A/n: Parts of this chapter was copied from One Piece: Luffy's Mother is WHO? by rose7anne101 and Black' Victor Cachat with full permission from the authors.
Disclaimer: I do not own One Piece.
"Where do babies come from?" The moment Garp picks up the Den Den Mushi, he almost chokes on his donut.
Almost.
His mind fully registers the question, and then he chokes.
It takes a couple minutes and several glasses of water before the vice-admiral finally dislodges the pastry, coughing as he feels it slide down his throat smoothly with the help of the downed liquid.
"Say that again?" He croaks out, his voice raw from the earlier coughing fit.
His son repeats himself, and after a split second of panic, Garp answers with the first thing that comes to mind.
Unfortunately, it is storks. So Garp gives his son the same answer he did, all those years ago. A good lie is always consistent, and technically, it isn't really a lie. He's pretty sure there is someplace where storks actually do bring babies; it wouldn't be the weirdest thing he has seen on the Grand Line. That story had to come from somewhere, after all, though he can't remember from whom he heard it from. Maybe it was Kane?
Dragon hangs up shortly, and Garp replaces the receiver onto the snail and the snail back into that special spot under all his senbei.
The Marine Hero then proceeds to stare at the ceiling blankly. The crisscross pattern formed by the beams suddenly look very interesting, and Garp remembers that day with startling clarity.
He has, at long last, gotten permission for a two-week leave to visit his family back in the East Blue and is looking forward to spending some well-deserved, quality time with his wife and son.
With a heart full of anticipation, he quickly puts all his affairs in order, and orders his unit to get their asses in gear and hurry up with the restocking, because he wants to get going as soon as possible. Not to mention Dawn Island is quite some ways away from their current position.
Long since used to dealing with their commander's selfish demands, Commodore Garp's crew works efficiently, and within the hour, reports to their commanding officer that their ship is fully stocked and ready to leave immediately.
Garp praises his crew wholeheartedly, and not just because their training is going so well.
The voyage to East Blue from the Grand Line takes about two months, not including the time in between that was spent chasing and arresting pirates. By the time they cut through the Calm Belt and sail into calmer waters, Garp is positively vibrating with excitement at the notion of returning to the peaceful waters of the East Blue, and seeing his loved ones in a few short days.
Some of the crew mirrors their commander in his excitement, hailing from the East Blue as well. In fact, those of the crew who have been with Garp from the beginning, remember clear as day how their commander climbed the ranks with frightening speed. It has been a while since they have last returned to these seas, and they can't wait until they are free to go visit their own families.
Garp grins. Dawn Island is just a few more days sailing away, and he can't wait to see his lovely wife and little son again. He wonders how much Dragon has grown since he last saw him, almost a year ago.
...
They sail into Foosha Village's small harbour at some time during the afternoon, and after delegating his authority to his highest-ranking subordinate, Garp happily leaves his ship for his wife and son who are already waiting for him on the docks below.
The rest of his crew will be leaving soon to go visit the families of the marines who came from East Blue as well, and will return at the end of his vacation to pick up their commander. Garp has no problems leaving them on their own either; his crew are all hardy men and women who have survived the Grand Line. The riffraffs found in this sea would at most surmount as training for them.
Garp brings with him a single pack with some personal items inside, and makes his way towards his pretty wife, dressed in a simple blue dress, and his son who Garp swears is frowning more than ever.
It really doesn't suit his young features, Garp thinks, but he can't help it that one of the few traits that Dragon inherited from him happened to be his stubbornness.
"Garp!" Kane comes forth with open arms and gives her husband a hug before taking his bag. "Welcome home!"
Garp wraps a large arm around her waist and kisses her on the forehead, then turns towards Dragon and lifts him into a bear hug.
"Oh hoh! You've gotten bigger again, haven't you?"
His young son struggles in his grip, except he's still too weak to break free.
Eventually, Garp lets go of Dragon after the little brat leaves a huge bite mark on his forearm.
With his wife and son on either side, Garp walks down the streets of Foosha Village towards his home. The villagers call out greetings to him, and the marine returns them in kind. Some old friends -including good ol' Woop Slap- look happily annoyed that this headache is back in town, and shows their welcome by throwing food at home isn't too far from the harbour, so it's only a matter of minutes before they reach a quaint little house with a blue roof and a wooden porch, arms laden with bread, meat and many other foodstuffs.
The moment the door is open, Dragon shoots right through it and up the stairs. Garp assumes his boy has retreated to his room if the loud bang that follows the footsteps are any indication.
Kane sets his bag down in their bedroom and leaves to prepare dinner, but not before the marine pulls out a beautifully wrapped box from his pack and hands it to her. It was worth the effort, he thinks, when his wife opens her gift and squeals in surprise. Inside the box lay a limited signed edition of the newest book by Kane's favourite author, which was recently published and only available on the Grand Line. Another squeal ensues, coupled with an excited 'thank-you' and a tackle hug. Garp grins as he catches his wife and embraces her, releasing her to the kitchen shortly after. For himself, Garp falls into his bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow. He doesn't wake up until Dragon comes knocking to call him to dinner.
...
Wholly satisfied by his wife's cooking which he hasn't had in a long while, Garp remains seated at the dining table with a tankard of quality sake in his hand, and nearly spits it out when his son -his six year old son- asks The Question. By some luck, the marine manages to retain his composure, and it seems his kid hasn't noticed anything out of the ordinary.
"Storks." Garp answers immediately with a wide grin, careful not to show any signs of hesitation.
After all, one of the most important rules of being an officer was to never lose your cool in front of your subordinates. Especially not when there's a big-shot pirate incoming, and your crew is on the verge of panicking.
Not that Garp was worried about petty things like pirate fleets, but more personal issues, like being asked if he had gotten the notice that there was a sexual harassment seminar in 5 minutes, and he was a key speaker. Those days were without a doubt, some of his most interesting days in the marines.
Of course, that's a story for another time.
Dragon raises an eyebrow at the received answer, and the marine can just see the question marks floating over his head. What do birds have to do with their current topic?
Garp snorts as if it were obvious. "Storks bring babies to their parents."
Dragon appears to mull over the received answer for some time, and in that short moment, Garp quickly runs a list of bumped-up priorities through his head, the top of the list being to preserve his cute son's innocence.
Said son finally snaps out of his thinking, just as Garp is scheming up multiple ways to 'ask' the stoic village librarian to hide away some choice reading material.
No matter that the marine officer is away most of the time, Garp knows better than to assume his son's brain is wired the same as the typical six-year-old, because if anything, the brat has inherited his mother's genes more than his. A fortunate fact, so his good friend Woop Slap tells him, as he wonders once again how Garp managed to climb through the ranks so quickly with that one-track brain of his. Garp mentioned some quip about railroading down pirates, that seemed clever at the time, but wishes he could remember what exactly he said.
Apparently, after some heavy contemplation, Dragon has decided that the entire 'storks bring babies' idea sounded pretty cool. Cool enough for the six-year-old to want to know more about the subject, and Garp is more than willing to indulge his son.
While Dragon bombards his father with various questions, Garp catches the amused, sidelong glance from his wife that he correctly interprets as to leave her out of this mess. The marine flashes her a grin, yet takes note nonetheless. For all that Kane is his wife, and arguably petite, she had been a competent marine before she resigned to raise their child. Combined with her high intellect, Garp is confident that she will find some way to get back at him without him realising if he dares to involve her in his overprotective lies.
Tsuru and Sengoku have not so secretly wondered how Garp of all people had managed to win Kane's affections, to which, after hours of debate, they concluded as the age-old theory of 'opposites attract.'
"...much did I cost?" Garp returns his full attention to his son, just in time to catch the end of his latest question before the boy churns out more.
Garp has to consciously control himself to not howl with laughter at some of Dragon's more childish questions. He manages to tone it down to a regular laugh, and proceeds to answer the questions one by one. And if he slips in some impossible stories about mysteriously disappearing offerings and whatnot, well, Dragon would never find out unless someone clues him in. His mother is obviously in on it, so Garp only has to make sure the villagers know not to disclose the truth.
While Woop Slap is probably going to be the usual stick in the mud, it's nothing that can't be remedied with a packet of his favourite senbei. Or a couple dozen boxes of them. After all, they are from the Grand Line, and Garp only comes home every so often.
"And no, storks don't require any payment, not in Berries anyway. So, we got you free of charge." Garp lies smoothly. It isn't a complete lie, anyway. Unless you count the mood swings, temper tantrums and pregnancy cravings that warranted a good chunk of his paycheck, mostly to replace the furniture and silverware. He'd learned then why many of his colleagues never married, or if they did, it usually wasn't with a woman from the marines. Ex-marines, even when pregnant, could kick ass like nobody's business. Those nine traumatizing months were also the main reason why he never brought up the topic of a second child.
"You also have to eat lots of weird food to prove yourself. The weirder the better!"
Kane is shaking with laughter, but Dragon doesn't notice at all with his back turned towards her.
…
The ceiling still looks interesting. Boring-interesting, but interesting.
Garp has a feeling he's going to regret something very, very soon.
Oh, well, nothing to do about it.
There are still six donuts left in his current box, and three more boxes are stacked on his right.
And he has paperwork.
Thank Monkeys for donuts. And Bogart.
Garp's intuition comes true some nine months later.
…
"I did as you said…and look what the storks brought?"
"Wait, WHAT? For REAL?
…
Dragon smirks in amusement as he watches Garp's smug grin disappear in place of dumbfounded gaping. His son is fast asleep amidst a nest of blankets, snuggled in the crook of his father's arm, and completely oblivious to the disbelieving stare of his grandfather that has been stuck on him since Dragon revealed him.
"… You do know I was lying, right?" After a long while, Garp finally tears his eyes away from the baby, and stares skeptically at Dragon. "Where exactly did this brat come from?"
"He's mine."
"And the mother?"
Dragon's thoughts immediately conjure up an image of the monster of a woman that is his son's mother. Charlotte Linlin, better known as Big Mom, and the sole female pirate of the Yonko who rule the New World. Huge, hard on the eyes, violently psychotic and with an insatiable sweet tooth.
The revolutionary's eyes flicker towards his father, who is a veteran officer in the marines, a vice admiral and an honoured hero. He wonders if it would be a good idea to tell Garp the truth.
…Probably not, Dragon decides. If he knows his father, it's a no-brainer that Garp will attempt to give Dragon a beating because "Me and Kane taught you better than this!" and "Of all people you pick that GIANT OLD HAG?!" His mother, were she still around, would likely disapprove as well.
Yeah… no.
Under the pressure of Garp's stare –which Dragon has long since developed an immunity to—Dragon mutters the epithet of the strongest female pirate, deliberately lowering his voice on the first word to make sure that his father doesn't catch it.
"...mom."
"What?" Garp demands. "Speak up, brat. I can't hear you."
Dragon complies, but cuts off the 'Big' in front and simply says 'Mom'.
Realising that he wasn't going to get an answer out of his son, Garp moves on to other matters.
"So you finally did it, eh?"
Dragon isn't quite sure what 'it' is referring to, but he has a hunch.
"If you mean procreation, then yes, I have, seeing as I do have a son." The revolutionary speaks, a slight hint of uncharacteristic gloating in his tone, as there is this small feeling of smugness that he had learned about it, despite his father's interference in his early life. "I don't really see why you had to hide it, however, seeing that all it involves was me handing over a tube with white stuff to the woman for her to do whatever it is she does, and create a child."
Garp blinks, and then he gestures towards Bogart, who reluctantly steps out of the shadows and approaches them.
"Yes, sir?" The other marine asks in that unique exasperated-but-still-respectful tone. His hat's brim shades his eyes, preventing Dragon from getting a better read on him. Then again, for as long as he has known the man, he has never been able to, and the revolutionary is only mildly frustrated about it.
"This is my son, Dragon, right?" Garp asks flatly.
Bogart freezes, and then nods. "I would say so, yes."
"I don't think he is." His father continues, and Dragon just has to wonder what the heck is going through the vice-admiral's mind now.
He gets his answer quickly enough.
"There's no way this is Dragon." Garp claims. "My son is smart, and this one's too stupid, so he can't be Dragon."
Dragon has a sudden urge to face palm, and he has a feeling that Bogart is harbouring similar thoughts. Both of them have been the subject and unfortunate audience respectively, of many colourful insults thrown by Garp, including stupid and idiot. Especially when Dragon refused to join the marines, and later when he built the Revolutionary Army.
I'm just going to pretend I never heard that. Dragon thinks, and calls out to Garp to grab his attention. "Father, I have a favour to ask."
Garp snaps to attention at his son's serious tone. It isn't often that Dragon asks him for a favour. Or rather, the revolutionary goes out of his way to avoid asking anything of his father.
"I want you to raise Luffy." And because he absolutely doesn't want to subject his son to Garp's abominable naming sense, Dragon has decided to name the newborn 'Monkey D. Luffy'. Whether it is a derivative from the sailing term 'luff,' or simply because he finds the baby surprisingly fluffy, he doesn't know. It sounds nice, at least. Also. likely no one will make the connection that someone like Dragon will have a son named Luffy. Dragon is strong, and Luffy is… luffy.
Garp's eyes narrows at the request, even as he nods and reaches out to take the child. "Why not ask the mother?"
"Many reasons." Dragon replies. "But I want him to grow up and live normally…" He realises his mistake. "...as normal as possible anyway."
Garp stares at him incredulously, and Dragon knows that even though his father isn't always the brightest, the hints are all there; Garp must've made the connection that Luffy's mother is probably no ordinary woman. His position as vice-admiral and 'Hero of the Marines' isn't for show, after all.
A grin spreads on Garp's face. "Luffy will make a fine marine."
"Somehow I doubt that, but you're welcome to try."
Dragon pauses as he remembers one crucial detail that he must absolutely let Garp know.
"Also, if it ever comes up, please don't misguide my son about where babies come from. I'd like him to at least grow up with some common sense."
And then Garp snaps. "They don't come from tubes either, you idiot son!"
Luffy is entrusted to Bogart, who wisely steps aside from the father and son duo, and the Marine Hero begins a long overdue rant about how reproduction actually works and what it involves.
…
Dragon eventually escapes his father, after an agonizing hour of listening to the vice-admiral's speech on the birds and the bees, accompanied with a freaking slideshow of all things.
Garp even tried to force one of those insipid handbooks that the marines made their recruits read on him.
Honestly, it is rather pathetic that the man went through the effort of lugging the equipment here, just to show him such nonsense. Did he think Dragon had forgotten the lengths his father had gone to in convincing him about storks?
And now he sits in his boat, watching the island he had been on not too long ago slowly growing smaller, eventually disappearing behind the horizon. At this moment, Dragon is immensely glad for his devil fruit.
He would have had a hard time getting away from his father otherwise.
"Sir, your grandson…" Bogart hands the wailing month-old over to his grandfather, just as Dragon's boat disappears from view.
Garp harrumphs and takes the baby into his arms, automatically cradling the infant the way his wife taught him to many years ago.
...
Kane glares at her husband as she holds her son close to her to calm him down after his father almost drops him.
"Really, Garp, I don't expect you to know how to change diapers and all, but you should at least know how to hold your son." She reprimands before handing the child over warily, making sure that Garp knows how to properly hold him.
"Make sure his neck is supported, you big oaf!"
...
"Luffy, huh?" The Marine Hero wonders as the baby eventually calms down after lightly bumping him in his arms, little hands reaching out from his blanket to grab at nothing. He grins. "Monkey D. Luffy… not a bad name. Since your idiot dad gave your care over to me, I'll make sure you become a strong marine!"
Luffy obviously doesn't understand, yet babbles away anyway, big eyes staring curiously at the weird old man who is talking to himself.
"Your dad's an idiot. Babies coming from tubes, bah! The stork is a traditional story, that idiot. And he never even asked where the storks got the babies from...!"
Garp doesn't say that he thinks Luffy is cute, and that he has his grandmother's eyes.
At any rate… "Who the heck is 'mom'?" Garp is sure that there's something else in front of those three letters, except he can't figure it out. The first name that comes to mind is 'Big Mom' but the vice-admiral shakes it off immediately. His son probably has better taste than that. He can thank Kane for that.
Definitely better.
Also, 'Big Mom' is that hag's epithet, not her name.
"Bogart."
"Yes, sir?"
"What women's names are there that ends with 'mom'?"
Nineteen years later.
After hanging up on Sengoku, Garp opens one of the drawers in his desk to retrieve one specific Den Den Mushi from the many identical transponders lined up in the compartment. The Den Den Mushi is asleep like most of its brethren, being rarely used, and is startled awake by a flick to its head.
Once the creature is awake, Garp picks up its receiver and dials a number, one that he can count on one hand the number of times he has used over the last twenty years.
It rings for a while before the other end is finally picked up.
"What do you want?" As they say, like father like son, and even the way Dragon answers his father's call is the same.
"Monkey D. Dragon." Garp starts, and on the other end, Dragon has barely thrown the receiver away before the marine very nearly blows out his ears. "HOW DARE YOU GO AND HAVE A CHILD WITH THAT STUPID OLD HAG!"
The Marine Hero is vaguely aware of the corridor outside his office suddenly being deserted where there were marines walking by earlier, but that isn't as important as chewing out his idiot son who he can hear moving around before he finally replies.
"Garp…" His son replies. Dragon has long since stopped calling him father, because while they do their best to keep others from tapping into their calls, there still remains a risk of being overheard. "I take it you've seen the news then?"
"DAMN RIGHT I HAVE-" Garp continues to yell, but pauses suddenly when he remembers that no, he did not see the news.
Dragon knows his father well enough to guess what is going on when Garp falls silent without warning. "Sengoku told you then." He says matter-of-factly.
The vice admiral then launches into a rant about his previous conversation with the former fleet admiral.
…
"Did you hear the news?"
"News! Pftfttf… No… Oh you mean my adorable grandson blasting away that scoundrel dog Doflamingo… Bwahahahahh as expected from my grandson… Bwahahahahhhahha."
"You know the 'scoundrel dog' worked for us, right?"
"Did he?! Bwahahahahha…"
"I will admit,it's good that we got rid of him."
"Right. Right! Luffy would have made a great marine."
Sweat dropped.
"I meant the other news…"
"What did Luffy beat another Shichibukai? Or maybe a Yonko this time? Who is it?"
"Big Mom…" begin Sengoku with glee.
"As expected from Luffy, beating that old hag…" Garp cut in.
"... is his mother… did you know?"
Silence greeted his question.
"HUH" Garp finally said. "Sengoku… what did you say…?"
"Big Mom…" Sengoku paused.
"I heard that part," Garp complained.
"... is your grandson's mother. I assume you don't know."
...
"Anyway," Garp starts. "Do you know about that old hag arranging a marriage for Luffy?"
"Yes."
"And you have nothing to say about it?"
Dragon snorts. "I would, but Sabo has already said everything and more."
"That brat, huh?" Garp muses, already imagining the blond brat's indignant face at the outrage that is his baby brother's imminent marriage, and all the colourful words that are bound to be thrown about. The resulting image is hilarious, and the marine bursts out laughing.
Dragon wisely lets Garp laugh for a while before speaking again. "If that's all you're calling for…"He says, and Garp reaches for the receiver.
"Hold it, brat."
"Yes?"
"What do you think about Tsuru-chan?"
No reply comes for a long while.
"What about Tsuru-san?" Dragon finally replies, but his voice sounds oddly strained.
Garp doesn't notice, and without a care, drops the bomb. His promise to Sengoku all but forgotten.
...
"...Sengoku… bring me Tsuru…"
"You want your grandson to marry Tsuru?!"
"What, nooooo, you moron… Tsuru knows all the good female marines… but now that you said it… Tsuru… it isn't such bad…"
"Noooo… it's a very bad idea, and I am so sorry to have said it."
"Fine, but she would have kept him on a leash…"
...
"What do you think about Luffy marrying her instead?"
"Is this a joke?"
"Nope!"
"... NO."
Extra
Sometime on the way back from Foosha's harbour, Garp pulls out, of all things, a marine cap and puts it on Dragon.
"Your mother said you lost it, again, so I got you another one!" His father grins widely when Dragon gives him a deadpan stare, as soon as he realises what is sitting on his head.
"...you didn't have to." This should be the part where he says 'I'm just happy that you're home', but Dragon being Dragon, secretly wishes that his dad would just come home without the routine 'souvenir'.
Garp calls them 'souvenirs', while he calls them -to quote one of the village girls- 'a fashion disaster'.
Dragon can't count how many times his father has brought back a marine cap or some other marine-themed merchandise for him, if it wasn't every time.
The second the front door is open, the young Monkey is up the stairs and in his room, making sure the door is locked behind him. He knows that a simple locking mechanism like this will not stop his father from entering if he so decides to, but Dragon also knows his mom will -figuratively speaking- kill his dad if he breaks the door, or the wall for that matter of fact, so he is -relatively- safe.
The six-year-old makes his way to the bookshelf in the corner, and pulls it away from the wall slightly. He reaches into the gap, and lifts a small latch embedded in the wood. The moment the latch is open, the lowest level of the bookshelf -supposedly filled with books- pops open with a small click.
The lowest level of the shelf was, in reality, not filled with books, although it was made to look the part. It was a door of sorts crafted by Dragon -with some help from Kane- using book covers. He pulls the door open more, and stares at the amount of marine merch hidden inside.
Then he looks down at the hat in his hand.
This is what, the twelfth or thirteenth hat?
Dragon has an exasperated look on his face as his returns everything back to normal and tosses the hat on his desk.
Two weeks before he can stuff it in there.
Hope you enjoyed it!