he forced himself to tackle this issue with a painfully caffeine-free mind.
"I'd be taking this more seriously if I were you," Bart warned. "An illiterate bandit could produce more credible work than the two of you. I'd almost be willing to lessen your punishment had your cheating resulted in producing correct - or at least acceptable - answers. But this! This shows you have absolutely no respect for history or learning!"
"Oh, but that's where you're wrong, Doctor," Blake countered. "Jaune and I have nothing but the utmost respect for history. Which is why we answered the questions with brutal honesty."
"Balderdash! I've never heard such a blatant lie in my life. I doubt you even glanced at the textbook I gave you all. If you did, you would have gotten at least one of the questions right."
"That book is full of lies," Jaune scoffed. "Blake and I are free thinkers. We see the truth - the real truth. The truth that the system you're sworn to protect is so desperate to cover up. Their 'history' is nothing more than self-appraisal to their own wicked ways."
"I couldn't have put it better myself," Blake beamed. "You wanted a history test with factual historical answers, and you've been given it. It's not our fault the answers upset your oppressive worldview."
"So as you can see, Doctor, Blake and I are the only ones in the class with top marks on the test. Looks like this meeting's over. I'm glad we could come to a peaceful agreement."
The two of them looked at him like they were the king and queen of Remnant. Meanwhile, Bart was trying to remember if it was legal to beat sense into the heads of students with a baseball bat. They had aura to protect them from any permanent brain damage… then again, these two acted like they already suffered from it…
"Do not seek to challenge me on matters you are clearly inexperienced with," Bart said. "While I understand that there are certain aspects of history that are unpleasant to learn, ignoring them and substituting them for your own reality is foolish. And to proclaim your version as truth is nothing short of madness, especially when evidence points against it."
Jaune placed a hand over his heart and let out a small, offended gasp. "I don't believe this. Blake, is it me or not only has he called us cheaters, he's now calling us liars too?"
"That's what it sounds like to me," Blake murmured.
"I'm not sure what else to call you," Bart said. "If you have no respect for well-documented history, there is no reason I should respect your interpretation of it. Especially when it's so horrendously written."
Blake trembled in her seat. "Wow… I don't know about you, but I'm feeling pretty oppressed right now."
Jaune placed two fingers on the side of her neck. "Yup, that's definitely oppression I'm feeling," he confirmed. "Gods, you're ripe with it! How about you tone it down a little, Doctor?"
"Oh for goodness sake," Bart groaned. "All I'm asking is that you apply yourself and answer the test with the intended answers. Perhaps you should spend more time reading history books rather than… quite frankly, incredibly inappropriate ones like the ones you have here."
"Inappropriate?" Jaune gawped.
"I can't… I can't take much more of this!" Blake shuddered. Her already pale skin was growing whiter by the second. "Now he's trying to control what we read! The oppression… is too strong!"
"You're quite bold reading such things in front of a teacher," Bart continued. "If books like that are what you enjoy, it's little wonder you failed. Your minds are probably clouded with filthy images of-"
Blake suddenly vomited all over his desk.
"Good heavens!" Bart yelped, quickly jumping out of the way to avoid the brown stream. He managed to save his prized coffee cup, but everything else was ruined.
"Blake!" Jaune yelled. He immediately knelt by her side as she lied twitching on the floor.
"What in blazes is wrong with her?" Bart cried.
Jaune bared his teeth at him. "Your narrow-mindedness has made her physically sick!"
"But I didn't even-!"
"Jaune…" Blake coughed. Her eyes were weary and dazed.
Jaune gripped her hand with both of his. "I'm here for you, Blake," he wept. "He can't hurt you anymore. I'm gonna get you outta here."
"Take me… to… aquarium…"
"Don't worry, I'll take you there now. You'll get to see all the little fishies and you'll feel better in no time."
"Wanna… pet… the stingrays…"
"We will, Blake. We will."
He scooped her up in his arms gently. He picked up their perverted books which had miraculously been untouched by the sick. Probably because they were filthy enough already.
Jaune headed towards the door, glaring at Bart with more malice than even the fiercest Grimm. "If you'll excuse us, we are going to be walking out of here like free men and women," he huffed. "Good day to you, Doctor. I hope you're proud of yourself."
Stunned by the madness that had just occurred, Bart didn't register what he was saying until he was halfway out the door. "Hold on a minute, you still have-"
The door slammed shut.
"-detentions…"
Bart was alone in his office that now reeked of bodily fluids with a hint of fish.
Confused and defeated, he slowly sat back down in his chair, slumping in it the second his rear touched it. He stared blankly at the pungent puddle on his desk. He didn't have the energy to clean it up yet.
Next time he'd let Glynda handle the detentions.