I Can't Believe It's Not 15 IBRC Certification
By Lord Raa
Disclaim-me-do: I guess there's just no way of knowing.
Chapter 10
"What do you mean by 'interesting part', Shinji?" Kensuke asked.
"I was telling everyone about my experiences on set with Uncle Rocco," the pilot replied. "Is there something I can do for you?"
"Can we come in?" the otaku asked hopefully.
"Hey, aren't you Kensuke Aida and Touji Suzuhara?" Kodama asked, walking to the front door. "My sister mentioned you two the other day."
"Who's your sister?" Touji asked as he got a good look at the brunette. "Wait, you're the Class Rep's sister!"
"Yes, I am Kodama Horaki, Hikari's sister. Now, if you've finished gawping at my boyfriend, you can clear off," Kodama said, slamming the door in the two stooges' faces. She turned to face Shinji. "Now, I believe that we were having dinner."
The naked young man decided against protesting and returned to the dining table.
"Sorry about that," he said apologetically.
"Don't worry about it, Shinji," Misato smiled.
"I'm sure I can think of something you can do to make it up to us," Ritsuko leered.
The Captain turned to face her friend. "Are you incapable of acting like a normal human being?"
The blonde shrugged dismissively. "I thought we'd already established that it's not my fault."
"Then maybe you should get checked into rehab for your sex addiction, Ritsuko."
"And why I should take advice on addiction from an alcoholic?"
"Fine, be like that," the purple-haired woman said, her eyes narrowing. "Don't say I didn't warn you about this when the Vice-Commander finds out about your wandering hands."
"You wouldn't…" Ritsuko trailed off when she saw the stony look on Misato's face. "You would, wouldn't you?"
"Are you going to apologise to Shinji?" Misato asked.
"Shinji-kun, I am sorry for my earlier behaviour," the blonde said with a formal bow.
"That's ok, Ritsuko-san," Shinji said, trying to calm things down. "Uncle Rocco warned me that using the French Flipper Trick too often could make things difficult. I think there's something you can do to help addiction to it, but I'll need to call him. May I use the phone, Misato-san?"
"Of course, Shinji."
Rokku Haado was handed a phone with the message that it was Shinji calling.
"What's up, Hot Stuff?"
"¬I think that Ritsuko-san is addicted to the French Flipper Trick.¬"
"What makes you say that, Shinji? Is she acting like she's in heat or something?"
"¬Yeah, she's been saying all sorts of things to try getting me in the mood to do things with her. Is there anything I can do to help her?¬" the concerned pilot asked.
"You can't really cure someone of FFT addiction," Rocco sighed as he leant back in his chair. "All you can do is try to manage it. Your best option is to ensure that she's getting a thorough fucking on a regular basis."
"¬I see. So I should try to fix Ritsuko-san up with someone?¬"
"If you can guarantee that she'll have difficulty walking afterwards. If whoever's doing her isn't very good, then you'll be back at square one, only she'll be even more determined to get her fix."
"¬Oh, I don't know anyone who would be suitable for that,¬" Shinji replied somewhat dejectedly. "¬Well, other than you, of course, Uncle Rocco.¬"
"Has my apprentice admitted defeat already without even taking Titsuko for a test run?" the bearded man teased. "I thought I trained you better than that."
"¬What? You think I should see to Ritsuko-san?¬"
"I suppose I can understand your reluctance given your girlfriend and all that, but you know what you must do with delicious cake, Hot Stuff. Besides, as chores go, it's far from the worst I can think of."
"¬I suppose so, but I'll have to talk it over with Kodama-san.¬"
"That's the spirit, Shinji. I'll tell you what – I'll do some research and if I find anything out that can help you, I'll let you know."
"¬That'd be great, Uncle Rocco,¬" Shinji said happily. "¬I've got to go now, so take care.¬"
"You too, Shinji," Rocco smiled.
Misato was not happy with Ritsuko. She had made this clear several times, and she was beginning to get tired of voicing her opinion on the matter. The Captain did have some understanding of Ritsuko's situation – the French Flipper Trick had made her consider a threesome with her and Rokku Haado.
And she knew that Ritsuko wasn't cruising for boys in the schools of Tokyo-3. She also knew that she wasn't the sort of woman that slept around. Hell, Ritsuko barely dated when they were in college and that was before she had to work odd hours to help save humanity.
But that didn't give her the right to sabotage the burgeoning relationship between Shinji and Kodama.
Kodama sat observing the two women sitting opposite her. "Err, I don't mean to be rude, but when are you going home, Akagi-san?"
"I am home," the scientist replied, lighting up a cigarette, "At least for the time being, anyway."
"What? You're staying here?"
"Unfortunately so," Misato said, getting up and retrieving a beer from the fridge. "Ritsuko here was ordered to make sure that Shinji is kept on the straight and narrow."
"But she's…" Kodama trailed off as Shinji returned from making his phone call. "Is something up, Shinji-kun?"
The pilot wore a conflicted look on his face. "Kodama-san, there's something I need to talk to you about."
"Ok, I guess we can talk in your room," the brunette said standing up.
Shinji closed the door to his room and took a deep breath. "Kodama-san, I talked with Uncle Rocco and he said that there isn't a proper cure for Ritsuko-san's condition."
"Oh," Kodama said with a concerned look on her face. "So what can you do about it? You have to do something about her."
"I know, but the treatment that Uncle Rocco suggested isn't something that I'm desperate to do."
"What is it? I don't like the idea of you being forced to do things you don't want to do," the brunette said reaching forward to hold Shinji's hand.
Shinji smiled softly at his girlfriend's words. "That means a lot to me, Kodama-san. It really does."
"So, what did he say?"
The pilot took another deep breath. "He said that Ritsuko-san needs a thorough fucking – the kind that means you can't walk properly. It's something that needs to be done regularly. That and he thinks that I'm the one who's best suited to help her out with this."
"Oh, so that's where you come into all this?" Kodama asked rhetorically. "I bet most boys would give their right arms to be in your situation."
"But that's not what I want," Shinji insisted. "I like to help people whenever I can, but I don't want to just thrust into random women. I don't need to grope them – it's not what I'm looking for in a girlfriend."
"What are you looking for in a girlfriend?"
"Someone who'll hold me at night and tell me that everything's going to be alright, to make me feel that I've got something to fight for, who can accept me for who I am, even if I'm not very good at anything."
Kodama blinked in surprise. She pulled the pilot into an embrace and sighed happily. "Shinji-kun…"
"Kodama-san?"
"Everything's going to be alright, Shinji-kun."
Touji and Kensuke sat on the swings in a nearby park.
"Dude, what's going on with Ikari?" the muscular boy asked his friend. "Those two women were hot!"
"The Class Rep's sister isn't exactly ugly either," Kensuke added. "And she said that he was her boyfriend."
"Maybe, but if I had the chance, I'd do the purple-haired one first," Touji declared. "Then the blonde."
"Yeah, I know what you mean," the otaku nodded.
"He's got to be doing all of 'em."
"You really think so?"
"Oh yeah, Ken, no doubt about it," Touji reasoned. "Look, you saw him when he answered the door. If I was packin' what he's packin' I'd be doing every hot chick I could get my hands on."
Kensuke was silent as he was involuntarily reminded of Shinji's penis. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and shook his head.
"Yeah, I know what you mean, dude," the jock scratched his head. "As hot as those two women are, we gotta go do something else."
"Yeah, you can't unsee something like that."
"So what should we tell Ritsuko-san?" Shinji asked.
Kodama stroked her ponytail as she considered the potential ramifications of their options.
The brunette knew that if Ritsuko was told that the cure for her addiction was frequent sex with a suitably energetic and skilled partner, Shinji would find himself saddled with a new job.
'And he's too polite to refuse her,' she thought with a sigh. "Maybe it'll go away on its own?"
"I don't think that it will, Kodama-san," Shinji replied. "Otherwise Uncle Rocco wouldn't have told me that Ritsuko-san needs a thorough fucking."
"But if we tell her that then she'll force you to do things you don't want to," the brunette sighed. An idea occurred to her. "What if we tell her that there isn't anything we can do right now and hope for the best?"
"But…"
"Hear me out, Shinji-kun. If we tell her that there's nothing we can do right now, then it gives your Uncle a chance to find something else we can do. If it gets too bad, then we can sort something out."
The pilot was clearly uneasy about lying to someone, especially someone who was responsible for making sure that he was able to pilot the Evangelion properly.
It was something that his girlfriend instantly picked up on.
"I don't like lying to people either, Shinji-kun, but I like the idea of people forcing themselves on you even less. You're a special person and I want to keep you as special as I can."
"You really mean that, don't you?" Shinji asked looking up into Kodama's brown eyes.
"I do, Shinji-kun."
As Misato finished another beer, she felt some concern for Shinji. Sure, he had some unusual habits courtesy of his upbringing, but that didn't mean that he was a bad person.
'He's a good kid,' the Captain mused, remembering his politeness and domestic prowess. She cast a glance towards Ritsuko. 'What's she up to?'
Ritsuko finished her cigarette as Shinji returned with Kodama in tow.
'That girl is going to interfere,' the blonde decided.
"Ritsuko-san, I spoke with Uncle Rocco and he said that he'll see if there's anything that can help you," the pilot said with an apologetic look on his face.
"Yes, unfortunately, there's not a lot we can do to help you right now," Kodama added, taking attention away from Shinji.
Both Ritsuko and Misato felt that Kodama wasn't being entirely truthful, but had differing feelings on the matter.
'She's trying to keep Shinji-kun all to herself,' the faux blonde decided.
'She's trying to help Shinji,' the purple-haired woman thought with a smile. "Ok, well, if there's nothing that we can do, there's nothing we can do. Well, it's getting late, so I'm afraid it's chucking out time."
"Ah, I was wondering if it was ok if I slept over," Kodama asked, still keeping close to Shinji.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Ritsuko opined. "After all, we're trying to keep Shinji-kun from doing anything improper, and having a teenaged girl staying the night is just a recipe for disaster."
"Yes, because you've not tried to do anything improper to Shinji-kun this evening have you?" Misato sniped. "But Ritsuko does have a point, Kodama-chan."
"I can trust Shinji-kun to act like a gentleman," the brunette insisted. "He's not a pervert who grabs girls at every opportunity. Besides, would you let your boyfriend stay under the same roof with an unsupervised pervert who was trying to molest him?"
"And Kodama has a point that rivals yours, Ritsuko. Hmm, do you two promise not to have sex in the night?" the Captain asked, half serious, half teasing.
"I promise, Misato-san," Shinji said earnestly.
"And what about you, Kodama-chan?"
"I promise that I'll only hold Shinji-kun close to me," Kodama said with in a solemn tone.
"Ok then, off to bed you pair," Misato winked.
"And that's good enough for you?" Ritsuko snorted in derision after the teenagers left for Shinji's room.
"Can you make that same promise that you wouldn't try fooling around with Shinji?"
"…"
"I didn't think so."
The next morning at school, Kensuke Aida lifted his head to see his friend collapse in his seat.
"You look just like I feel," the otaku said around a yawn.
"So tired… I couldn't sleep last night," Touji yawned. "Every time I closed my eyes…"
Kensuke understood why his friend shuddered. "Yeah, me too man, me too."
"What's up with you two?" Hikari Horaki asked, approaching the two delinquents.
"We went to see Ikari last night," Touji answered.
"You didn't spend the night with Shinji-kun, did you?" the Class Rep asked, horrified at the thought of untold debauchery at the Ikari/Katsuragi residence.
"No, he just answered the door," the jock answered, shuddering involuntarily again.
"What?" Suddenly, the penny dropped and Hikari understood what the two boys' problem was. "Oh that…"
"Yeah, that," Touji nodded. "Still, I guess my pants would be too tight if I was living with those babes!"
"You mean Misato-san?" the brunette asked, managing to hide her disgust at Touji's crude behaviour. 'I can't believe that Suzuhara-kun's so rude and Shinji-kun's so polite…'
Shinji's arrival interrupted the Class Rep's reverie. "Oh, good morning, Shinji-kun."
"Good morning, Hikari-san," the pilot greeted cheerfully. "Hi Kensuke, Touji. Is something up? You two look really tired."
"It's your fault we didn't get much sleep last night, Ikari," Kensuke muttered.
"How is it my fault – you were only at my apartment for a minute."
"Yeah, but you answered the door butt naked!" the jock growled. "Every time I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, I kept seeing your schlong staring back at me!"
Hikari couldn't control herself as she spoke aloud. "Wait, so you two were up all night thinking about Shinji-kun's thingy?"
The rest of the classroom fell silent.
"It's not what you think!" Kensuke insisted, jumping to his feet. "We went to his place last night and he's living with these total babes!"
"Yeah, you shouldn't hog all the hot chicks, Ikari!" Touji growled.
Shinji sighed as, yet again, he became the centre of attention for things outside of his control. "I just live and work with Misato-san and Ritsuko-san, I'm not hogging anyone. If you just make wild accusations like that, people will get the wrong idea. That's why Saito-san and Nakata-san pointed their guns at you yesterday."
"…" the two stooges froze as they remembered to Section Two agents and their willingness to use their weapons.
"Now that we've got that cleared up," the pilot said placing his bag on his desk, "how are you this morning, Hikari-san? I'm sorry that Kodama-san didn't let you know that she was sleeping over, but it was a last minute thing."
"Hang on," Kensuke said, raising his right index finger. "Are you telling us that not only are you living with two extremely hot women, but you had your girlfriend sleep over last night?"
Shinji rolled his eyes. "Yes, and my girlfriend is Hikari-san's sister. Is there anything else you want to know? Maybe what I cooked for dinner or what I'm having for lunch today?"
Hikari was taken aback by the pilot's snarky attitude. "Is something wrong, Shinji-kun?"
"No, Hikari-san, I'm sorry for snapping like that. It's just that I'm getting tired of people making a big deal about trivial things like who I live with and who I'm going out with," the young Ikari explained. "Am I that big of a deal?"
Further discussion on the matter was cut off by the sounding of the chimes and the arrival of the teacher.
"Good morning, Class."
At NERV HQ, Ritsuko was trying to go about her daily tasks. Her normal focus was lacking, and Maya Ibuki quickly picked up on it.
"Is there something wrong, Sempai?"
The blonde let out a deep breath before leaning back in her chair. "I don't know why, but I just can't seem to keep focused on my work today."
"Are you feeling alright?" the lieutenant asked, reaching over to place a hand on the scientist's forehead. "You look a little flushed."
"Stop that!" Ritsuko snapped, moving away from her assistant. "I'm very particular about who touches me."
"You didn't seem to object to Rokku Haado touching you the other night," Maya sniped cattily.
"You got me there, but I'm looking for someone with something that you're lacking."
"You're rejecting me because I'm a girl?" the lieutenant asked angrily.
"Hey, I'm all for equal opportunities, but I need a good dicking," the blonde insisted jumping to her feet.
"So if I had a strap-on, you'd be more amenable?"
"That and if you were to wear a plugsuit."
"Ritsuko!" a second visitor shouted from the doorway.
"Ritsuko!" Misato shouted at her roommate.
"What?" the blonde asked, her eyes flicking open.
"Look, I know you're going through a difficult time right now, but can you stop playing with yourself at work?" the Captain chided.
"What?" Ritsuko asked, looking down to see that her left hand was on her breast and her right was pulling up her skirt. "Oh shit!"
"Yeah, and what was that about getting Maya to wear a plugsuit?"
"It's not what you think!"
Misato looked thoughtful for a moment before raising her right index finger. "If you weren't fantasising about Maya wearing a plugsuit, then what were you thinking about?"
Ritsuko was saved from having to answer that awkward question by the ringing of her phone.
"Hello?"
"¬Dr. Akagi, report to my office now. If Captain Katsuragi is in your office, bring her with you. This is important NERV business,¬" Gendo Ikari instructed before hanging up.
"Oh-kay," the blonde said blinking in surprise. She shook her head before turning to Misato. "That was the Commander; he said that we've got to go to his office immediately. Apparently, it's important NERV business."
Gendo Ikari sat at his desk, looking over the report on the JSSDF's latest project. His former teacher stood to his right.
"Do you really think that it has a chance at defeating an Angel, Ikari?" the grey-haired man asked.
"Perhaps, if they had the resources we have available. But our need is far greater than theirs, Sensei, which is why we cannot allow this demonstration to succeed."
"Indeed," Fuyutsuki nodded.
After a moment's silence, Ritsuko and Misato arrived.
"What is it you wanted to talk to us about, Sir?" the Captain asked.
"The JSSDF is unveiling its plan to stop the Angels," Gendo answered. "I want you two to visit their event as NERV's representatives. Try not to get too drunk on their complimentary alcohol, Captain."
Misato winced at the accusation, much to Ritsuko's amusement.
"The car leaves for the unveiling at 8:45 tomorrow morning," the Commander added. "You are dismissed."
As the two women turned to leave, the bearded man signalled for Ritsuko to stay back.
"Commander Ikari?" the blonde asked, just as surprised as Misato was.
"I have a task for you. Report to Nakata and Saito in Section Two."
In another part of NERV's Japanese HQ, Saito turned to Nakata. "Send Tendo out, this isn't for his ears."
"Will do, boss."
To be continued…
This was surprisingly quick and easy to write. Which may explain any quality issues you see here.
Pre-read by Chi Vayne and previewed on certain intertubes.
Until the next time, peoples!