Whenever someone ask her whether she'd be a mom or not, she'd laugh. Hard.
She had thought about it, even through her failed marriage, she had thought about it long and hard. The thought seemed intriguing but days, weeks of thinking led to her giving up. It was even harder when she had the divorce. What could she say? She couldn't stand overly entitled men
She never wanted kids. She thought she would be a terrible mother considering her past and her present. She wouldn't, couldn't be the the role model her child would need. So the thought was stripped from her mind as soon as it entered
But then, something changed. He came in
She first heard of him from talks all around the hospital, from the board. She heard the gossip; Aaron Glassman, the wise and kind president of the hospital, the person she looked up to, had decided to hire a surgeon diagnosed with autism
That's right. An autistic surgeon.
Shaun Murphy immediately became the hospital's number one most hated person, only liked by Glassman and surprisingly, Jessica Preston. Lim didn't know why, maybe it was because of his diagnosis? No no, it probably had something to do with what she heard he could do
She saw him the first time when he was perched on a bed, doing CPR on a young girl with vomit all over her face while the nurses rushed towards the ER. She didn't see him up close, but she could tell it was him. The dishelved brunette hair from stress, blue eyes looking sharply towards the gate, distress echoing in his voice as he described the patient's condition and needs
Something about his distressed voice woke something up in her. A sense of worry, not only towards the patient but towards Shaun. What happened? She pushed away the thought
Then she finally got a good look on him during a nighttime shift. Her colleague, Neil Melendez, had warned her about him, saying he's a "pain in the ass". Well, she'll be the judge of that
Shaun's appearance screamed both sophistication and simplicity. Neatly combed brunette hair, blue eyes reflecting intelligence, expression cold and stoic but she could see the kindness and warmth beneath it. But then she moved her sight to his torso, his clothes looked clean but ragged and old, as if he had never bought newer clothes. Maybe she was overanalyzing things, she wouldn't know, shouldn't know of his private life. But it still made her feel somewhat pity towards him. All the residents she had seen faced multiple financial issues, becoming a surgical resident doesn't exactly save them from the monster known as 'student loans', but never had she seen a case worse than Shaun's
When she first heard him spoke, it was a blunt statement
"He roasts the beans himself" He had commented on Jared Kalu's coffee without even a single interest in trying. She smiled softly as he walked away
"Oh. Kiss ass" She teased Jared. She glanced towards the youngest resident and could see a small smile before coming back to his stoic expression. It made her heart somehow flutter in happiness
Then the accident happened. The ER staff rushed to prepare for the oncoming wave of patients. He had listed the colour codes in details, she felt a wave of pride hitting her
She focused on the bleeding patient before her while occasionally glancing towards the youngest resident
Shaun was unresponsive at first, standing there, eyeing the onslaught of patients coming in. His expression might not show it much, but his eyes were both curious and bewildered. She couldn't tell whether he's just stressing out from the sudden wave of bleeding, injured people, or from the new
Either way, all the others were occupied and there was a patient with a shattered femur being rolled in
"Murphy go!" She gave him the command. He stood his ground until he finally moved to tend to the patient
Lim would occasionally offer glances and she could tell Melendez was too, observing the young resident's work. Shaun stayed quiet while holding the bleeding leg, staring into space as if he was dozing off. Lim was tempted to take control, thinking the young resident couldn't handle the pressure, before he started speaking once again
"I... Need a urinary catheter, 14-gauge needle, arterial guide wire, occlusion balloon, and 20 cc of saline, stat!" Oh? He had an idea. A vague one. Lim tried to piece together whatever he was thinking while focusing on the patient before her
Then he started crafting whatever the hell he was thinking of before. Then it hit her what it was
A REBOA?
"A REBOA!" He exclaimed as she thought of the instrument in his hands. A risky decision? Nonetheless, it was brilliant! Ballsy, even! And it worked. The damaged artery stopped spitting blood and the vitals were stabilized once again
It impressed her how quick of a problem solver he is and how quick of an inventor he could be. His mind worked in mysterious ways, ways Lim couldn't even half comprehend. It was quick with little complaints. Sure it took him awhile to get a hold of reality but it didn't erase the fact that his brain was working rapidly for a temporary solution
You'll do great things for this hospital, Shaun She thought as she led her patient to the OR
"What's his deal?" Lim had approached Aaron one day in his office. The older doctor raised an eyebrow in curiousity
"Who?"
"Your protogé. Dr. Shaun Murphy" Realization dawned Aaron
"Well, what do you want to know about him?" Lim shrugged, she really didn't know where to start. After the shift, Lim was curious, intrigued, even fascinated by the young surgeon Glassman had brought in. She wanted to know more and who's the better person to come to other than the person that had raised him for god knows how long?
"I mean, anything? If I'm going to work with him, at least give me some insights on him, y'know?" That was half a life. She mostly just wanted to get to know him. Aaron seem to catch on judging from his smile
"Okay, for example?"
"What does he like to do? Where was he born? His family?" The older doctor visibly tensed from the last question before relaxing. What? Was there something wrong with his family?
"Well, let's see here. He's not the sporty type of person, he's more of the read-at-home-with-a-cup-of-hot-choco type of person. He's not very fond of beaches, he loves quiet walks in the park when it's clear of people. Also he's been bugging me about buying him a new TV so there's that" Lim nodded, taking in the information
"Okay. Does he have any relatives? Like a brother or a sister?" And there was that tense atmosphere once again. Lim thought her question went a bit too far. Before she could apologize, Aaron spoke
"He had a younger brother. His name was Steve. He's one of the reasons Shaun's decided to pursue medicine" Lim nodded. There's more to this, and if she was being honest she didn't want to pry, but her mouth just automatically moved
"Had?"
"His brother died when he was 14. He was the only person taking care of him before I took him in"
"Okay. But where was his parents?"
"His parents didn't want him. Steve could've left Shaun to fend for himself but he didn't, so he took care of him. They both left home, lived in an abandoned school bus in the junkyard" Lim knew she was getting into some shit when she asked about Shaun, but she didn't think it was this bad. Sure, every residents have their own stories, she had heard Claire's and bits of Jared's, this one was on another level
"What happened to him? Steve, I meant" Aaron sighed deeply
"Dead. Fell from a train, smashed his head and broke his neck. And Shaun watched it all happen in front of him"
"Oh... I never thought... I'm really sorry for prying into this" A bit too late, asshat She could hear the tiny voice in the back of her mind but pushed it down. Better late than never
"No no, it's alright. At least now you get a better understanding of Shaun. Hope that answers your questions"
"Not all of them but it was enough. Thank you, Aaron" The two fell into silence. It took 5 minutes for it to turn unbearable. Lim wanted to speak to break the silence but Aaron beat her to it
"Can you do me a favour, Audrey?"
"Sure" She could see the tired eyes turning glassy
"Look after Shaun for me. Just check on him from time to time" It hit Lim fast. The request was simple, something she was more than happy and glad to do, but the tone behind it made it heavier
"I-is there something wrong?"
"No no, not at all. It's just, I'm getting old and Shaun is still young, fresh, and energetic, it's hard to keep up with him with these old bones. I can't say for certain that I'd be there to check on him 24/7, that's why I need you to look after him half of the time. That is, if you don't mind" Lim sighed in relief. It wasn't anything too serious
"I don't mind" Aaron nodded and gave her a soft sad smile. Lim went to grab his hand and covered it with her own, tapping on it occasionally as reassurance
"Don't worry, I'll take good care of him"
Working with Shaun started becoming even more frequent. She watched the young resident in action and every success, she could feel the same warm feeling of pride hitting her. Everyone was getting used to his quirk, even Neil! Which made it even better considering his quality increased in a much more familiar and friendly environment without the constant prejudistic statements breathing down his neck
One resident, however, sparked worry. Morgan Reznick, or as Jared liked to dub her as "The Spawn of Ctulhu and Satan But Bitchier" and Claire's "Biggest Abomination in The History of Mankind", made an appearance. She was competitive, very competitive, and of course, by Jared's words, "a straight up bitch with no heart and soul".
Maybe he was exaggerating a bit but it was great seeing the three of them- Kalu, Browne, and Murphy- , gather together in the canteen, eating lunch while chanting bloody murder at Reznick
So apparently, Morgan felt as if Shaun was another competition, just like Claire and Jared. Whatever happened to "Melendez's Three Musketeers being BFFs"? Apparently Morgan was never fond of the idea of being involved in that small circle of friends, more interested in the idea of being on top
Lim could see the need for Morgan to show off how intelligent she was, to prove something to Melendez. She could clearly see her trying to take down Claire, acting all superior and high and mighty towards the shorter female. She could see her pushing Jared to the thin line between staying and moving away to a new hospital. And she could see her need to overpower Shaun in everything
Shaun, however, didn't seem to notice. Or that he cared too much about the patients they were handling rather than some petty rivalry made by someone dubbed the child of chtulhu and satan. His main priority was set straight; To save as many lives as possible
Lim really couldn't understand what made the rivalry. Shaun was mellow, optimistic, and downright shy. Whereas Morgan was proud, cunning, and boastful about what she knew and what she could do. It didn't take long for Lim to develop a dislike towards her, and she could tell, even underneath the stoic eyes, that Shaun despised her as much
So when it came to choosing a team for her little competition with Neil, her choices were clear
"I pick the boy genius" A nickname she had given him, he still couldn't tell but he's trying
"That's you" Jared encouraged, realization dawned in his eyes as Lim eyed him expectantly with a soft smile. Shaun flashed the same excited smile he would whenever he's put in an exciting situation, Lim felt as if she's going to burst with happiness as he walked excitedly to her side with the smile still on his face
"Dr. Browne" Of course Neil's first choice would be Claire. Lim could tell from the moment Claire first stepped into the hospital that she and Melendez had a connection. Claire to Neil was like Shaun to her; A teacher who'd do their best to educate and guide them
"Dr. Kalu" She had made a quick decision. Not only did she want to avoid Reznick at all cost, It was also great pairing Shaun with Jared since the two were made for each other; Shaun's bluntness and Jared's patience. Shaun's difficulity in social cues and Jared's social nature. Shaun's decision making and Jared's actions, what one lacked in, the other excels, which made them the perfect pair. She glanced at her side to see Jared and Shaun exchanging excited looks at each other
Sure, that day she lost against Neil, but it didn't erase the fact that she had fun with the two residents she chose, and it gave her a better understanding of Shaun
She had a thought that day, two actually;
What the actual fuck, Marcus?!
And
Fuck you, Han. Fuck you
Because she really hated Han, and couldn't believe what happened
Shaun's ability, his insistance, his diagnosis had saved someone's life! Sure, he could use a bit sprucing up with his social skills, but they're working on that! And he's doing his best and he's improving!
Screw Han for thinking his weakness would be nothing more than a hindrance. No surgeons nor residents are perfect, everyone has their weakness, and that included Shaun. But oh dear, high mighty perfect godly lord Jackson Han thought a resident's weakness would cause the whole hospital to collapse
Lim hated him for that sole reason, but how far could she even go? Han was her boss, the only way she could be mad at him without risking her job would be to silently curse bloody murder at him. Even Neil hated him for what he did, so it got to mean something
Then it hit her; Shaun was moved away because of his own diagnosis. If he didn't have autism, Han would just let everything slide, treat him the same, and just put more trust on him. It made her sick, furious and sad to think underneath all the "good intentioned change", was an asshole spouting out softly and carefully worded, but nonetheless, prejudice. What a world Shaun had to live in
"Shaun?" She found him in the cafeteria one day, reading a book while holding a granny smith apple. He almost immediately perked up as he heard his name being called. He hummed in response as Lim took a seat infront of him. Hearing no words being said, Lim decided to be the first to speak
"How are you doing?"
"I'm trying to find a way to convince Dr. Han to let me get back to surgery" He exclaimed in his normal sing-song tone. It shattered her how determined he look as he said those words with ease. She doubted anything could shake Han, but she didn't want to let his spirit die. So, she changed the topic
"Okay. How's working in Pathology?" Shaun looked around, seemingly dozing off before finally responding
"Dr. Lever said Pathologists get to take breaks whenever they want, and I'm using that now" Lim could smile if it weren't for the topic being discussed. She had never really known Dr. Carly Lever that closely, all she knew she was a kind, soft spoken soul
"That's great to hear, Shaun. Is Dr. Lever nice to you?" Lim didn't know how nor why but she could sense it in Shaun's change of tone and exterior as a whole
"Oh yes. She's very nice and smart. She said we make a pretty good team" Shaun smiled and she noticed a hint of blush appearing on his cheeks. Oh?
"By the sound of it, you two could really be a good team together" Shaun nodded along the thought. Lim could feel a wide smile coming up
Shaun has a crush? That's adorable! Sure, she had heard things about Lea but after Shaun told them she left, he never spoke in the same way about her ever since. Carly? Well, all Lim could do was hope
"I'm guessing that made Pathology even better, right?" And she didn't know why those words escaped her mouth because now Shaun stopped smiling and the atmosphere turned sour. It took about 5 minutes of silence and Lim's willpower to not apologize profusely to him for Shaun to speak again
"Dr. Lim?"
"Yes, Shaun?"
"Do you think Dr. Han will let me get back to surgery?" Of course that question had to come. They were going so well. Lim cursed internally from her lack of attention to her words
She wanted to say it, she really wanted to. But it's already bad enough that he was kicked out of surgery, she didn't want to get his hopes up and then let it fall downhill and break him even more if she tried to sugarcoat it. She had to choose the words carefully
"I... I don't know, Shaun. People like Han are really stubborn" Shaun slumped back in disappointment. He slid his hand and ruffled his hair a bit. She always saw him do it, she didn't know why, but this really wasn't the time to be finding it out
"Okay" He breathed out quietly while ruffling his own hair before grabbing his apple and his book to leave. Lim tried to stop him before he could go any further
"Shaun!" He stopped his tracks and Lim took it as a chance to catch up to him. He turned around to face the older doctor, who was clearly at a lost for words
"I just wanna say... You got this alright? You're gonna get through this, like you always do" Shaun could only nod
"Okay" And with that, he left for the Path Lab
She had tried to cheer him up, assured him that everything would turn out better than he expected only to be met with his insistance that he's a surgeon and he'll prove it to Han, even if it meant risking everything. It pained her that much, to see him still not give up. At one point of his life, he would get tired and stop altogether, she knew, she just hoped it won't be anytime sooner
And before she could register anything, Shaun lost his residency and was fired
Fucking shit
She couldn't believe it. Whatever gods up there doing their work, it was quick and amazing
"Welcome back, Shaun" She had greeted him when he came in with visible excitement
"Good morning, Dr. Lim! I got my job back!" Lim smiled widely at his enthuastic statement. As how everything should be
"I can see that Shaun. Would you like to assist me in this next surgery?" She could see his excitement radiating and Lim could feel her heart fluttering. Shaun was back in his place
Lim couldn't believe it. Not the part where Shaun got his job back, but the part where Marcus would risk his own career for the person he hated the most. Not anymore she guessed, because from what she heard, Marcus couldn't let him go just yet, wanting to see the young resident to grow into a great person, just like how Lim would want
It did give her a spot as the new Chief of Surgery. She relished in the title, worked her ass off just to keep up with the name, maintain the surgical workplace, while still attending to the residents. They should give her employee of the month
It also meant she could do what she'd always wanted to do; Test the residents to lead their own surgeries
She thought about giving Shaun a head start, but she didn't want the others to think she's playing favourite from all of the times Shaun had been her first choice in everything else, like being her second in surgeries.
The honor that day went to Claire, Shaun got to lead second
His first surgery wasn't really a first since he gave up on his case. It surprised her at the same time it warmed her heart to think he'd rather give up his case than see his patient not getting the absolute 100% care he could be giving
He's a caring person. He just shows it differently. And Lim could not be more proud
Okay so is this how a mom feels like when their kid fucked up? Yeah maybe
"Shaun!" She had warned him, twice even. Sure, she had a soft spot for him, he was like the kid she never had but wished she could have, but hoh boy do kids fuck up
Shaun shrunk back away from Lim, she eyed him sharply. Even with the sound of her heart breaking when she heard that low humming of regret, she had to stand her ground. She was Chief of Surgery, it didn't matter if Shaun was important to her, she'd treat everyone with the same utmost care and respect. Fortunately, Shaun had understood and agreed after Lim had just threatened his residency
She really couldn't stay mad at Shaun for long, but it was enough to get the message through. She was glad Shaun learnt his own lesson
Lim walked towards the doctor's lounge only to find Shaun videochatting with Jared while eating a turkey sandwich. She could hear half of their exchange being Jared gossiping about the doctors in Denver, Shaun telling Jared about his dates with Carly and how they're still going strong
"Sweet, bro! Sorry I wasn't there to support you directly"
"That's okay, you still try to help me with advices and cheer me up. I'm glad you're happy there"
"Yeah. But I miss you guys, y'know? One day, we got to meet up! You, me, and Claire! The Three Musketeers! We can bring Dr. Melendez too!"
"Okay!" Both were still in their excited exchange of information. Lim smiled softly before approaching the two. Shaun seemed to notice a little bit too quickly
"Hello, Dr. Lim!" She stood right beside Shaun and lowered her head to see Jared
"Dr. Lim! It's been awhile!" Jared exclaimed, still in the excited tone but a bit more reserved, coming back to his polite mannerism, way different from the friendly almost bro-ish tone he used to speak with Shaun
"Dr. Kalu. I heard you're doing well there"
"Yeah. Lots of things happening, met lots of new people, it's almost overwhelming. Still missing the team back there" Jared spoke almost reluctantly but still with the same happiness
"That's good news" Jared coughed slightly
"I heard you're the new Chief of Surgery. I'm sorry I didn't have the chance to congratulate you directly when it happened, but very late congratulations!" Lim chuckled a bit at Jared's carefully chosen words
"Thank you, Dr. Kalu" Jared nodded. Lim moved to sit at the opposite end of the table to let the two continued on with their planning for their get together in Christmas, seemingly fond of each other's long distance companionship
"I'd be the sexy santa! You and Claire can be the elves!"
"I'm not sure I'd appreciate that"
"Oh come on! You're sweet, cute, Irish, and overall a genuinely nice guy, you'd make a perfect elf!"
"I don't know" The conversation continued on as Lim observed. Lim knew Shaun and Jared were close but she didn't know they were that close. The childlike glee in both their eyes as they tell each other stories was enough to make her heart swell with happiness
Then the pager went off. Lim could see Shaun's head immediately perking up
"Come on, Shaun. We have work to do!" Shaun nodded more times than needed before waving a goodbye to Jared
"Good luck, bro! Talk to you later!" And the call was cut. Shaun rushed out and Lim followed
Back then, when people told Lim she'd be happy with having children, she would've laughed. And when she looked back from where she was, she could already hear the people that told her that laugh, yelling 'I told you so's, but she really couldn't complain
She watched Shaun grow as a doctor and as a person. She watched him struggle from outside and inside factors, from social issues and his own personal issues. She'd seen him rise, grow, keeping the optimistic outlook to life.
She knew of his background. He was no less than a broken and battered boy living on the streets, coming to his feat to become a doctor to save people because he couldn't save the people close to him before. From the moment he was the hospital's most hated person soon-turned resident, to one of the hospital's best surgeons. She couldn't be more proud
He wasn't her son, no no. But whenever he came to her, whether it's performing surgeries together, asking advices regarding surgey and everyday life, or eating breakfast together, she'd feel her whole self soften, her heart fluttering whenever she sees a smile, speaking to him with the most motherly tone she got
He might not be her son, but Lim would be damned if she said she didn't love him as if he's her own