Chapter 15: Nevereverland

I know, I know. I'm going to the Fairy kingdom even though Amina and I agreed we would never get involved with fairies again. Am I hypocritical? Sure! Do I trust people too easy? Probably. Am I an Idiot? After everything that's happened, I would say yes.

But am I a pitiless monster, who would abandon his comrade (slash stalker) in the middle of the woods with terrible, disfiguring injuries? Fuck no! Pardon the language, but I will not get by in life with little regard for the lives of others.

Now don't get me wrong, I did not want to go to the Fairy Kingdom for quite a number of reasons. But my number one concern was Yusha. She's a fairy, that was nervous about taking us to the Fairy Kingdom.

Even when I decided to accept the offer to get Amina to a safe place, Yusha wanted to be 'absolutely' sure that I wanted to do this. That's like being told by a professional chef to be careful when eating a chunk of deep sea bloat fish he had spent hours preparing for you. It made me nervous.

After taking a very deep breath, I ordered Yusha and her friends in a loud and confident voice to "Do what you have to do!" Everyone exchanged nervous glances between one another before getting themselves into position.

What started as a quite game of Ring Around the Rosie escalated into a blur of wings and flashing lights as the girls flew around me to create what was known as a 'fairy ring'. I always wondered what the sensation would be like traveling to another dimension. Nothing special as it turned out.

I felt my entire body go numb, then lift off the ground a little. Everything was warm and bright for a moment before feeling my feet touch the ground again. The hard part was recovering from the small hangover the spell had given me. But as my senses returned to normal and the throbbing ceased, I realized I was in a very strange place.

The sky was blue. That was the only thing I could see that looked normal. And even then, most of it was hidden behind dozens of massive rainbows which didn't just arch over our heads, but danced and twirled like they were having a wild party amongst the clouds (which were pink by the way.)

Not too far from us was a massive castle with towers that reached up to said clouds, all shiny and pink like they were from some child's story book! I could sense the air had some aphrodisiacal qualities and with some quick thinking, I pulled out a red scarf from my pack and wore it over my face like a mask.

The trees had faces. The flowers had faces. The fracking sun had a face! And don't even get me started on the animals that lived here! Yes, I come from a place filled with ridiculously pretty and horny monster women who rape men on a daily basis, but this was just ridiculous! I was greeted by a talking pig wearing a hat and tie for Asger's sake!

"Oink! Welcome to Vila, young visitors! The strange animal greeted with much enthusiasm. My oink is Sir Peccary Babirusa!". The pig then turned his gaze to Yusha and smiled. "It's good to oink you again after such a long oink Yusha!" The little fairy next to me hovered over to the pig and started whispering into his ear about something (how rude!)

That was when I realized something, she was the only one who decided to go with us! Why didn't anyone else come along? I was beginning to panic. Especially when Sir Pecker something's face turned rather serious all of a sudden. "I see, oink! Very well then! I will oink my word and help you just this oink!" He declared with a more serious tone.

"Help us with what exactly?" I asked apprehensively. Pecker didn't answer. He just started trotting back towards the castle and instructed us to follow with haste (oink!) I turned to Yusha hoping for an explanation, but she just looked away and followed closely behind her porky little friend.

"What about our things!?" I called out. "Oink worry!" Was my response. I'll oink some of my friends carry oink all in once your all inside!" Just in case, I decided to bring my pack along (you can never be too careful. With Amina now in my arms, I reluctantly followed the talking pig to our next destination.

Heading towards a massive drawbridge, I realized I would have to leave my weapons at the entranceway (this is a castle after all.) I decided to pull a knife out of my pack when the other two weren't looking and stuffed it down….a place no one would look….I hoped.

What's going on now? For a moment, I lost all feeling in my body. Now, I'm smelling some funky weird fumes. Their making me feel hot and….bothered….ok fine, it's making me horny. "I'm starting to get sick of this!" I yelled to no one in particular. I knew no one could hear me, so there was nothing wrong with letting off some steam. "Bain, you one eyed twat! Help me!"

Why a fairy city would need to have such a massive entranceway was beyond me. Honestly! A real deal Dragon could just pull down the wooden bridge and walk right on through with hardly a squeeze. Can you actually find Dragons in the Fairy Kingdom? Maybe not, but you get the idea, it was huge.

Waiting for us at the drawbridge (which was already down) were two guardsmen. I wasn't too sure what to expect, but for some reason I felt a little surprised to see they were both Pixies.

Not really a lot of differences between Fairies and Pixies, physically speaking. Pixies preferred to wear blue fabrics to match their hair. They had little horns spouting from the top of their heads and their wings were like dragonflies rather than butterflies.

They are no less childish and simple minded, but they do however, originate from the demon realm. That makes them naturally perverted and lustful in comparison to the normally innocent and playful Fairies we have encountered so far in our adventures.

One of the Pixies darted up to the pig and raised a hand. "You shall not pass!" Pecky spluttered and bumbled like an idiot for a moment before regaining his composure. "And why oink that young lady?" The walking hunk of ham asked pompously. "no reason," responded the guard, "I just always wanted to say that."

Once again, Pecker lost his cool and started to lecture the two girls about responsibilities blah blah blah. "Alright, alright, take it easy porker!" Said the jesters companion with a grin. "We'll let you lot into…." She suddenly realized we had a heavily bandaged goblin in tow. "She gonna be ok?" "Yeah, she'll be alright after some rest." I responded calmly.

The Little Pixie regarded me for a moment and narrowed her eyes. "Yer not gonna cause us any trouble, are you?" I suppose I would look pretty strange with the whole eyepatch and scarf thing I got going on (good thing I have my knife hidden away.) "….No?" I responded weakly. "….Well….Ok! In you go!" (Why do I even bother?)

Rather than complaining about the fact the guards seem to have no common sense or concept of being a 'guard', I'm just going to move on to the part where we walked through the gate (Did I mention it was massive?) and into the city of Vila.

You know the term 'shiny on the outside, rotten on the inside'? Well, I wouldn't say the city within these walls were rotten. Everything just looked….earthy.

Rather than tiles or cement, the ground was made up entirely of soft, moist soil. Every single building was some kind of plant or fungus that grew strait out of the ground in many different shapes and sizes. Everything looked wet and dirty. Perfect if you were a plant. Not so much if your a kids that doesn't like getting mud on his boots.

There was only one road. It started from the main gate, cutting right through the city and into the royal palace (makes sense since most of its citizens can fly.) Flowers, roses and sweets were being thrown out to massive crowds who were clearly having a good time in a city where few rules existed.

Such rules appeared to have been enforced by a few Pixies who patrolled the perimeter, looking diligently for any bullies or arsonists that may be lurking within the massive crowds. Despite the incompetence of the gate keepers, the local authorities seemed to be working hard settling arguments and helping children who were lost in the streets.

There was just one thing that bothered me. Everyone seemed to be in a frisky mood. The girls Amina and I knew were very sweet and innocent (perhaps a little disgusting,) but everyone here seemed to enjoy a few of life's more….intimate….games.

A few of them took notice of me as we walked past. But my choice of clothing appeared to have unsettled them somewhat and, fortunately, I was left alone. The entranceway to the palace looked so shiny and majestic, but the natural dullness of the surrounding area took some of the magic away. It looked alright though! Just not what I expected.

There were more guards at waiting for us at the main doors. But they just moved aside and let us through without even a word (can't believe they would let an armed stranger into the castle.)

The décor was not to my liking. Everything was shiny and pink. The way it hurt my eyes reminded me of the hallway back at the manor in which Amina once called home. Also, the intoxicating fumes in the air smelt more potent inside, and I was beginning to worry what it would do to me if I stayed here too long. "The sooner we get out of here," I muttered to myself "the better."

I was squirming on the ground. My breathing was getting heavy. My body starting to sweat. "For fucks sake!" I screamed, "Why am I getting so jacked up!?" That was when something happened. I felt hands, someone's hands rubbing my back tenderly.

I slowly turned over, then jumped to my feet when I realized someone was right next to me. "Who the hell are you!?" I asked, holding my hands over my body like I was some shy little maiden (technically I am a maiden.)

I couldn't see who it was. It was too dark to make out a face. But then, the stranger spoke in a voice I was very familiar with. "Amina?" My heart skipped a beat. "….Bain?"

Sir Pecks led into the waiting room and told us a doctor would be here soon to take Amina to the infirmary. This prompted me to look over my little companion to make sure she was still breathing. Well, she looked ok. Sort of. Beneath the bandages I could see a blissful smile on the Goblins face. But her breathing was a little heavy, and she appeared to be sweating quite a bit. "Hang in there Amina." I whispered to her tenderly. "You're going to be ok."

It was then that our guide cleared his throat (though it sounded more like a snort than anything else) and made an unexpected announcement. "Well, I can oink no more for the two of you oink. The Queen will oink you shortly to hear your….request."

Yusha nodded and gave the pig a hug, once again whispering into his ear. Her friend responded with a nod and began to take his leave. But not before turning back and said simply "Good luck to you oink friend." I had just about enough of all this whispering and secrets, and was just about to say something when an elderly Fairy suddenly entered the room.

When I say elderly, I mean her hair had streaks of grey in it. A few wrinkles could be seen under her eyes as well, but they still seemed to have a little energy in them despite her being well past her youth. With a tender smile she approached Amina and pulled out a little stick which appeared to be some kind of wand.

All she did was give the thing a flick, and Amina was floating in the air within seconds. "Don't worry dear," she said to me in a frail, but sweet voice, "Your friend will be back to her old self in no time." "That's good to hear," I responded warmly, "and thank you." The old Fairy just smiled, and slowly made her way out the room, with Amina's floating mass following closely behind.

"Care to explain what we're doing here?" Yusha flinched at the question and started scratching the back of her neck uncomfortably. "….Just….let me do the talking….you'll understand what's going on soon enough." I was over it. Yusha didn't want to talk about it, and I was done with the whole stressing out thing. Far too much effort. I just shrugged and muttered "Whatever." I doubt it was anything serious (they are Fairies after all.)