Chapter 1: Checking In

To be fair, no place in Hell is wonderful, but there was no doubt in my mind that the south side of Pentagram City was the worst. Apparently, someone at some point decided the south side would be the place for the most vanilla of sinners. Non-believers, pagans, petty thieves, suicide victims, and the newly manifested that were trying to get on their feet and figure out what the fuck was going on all seemed to get crammed into this one, little, rotting corner of Hell.

On the plus side, this meant that the south side was the quietest area in the entire realm. Fights for territory were rare, and violent crimes were almost non-existent. Almost all of us in this slummy little neighborhood knew each other by name, and demons went to one another for their own specific talents and company. One would think Hell would be the last place anybody could make friends, but there was no denying that there were a few sinners and fellow demons that I got on with better than others.

On the down side, it left me as the one with the biggest reputation in all of the south side: the palm-reading, tarot-card-carrying demon that had visions and could see things others couldn't. People came from all over our little corner of Hell for readings and insight. A week before every extermination, my little makeshift den of lumber, aluminum, and cardboard boxes would be packed with sinners wanting all sorts of spells, charms, and advice on how to survive.

At least my talents allowed me to make decent money, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to live like this for all eternity. Something was going to give eventually. All of my regular customers would stop coming, or some other, much more powerful demon would decide to take over, and I would be powerless to stop it.

And then I heard about the Happy Hotel, thanks to one of my oh so insightful dreams. It may have only been a fleeting glimpse, but the sign reading "Happy Hotel" was forever embedded in my mind's eye.

On one of the rare days where I was feeling brave enough to venture out of the south side, I kept hearing it in passing.

"Hey! Have you heard of the Crappy Hotel?"

"Is that what it was called? I thought it was the Trashy Hotel."

"The hotel that 'rehabilitates' sinners? The Shabby Hotel, I think it was?"

Rehabilitates sinners? That got my attention. While I'd only been in Hell for a few years, I thought the only way any of us were ever getting out was by being killed in the next extermination. But then, I always wondered where we all went after that? Would we cease to exist? Would we be reincarnated? Would we go to a place worse than Hell?

I guess it turns out we all still wonder what comes after death when one is killed in the afterlife.

The Happy Hotel: the place where my visions seemed to want me to go. It may have seemed like an easy choice on the surface; leave the slums behind in exchange for a real bed and possible redemption, but nobody seemed to be able to confirm it. Whenever I would ask if the rumors were really true, the other demons would just laugh and walk away. There was no way of knowing if the Happy Hotel could deliver on its promise of being able to send sinners to Heaven, or if every effort would be for nothing. And what's worse was that nobody seemed to be willing to give it a try.

"You could try it and see what happens," my neighbor, Hector, stated when I brought it up, "What do you have to lose?"

He had a point. Demons in the south side of Hell really didn't own much territory, nor were we looking to build empires dedicated to ourselves, thus eliminating the need to fight for territory. We only ever needed the square footage to house ourselves and or our families. Homes in the south were as easy to find as bark on trees. But even if redemption was possible, how long would it take? A few weeks? A few months? Years? Or maybe it just didn't matter how long it took to be redeemed so long as progress was made.

There was only one problem I had in all of this. I didn't know where the Happy Hotel was. The closest I got to a specific location was the west side of Pentagram City, on the other side of town. That wasn't much to go on. The west side was a huge, bustling city full of every kind of sinner under the sun. It was even rumored to be home to the infamous Radio Demon, and nobody in the south side had heard from him in a while. Some said he was still out there somewhere, just waiting for someone to challenge him, but many others had their doubts. Regardless, the west side was far from safe, nor was it easy to navagate. Trying to find the exact hotel would be all but impossible.

I was beside myself for a few days, not knowing where to start my search, when a wispy sprite came dancing in my field of vision. Red with the grin of a Cheshire cat, eyes like moonstone, and a shape like that of a ghostly deer, it moved almost like an eel through the air as it beckoned me to follow. I hesitated. In life, I was always warned to be wary of spirits and their tricks and charms. The last time I trusted a sprite enough to follow it, I died. I wasn't about to make the same mistake twice.

But days passed, and the sprite remained. Moreover, it started appearing in my dreams; sometimes as a wispy stag, sometimes as the silhouette of a tall, thin man. Always red, and always grinning. I started to get the feeling that I really was meant to follow this creature, and it would eventually lead me to the Happy Hotel.

Eventually, I came to a decision and decided to see where the sprite would lead me. I didn't have much I could bring; a few cleansing crystals, a couple of spell books, and the clothes on my back were really all I could take with me, along with a week's worth of earnings; enough to stop at a few places to eat and rent a room for the night, if need be. The journey to the west side was going to be long, tiring, and most likely challenging. Flying would be faster, but I learned the hard way that the denizens of Hell loved to use flyers as target practice. It might take longer, but it was a lot safer to walk, rather than risking being a pin cushion for people's knives, spears, bullets, and whatever else people wanted to aim at me with.

All except for my money was packed away into a bag. I slipped the cash away into a pocket on the inside of my coat and threw my cloak over my shoulders, irritating every feather on my wings as they were forced to press against my back. The sprite was still waiting for me as I emerged out into the street, its unwavering smile stretching wider as I met its gaze. It knew. Who knows how much longer it would have stuck around if I kept on trying to ignore it, but it seemed to dance with delight in the decaying rubbish in the streets as I took a step towards it.

"Alright," I sighed, "Let's see what you have to show me."

One by one, familiar faces started popping out of their dens as I passed by. Numerous sets of glowing eyes watched from the shadows as whispers began rising through the air.

"Do you think she's going out to try to find that hotel?"

"Do you think she'll make it?"

"What if the hotel isn't real? What if these visions and rumors are wrong?"

"Nah, she's bound to find something. Juniper has never been wrong before."

I tried my best to swallow the dryness building in my throat. I had never been wrong. My predictions, readings, and visions had never been wrong. The spells and potions I'd concocted for others had always been successful, but that was me. This time, I was putting my faith in something else; a sprite that could lead me to the placed I'd envisioned in my dreams, or to my ultimate demise. This time, I could only hope that I wasn't wrong.

As I approached the road leading out of this side of the city, I tossed a glance over my shoulder. Many had gathered and followed silently behind me, watching nervously as I started towards the massive city in the horizon. I could tell they were scared. The south side didn't have much in terms of territory, but out of all of us I had been the one to offer the most protection. My leaving would be like leaving them naked in the middle of a war zone.

As I took in every anxious face, every terrified expression, a small shape scurried out from the crowd until it sat at my feet. Two pointed ears flopped sadly against its little round, black face as a pair of big blue eyes looked up at me. If I had to compare him to anything, it'd probably be a tiny, black fruit bat.

"You'll come back, won't you?" he asked in a small voice.

"Of course I will," I replied, giving the tiny imp a pat on the head, being careful that my over-sized talons didn't shred him to pieces. I straightened my spine as I turned to address the small crowd behind me, "I will come back. I'm going to find the Happy Hotel, and see if these rumors are true."

"When will you be back?" I heard someone yell.

I shook my head, my curving horns and dreaded indigo hair feeling heavier than they ever had before, "I don't know, but this is something I feel like I need to do. I mean, how will anybody know if demons and sinners can be rehabilitated and go to Heaven if nobody is willing to try?"

I could see a few individuals in the crowd nod in agreement, while others looked on with growing skepticism.

"If it's not worth it, then it's not worth it. If someone's gotta test the waters, it might as well be me."

A shiver ran down my spine as I felt the crimson wisps of the sprite curl around me, almost forcing me to turn around back towards the open road. Even from this distance, I could see the massive clock tower looming in the sky. Next Cleanse: 351 days. In 351 days, I was either going to be hiding with everyone else in an attempt to survive the next extermination or I'd be out of this place and in Heaven...

Or I'd already be dead. That was always a possibility.

"Now..." I huffed under my breath as the sprite sprang ahead of me, "Take me to this Happy Hotel."

My eyes strained against the lights of the sign as they lit up against the dark red sky, before shooting the sprite I'd been following an exacerbated look. The buck literally stopped here, and here wasn't where I was supposed to be. Above me, the sign read, not Happy Hotel, but Hazbin Hotel.

"Really?" I grumbled, "Seriously?"

The sprite cocked its head to the side, almost as if it was wondering what it had done wrong.

"I'm looking for the Happy Hotel. H-A-P-P-Y! Happy, not Hazbin!"

The sprite blinked its wide, pale eyes once before it danced on ahead and slipped through a crack in the hotel's front door.

I massaged my aching temples, trying not to lose my patience any more than I already had. I'd been walking all day, trying to avoid any sort of confrontation. But the west side was violent. I'd been shoved to the side and to the ground, often into a puddle or a pile of trash, no less than five times. Someone tried stealing my cloak right off of my shoulders, only to end up losing his head instead. All the places I tried eating at were either too packed or too expensive, and now this.

I was tired, dirty, hungry, and pissed off. There was no way I was going to be able to walk back to the south side of Pentagram City without resting for the night. This was no Happy Hotel, but it'd have to do.

Carefully, I opened the door and peered into the front lobby. The place was dark, only illuminated by a small fireplace and some kind of bar that was decked out like a slot machine. The demon sitting behind the counter was kicked back in his seat, his hat tilted forward over his eyes as a half-empty bottle of booze hung lazily from his claws. He was passed out. Somewhere in the distance I could hear an old radio playing some incoherent jumble of static and chatter.

As I walked through the lobby, I realized I wasn't entirely alone. A pink, spidery figure was sprawled across a loveseat with a magazine draped over its face, and a little cyclopean girl was zipping through every corner of the room, dusting and snatching up bugs wherever she found them. A girl with pale hair and dark skin was curled up on another couch in a secluded corner, and appeared to be nursing some sort of internalized, pent up irritation, pinching the bridge of her nose and growling through a set of sharp, gritted teeth. As far as I could tell, nobody here had realized I'd even entered the building.

I was halfway to the front desk when my attention veered back to the radio, which seemed to make its way closer. From a dark hallway, a pair of glowing red eyes emerged into the dim light of the lobby, revealing a tall, thin man dressed in red. I froze as I met his gaze, his painfully wide smile exposing his sharp, yellow teeth. It was then that I realized that it wasn't a busted, old-timey radio I was hearing. It was chuckling and humming... in his voice.

All at once I felt cold. I'd only seen this demon once before, but I hadn't forgotten.

"You..."

The Radio Demon.

With a click of his heels, he stopped in front of me, his blood-red eyes sweeping over my form before throwing out his arms.

"Welcome to the Hazbin Hotel!"

Huh?

"Congratulations, my dear! You are this establishment's very first guest! Quite a pleasure to be meeting you, Miss..."

I struggled through my anxiety and shock, trying to piece together an intelligible thought, "Uh... uh, Juniper..."

"Juniper! Pleasure to meet you!" a clawed, bony hand grabbed mine firmly, and gave it an overly enthusiastic shake, "The name's Alastor..."

This guy... I wasn't sure if I wanted to be scared or amused. I'd seen him one time in the three years I'd been in Hell, and I've heard snippets of his broadcasts on the radio here and there, but I didn't remember him being like this at all! His broadcasts narrated a descriptive play-by-play of the defeat of his latest opponent. He was part the reason the south side was such a shithole in the first place. The one time I'd seen him was when he claimed that part of the city as part of his territory; now forgotten and left behind, but the mark remained. Other demons didn't dare try to take from him.

Now he was being... friendly? And polite? What happened to the black-antlered monster that was always painted red with the blood of those who challenged him?

"Will you shut up?!" came a deafening shout from across the lobby, along with a sharp blade that was sent whizzing past the Radio Demon's head, "You're scaring her to death, asshole!"

From across the room, the lady with the dark skin stomped up to us and shoved the red-clad demon away. The lobby was thrown into a moment of chaos as the demon at the front desk fell out of his chair, and the pink spidery demon jumped out of his seat, sending his magazine flying. It was only then that I recognized his face, since it was plastered all over the city; Angel Dust.

"I'm sorry," I stuttered out, "Clearly, I'm in the wrong hotel."

The girl's eyes narrowed at me, "What do you mean?"

"Famous porn star, demon overlords. Obviously, this is a place for the higher class demons. I'm looking for the Happy Hotel."

All at once, the girl's eyes lit up, "You are? Seriously?! Well... you can thank shitlord over here for that little mix up. This is the Happy Hotel!"

I backed up for a moment to get my bearings. I made it... I actually fucking made it!

"Let's start over," the girl stated dusting herself off and sticking out her hand, "I'm Vaggie, and long, red, and cheesy over there is Alastor."

I glanced over to where the Radio Demon was stood, having fully recovered from Vaggie's blow. He gave a small wave to me, but there wasn't mistaking the malice in his eyes as he glanced towards her. A small shiver ran up my spine. Here was a demon that could turn other demons inside out like a pair of socks if he wanted to. Vaggie must have had quite a pair of balls to just shove him aside like some pesky sibling.

"And, yeah, Angel's here, too," Vaggie added, "He... really doesn't do much apart from causing trouble."

"Hey!" Angel Dust shouted, "I was clean for two weeks! What do ya want from me?!"

"Doing coke to keep your dick in your pants is not being clean!"

A tug at my boots pulled my attention away from the rapidly escalating argument. A big, orange eye glanced back up at me as the little cyclopean girl that had been dusting just a few minutes ago swiftly polished my boots to a spotless shine, ridding them of all the mud and garbage I'd trudged through to get here.

"I'm Niffty!" she piped up, "Oh, geeze, another woman. Are we ever going to get any men in this place?!"

I struggled to hold in a laugh as I gestured to Angel and Alastor, "You've got two of them right here."

"They don't count," Niffty giggled before scurrying away.

With the tension gradually easing from my body, I allowed myself to relax.

"My name is Juniper Charms," I said, "I come from the south side of the city."

"The south side?" Vaggie echoed, "How'd you hear about us from that shithole of a dump?"

"I'm a witch and a fortune teller. Lately, I've been having dreams about this hotel. I figured I'd follow them, and give you guys a shot."

"Damn! You were able to find this place just from a dream?"

"Yeah, you didn't see the little interview we had on The Picture Show?" Angel piped up, earning a nasty glare from Vaggie.

"Not a lot of us have television," I explained, slowly batting an eye towards Alastor, "Radio, yes, but nothing was really explained over the available stations."

Really, there was only one station the south side was able to access. The Radio Demon's station, but we hadn't heard a single hum, drone, or staticky tune from him in months. Some of us thought he'd finally been taken out by a more powerful demon. There was bound to be quite a bit of disappointment when I returned with the bad news.

"So, is it true then?" I asked, "Are you guys really able to rehabilitate sinners?"

"That's what we aim to do," Vaggie replied.

"Yeah, it's not workin' out so well just yet," Angel added, "You'll have to wait 'til Charlie shows up. She'll go over the rules, and expectations, and yadda yadda yadda."

My brow rose curiously, "Charlie? Lucifer's daughter? She set this place up?"

I'd heard of Charlie before; the princess of Hell that nobody took seriously. What I knew of her, I always thought she didn't belong in Hell, much less next in line for the throne. A lot of people speculated that was why Lucifer hadn't stepped down or kicked the bucket yet, because his heir had the spine of a rubber band and was flustered very easily. It honestly didn't come as much surprise to me that the princess would open a hotel like this.

"Charlie will be back first thing tomorrow," Vaggie explained, "For now, let's get you checked in and cleaned up. That is, if you still wanna give this place a shot."

I looked around at the other eager faces in the room. Well... semi-eager. Vaggie, Niffty, and Alastor all looked at me with expectant smiles. Angel Dust had gone back to his magazine, and the demon at the front desk rested on his elbows as he looked at me with an irritated scowl. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the sprite I had been following sway in the air for a moment before it vanished completely.

I had made it. I'd actually, really made it! I couldn't turn back now.

"One room, please!"