Gemini – Chapter 3

I sleep, watching Ashe watch me. Once you've crossed over twice, death, dream, part of you remembers the divide, learns to see through it, haunting reality from afar like a ghost riding invisible currents of history.

Does my second sight mean this brutal warrior has become a shaman? All those paths I rejected or pursued, only to walk a third way, shown by the forced opening of my third eye.

The haunch of meat slowly cools in Ashe's grip. After going through the trouble of preparing a meal, her reward is my refusal. With an indulgent sigh, like a mother chiding a newborn, she jostles my shoulder, causing my dream-self to rock. All I have to do is answer the door but I remain here, uncommunicative, out of reach.

A new, familiar voice dashes my solitude. 'Are you scared?' I was not feeling Ashe's touch. Another person calls. I turn to face... myself, reclining naked, heavy bosom squeezed provocatively between biceps. One leg is drawn up, and one stretches out, offering a clear view of below. Shuddering, I turn away fast. 'Of course you are.'

'What is this? Who are you?' My snarl is a pitiful sham. I can hardly sound frightening without eye contact.

She ratifies my doubt with a low, grunting laugh. 'Hmm… you're stalling, what a surprise. You know exactly who I am. All those long, lonely days you spent with Ashe in your fantasy, hiding… and now…' slithering nearer, she pollutes my senses, 'you stay with me to hide from Ashe, how delectable.'

'Answer my question!'

'You want… so badly…' The squelching of her tongue and saliva makes me cringe. 'To hear your words from these lips? What is that? Bravery, cowardice… or maybe self-love?' She fondles her breast. In vain, I strive to blank out her vile motion. Her filthy paw yanks her nipple to a stand, like a man, tugging at himself. I can only hope this memory vanishes with the dawn.

'Will you stop your game if I choose one?'

'Bargaining? Since when do you trade?' She barks the word with contempt. 'Fine, I accept your terms, Avarosan bride.'

Her knowledge runs beyond sight. Under my sleeve, I'm wearing Ashe's bracelet, an engagement present from a shared hallucination. After Volibear had entered a mystical trance to help unravel my despair, the holy thunder caused Ashe's claim to physically manifest. Apparently, the storm approves of chaos, and wearable shorthand for my treacherous heart was too much to resist. I couldn't bring myself to remove it.

"Avarosan bride" resounds mockingly through the cavern. As much as I crave to punish that offence, I don't have the will to bite, so I counter with an avalanche to cover my weakness. 'Bravery. I can submerge thoughts, deny them. A spoken word is an action, a scar upon time, a pact.' Each addition echoes above the following as my voice grows quieter. 'So long as you recall it, I am chained within your perception. I can add excuses, explanations, qualifications… nothing I can do will take away from the vision of me that's locked inside your memory.'

She nods. 'A blow to the skull works wonders… but I concede. Flesh remembers when our minds fail.' Our shoulders touch. 'You block your escape, surrender control of your persona… but is that really courage? Enduring is rarely an act of strength and conviction. Often, you just lose then suffer the consequences. Even if you show willing, you may be fooling yourself and inventing a choice when you have none.'

'If you do have the strength, there is always a choice.'

'But you're flagging.' She puts her head on my shoulder. Greasy hair creeps over me, like a swarm of insects. 'I believe your answer. Truly, it may not be courage. It may be a light, shining in darkness.' Her panting is loud and obscene. I feel how it swells her body, leaves then tickles my jaw with tiny drops of lukewarm spit. 'I am Sejuani.'

'And I am thousands.'

Ashe gives up on waking me, her lovingly prepared meal refused with boorish lethargy. She ventures a few bites then throws it aside, unable to rouse her appetite. For a long time, she watches me silently, perhaps wondering if I'm worth the trouble. Her fingers trace my forehead, fringe, eyebrows, nasal bridge and septum. She hesitates above my lips, feeling hot life kiss her knuckles with each quiet snore.

'You came,' she murmurs to the gloom. Our fire is now dead. Her knife, mounted awkwardly in a cell of true ice, remains a dim source of light. 'You really came, despite your bloody-minded refusal to share a country, let alone a bed. I can hardly believe you're real. It sounds crazy but I sometimes forget where my dream ends and you begin.'

I can sympathise with that. She continues.

'Do you know how long I've been obsessed? Ever since we heard reports of a barbarian princess, my head was bursting with our possible adventures, walking side by side through ancient ruins, mountains and forests. I even wrote some of them down!'

Am I curious or mortified? How… detailed are these?

'You know how I talk about uniting the Freljord? I was… I wasn't lying. It's more that… you were part of us already. Together, we could embark on a journey of self-discovery, become each other's hidden truth. Yes, it would be difficult and scary but we'd grow to respect and… like each other… then…'

Ashe glows. I never thought she could look so young.

'Romantic stories were never just for teenage girls. I believe adults need more fantasy… need things that are a bit idealistic and silly. When I heard your name, "Sejuani", oh… I said it aloud a million times! Do you know…?' She leans over my bare cheek. 'How it feels on my lips? Your name is a kiss… my… Sej…' Her pout is a butterfly's wing above my sleeping face. 'Uani.'

Bolting upright, Ashe giggles nervously, patting my back as if praising a dog. I'm a good girl.

'Don't fret. I know you like to feel all proud, untouchable… self-possessed. I won't kiss you again before you kiss me, not when you're so… vulnerable…' Her breath grows ragged. 'You shouldn't have come to me like this. Don't you know what I'm like? Or maybe you do know…'

She quickly shakes off that idea. When a person goes willingly to a spider's lair, do they consent irrevocably to consumption?

'How can I explain? Do you believe in love at first sight? When I meet an attractive woman, all I can think about is…' Her fine, strong hand lingers above the small of my back. 'You remember our first encounter, when you came to refuse my terms? All I could think about was offering my body rather than grain, sucking your harsh tongue all the way down my throat and peeling off your clothes. When you left, I couldn't move. They all thought I was paralysed with disappointment. I wasn't… I was under the spell of your big, sexy bottom. I'd follow that over a cliff. No wonder they made you chieftain!' Her laugh grates with desperate self-loathing. 'Is there any room, any space to fall in love when all you can think about is…?' Her palm drifts lower.

Sejuani plays with the fuzz at the base of my neck. 'She's more honest when you can't answer back with your juvenile critique. You praise her strength because you are scared of her desire… that hungry stare demoting you from a general to a mere woman, a sex object with sensitive, strawberry nipples atop round, welcoming breasts…' her nose brushes my tragus, 'and a moist, aching...'

I hiss. 'Your filth does not impress me! I've heard far worse.'

'You went through that phase, remember? Denying your womanhood, finding ways to "block it up". It was fun, riding through the plains with a piece of bone jammed up there, bulging through your underclothes like a stubby little cock. You felt really good. All those… tiny spasms… like you were morphing into something else… then you found your trainer getting spit-roasted and realised...'

'What are you trying to prove?' The force of my shouting has no visible effect. I can't reclaim any personal space without more contact, wrestling and squeezing and… it makes me sick. 'I also wet the bed and ate soil. A human child is a work in progress. I don't feel any shame for these trials that we must all endure!'

She tuts. 'Forgetting yourself? You mean "conquer", not "endure".'

'These word games tire me.'

'You should keep that in mind when you subject Ashe to your "insight".'

'Heed your own advice and shut up.'

A thick snort of derision blows down my collar. 'As always, you can stop a conversation… but why aren't you stopping her?'

My senses are wholly saturated with disgust. I can't see what's going on. 'What do you mean?'

A tug on my hair dispels the fog. 'See for yourself.'

Ashe reaches over my waistband. She watches my sleeping face for any response. Before long, she is kneading and grasping, running a finger up my valley, gauging size, weight, power, softness.

Ants crawl through my stomach. I'm painfully conscious of where my broad thighs rub. While I'm in agony, Sejuani relishes the performance. 'Ooh, she's naughty, groping you there. Can you feel it?' As I'm protesting, Ashe pulls my buttock aside. Air tickles my perineum and I moan with pleasure. 'Yes…'

'Ugh… no, she can't…'

'Why, because it's "wrong"? Our land is free of law, society, convention. Ashe can do whatever she likes… and she likes you.' Now that I can feel my body, the sensations multiply. 'The real question is why aren't you stopping her?'

'Because I'm asleep!' Shutting my eyes doesn't help.

'You can wake up any time. Catch her. She's already torn up with guilt. You lay it on, nice and thick, and she will never molest you again.' I can't move. 'Where is your pride? You've risen above the confines of your gender, fashioned an impregnable front. You let it slip once, your hard-earnt reputation is gone forever. You can give orders with the sternest voice but all your men will hear is an Avarosan milkmaid, writhing in ecstasy while common raiders pin her to the ground!'

I'm red with shame and frustration as the flames of arousal intensify. 'Shut up!'

'If you want her so badly then rise, act as a warrior. Claim her!'

'No!'

'Why not?'

'I… I can't!' My ears burn with the sound of my confession. 'You know I've tried! I can't love weakness. I… can't make love to anyone who surrenders to me.'

'Oh, that is a bind. So you must renounce love or renounce yourself, let Ashe violate you.'

The point of no return is approaching. Ashe's fingers are now stroking my tailbone, exposing more as each rotation pushes my britches further down. Her face contorts in a mockery of lust. Every sinful urge is concentrated, used as energy to fuel her self-loathing. I drive words through my paralysis. 'No… I… can't…'

'What? Resist… yield?'

I honestly don't know. 'She's torturing herself.'

'It feels good. You feel good.'

I'm beyond any plausible denial. 'It's not worth… uh!' My lips form an "o" shape as nails glide across my skin. 'Please! Can't you hear them, all the voices telling her that she's a monster? We have to be there to silence them! Otherwise…' Her fallout would be spectacular, perhaps fatal.

'You're asking for my help when you can't help yourself? We despise weakness!'

I grab Sejuani, meeting her face to face. 'And love her!'

Time stops. In halting, slow motion, I roll, scaring Ashe into double speed. Her arms backpedal over charcoal remains, powdering her seat with dark residue. Sejuani's critical eyes grow damp. She looks young, far too young, when she cries. No wonder Volibear saw my tears and behaved like a parent. With a simple kiss, a warm, sisterly gesture, she whimpers. 'I do.'

'We all do.'

Sejuani pulls me to her bosom. After such a confession, I expected our roles to be reversed. Within our shared anguish, her breasts are like huge blobs of sweaty clay. So that's why Ashe goes for my hips.

I close my eyes. The dream world slowly disintegrates. I pray that I can resist Ashe again while I'm trapped. Above me, Sejuani rains kisses all over my head. 'You poor thing…' loud sobs punctuate her words. 'Always putting her first, you poor thing…'