Chapter 26: Fowl Play
"Baaaain!" Ren whined into my ear. "Amina keeps glaring at me!" "I'll stop glaring when you get off his shoulder!" Amina shouted back. "Please stop fighting guys." I muttered for the 47th time that day. "But I like sitting here!" Ren protested. She then pulled herself up (using my ear for support) and kissed me on the cheek. "Besides, Bain doesn't seem to mind." She added with a seductive tone in her voice. "And stop kissing him already!" The little goblin growled angrily. "Please stop fighting guys." (Better make that 48, buddy.)
"Your just jealous I get to kiss him all the time!" Ren jeered. She was clearly trying to provoke her. And it worked….of course. Amina pulled her mace off the side of her large back pack and held it up in the air. "Keep talking like that, and you'll be kissing my mace!" Ren immediately turned to me with tears starting to fall from her eyes. "Bain, she wants to hurt me!" She squeaked. Sniffling for added effect. "Please stop fighting guys." (49 times now!)
"You're the one who started it!" "No! You started it by glaring at me!" " I'm glaring at you because you keep sitting on his shoulders!" "Is there something wrong with that!? Am I hurting anyone!?" "Your hogging him all the time!" "Deal with it!" "What did you just say!?" (It's time to end this!) "ENOUGH!"
Ren squealed as she flew off my shoulder and hid in a nearby bush. Amina jumped back. Staring at me nervously as I took a few deep breaths to calm myself down. I like to think of myself as a very mild-mannered individual. I prefer bland tasting food and drink. Calm weather conditions (a little rain is alright.) But most importantly. I like people who are polite, and soft spoken. Something both my companion are not! And listening to their griping for three days straight has taken its toll.
Amina slowly approached me. "Are you ok, sweetie?" She asked attentively. I pulled my backpack off and sat myself down. I then patted the ground in front of me and Amina quickly joined me. Ren reappeared as well and sat on my head to listen. "I'm better now, thank you." I answered gently. "But the fighting has been going on for far too long." Amina lowered her head in shame. "I'm sorry sweetie." I felt Ren give my hair a slight tug. "I'm sorry too big guy."
I reached up and pulled Ren down from my head. I then handed her to a very confused looking Amina. "I don't want you apologize to me." I explained. "I want you both to talk and figure this out between yourselves." I then grabbed my back pack and pulled out my arrows and water bag. "I'm going to get us some lunch. I want you guys to setup camp, and figure your issues out by the time I get back." Without another word, I pulled myself up and, ignoring their protests, disappeared into the trees.
Usually, I'd take Ren with me to watch my back (this is Moanwood after all.) But I knew they needed to be alone to sort their shit out. Also, I needed some time to myself. Back home, I had plenty of opportunities to just relax and do my own thing. But not anymore though. Not with those two around. I was well aware of what was going on though. Ren (being Ren) is not afraid to show me some affection whenever she can. This in turn makes Amina (being Amina) violently jealous. I wasn't too sure if they could actually make up in the time I was gone. But if push came to shove. I was willing to show Amina some affection to keep her quiet. But touching each other's nether regions was not allowed. That rule was established just a day ago (don't ask.)
So anyways. I quietly made my way through the undergrowth. Marking the trees with my knife so I wouldn't get lost. And before long, I found something. A plump, juicy Pheasant hen. It's dull, chocolate coloured feathers made it almost melt in the undergrowth as it rummaged through the autumn leaves for something to eat. It was only a few metres away too! An easy shot! Very slowly, and very quietly, I pulled an arrow from my quiver, and took aim.
TWANG went my bow! The small hen was dead before it knew what had hit her! Without wasting time, I grabbed the dead bird and began to pluck the feathers away. Dunking it hot water beforehand would have made the job easier (Learnt that trick from Father!) But I Didn't want to start a fire out here. I could've gone back and prepared it at camp. But I hadn't been gone for very long either. Certainly not long enough for those two crazy chicks to put aside their differences. With that being said. I was more than happy to spend a little extra time out here (just don't press your luck mate!)
It took me at least a quarter of hour to get the bird plucked. Gutting it, was a much simpler task. All I had to do was make a small incision around the neck. I then used my fingers to make an opening large enough for my hand to reach inside. After pulling everything out, I opened a small pouch on my coat and placed the heart, Kidneys, liver and Gizzard inside for safe storage. I then pulled out some cloth and was about to wrap it around the meat when….I got attacked (I did you warn ya!)
Next thing I know, I'm on the ground. And everything goes dark, warm, and…. wet? Instinctively, I forced myself to my feet and was able to free my top half from the mass of goop which appeared to be trying to say something. But it wasn't until I had wiped the green shit from my eyes that I decided to listen to it. "Dooooon't be scaaaaared. I'm nooooot going to huuuurt yoooouuu." It said in a very drowsy tone.
If you hadn't figured it out yet. It was a Slime. A Bubble Slime to be precise. She was basically a massive form of green, bubbly slime, with the rough form of a woman. "Look lady!" I barked. "Whatever this is, I'm not interested!" The green Slime tightened the grip she had around my hips and pulled me towards her. "Relaaaax" She whispered softly. "Just let meee take care of yooouuu." (Do not let her kiss you! Do NOT let her kiss you!) And then she kissed me (FUUUCK!)
I closed my eye as her wet, sweet tasting lips met my own. Bubble Slimes aren't as fast and sticky as the rest of their kind. That's why they have the ability to corrupt the hearts of men with a just a kiss. One kiss and it's all over (were doomed.) "Theeere." She cooed. "Is thaaaat better?" Slowly, I opened my eye again, and looked to my attacker with a smile that made her cheeks turn a faint shade of purple. I leaned forward and whispered tenderly into her ear "Yes, my love."
I could feel her slimy form shiver and shake as she took in these words. "Do yoooouuuu really looove me?" "Close your eyes, my dearest." I answered. "And you will soon find out." She closed her eyes shut without hesitate. Why would she? She had me under her control. At least, it looked that way. SPLASH! The moment her eyes were closed, I reached for my water bad and emptied the contents all over her!
I had no idea why her kiss didn't work on me. But there was one thing I knew about Slimes. They can't handle water. I didn't have much in the bag to begin with. But it was enough to melt her face and arms away. Allowing me (with some difficulty) to break free. And then fall face first into the ground. With my face and cloak now covered in leaves and feathers, I scrambled to my feet and was about to run when…. "Fuck me."
There was more of them. And they had me surrounded. There were Common Slimes, Bubble Slimes, and even a Red Slime was there! And she seemed to be quite amused with what she was seeing. "Your fashion sense is….interesting." She remarked with a sneer. Then one of the Common Slimes spoke. "Did he saaaaaay to fuuuuck him?" She enquired (good choice of fuckin words Bain!) "I think he did, sister." The Red Slime responded coyly. "I don't know how you managed to withstand Poppy's kiss. But your too late! We have you surrounded! Get him girls!"
They then began to advance on me like a pack of hungry wolves. Very….very…. slowly. I had nowhere to run. My weapons would have been useless. The only bit of water I had was used on Poppy (who was still recovering.) And even though the weather had been getting cooler, I doubted it was going to rain today. Bottom line. I was in a lot of trouble. Fortunately, I was able to remember another important thing about Slimes. They couldn't climb trees.
It was quite fortunate that I was standing next to a young oak tree with plenty of branches for me climb. But I didn't plan to leave empty handed. I picked up the slime covered Pheasant and wedged it into my mouth (yuck,) and very carefully began to climb the trees branches (the slime made thing slippery.) "H-hey! What are you doing!?" The Red Slime cried out desperately. "Geeeet back heeeere!" Her minions joined.
I thought it best not to pull the bird out of my mouth just to say something witty and rude to them. I was having a hard-enough time just moving through the branches with so much goo on me. All that was needed was a slip and I would have been done for! Despite all that, I managed to make my way through the tree tops at a pace that enabled me to lose my slow-moving pursuers. But I was lucky. Had they been something else (like Minotaur's,) I would have been screwed.
By the Time I had found Ren and Amina, I was covered from head to toe in sticks and leaves. I was also tired. And completely over it. They had set up camp along the road. A fire had been lit and they appeared to be deep in discussion with one another. Approaching them in the state I was in without giving them any warning might not have been a very good idea.
"I'm so, so sorry Bain!" Amina squealed as Ren applied a healing spell to the large bump I now had on my head. "What happened to you, big guy?" Ren asked when she was finished. "Here." I grunted as I passed the slimly lumps of bird meat to Amina. She stared at the oozing, leaf covered form with a confused and disgusted look on her face. "What….is this?" She asked. "Lunch." I responded blatantly. "You might want to give it a clean first." I then turned to Ren and smiled. "Thanks for healing me. But could you be a dear and help me get cleaned up?"
While Amina prepared our food, Ren conjured a small rain cloud that could rain for as long as she could maintain her focus. I pulled the outer layer of my clothes off and gave them all a good scrub before jumping underneath it to clean the gunk off my body (Ren had to recast her spell a few times.) By the time everything had been cleaned and dried, lunch was ready (The meat tasted weird.)
The girls were kind enough to leave things the way they were. And better yet, they managed to come to an agreement. Ren could sit on my shoulder during the day. And Amina would cuddle with me during the night after we would make camp. I was cool with that. And I was more than happy to call it a day after we had eaten. "It has been a long day." (You said it, buddy!)