I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification
By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: Have you seen this chicken?
Chapter 6
"So you'd rather she have semi-naked young women in her office?" Gendo demanded an answer from his deputy. When there wasn't one forthcoming, he explained his position on the matter. "Sensei, unless this affects the Scenario, then I do not care what that alcoholic woman does. Is that clear?"
"¬Crystal, sir."
In Neo-Osaka, a muscular man looked over small pile of mail that had built up over his brief absence.
"Bill. Bill. Royalty cheque, oh a letter from Tokyo-3," the raven haired man smiled. Sitting down with a cup of coffee, he settled in to read the letter.
Back in the Katsuragi apartment, Shinji was treating himself to a soak in the bath. The pilot was distracted by the heat from the water and as such, he didn't look towards the sound of the opening door.
"Oh, sorry Misato-san, I didn't realise that I'd taken so long."
"Wark."
Shinji looked at the source of the reply. "Hello there, can I help you with anything Penguin-san?"
"Wark," the aquatic bird gestured for Shinji to move to one side of the bath.
"Ok," the pilot shrugged. "Oh, I get it, you want to have a bath too."
"Wark," Pen-pen nodded. He let out the penguin equivalent of a contented sigh when he sank up to his beak in the hot water.
"So where have you been hiding?" Shinji asked the smug looking waterfowl.
"Wark."
"You're quite right, I'm being silly thinking we can understand each other properly," Shinji laughed. "Oh well, I guess that I'd better make a start on dinner. I don't mind cooking, I just wish Misato-san would at least acknowledge that I do more than my fair share of the chores around here."
The following morning, Shinji was surprised to see a letter addressed to him on the doormat.
Glancing at the postmark, he realised that there weren't many people that it could have been from.
Tearing open the envelope, Shinji was glad to see that his Uncle Rocco was well. Scanning through the envelope, he discovered that he was going to get a visit from his uncle.
"I wonder if Misato-san will let Uncle Rocco stay here for a few days?" the pilot asked the empty hallway.
Walking to his guardian's room, Shinji knocked on the door. "Misato-san, is it ok if I have someone stay over for a few days?"
"Wha?" the beer drinker asked. After the pilot repeated his request, she answered. "You want to have a friend over for a few days? Sure, but what about your habit of not wearing many clothes?"
"They won't mind," the young Ikari explained.
Misato pondered that particular response and could only come up with one possibility. 'Heh, Shinji's got a girl coming over.' "It's ok, Shinji, but please try not to make too much mess, ok?"
"Sure thing, Misato-san."
At school, several of Shinji's classmates noticed that the pilot had a spring in his step.
"Why are you so happy, Shinji?" Kensuke asked, hoping that his request for an autographed picture of some AV idol was going to be fulfilled.
"Yes, you seem more animated than normal," Hikari acknowledged. 'I guess that Onee-chan has a point – Shinji-kun is cute…'
"It's just that Uncle Rocco is coming to visit the day after tomorrow," Shinji explained. "He said that he's shooting a video, but he'll be able to spend some time with me."
"D-did he say what sort of video he's making?" Aida asked, wetting his lips in anticipation.
"He said it's going to be called 'Hole Sale', if that's any help to you," the young Ikari answered with a smile. "Before anyone asks: no, he didn't say who was going to be filming with him."
"That's ok," Kensuke smiled. "I'm sure that we'll find out when the time's right."
At NERV, Ritsuko noticed that Fuyutsuki was not a happy person.
"Is something wrong, Sir?"
"You could say that, Dr. Akagi. It seems that the Commander is unconcerned about the Third Child's behaviour," the grey-haired man replied. "Unfortunately, I'll be unable to do anything about it because he and I are going to be leaving soon on a trip to the Antarctic."
"I see," the bottle blonde nodded.
"Therefore, I would like you to move into Captain Katsuragi's apartment to assist in realigning Pilot Ikari's behaviour to something more along the lines of society's norms," Fuyutsuki replied.
"What? You want me to move in with Shinji and Misato?"
"Yes. I know that this is an additional task for you, but you're the only one I can trust with this."
Ritsuko was about to protest, but she was cut off by Fuyutsuki. "I…"
"I have authorised an additional bonus for you while you're undertaking this task. I believe that a 15 percent bonus should be a suitable financial incentive."
The scientist did a quick mental calculation. 'Hmm, that's a decent wedge of cash, and I suppose I could drag this out for a couple of weeks…' "Ok, since this is a direct order, I'll do it."
"Excellent, Dr. Akagi," the elderly man smiled. "I shall leave the rest up to you."
"What?" Misato asked, managing to not spill her coffee.
"I've been ordered to move in with you and Shinji by the Vice-Commander to help you correct Shinji's behaviour, since he thinks it's inappropriate," Ritsuko repeated. "Don't worry, I'll be chipping in for the food and helping out with the chores."
The offer of financial and domestic assistance swayed the purple haired woman. "Well, since you're going to be helping out and it's an order, how could I refuse such a gracious offer?"
The blonde rolled her eyes at her friend's tone. "Just don't forget that some of us don't like eating curry seven days a week, Misato."
"Hey, Shinji cooks other stuff. So, when will you be moving in?"
"I've got a few things to sort out before the Commander leaves on his trip, but the day after tomorrow."
Later that afternoon, Shinji was taking a detour via the shops to pick up some fresh vegetables.
"Oh, hello, Shinji-kun," a female voice said cheerfully.
Looking up the pilot smiled at the familiar face. "Hello, Horaki-san."
"I told you, call me Kodama," the curvy teenager winked. "So, what are you shopping for today?"
"I was going to make some vegetable stew," Shinji replied, gesturing to the carrots, courgettes and cucumbers in his basket.
"…" Kodama blinked. 'Not at all suggestive, still, I've got to keep nudging him in the right direction.' "So, is there room at the Ikari table for another person tonight? I'll even help you cook."
The pilot was helpless against the friendly, reassuring smile the brunette flashed him. "Ok, but just let me check with Misato-san."
Shinji pulled out his phone and dialled his guardian. "Misato-san, it's me, Shinji. Is it ok if I have someone over for dinner tonight?"
"¬…. Well, I suppose that since you're cooking tonight, then I'll let you have a friend over,¬" Misato replied, hoping that her roommate would overlook the fact that it was her turn to cook.
"Thank you, Misato-san. By the way, dinner should be ready about half six," the pilot added before terminating the call.
"So, how about we pick out something nice for dessert?" Kodama asked when she saw the smile on her friend's face. "Do you like ice cream?"
"I do."
Misato was looking forward to seeing what her charge was going to cook with his friend visiting.
'The lasagne he cooked last night was excellent,' she mused as she weaved her way through the early evening traffic. She was forced to slam on the brakes as she was cut up by a boy racer. "Oh, so you think you're hot shit, eh? Well, let's see how you deal with this."
Pulling out into the next lane at the traffic lights, the Captain looked across to see a pair of youths wearing their baseball caps sideways with stupid grins plastered on their greasy faces.
"Whoa, she's hot!" the passenger said, practically drooling on his hooded top.
"Yeah," the driver nodded. "Hey baby, wanna come with us for some fun?"
Misato smiled, but said nothing.
"Dude, she's playing hard to get," the passenger said. "You gotta do something to impress her."
"Watch this," the driver said as he revved the engine of his customised hatchback.
Rolling her eyes, Misato slipped her car into first gear. When the lights were about to change, she turned to face the hatchback. "Oh you boys, always so eager but far too impatient."
The youths blinked as the driver stalled his car.
The purple haired woman pulled off, leaving the boy racers on the line. "Ha, they're ten years too young to challenge me in a streetrace. Crap, am I that old already?"
Feeling a little depressed, Misato drove home at a more sedate pace.
Kodama Horaki sat at the kitchen table in Misato and Shinji's apartment, having been asked to keep out of the way by the pilot. It was not the first time that the person in charge had requested her to keep out of their way.
It was, however, the first time that there had been something unrelated to housekeeping in the kitchen to keep her attention.
The brunette sat mesmerised with her chin resting on her hands as she watched Shinji wore nothing but an apron as he prepared their evening meal.
Shinji turned around and smiled apologetically. "Sorry for being such a boring host."
"Oh, don't worry about that, Shinji-kun," Kodama smiled. "I'm enjoying your company."
The pilot blushed at the attention before turning back to the stew, much to his guest's appreciation.
"Delicious," the brunette said as Shinji bent down to get something from the bottom of the fridge.
"It does smell nice, doesn't it?" the chef asked rhetorically, completely misunderstanding Kodama's comment.
Moments later, the front door opened and Misato walked in.
"Hi, Shinji," the purple haired woman called out as she removed her shoes.
"Welcome back, Misato-san," Shinji replied when his roommate walked into the kitchen. "Kodama-san will be joining us for dinner. You did say it was ok."
"I did indeed," the Captain acknowledged after a moment's thought. "What's for dinner, it certainly smells nice."
"It's a vegetable stew," the pilot replied. "It should be ready in about 10 minutes."
"Excellent timing, I'll be right back."
Kodama felt rather self-conscious when Misato returned three minutes later wearing her usual off duty clothing. It made things worse when Shinji continued to focus on preparing the meal, ignoring the way voluptuous woman's breasts moved after she drank her beer.
'It's not fair! What will I have to do to get Shinji-kun's attention if he doesn't bat an eyelid when she parades around like that?' she raged at the perceived injustice.
"So, what made you decide on vegetable stew for dinner, Shinji?" Misato asked before she finished off her beer.
"No reason, I just thought that it would be nice to try out a recipe I found," Shinji answered with an innocent smile. "Why, would you prefer a good serving of meat?"
The speed of Kodama's reply took the roommates by surprise. "Why yes, I'm certainly up for a serving of your meat, Shinji-kun. From what I've seen, it'd be a very good serving."
"You're rather forward, aren't you Kodama-chan?" Misato asked, casting a questioning look at the brunette.
"She's right, Kodama-san, you've not tasted my cooking yet," the pilot said. "You might think my cooking's too salty. Of course, you might prefer salty things, so I could be completely wide of the mark."
"I don't guzzle down salty things all the time," the brunette replied. "But once in a while is fine."
Misato frowned for a moment before getting up out of her seat to get another beer. 'I guess I'm just becoming used to the innuendo around here. Maybe if I can get Shinji and Kodama together, I can get out of having Ritsuko staying here?'
"Food's ready," Shinji said as he turned off the stove. After he served up three portions of food, he removed his apron and took his seat at the table. "Let's eat."
The two women at the table had contrasting expressions on their faces. Misato was clearly becoming used to the pilot's sartorial habits and barely reacted to his nudity, while Kodama's cheeks were crimson.
"So, Shinji-kun, do you have a girlfriend?" the brunette asked, trying to keep her voice calm.
"Not really," Shinji answered truthfully. "Why? You're not going to try fixing me up with someone are you? I don't like the idea of people interfering in people's lives like that."
Misato rolled her eyes at her charge's failure to see what Kodama was hinting at. "Then again, Shinji, she could be trying to find out if there's any competition."
The pilot blushed when realisation finally dawned upon him. "Oh… Y-you mean you like me? But you barely know me…"
"Shinji-kun, I don't think that there are many surprises you could be hiding from me," Kodama replied with a knowing smile.
During that evening, the conversation moved from Shinji's piloting experiences to Kodama's life at high school. After a while, the young man left to use the toilet.
"You seem to like Shinji, Kodama," Misato commented when they were left alone. "I trust you know how important he is."
"I do like Shinji-kun," the teenager nodded. "And I do realise how important he is."
"What do you like best about him?" the Captain asked, casting a speculative glance at the girl.
"I think the fact that he's polite makes a nice change from the other boys around here. Plus there's the fact that I think he's cute," Kodama replied with a smile.
"Fair enough," Misato nodded as Shinji returned to the room.
"What's fair enough?" the still naked pilot asked, realising that he'd missed something.
"Just that Kodama-chan here thinks you're cute. Would you be a darling and get me another beer?"
"Certainly, Misato-san," Shinji smiled, trying not to think about the other thing Misato had said. "Would you like anything, Kodama-san?"
"For you to take me doggy-style," the brunette murmured. When she realised what she'd said and that Misato had heard her, she blushed. "I'm fine, thank you, Shinji-kun."
When they were alone, Misato let out a chuckle. "So, do you still feel the same way about Shinji-kun now that you've seen him naked? You seemed so enthusiastic when I arrived from NERV."
"I'm ready for ANYTHING Shinji-kun wants to do," Kodama replied with a defiant smirk. When Shinji returned, she looked at the pilot, well his dangling parts at any rate. "So, Shinji-kun, do you want to show me your room?"
"My eyes are up here, Kodama-san," Shinji sighed as he handed a beer to Misato. "It's not very exciting and I don't have a lot in the way of cool stuff, but if you really want to, I'll show you my room."
The brunette scrambled to her feet and grabbed the pilot by the hand. "Which one is your room, Shinji-kun? Is it this one?"
"No, that's Misato-san's room," the young man answered. "This one's my room."
The naked youth barely had time to open the door before he was shoved inside, the door slamming shut ominously behind him.
"Not again," he sighed as Kodama stripped off. "I don't mind, but you should have spoken up earlier if you wanted this, Kodama-san. If I'd known you wanted a good seeing to, I'd have prepared some olive oil for the French Flipper Trick."
"French Flipper Trick?" the nude girl asked. "What's that?"
"It's something I learned from Uncle Rocco," Shinji replied. "He said 'it's the ultimate in foreplay, but it should be used sparingly – unless you want a harem of horny women demanding sex every few hours.' Still, I'll be right back, you get on all fours on the bed."
Misato was on the last third of her can of beer as Shinji returned to his room with a bottle of olive oil.
'Interesting, I guess she really is willing to do anything for Shinji,' she mused. Moments later, moans emerged from the pilot's room. "Heh, I guess Shinji's not bad after all."
After a minute, the sounds went from moans of pleasure to loud screams.
"What the fuck? Is he killing her in there?"
Rushing to her feet, the Captain barged down the door and stood still in shock as she took in the scene before her. "W-what the?"
Shinji turned to face his guardian. "Oh, did we disturb you, Misato-san? Sorry about that, Kodama-san wanted me to show her the French Flipper Trick."
"French Flipper Trick?" Misato repeated sceptically. "So you weren't actually murdering Kodama-chan?"
The brunette slowly opened her eyes to see the purple-haired woman standing at the doorway with a look on her face that was a mix of equal parts concern and curiosity.
"A-after that, I don't care what Shinji-sama does to me…" Kodama panted. "He can do whatever he likes if he promises to do that to me again."
The pilot blushed at that comment, which made Misato all the more curious as what he'd done to Kodama. 'Maybe I should ask him if he'll do it to me… No, I shouldn't. He's fourteen and the Commander's son and the only pilot we've got and he managed to make a girl his love-slave after touching her for only a minute and I'm in his room staring at his naked body …'
Shaking her head, the beer-drinker realised just where her train of thought was heading and cleared her throat. "Anyway, I'll leave you two here. Try not to make too much noise."
"Ok, Misato-san. Again, sorry for disturbing you," Shinji said, his head bowed apologetically. He turned to where his guest was laying on his bed. "Kodama-san, do you want me to walk you home?"
"ZZZzzz," the exhausted girl replied. "Shinji-sama…"
"Oh, I see," the pilot blushed. "I'll let you get some sleep."
Misato looked up in surprise when she saw Shinji emerge from his room with his alarm clock and enter the bathroom. When he returned, the pilot asked if there was a pillow and blanket he could borrow.
"Sorry," the beer drinker replied. "What do you need one for anyway?"
"Kodama-san fell asleep on my bed and I don't want to disturb her," Shinji answered, feeling slightly embarrassed about what he did to his guest. "Letting her sleep in peace is the least I can do for her."
"Yeah, you did that flipper thingy, didn't you? Sorry, but since I don't have many people sleeping over these days, I don't have a spare blanket or a pillow," Misato answered. She considered teasing Shinji by suggesting he could share her bed for the night, but quickly realised that it was another step on the slippery slope to untold debauchery and depravity. 'Though saying that, I do want to know what that he did to Kodama-chan…'
"Oh well," the naked young man shrugged. "It's a warm night, so I'll be alright."
"Yeah," the purple-haired woman nodded. "Well, I'm tired, so I'll catch you in the morning. Oh, you will be making breakfast for Kodama-chan, right?"
"Yes, and of course there will be enough for you, Misato-san," Shinji smiled knowingly.
"Awesome. Good night, Shinji."
The morning sunlight filtering into Shinji's room caused Kodama Horaki to blink in surprise.
"Wha? Where am I?" she asked as she lifted her head. "This is a boy's room… Wait, I'm at Shinji-kun's house. What happened last night?"
A knock at the door brought some answers. "Kodama-san, I'm making breakfast, would you like some?"
"…" A rumble from the brunette's stomach answered for her. "Yes, I'd love some breakfast, Shinji-kun."
"Ok, it'll be ready in about five minutes, Kodama-san," Shinji answered before leaving to wake up Misato.
Climbing off the bed, the brunette realised she that was naked. When she noticed how her clothes had been discarded, the reasons for this slowly came back to her. "I think I'm in love…"
During breakfast, Shinji answered the phone. As he left the others, Kodama found that she couldn't take her eyes off his naked backside.
"You like Shinji, don't you, Kodama-chan?" Misato asked, unable to fail to notice where the girl's attention was directed.
"I do," the brunette blushed. "I…"
Kodama's follow up was cut off by Shinji's return with the handset. "It's Dr. Akagi, Misato-san."
"Oh, ok. What's up Ritsuko?" the purple-haired woman asked.
"¬There's something that we want to test at NERV, so can you bring Shinji in this morning?¬"
"Sure thing. We'll be there after a breakfast."
To be continued…
Pre-read by Chi Vayne, previewed on Hawk's forum. Nothing else to add at this time.