Thank you for all the lovely reviews on the previous chapter - you guys are the best! As always, I would recommend re-reading the previous chapter before this one, just to refresh your memories. Hope you enjoy!
I don't own The Brave or any of its characters... But I wish I did!
Chapter 34
Dalton woke in the middle of the night, not to a nightmare, but to a sense of loss, like something was missing. He felt it deep down in his gut and the sensation ran right through his body.
Reaching his hand out to the empty space beside him, he remembered where that feeling came from.
Jaz was in her own bed and in her own room, and while it was for the best reasons – he missed her.
He had become so used to her small body curled up beside him. To her head laying on his chest. To her mass of apple scented raven hair that he buried his nose in. To her warmth. To her softness.
To… Her.
Putting aside that he hadn't had a nightmare of his own, he couldn't help but wonder about Jaz. He hadn't woken to her calling out, but for his own peace of mind he wanted to check on her.
He threw his covers off and padded quietly to the adjoining door separating their rooms. He didn't go any further into the room because he was met with the sound of Jaz's soft, deep breaths; clearly ensconced in slumber and for that, he couldn't be happier for her.
Not wanting to wake her, he stood at the door for a few moments longer, making out her sleeping figure from the sliver of moonlight peeking through the gap in the heavy curtains.
Relieved that she was asleep and seemingly unaffected by a nightmare, he stood for several seconds longer, just appreciating how seeing Jaz asleep made him feel.
Like it was the most important thing in the world.
With the first rays of dawn shining through the crack in the curtains, Jaz felt herself rouse from her sleep. Clearing the fuzziness of slumber from her head she reached out for Adam, but when she was met with empty space she remembered that they had spent the night apart.
Although she was feeling a sense of loss at him not lying beside her, she couldn't help but also be overcome with a sense of accomplishment that she had been nightmare free for that evening, and had actually, genuinely slept through the night.
Looking at her phone to check the time, she saw that it was still early and she could lay in bed for another couple of hours.
But she wanted to spend those hours with Adam.
Creeping out of bed and padding quietly through the still open adjoining door and into his room, she stopped momentarily when she heard his long deep breaths of sleep. She was glad he had slept through the night, she hoped it had been nightmare free like her own night.
Walking over to the bed, she lifted the covers and climbed beneath them, her body instantly seeking his warmth.
She couldn't help but smile and couldn't stop her pulse from racing as he turned to her—still seemingly in slumber—and pulled her against his chest, his strong arms holding her in place.
This was the best feeling in the world. It was a feeling she didn't know she had always craved.
Knowing he reached for her in sleep made her feel… wanted. A feeling she was mostly unfamiliar with in her lifetime.
The fact that this special operations master next to her would normally wake at the drop of a hat; that someone climbing into bed with him would normally have him in a defensive stance in two seconds flat, did not escape her.
It was as if their bodies knew each other; that their souls knew each other. That they knew the other was not a threat and automatically relaxed in the presence of the other.
With those thoughts in her head, Jaz pressed soft, multiple kisses to Adam's chest, revelling in his masculine scent that never failed to make her feel safe, before laying her head on his chest and letting the sound of his heart beat, lull her back to sleep.
A couple of hours later Adam woke slowly to find Jaz laying on his chest and his arms wound tightly around her. He had no recollection of her joining him, and hoped it wasn't due to a nightmare.
He marvelled for a moment at how her presence next to him had not woken him.
They were all programmed to wake suddenly, to be wide awake at a moment's notice, ready to engage in whatever the mission required. But while he had clearly sensed her presence—as his arms locked around her attested to—he hadn't woken.
He had reached a level of comfort with her that he had never experienced before, and that flooded him with a sensation he couldn't pinpoint.
Pressing his lips to her hair, breathing in the apple scent that she would forever have ownership over, he felt her start to stir against his chest.
"Morning." He whispered to her as she became more aware of her surroundings.
"Morning." She answered him, her sleep affected voice even raspier than usual.
"How did you sleep?"
"Really well actually. You?"
Adam didn't mention that he awoke during the night and went to check on her. The important thing was that she had slept, right through the night. Other than his concern for her, he had too.
"I still woke up next to you, so I would say really well too." He smiled softly at her, leaning down to press his lips to hers.
"No nightmare?" She wanted to check, trying not to get too distracted by his lips.
"None. You?"
"None."
Smiling at each other, they knew this was a step in the right direction, but realistically they also knew that this wouldn't be the end of their nightmares. It was going to be a long process, and like Xander had said to them both in their individual sessions, nightmares can be a way of healing.
But for now, this was progress for them both, and they knew that speaking to each other the night before about some of their demons had led them to this point right now. There was something to be said for that too.
"I missed you when I woke up though." Jaz continued, seeing his eyes light up in response to her.
"How long have you been here?" He asked.
"A couple of hours. That ok?"
His response was to roll her onto her back and lean over her so his entire body pressed against hers.
Bending his head towards hers and framing her face with his hand, he captured her lips in a long, slow, lingering kiss, which he deepened as soon as he felt her respond.
Pulling away momentarily, his lips dancing just above hers he asked, "That answer your question?"
Her pulse had already quickened with Adam pressed so close, but she pulled him so he was laying completely on top of her and pressed her lips to his ear whispering, "I need more convincing."
Feeling himself already harden against her, he watched her smirk as she cradled him between her legs.
He captured that smirk with his own lips; his tongue sweeping into her mouth, stroking against her own as their lips moved in time with one another, kissing each other over and over until they were both out of breath.
Jaz's entire body hummed feeling Adam pressed so closely to her and when he ground his hips into hers, the hardness beneath his boxer shorts sent a wave of scorching heat, straight to her core.
Her chest heaved and her breasts strained against her top. As if knowing exactly what she needed, Adam tore his lips away from hers and her breath hitched in her throat as he pulled the strap of her tank top down to take her nipple in his mouth.
She couldn't bite back the moan that his lips and teeth enticed from her, his mouth working it's magic so intensely that she was immediately pulling away to remove her tank top completely.
He kissed and revered both her breasts before kissing his way smoothly across her chest and down her stomach.
As always, he kissed as many of her scars as he could along the way. He cherished those scars even more this morning after Jaz confided in him last night about her ordeal. Those scars were a bitter sweet reminder of the torture she endured, but also of the strength and bravery she had shown to survive it. Those scars would be something that Adam will cherish every single time.
When he reached the waistband of her underwear, she lifted her hips as he made short work of removing them.
Leaning down to place a quick kiss to her core, eliciting a gasp from her lips, he quickly came back up to lock his lips on to hers and instead let his fingers explore her.
Feeling how wet she already was, he let his fingers glide between her folds, spreading her wetness up and down her slit before easing his middle finger into her, smiling as she pulled her mouth away from his to let out a low moan.
Moving his lips instead to her neck, paying special attention to the spot just below her ear that he knew drove her crazy, he began to move his finger in and out of her slowly and deliberately, stroking her walls and taking delight in the soft moans she couldn't hide.
Sliding a second finger inside her, and increasing the pace a little, Jaz let out a much louder moan as she felt his fingers stretching her and caressing her inner walls. Moving her hips in time with his fingers, she gasped out loud as his thumb also began to massage her clit, not even bothering to try and censor her pleasure.
After a few more pumps from his extremely capable fingers, she knew she didn't have long to go.
Lifting his head from where it was still buried in the crook of her neck, she placed both hands on either side of his face and whispered to him, "Adam, I want to come with you inside of me."
Needing no further invitation, Adam made short work of removing his boxers and replaced his fingers with his cock, sliding into her in one swift movement.
He left out his own deep groan and instantly began to move, not being able to hold back from the incredible feeling of being buried deep within her.
Revelling in feeling his entire weight on top of her, she began to thrust her hips in time with his, feeling him deep inside of her core, enticing all her nerve endings.
They rocked together with Adam's thrusts becoming deeper and faster, ensuring Jaz came apart in no time at all.
He felt her quivering all over, including her walls clenched around his cock and that, combined with watching her entire body ripple through her own orgasm, had him following her in no time at all.
There was nothing sexier than watching Jaz completely unbridled, letting her body react as it needed to.
It made him do the exact same thing, every single time.
Laying together and still catching their breath, Adam raised his head from where it was resting on the pillow next to hers to look her in the eye. With a question in his eyes, he asked, "Are you convinced now?"
Looking hot, bothered and sexy as hell, Jaz just murmured, "Hell yeah."
"I've been meaning to ask, how are the nightmares? Have they eased at all?" Xander asked Jaz later that morning in their regular session.
Smirking inwardly to herself and sending a silent thank you to McG for reminding her that this conversation would come up soon enough, she could at least answer honestly and with certainty.
"It seems to be getting better."
Xander knew to expect short answers from Jaz wherever possible by now, so he was surprised when she continued quietly, "I actually talked to someone else about some of this yesterday. And it felt good to share it. I think that's helped too."
"That's good to hear," Xander was genuine in his response, "I know we discussed that the nightmares won't disappear completely. Sometimes they are a way for the mind to heal, by working their way through your subconscious. But the strategies we are putting in place are to help ease them, and hopefully for you to be able to cope with them when they do rear their ugly head. Remember, when they do hit, I want you to either write them down—everything you can remember about them—or if it works better for you, talk to someone. Tell someone. Even if there's no one else, you can always talk to me or ring me."
Nodding her head, Jaz knew he was right and she was fully on board to try and not let these nightmares control her life.
"Yeah, thanks." She responded genuinely.
"So the last session was a heavy one. I know a lot came out of it, and it brought up a few other issues for you. You want to talk about any of them?"
"Actually I do," Jaz admitted.
To look at his face, you wouldn't be able to tell that Jaz's answer had shocked him. He was used to her smart retorts about not wanting to talk about anything and only doing so out of necessity. He didn't draw attention to it though, just took a mental note that this was progress.
Continuing quietly, Jaz stuttered, trying to convey what she needed to, "I umm, I've dreamt – or had nightmares repeatedly about Top being dead, with a gunshot wound to the head."
"Well I guess dreaming about Elijah being dead was self-explanatory, but seeing your CO dead – is there a reason for that?"
While Jaz had talked to Xander in the previous session about the photos that Arthur had produced of her team at the airport in Tehran, she hadn't mentioned the fake photo of Top with a gunshot wound through the head.
The one that had made her break.
She wasn't sure why exactly, maybe it had felt too personal. But now, here in Xander's office she started to explain that picture to him.
"Well that's perfectly understandable as to why you see him dead in your nightmares. I'm guessing the image is still ingrained in your subconscious?" Xander responded when Jaz had finished explaining.
And my conscious, Jaz thought to herself.
When she nodded, confirming his thought, he continued, "I guess the question is – do you think there's another reason that this keeps playing out in your head?"
"What – what do you mean?" Jaz stammered.
"What I mean is, is there another reason why the thought of seeing your CO dead would play over and over in your mind?"
"Well, he's – he's our leader, our Captain. If he were dead, it would be devastating."
"Agreed. But what I want you to keep asking yourself over the next few days, or for however long it takes is why the image of your CO with a bullet to the head is so devastating. Why did it make you break? Granted, seeing that picture of anyone you are close would be enough to cause pain. But keep asking yourself if there's another reason. If there is, you'll come across it eventually. It might help you to deal with it better."
"And, if I don't come across another reason?" Jaz challenged.
"Then we'll try and figure it out together." Xander assuaged her.
Xander started his session that afternoon by asking Dalton about his nightmares.
Just like Jaz, Dalton sent out a silent thanks to McG for giving them the heads up on that one, and allowing them to actually see if a difference had been noticeable.
Granted, it had only been one night so far, but he was still happy with the outcome. Not having Jaz beside him in bed hadn't been easy, but he was glad to have made it through the night unscathed.
Xander seemed pleased to hear that, but reiterated what he had told Jaz earlier that day about the nightmares not being gone forever and reminding Dalton of how to deal with them when they did recur.
Dalton nodded his head at Xander, completely on board with doing everything he could to ease what played out in his subconscious, and to get his head around the issues leading to that.
"The last session wasn't easy." Xander noted.
"You're telling me." Dalton replied sardonically.
"Did you need to have a rehash on the topic of Hoffman?"
"Not on him directly at this stage, but I guess what he did to Patricia and Preach isn't easy to forget; especially Preach since his injuries were much worse. It was touch and go there for a while."
"You've known Preach a long time?"
"Yeah, over a decade. He's my right hand man, my sounding board. Seeing him in a coma was hard. But he's on my team, I always want my team safe. I felt the same way when Jaz was captured; when it looked like we wouldn't get her back."
Xander noted the tiny inflection in Dalton's voice when he brought up the topic of Jaz. The untrained eye, or ear, wouldn't have noticed, but it peaked Xander's attention instantly.
"Let's come back to Preach. Tell me about Jaz." Xander led him gently.
"Jaz?"
"Yeah. You said for a while there, it looked like you wouldn't be able to get her back, to rescue her. How did that make you feel?"
"It made me angry. I didn't want to lose another teammate. Losing Elijah had been tough enough for the team, losing Jaz would have been worse." Dalton explained.
"Why would it have been worse?"
"Because we'd already lost Elijah. It would compound that."
"Any other reason?" Xander tried to prompt him.
"Well, we knew what would be happening to her in there. What they could and would do to her."
"And that had you worried?"
"Worried? Of course I was worried, I was beside myself. The thought of losing Jaz…" Dalton trailed off, unsure how to continue that sentence. He cleared his throat before continuing, "Losing Jaz would have been devastating. To all of us." He added quickly.
"Well you'll get no argument here. But I want you to ask yourself – why would losing Jaz be so difficult for you?"
"I've just answered that, we can't lose another teammate." Dalton defended himself.
"You did. But I want you to focus solely on why losing Jaz would be so difficult for you. Not the entire team. You."
Dalton stared back at Xander, not quite sure what he was being asked and he definitely didn't have an answer.
He can't pinpoint why losing her would be so difficult for him. She was on his team. But that's not it. Not because she's a woman either. Her gender had never mattered to him or any of the team for that matter.
"Don't answer now, I want you to think about it, give it some thought." Xander said gently, seeing the confusion plainly across Dalton's face.
But Xander knew exactly where he was heading with this. He'd had his suspicions, but today had prompted him to push the issue further. He needed Dalton to come to any conclusions by himself though. It's not an easy conclusion to come to and it may change everything.
But that's how this worked.
They spent the rest of the session talking about Preach. Dalton wasn't nearly as stumped on his reason for being devastated about losing Preach. He was his best friend. They'd worked alongside each other for years, and as much as it made him roll his eyes, the advice that Preach gave Dalton, both professional and personal, had been invaluable.
At the end of the session though, Xander's question was still rolling around in his head.
Why would losing Jaz be so difficult for you?
That evening all four of them decided to have a movie night in Jaz's room since she had been blessed with the suite. They ordered a ton of room service, had picked up some beer from the corner store and were trying to decide on a movie, which always took forever finding one they would all agree on.
While McG, Jaz and Amir were bickering amongst themselves, Dalton heard the FaceTime chime ringing from his iPad. Dashing into his room to collect it, he was happy to see it was Preach.
"Good timing buddy, just in time to break up the kids fighting." Dalton greeted Preach with a big grin on his face.
"Let me guess, movie night?"
Dalton chuckled, "What else?"
Walking through to the other room, he turned the iPad around for the others to see, while he grabbed a couple of beers out of the fridge.
"Preach, my man!" McG hollered across the room.
"No chick flicks, McG. You know you're the only one who likes them." Preach reasoned with him, "I don't know why you're arguing about it anyway, Jaz will end up picking the movie, she always does."
"See, that's why you're my favourite, Preach." Jaz smiled at the iPad and Preach's big smile looking back at her.
"I got you girl."
"Great, Million Dollar Baby… again!" McG complained.
"Suck it up, princess." Amir managed to get in, standing up to retrieve the iPad from Dalton while he popped the top off the beers.
"How is everyone? I was about to message you all on WhatsApp, but just thought I'd look at your ugly faces instead."
"Hey, who's calling who ugly?" Dalton asked.
"Well no offence Top, but when did you last trim that beard?"
"Touché," Dalton replied, running his hand through his beard and smiling at Jaz when he caught her eye.
Jaz smiled back at him and suddenly flashed back to her appointment with Xander earlier.
Is there another reason why the thought of seeing your CO dead would play over and over in your mind?
Dalton handed her one of the beers.
What I want you to keep asking yourself over the next few days, or for however long it takes is why the image of your CO with a bullet to the head is so devastating?
Their fingers touched as she took the beer from him and Jaz couldn't get it out of her head.
Why did it make you break?
She was jolted out of her thoughts by Preach's big booming laugh, a laugh they were all missing.
Amir and Dalton were laughing along with him, so no doubt it was once again at McG's expense.
Suddenly the screen was flipped and Patton appeared before them, and at that Jaz genuinely melted. She missed that scruffy dog. Adam's dog.
She missed being at the cabin with them both.
As if he knew what she was thinking, Adam looked over at her and smiled. The kind of smile that made the skin near his temples crinkle and the blue of his eyes sparkle. The kind of smile she couldn't help but return.
Why did it make you break?
It had been great catching up with Preach earlier. They all missed him, but none more than Dalton.
He could do with a bit of Preach's wisdom at the moment, but wasn't quite sure where to start. He couldn't stop thinking about Xander's word's earlier.
I want you to focus solely on why losing Jaz would be so difficult for you. Not the entire team. You.
He'd been thinking about it all afternoon, through their movie night and now.
Now they were in their separate beds, adjoining door still open, and it was still all he could think about.
Why would losing Jaz be so difficult for you?
Screw it, he needed to talk to Preach.
Padding softly over to the adjoining door separating their rooms, Dalton was relieved to once again hear the long deep breaths of sleep coming from Jaz's room. He went back into his own room, grabbed his phone and slipped out into the hallway.
Dialling Preach's number, it rang four times before Preach picked up.
"Hey Topshotter, long time no talk," Preach greeted him sarcastically, but jokingly.
"Well I still haven't trimmed my beard since I last spoke to you, so you haven't missed much."
Chuckling to himself, Preach asked him, "What's got you up so late?"
Dalton took a deep breath and started to speak, "Well…"
"Jaz?" Preach jumped in before Dalton could answer.
Not bothering to ask him how he knew, Dalton let out a long sigh before quietly admitting, "Yeah."
Before Preach could ask, Dalton started to relay some of the conversation that he had had with Xander earlier. It took a bit of explaining, but Preach was caught up to speed pretty quickly.
Preach knew that if Dalton was calling him about this, he genuinely needed to talk it out, but just like Xander, he already knew what the answer to those questions were.
He just needed to help Dalton see it.
"You know Adam, you and Jaz have obviously gotten close lately, or closer. It was always there though, the connection between the two of you. Allowing someone close to you is the bravest thing a human can ever do. You've been through a great deal together, both on duty and off."
"I know, but we still have so much to work out… to figure out. There's still plenty to talk to Xander about for both of us. But his questions are weighing on me."
"In my experience, the most intimate thing we can do is to allow the people that we care about the most to see us at our worst, at our lowest, and at our weakest. True intimacy happens when nothing is perfect. I think you would agree that your situation with Jaz has had its challenges; that you've already been through some fairly onerous situations together, seen each other at your lowest points and shared your weak points… but does it change the way you feel about her?" Preach gave him some food for thought.
Dalton was silent for a few moments, not quite sure how to answer. How does he feel about Jaz?
He could add that to the question Xander had asked him earlier.
Why would losing Jaz be so difficult for you?
Preach's voice broke through his thoughts, "You'll figure it out, Adam. I have no doubt. But you should know that when Jaz was taken in Tehran—the whole time we were trying to find her—I have never, ever in my life seen anyone that desperate to save the life of another. And that's saying something considering the life we live."
"Yeah, I hear you." Dalton whispered.
"Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us."
Preach left Dalton with some food for thought and Dalton thanked him for the advice, but when he hung up, he was still confused.
Preach's words kept flashing through his mind. As did Xander's.
I want you to focus solely on why losing Jaz would be so difficult for you. Not the entire team. You.
Hours later Dalton lay in bed, just staring at the ceiling. He hadn't slept a wink. Not because he had a nightmare, but because he was just trying to straighten everything out in his mind, and he was struggling with it.
He knew that what had recently developed between himself and Jaz had surprised him and caught him off guard, but it had become incredibly important to him.
He knew that he enjoyed every single moment with Jaz and she was the best thing that had ever happened to him.
He knew that he would do anything to protect her and the thought of being without her was something he didn't want to even contemplate.
At that thought, Preach's words once again ran through his mind.
Sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives put us directly on the path to the best things that will ever happen to us.
Speaking of being without her, he noticed through the curtains that dawn was breaking and he had missed her while he laid awake all night.
Getting off the bed and walking through their adjoining door, he was once again happy to see that she was still asleep. He stopped momentarily to just look at her, with the early morning rays illuminating her beautiful features and making his heart thud in his chest.
Lifting the covers up from her bed, he slid in behind her where she was facing the opposite direction.
It was as if her body just sensed him; just needed him.
Without waking she instinctively rolled over and wrapped herself around him, burying herself against his side. He immediately pulled her closer because being without her for the last few hours was something he hadn't enjoyed.
He pressed his face into the top of her head, as he loved to do so much, inhaling her scent and tenderly kissing her forehead.
He was momentarily mesmerised as a flutter of a smile crossed her face, as if she sensed it was him and she snuggled even closer to him.
And it was at that very moment that his heart nearly jumped out of his chest and – he knew.
He knew.
Watching her beautiful, soft face; her chest rising and falling in slumber; her head snuggled into his shoulder and her arm resting on his chest – he knew.
At that very juncture in time, he had a moment of clarity.
At that exact point, he knew why even though this is risking both of their careers, even though they had to hide it away, even though they had many obstacles still to hurdle – it was worth it.
He finally knew why. And he couldn't believe he didn't realise it sooner.
He loved her.
He was in love with her.
Completely. Deeply. Irrevocably.
In love with her.
Finally! Phew - that was another hard one to write. And I know - It's about fricken time he realised right?! Although I have warned you this is a slow burn...
I would love to know what you all thought, your comments are always so appreciated, and thank you as always for continuing to read this story. Much love to you all XXX