I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification
By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: Remember: Reverence for life includes reverence for firm, young, naked life.
Chapter 7
Kodama wasn't surprised to see Hikari waiting for her when she was dropped off by Misato.
"Good morning, Hikari-chan, sorry I didn't call last night."
"And just why didn't you call? I'm not angry that you spent the night with a friend, but we were worried about you," the Class Rep explained. "It didn't help that you didn't tell us which friend you were with."
"Alright, Hikari-chan, I'll tell you what happened. I was out late afternoon yesterday and I saw Shinji-kun shopping. He invited me over for dinner and I ended up spending the night. And before you ask, Shinji-kun was perfect," Kodama said, a small smile forming on her lips.
"You… with Shinji?" Hikari stammered, her cheeks flushed with blood.
"No, I didn't sleep with Shinji-kun. We did kinda fool around a little, but he let me sleep in his bed afterwards and he made breakfast. I'd still be with him, but he had to go into NERV this morning with Misato-san."
"Y-you slept with Shinji-kun?"
"No, he let slept in another room," Kodama clarified.
At NERV, Shinji recognised a trio of Section Two agents near a vending machine.
'That's Nakata-san and his team. I'd almost forgotten to talk to Yumi-neesan and Aoi-neesan about introducing them,' the pilot thought with a wince.
"Morning, Shinji-kun," Nakata smiled as he approached with his team-mates.
"Ah, Nakata-san, I've got some good news and bad news," Shinji said, feeling bad about his lapse in memory. "The bad news is I completely forgot to write to Yumi-neesan and Aoi-neesan."
"Oh, well, we understand that you do have a number of more pressing responsibilities," the brown haired man smiled. "So, what's the good news?"
"Uncle Rocco's coming to town tomorrow to work for a few days, so I'll ask if you can visit the set."
"Shinji-kun, any introduction would be greatly appreciated," Nakata insisted. "So, what's your Uncle going to be working on?"
"According to his letter, it's a film called 'Hole Sale'. I don't know if he's likely to need any extras for any scenes, but when I see him tomorrow, I'll ask him," the pilot replied.
"You're a true friend, Shinji-kun," Saito smiled warmly.
The tests Misato had brought Shinji in for were mainly related to a revision of the plug suit's telemetry systems, causing the Captain to question their urgency.
"I heard that Shinji had an overnight guest, Misato, so I thought it'd make it easier to deal with his friend," Ritsuko answered with a shrug.
Misato looked unimpressed. "Are you sure it's not because you couldn't wait to see Shinji in a tight fitting vinyl suit?"
"So you're quite happy for Shinji-kun to remain naked at home?" Ritsuko countered, not missing a beat. "It's fine if you want Shinji all to yourself, but I think you should use a touch more subtlety."
The Captain bristled at the allegation. "But I'm not the one who's moving in to get a better look at Shinji. Scientific curiosity is only acceptable up to a certain point. If you're not careful, people will think you're becoming obsessed with Shinji-kun."
The scientist rolled her eyes at the obvious ploy. "You make a convincing argument, Misato. I'll need to come up with another plan if I want to see Shinji-kun thrusting into your every orifice."
"That's almost as funny as the time you thought you were pregnant in college, Ritsuko," Misato said, tiring of their verbal sparring. "But seriously, I think that Kodama-chan will be a good for Shinji-kun."
"What's Kodama look like?"
"You remember when you came over for dinner and those two girls turned up? Well, Kodama is the older one. I think she said something about her dad working here," the purple-haired woman explained. "Her family name's Horaki, if you want to do a check."
"It could be argued that it's your responsibility to vet Shinji-kun's potential girlfriends, Misato. What with you being his guardian and all," Ritsuko smirked. "But I'll tell you what, if I get the chance today, I'll check things over."
"Thanks, Ritsuko."
"One last thing," the bottle-blonde said as Misato refilled her coffee cup. "What did Shinji do last with his girlfriend last night?"
"I… err… it's complicated. Shinji-kun was his usual gentlemanly self during dinner, but then Kodama dragged him to his room," Misato answered.
"You didn't object?"
"You know what hormonal teenagers are like. Besides, they didn't even sleep in the same bed after Kodama-chan passed out," the purple-haired woman replied.
"Passed out?"
"Like I said, it's complicated."
Kodama Horaki lay on her bed as she processed what had happened with Shinji the night before.
'How does he feel about me? He let me sleep in his bed, but I was alone – it would have been nice if he held me while we slept. Then again, so many boys his age would have tried something while I was asleep. He's cute enough to have other girls chase after him, and he's certainly big enough for when we decide to do that…' the brunette thought with a naughty smile. 'Worse still, what if he thinks I'm just another notch on his belt?'
"No, he's not like that," she said aloud.
A knock on the door interrupted her contemplation.
"Nee-chan, is something the matter?"
"Hikari-chan, can you spare a moment. I need to talk to someone."
"Yeah, sure," Hikari said as she opened the door and closed it behind her. "What's up?"
"I'm not sure what I should do with Shinji-kun. I mean, we didn't say that we're going out or anything," Kodama said with a sigh. "I'm not the kind of girl that dates several guys at once, but you know what some guys are like – they can't keep it in their trousers."
Hikari shook her head. "This is Shinji-kun – he likes walking around naked, remember?"
"Well, yes, but you know what I mean. Did he ever seem like the sort of guy that would cheat on his girlfriend?"
The younger sister considered that question. "I honestly don't know. I've always known him to be been polite and considerate"
Kodama nodded. "Yeah, me too. Perhaps I'm just being paranoid?"
"I can't say I approve of you doing things like that with a boy, but I think there are worse people to date."
At NERV, Maya Ibuki approached Dr. Akagi, wondering what it was that seemed to have her sempai so agitated.
"Hi there, Maya," the scientist said, looking up from a clipboard. "Is something up?"
"I was going to ask you the same question, Sempai. You seemed a little out of it earlier."
"What? Oh, yeah, that. It's complicated, Maya."
"You can tell me, Sempai," the lieutenant smiled reassuringly.
"Ok," Ritsuko sighed. "Misato's becoming a little concerned about Shinji-kun. Apparently, he's got himself a girlfriend."
"That's nice," Maya smiled.
"You'd think that, wouldn't you? But what do you do when that girl passes out from the pleasure of some bizarre and highly improbable foreplay?"
Maya's face became serious. "Shinji-kun used the French Flipper Trick?"
"How do you know about that?" Ritsuko demanded. "What do you know about the French Flipper Trick itself?"
"I… I heard about it some time ago," the technician answered, looking thoroughly embarrassed.
The bottle-blonde had a suspicion that her assistant knew more than she was letting on. 'But how would Maya know about the French Flipper Trick? Especially since I didn't name it specifically… I'll have to do some research later.' "I see, well, if it's a problem, I'll deal with it as best I can."
Maya nodded, but kept her mouth shut. 'You don't realise the situation, do you, Sempai? You don't "deal" with the French Flipper Trick, it deals with you!'
Dinner at the Katsuragi apartment was a calm, pleasant affair. Again, Shinji found himself cooking.
Misato was drinking beer. She was finding better to focus on the alcoholic drink, rather than her roommate's bare buttocks.
"So, Shinji, could you fix up the spare room after dinner?"
"Of course, Misato-san," Shinji replied with a pleasant smile on his face. 'Misato-san hasn't changed her mind about Uncle Rocco's visit.'
The Captain noticed the look on her ward's face. 'Shinji seems happy about Ritsuko moving with us. Does that mean he likes her? But what about Kodama? There's got to be something else going on… Aw, fuck it, I just can't be bothered to deal with that right now. If Shinji likes Ritsuko, I'm sure that she'll do the right thing.'
"Shinji, could you get me another beer?"
"Of course, Misato-san."
Elsewhere in Tokyo-3, Dr. Ritsuko Akagi was taking a page out of Misato's book and relaxing in the bath.
Unfortunately for the bottle blonde, her thoughts kept returning to a conversation she had with her assistant earlier that day.
'Just what does Maya know about the French Flipper Trick? Judging from Misato's reaction, it's obviously something that Shinji-kun learned from his Uncle Rocco, but how does Maya know about it?'
Ritsuko leaned back in her small bathtub. 'I don't want to have to ask Shinji-kun about it, or he might get the wrong idea. I'll get the MAGI to search for some details about it.'
Her eyes flicked down to her thatch of brown pubic hair. 'Damn, I'm going to have to tidy that up soon, but when am I going to get the chance? I move in with Misato and Shinji-kun tomorrow, and I'd rather not risk having either of them walking in on me.'
"No time like the present," the scientist sighed.
The next morning at school, Shinji wasn't quite sure what to make of the look he was receiving from the Class Rep.
"Is there something up, Horaki-san?"
"I want to talk to you about my sister," Hikari said. She took a quick look around before leading the pilot to a more private are.
"Has something happened to Kodama-san?"
"No," the brunette replied, shaking her head. "I just wanted to be sure that you weren't planning on treating my sister like she was just another conquest."
The young Ikari's face fell. "I would never think of Kodama-san as 'just another conquest'. Why can't people understand that I don't want to use and abuse them?"
Hikari winced. Unfortunately for her, her explanation was cut off by the sound of the school bell.
"Class is starting now," Shinji said in a tired tone before taking his seat.
'Damn it, why does he have to be a good person and not the usual jerks Nee-chan dates?' the class rep cursed mentally.
At lunchtime, Shinji was still feeling a bit depressed. He'd tried to make his excuses to gain some privacy, but Kensuke only avoided Hikari Horaki as the topic of conversation, rather than giving him some space.
"So Shinji," the bespectacled youth smiled, "Do you have any plans for tonight?"
"Not really."
"What, even though Rokku Haado is coming to visit you? You're not planning to hold some sort of casting party for Hole Sale?" Kensuke asked.
Shinji blinked before rapping his knuckles on his head. "I was thinking too much about something that was said earlier, I forgot that Uncle Rocco was arriving today."
"So, can I come round tonight?"
"Maybe tomorrow would be better," the pilot answered. "It's a long drive up from Neo-Osaka, so Uncle Rocco's likely to be tired."
"He's driving up?" Kensuke asked. "He's coming here in the Party Van? Awesome!"
"It is a comfortable ride," Shinji agreed, misunderstanding the reason for his friend's enthusiasm. "I'll ask Misato-san if Uncle Rocco can take us on a trip to see Mt. Fuji."
"A ride in the Party Van? If there's anything I can do to help you convince them to take us, let me know, ok?" the otaku begged.
Ritsuko Akagi was a smart woman with enough worldly experience that she wasn't easily fazed.
At least, that was normally the case.
'Why is it that whenever Shinji Ikari is involved, things start to get a little weird?' she pondered as the MAGI finished processing her request. The supercomputer chimed to let her know that it had completed its task. "Well, let's see what this 'French Flipper Trick' is all about, shall we?"
The bottle-blonde looked at the first of the results. "Wait, Batman Returns? What's a 20-year-old comic book movie got to do with Rokku Haado?"
Throwing her hands up in frustration, Ritsuko took a deep breath before filtering out the results.
"That's better," she said, feeling a bit silly for allowing her expectations to get the better of her. "Now, let's see what we can see…"
Half an hour later, Ritsuko emerged from her private bathroom with a flushed look on her face.
'I can't believe I just did that,' she thought with a disgusted sigh, 'Even if I do feel better for it. I dread to think what Misato would say if she knew that I just spent the last ten minutes trying to see if something I read on the internet was physically possible.'
Lighting up a cigarette, the scientist idly considered how much this 'French Flipper Trick' would feel better if someone else did it to her.
"I suppose they'd have easier access, but still, I don't think it was that great," Ritsuko mused. "Sure a teenaged girl who doesn't have much experience with sex might think it's the best thing ever, but it's still only a glorified pelvic exam."
Quickly finishing her cigarette, the scientist grabbed her suitcase and pulled it along on its wheels to Misato's office for the drive to the captain's apartment.
'I hope it's going to be a quiet night tonight, I could do with a good night's rest.'
Shinji Ikari was looking forward to being reunited with his former guardian. Not because his Uncle Rocco was rarely without a retinue of several attractive women, but because he genuinely enjoyed the adult entertainer's company.
As the young man walked towards the prearranged meeting point, he failed to notice that the part of Tokyo-3 he was in was turning seedier and seedier with each passing building.
Looking up to check for traffic, he realised that he was nearly at his destination and smiled. 'I'm wonder what Uncle Rocco will say now that I've got a girlfriend? I think he'd approve of Kodama-san.'
When the crossing lights changed, the pilot crossed the road and saw that there was a small crowd gathering outside a large shop with blacked out windows.
As he approached, it became clear why the people were here – there was a familiar looking red minibus parked outside.
"Uncle Rocco!" Shinji called out before breaking into a run.
A muscular man with long black hair in a ponytail looked around to see who had called his name.
"Hi there Shinji!" the man, just under two metres tall, waved to the pilot. "Sorry about this folks, but I did tell you that I had a prior engagement. I only dropped by to see the manager and confirm the details about tomorrow."
The crowd seemed disappointed that their idol was leaving them. It was something the man could easily sense. "Don't worry folks, we'll be back here at All That Jizz tomorrow at 10am to sign autographs. We might also be in a position to give sex tips, tell bad jokes and maybe discuss future projects. But not tonight – it's a long journey from Osaka after all."
The crowd groaned, but agreed to the porn-star's demands. Rokku Haado turned to the smiling young man.
"So then, Hot Stuff, how's it hanging?"
"It's going well, Uncle Rocco," Shinji smiled broadly. "Would you like something to eat?"
"I don't normally go home with men I meet on the streets, but since there's a promise of decent food, I'll make an exception," Rocco answered with a twinkle of mirth in his eye. "Hop on to the Party Van and point me in the right direction."
Kensuke Aida considered himself to be an easy-going and generally decent kind of guy. Sure, his Class Rep didn't approve of his hobbies – girls and guns in various combinations and concentrations, but that didn't mean he was a bad person.
A bad person, he reasoned as he shopped for manga, would have hounded Shinji until he gave in and let him meet Rokku Haado on the set of his latest production. Or bugged him about piloting that purple robot from the other day.
No, Kensuke respected his friend's personal space, even if Shinji didn't care who saw his privates.
So, when the bespectacled otaku looked up to check both ways before crossing the road, he was surprised to see a distinctive red minibus cruising down the street.
"That's not a Tokyo-3 Municipal Bus…" he trailed off as realisation hit him. "It's the Party Van!"
As the customised minibus pulled up at the traffic lights, Kensuke was able to see inside. Pangs of jealousy welled up in his stomach as he recognised who the two people in the front were.
"Shinji!"
"Hey, Hot Stuff, you know who that kid is? I'm talking about the one who looks like he's about to wet himself?" Rokku Haado asked.
"He's in my class at school," Shinji answered. "Can we give him a lift?"
"Sure thing, Hot Stuff," the ponytailed man smiled. Seemingly oblivious of the traffic building up, he opened the door.
"Hi there, Kensuke, can we offer you a lift?" Shinji asked as he popped his head out of the door.
The otaku nodded and rushed to board the bus. "Shinji, you're the best friend ever in the whole history of friendship."
"Kensuke Aida, meet my Uncle Rocco."
"Hi there kiddo," Rocco waved before closing the door. "Try not to make a mess."
Kensuke was delirious with unadulterated joy at this latest turn of events. While it was an honour to meet the legend that was Rokku Haado, he wasn't expecting to ride on the Party Van.
"I…" the otaku trailed off as he felt tears of joy roll down his cheeks.
"It's ok, Kiddo, you're not the first person to be moved to tears by a ride in the Party Van," the porn-star smirked. "So, where are we heading?"
"… Where is everyone?" the bespectacled teenager asked. "I thought you'd have brought some of your co-stars with you."
"They're at the hotel," Shinji answered as the Party Van took a sharp right turn. "Uncle Rocco wanted to make sure that they were properly rested."
"Yep, we've got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Signing autographs, giving lectures, and then after lunch, we're shooting the first half of Hole Sale." Rocco pulled up to another set of traffic lights. "So, where to, Kiddo? I'm not driving around Tokyo-3 all night."
"I… Sorry, where are we? That's the old Sakura Temple, so I'm not far from here. Take the next left, then continue for three blocks, then right for four and turn left at the convenience store. It's the apartment block on the other side of the road," Kensuke answered. He turned around to get a better look at the interior of the hallowed vehicle. "So many women have been naked in here…"
"Please don't caress the seat covers like that, Kensuke," Shinji said, shying away slightly. "It's kinda creepy."
"Sorry," the otaku apologised after coughing into his fist.
The muscular man shook his head. 'That kid would probably take a bullet for Shinji if he thought it would get him some face time with Aoi-chan. Ah, the joys of fanboys.'
"Here we are, honoured traveller, please remember to take your belongings with you, and we hope you enjoyed the journey," Rocco said in a formal tone.
"I'll remember this day for the rest of my life," Kensuke vowed as he stepped onto the pavement. He waved to his school friend and idol as they drove off.
When they arrived at Misato's apartment, Shinji showed Rocco to the guest room and quickly departed to the kitchen to prepare some refreshments.
"Is there anything you'd like to eat, Uncle Rocco?" the pilot asked, having put the kettle on.
"Some of your delicious fried rice would be lovely," the tall man said as he placed his bag on the futon in the guest room. "I'll make us some coffee and you can tell me what you've been getting up to."
"Ok," Shinji nodded. He removed his clothes and put them on hangers in his room.
"I see you still prefer to cook naked," Rocco commented as his former ward walked naked into the kitchen and put on an apron. "What does your roommate think about it?"
"Misato-san? I don't think it was something she was expecting, but she doesn't shout at me for not being dressed," Shinji said as he tied the strings. "Besides, it cuts down on the laundry. And you know how they're always saying to us that we should reduce our energy and water consumption."
"Very true, Hot Stuff, very true. So, what's Misato like as a roommate? Judging from the picture she sent in, she seems like a lot of fun."
"Misato-san is a good person," the pilot replied as he heated some vegetable oil in the wok he'd purchased soon after moving in. "She didn't mind when my girlfriend stayed over the other night."
"That's nice to hear. Wait, did you say you had a girlfriend?" the long-haired man asked, a smile forming on his lips.
Shinji realised that he'd let the cat out of the bag, but was glad that his uncle seemed to approve. "I do have a girlfriend, her name's Kodama."
Rocco switched the coffee machine on. "Well, I'm waiting for the gory details, Hot Stuff. What's she like? Does she make you happy?"
"Her younger sister's my class rep at school. And I've not known her for very long, but she seems to like me."
"Is there a difference in leagues? By that I mean, you're a good looking young man, but is she compensating for her below average looks by being pure filth? I'm not trying to be mean to you, but I'd hate for you to have to settle for less."
"I think she's pretty," Shinji replied honestly.
"I never said she wasn't, Shinji," Rocco said, his hands waving in a placating manner. "I'm just curious as to what sort of girl you're attracting these days. Mutsumi sends her love, by the way."
"How is Mutsumi-neesan?"
"She's going back into soft-core yuri, but that's because she's about to move in with her fiancé," the entrepreneur answered. "She told me to tell you that she wouldn't object to one last blast with the Hot Stuff."
"I couldn't do that with someone who's going to be married," the pilot said, blushing slightly. "It wouldn't be right."
"I had a feeling that would be your response, but I said I'd mention it to you anyway. But back to Kodama; what sort of thing is she into?"
The teenager finished stirring around the mushrooms and onions and added the rice. "I don't know really. I've only used the French Flipper Trick on her. I know you said to use it sparingly, but I kinda had to."
"Oh?" Rocco asked, pausing in his pouring the coffee. "And what did she think?"
"She liked it a lot, but she screamed so loudly, that Misato-san thought I was killing her."
"A screamer, eh? Well, on the plus side, if your hearing starts to go, you still have some way of knowing that you're doing the right thing."
After they ate their food, Rocco helped Shinji with the washing up.
"Would you like to take a shower, Uncle Rocco?" the pilot asked as he finished putting away the plates.
"That'd be great," the entertainer smiled. He let out a yawn. "Decent food, a shower and a good night's sleep and I should be ready for tomorrow."
"Oh, there's something I wanted to ask you. Some of the security people at NERV wanted some signed photos of Yumi-san and Aoi-san. I meant to ask about getting some sent up in a letter, but with all the training they make me do for that Evangelion thing, I completely forgot. Would it be ok if they visited the set tomorrow?"
"Are they fugly? Because if they're not, then I might be able to go one better. I might need some help finishing up the shooting plan, but there's a chance I could start filming a second film while I'm here in Tokyo-3," Rocco said, scratching his neatly trimmed goatee beard.
"I'll tell them to meet up with you at the shop tomorrow and you can decide for yourself."
"Marvellous."
Ritsuko was glad she was made of stern stuff. Otherwise, she'd have sworn off driving with Misato long ago.
The performance car screeched to a halt in the designated parking space and Misato pulled up the handbrake with loud click.
"I'm sorry, but the bellhop has the night off, so you'll have to carry your own bags up to your room," the Captain said as she unfastened her seatbelt. "But I'm sure that the kitchen is still open for your culinary needs."
"That's a relief," Ritsuko drawled. "Still, it could be worse – I hear the Second Child is becoming a bit of a diva."
"Asuka seemed like such a nice girl when I saw her last," Misato commented. "But I guess that's puberty for you. But enough of that, it's time for a couple of beers!"
The two colleagues walked to the apartment door in a comfortable silence, before the purple-haired woman opened the front door and announced her return. "We're here Shinji. Could you get us some cold beer from the fridge?"
"Of course, Misato-san."
"I'm going to use the bathroom, if that's ok – I want to freshen up," Ritsuko explained.
"Sure thing, Ritsuko."
The bottle-blonde opened the door to the bathroom and blinked in surprise. While she half expected to see someone partially dressed that evening, she had assumed it would have been Shinji Ikari.
Certainly not the man who stood just short of two metres tall, had well defined muscles and an impressive package.
"You're not Shinji Ikari."
"You're not Misato."
To be continued…