Gemini – Chapter 7

Reality dawns.

Ashe, cross-legged by a meagre fire, watches me sadly. She has put on some of her clothes, marks of her reclaimed humanity. Just her bra covers her torso, keeping her wound exposed in case it opens without her knowledge. I roll beneath my fur and look up through rheum-heavy eyes, like a wife urging a restless partner back to bed. 'How are you feeling?'

'I…' she wavers, like her ears are playing tricks. 'After all that's happened, you're worried about me?'

'You tried to kill yourself.'

'No! That was just…' she cowers. 'I… I was being selfish. I drew attention away from you because…'

'You went beyond a single thrust, Ashe. That wasn't a cry for help.'

'I wasn't going all the way, I think… it's all a blur. Everything's a blur.'

'Wake me up next time. I don't want you sitting alone with your guilt.'

'I had this fire for companionship, and I won't hurt myself anymore. However bad I feel, I was wrong to decide my punishment.'

'I think we both were.' Knowing how precious our agreement is, we share hopeful glances. 'Do you want the lights back on?'

'Yes, I'd love to see your magic.'

I rise on all-fours and totter precariously, my balance disturbed with asymmetrical pain. One leg aches with pierced muscle, while the other glows with the heat of my sprain. 'Ugh, could you help me walk? I'd rather depend on you than crawl through the dirt.'

Her smile touches her eyes. 'Of course.' Almost leaping with joy, she drapes my arm across her broad shoulders.

Gazing over the waterfall of her platinum hair, the colour of sea-spray, I feel tall for the first time in years, and kiss her on the cheek. 'Thank you.'

She looks up in amazement. 'Is this real?'

I turn her jaw and claim her lips, both of us revelling in my new power. 'Yes.'

Once I've put the stars back in our sky, she places her hand over mine where I touch the rock. 'I still can't believe you're a mage. It's like we share this beautiful secret.' She laughs. 'I'm being silly. Volibear must know, right?'

'He's been through my dreams. There are few things he doesn't.'

'I'm jealous. I want a secret of my own.'

'You'll get your chance, I'm sure.' Heading back, we sit down with the fire between us, giving each other the space to be lucid. I'm still naked from the waist up, so, grabbing a blanket, I cover myself to keep Ashe's eyes on my face. We can't simply resolve our problems with attraction. I have to banish one fear before it consumes her. 'Listen, Ashe, I could have fought back.'

'And you could have said "yes" but a refusal wouldn't have stopped me. For all the responsibility you place on victims, I threw us into the depths. You didn't pull us down.'

'I could have left, when you gave me fair warning.'

'You'd have limped across the Freljord on your sprain?'

What's a twisted ankle to rising from the dead? 'I've endured worse.'

'You have now. Perhaps you would have been safer, crawling through the wilderness.'

'I made my choice. How rash must I be to deserve my punishment?'

'A punishment fits the crime! At worst, you deserve a quick, honourable death but I humiliated you, stripped away your clothes, your dignity, your sense of self. I watched it all go… then you told me you might never come back!' She pleads with her hands. 'With all the brutality you've witnessed, at home and at war, could you honestly say that anyone tortured you so much?'

'I…' There's no way out of this. 'I can't remember the pain of birth. Now I have some idea of what it was like.' I was told my screams were endless, and that my parents abandoned me as a weakling. A full ten days later, someone found me in a drift, silent and alive. I was a miracle they couldn't ignore.

She protests. 'Your birth was necessary. What happened was…'

'A little death… and I have to begin again somehow.'

'I understand. From the bottom of my heart, I'm sorry for the pain I've caused. I'm sorry for making you cry. There's no reason to feel ashamed.'

'What is reason compared to force?' I look into the flames. They're shrinking now, like my world, my possibilities. 'I've been fettered in shame for so long, and I've searched high and low for an escape. I leave one cage for another… title… body… soul… but love? Love is the smallest cage of all. Within its low, narrow confines, you can only bow to one of two moral horizons… the shame of acknowledging your superior… or the shame of loving a weaker person. When you claimed your eight-score pounds of flesh, I don't know whether I surrendered or gave into paralysis and made no choice at all.'

'So that's why you urge my darkness… to justify your love?'

'I don't see it as darkness but… yes. It was a mistake. You can be whomever you wish, and your strength grows without my interference. I still think you'd achieve more with us but I doubt anything would suppress you for long.'

'Yes, and we're finding out the hard way.' She gives a brief, crooked smile. 'Are you calling a truce?'

'Even if I stepped aside, Volibear would take my place. Our conflict goes beyond us. You know that.'

'All too well.' Ashe toys with her bra. 'That's kind of what brought me here.'

'You've been silent about your reasons. Were you hoping I'd press you?'

'No, I was looking for some indication that you wouldn't merely approve. I needed more from you, Sejuani.'

'Without knowing what's happened, I can't make any promises.'

'Then could you at least respond as a person rather than a chieftain?'

As if that's an option following our trials. 'I can't just forget parts of myself.'

'Then I'll have to make do with your honesty.' She prepares for a long explanation by settling back onto her palms and frustrating any wish to cower. 'So… I'm guessing you knew about the Demacians?'

Udyr was all over that like a rash. 'You were making overtures?'

'Yes, with their help, I thought I could win through sheer numbers.'

'Hmm… they'd struggle with the climate. Your chances would be very good, yes, but Demacia's casualties would outnumber yours and be mourned for generations. Your descendants would pay back their loss tenfold. Is that what you want for your children?'

'I'd thought about all this. Debt can be managed like any other resource and I'd already tapped their self-interest. Old King Jarvan's apparently very concerned with a hostile Freljord allying with Noxus.'

'Under my leadership?' Ashe nods. 'You must be joking.' I have no time for Noxus. They're a pack of chancers playing at war, dolling themselves up in bones and blades while true fighters get on with it. Of course, their greatest warrior lives in exile.

'I may have… embellished one scenario.' She takes obvious pride in her guile. 'He sent his eldest son. Prince Jarvan was more sceptical but he loves to help the righteous, and his mage was keen to get her hands bloody, so the bait worked.'

I frown as I picture the Demacian vanguard. Other magic users make effective anchors for clairvoyance when our seers conjure distant lands from their cauldrons. One figure was particularly vivid. 'Am I thinking of the right woman?'

Ashe grins. 'You certainly are.'

'The prattling society girl with the dead eyes and painted smile who dresses like an overgrown fairy?'

'That's her, Luxanna. She's cold as ice and whip-smart.' Ashe grins and licks her teeth. 'You're into cruel, girly women. I think you'd like her.'

'Hmph. I'll take your word about her charms but I prefer lovers with passion.'

'Oh my… you're giving me butterflies.' Her flirtatious manner doesn't last. She's too conscious of the harm she's done to be so much as gallant. 'Either way, she wasn't an issue. There was another woman.'

Frustratingly, the rest of the Demacian entourage was unclear, though two others made an impression, one with magic and one with inhuman presence. 'I can only recall a musician, who, I'm guessing, was another mage, and a half-dragon.'

Ashe becomes a furtive teenager, smug at hiding a partner from disapproving eyes, or plunder from a chieftain. 'You didn't see her. No one does.'

'A planewalker?'

'No, just a plain girl, awkward, forgettable… sweet.' Ashe offers an apologetic smile after the last word, as if regretting a slip of the tongue.

I know where she's going with this. Without conviction, I say, 'We lead separate lives. You don't have to remain celibate.'

'I can't do celibacy.' Her eyes follow the bare line of my sternum. 'To you, love is a cage. To me… love is a dancing flame beneath a lonely mountain path, enticing me down from a noble peak into warm darkness.' Her voice, loaded with desire, still paralyses me. Her forceful need and my ready submission will not forever dissolve in a single savage night. 'After welcoming Jarvan, I couldn't sleep… thanks to you… so I crawled off to the shooting range to drown my sorrows in archery. That's where I saw Quinn.'

Ashe gnaws on her lip, as though pondering how to continue. My heart sinks with realisation. 'You didn't simply drag her to your bed. You got involved.' Ashe doesn't reply. 'Tell me. You can't change what's done. I can look after myself.'

'Haven't we established that you can't?'

How do I leave such openings? I guess I've always been a scrapper, not a duellist. 'Yes, but I'm still here.'

'Only because you don't have a choice.'

I'm growing impatient. 'Are you stalling? If you don't want to tell me then hold your tongue. Don't use me as an excuse.'

Ashe looks hurt. 'You're my priority, not an excuse.'

My wrath breaks upon her declaration. 'I… I know. Just don't insist on my weakness. I get it. You think my pride will deter me from speaking up. Unfortunately, it's hard for you to second guess without scoring points.'

'Yes, and we both lose patience.' Ideas form and separate while she drums her fingers. 'Do you have nothing I can work with?'

'I confess that hearing about an emotional affair will… unsettle me but I was honest about liking passionate women. I'd happily risk a few burns to know your fire.'

'But you always have to push and risk everything. I don't want a repeat of earlier.'

'That won't happen.' A tooth can only be pulled once. 'But I can set limits if it would help.'

'Yes, definitely!' She's overjoyed. I'm sharing my fears, a true gesture of intimacy.

'While mountains lie between us, I can bear you making love to someone else… but if you start a family then I will become your endless nightmare.'

She gawps in terror. 'Sejuani, I… have to provide an heir!'

'Then you will have to kill me, or neither of us will ever know peace.'

Her eyes widen. 'But I…' she slumps. 'I'd be really happy for you if…'

'No, Ashe, there's no reciprocation. I can't explain my feelings. They just… are.'

'That's… wow, I'm not sure how to… should I be scared, flattered?' I've no suggestions. 'You're very much playing the part of the barbarian warmonger if that's any comfort.'

'I doubt anything would soothe my pain if that scenario came to be.'

'Well, I'm glad you mentioned it.' Ashe toys with her split ends. 'I planned on having a child, sooner rather than later.'

'Do as you will. I've said what I must. We should… move on.'

Ashe nods. Her mouth twitches in a wounded smile. With dry humour she says, 'I believe my regrettable affair should make a nice diversion.'

'You said her name was Quinn?'

'She was barely an adult… physically nineteen but… younger, really.' Her tension thaws, even as her blush deepens. I realise that Ashe doesn't relax often, at least with me. 'Quinn lived a normal, wretched life, born to a farmer, lost her brother, joined up as a ranger… then she pursued a Noxian agent, and found herself in Prince Jarvan's entourage. Her best friend was a giant eagle, which tells you everything about her people skills. I guess Jarvan was doing a shy girl a favour by letting her keep watch.'

'Oh, I get it, a commoner for him to wheel out or hide when it suits him. She could earn true respect if she joined us.'

'I'd pass on your invitation but she's… loyal to her country.' Those four words are laden with regret.

'She's a Demacian with all the privileges of rank. I doubt she'll rise above any time soon.'

'You don't have the means to pass judgement!' Ashe replies with alarming fervour. 'She has depths that are still blooming. I hope Runeterra sees them one day.'

'Perhaps… I wouldn't hold your breath.'

'Sejuani, could you give it a rest? I thought you were good with this.'

'I am but you're investing a lot in someone who could only disappoint you.'

She waggles her eyebrows at me. 'Really, now?'

I flinch. 'Life as a Winter's Claw chieftain is falling short, every day that you throw a less than ideal punch or fail to crush your enemies. I may let you down but I promise to do so honestly, which is more than you'll get from any Demacian.'

'I'm Avarosan. How many times have I beaten your expectations?'

'Plenty.' Questioning her bloodline reeks of desperation. I concede. 'Fine, you've made your point. I'm doubtful her spark will survive her circumstance but something must have drawn your gaze if she were plain as you describe.'

'It was her loneliness. Our love is a taboo subject in Demacia. Quinn had obviously given up on adulthood, remaining a girl rather than half a woman.' Ashe covers her face with both hands. 'I was crazy enough to believe that a scout wouldn't recognise a queen without finery, so I took a false name to seduce her, to share a little bit of comfort and acceptance.'

'Wait.' I join the dots. 'Are you telling me this… whore led you on, used you then ran to Jarvan with a blow-by-blow account of your dalliance? Please don't say that he refused your terms because of that!'

'I wasn't what I said I was. He couldn't fully trust…'

I'm shouting. This rot is the kind of low hypocrisy from which Ashe needs rescuing. 'Your choice of partner has nothing to do with him! It has no effect on your prowess in battle or the wealth at your command. If anything, he should feel honoured. You spurned your own fair maidens to foul your bed with his… token drudge.'

'I'm supposed to be monogamous! The Demacians are big on virtue and…'

'As skin deep as everyone else!' Why didn't one person at her court say the following? 'I know what your crime was. Jarvan had other plans for this girl, personal ones, and you shattered them by revealing her taste!'

Ashe goes blank. 'Oh, sweet Avarosa, why didn't I think? Everything's in place… a fairy tale for the masses. Prince Jarvan weds an ordinary girl, becomes a man of the people. He loses no face with the gentry because all he has to do is knight a proven hero.' She begins to panic. 'If she can't fulfil her purpose then… dear Quinn, what have I done?'

'She betrayed you!'

'For the sake of a woman's touch before she died!' She's actually crying over this traitorous waif. 'I might have been her only chance! How could she refuse me? How could a loyal solider hide intelligence from her liege? I backed her into a corner. She was a girl, remember? Only a girl…'

'You were fifteen when you took charge!'

'I was fully grown by then. She wasn't.'

I feel a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. I'm pleased with Ashe's carnal defiance of her gilded cage, humbled as I could never solely quench her thirst, envious that others know her body and soul… but most of all, I'm angry that some callow bitch repaid Ashe's generosity with betrayal then retained victimhood. 'If she's old enough to plunge a knife into your back, she's old enough to be responsible. I swear, if I catch her, she'll get a hiding that she'll remember for the rest of her short life!'

Ashe takes my hand. 'Sej?' Her cool touch lessens my storm to a drop of water on a calm lake. 'I'm glad you care but a frightened young woman is not responsible for all my troubles… even if she does make you jealous?' I blow out my cheeks in dismissal. 'Quinn led me on but, in her position, I'd have done exactly the same thing. She's already been punished, at her request. You don't have to do anything. Her blood is… on my hands.' With unexpected violence, Ashe clutches my shoulder tight enough to leave a mark. 'I… I'm sorry, I need a hug.' Receiving her to my bosom, I draw the fur across. 'Thank you.' Her lashes are wet as they brush my skin. 'So much pain. I could have stopped it all by not existing. You'd have your identity… my people would have Demacian allies. You could fall as an icon, or live in harmony with us. Either way, you'd be happy… rather than...' she trails off.

Generally speaking, I'd shorten "live in harmony" to "fester" but Ashe's vulnerability stows my tongue. 'I can't imagine Tryndamere brokering a deal by himself.'

'You'd be surprised.' Ashe can form sentences without angst if Tryndamere's the subject. He's of little consequence. 'However rustic, his charms, he can parley with the best of them.'

Sadly, for the world, he's always had a nose and a mouth. It's more his lack of direction that I fault. 'Would he show initiative, set things in motion, without your prodding?'

'Eh… now that he's got experience, I think he would. At least, Anivia would keep him focused.'

'Anivia helps run your tribe?' It's old news that she backed Ashe's reign but I didn't think Anivia strayed from her lair to play an active part in government. I'll have to keep this in mind.

'She tries, bless her.'

'Do cryophoenixes have political ambitions?'

'I doubt it. She's just a busybody.'

'Without any challenges to your power, I'm guessing your exile is voluntary.'

'That's right. Only Tryndamere knows the full story, but others were close enough to draw conclusions. I don't envy his job, explaining what happened with as little commotion as possible, though he makes any damage seem trivial.' You lose your clan, you gain perspective. 'He did recommend I get a concubine so I don't eye up foreign agents.'

'Why stop at one? You clearly have the resources and appetite for more.'

'Please don't back him up!' She pats my belly in reproach. 'He knows I'm obsessed with you, by the way. He worked that one out for himself.'

'Really?' Ashe nods. Her cheekbone skirts my nipple. 'Do you keep a diary?'

'Not exactly, my journals of erotica dwell behind three locks. He's just observant and willing to bend logic when it suits him. Everyone dismisses Tryndamere. They respect me far too much.' Ashe disentangles our clinch and I see her face, bare, spent and open. Blotches of raw skin map out a landscape of lines, pores and bruises. Her forehead is etched with concern. Often, I'm so deep under the spell of her divine bearing, I forget she's older than me, with all the scars of age and stress. 'I came here to give my people a taste of independence, make them realise how valuable they are without their false idol. Meanwhile, I could rediscover this country, learn how to serve it as just another broken woman.'

'You're… teaching them self-reliance?'

'I thought you'd approve.' Ashe chuckles. 'We're not a lost cause.'

I wonder if she has an answer to the question plaguing us both. 'How do you lead a country as… half a person?'

'I…' She looks around the cave, as if the walls might contain a hidden truth. 'I don't know, Sej. Without help, it seems impossible, and help is fleeting and imperfect. Solitude revealed so much when I was a girl but, when I came here, the silence grew deafening. I couldn't think any more… well, not constructively. Staring into space, pulling out my hair, bathing obsessively, not bathing at all… I wasted so much time feeling anxious, trapped and miserable.'

'You should have left.'

'I couldn't.' She brushes my fringe and smiles unhappily. 'We both know why… the darkness, that awful paralysis, when you couldn't save yourself.'

'Helplessness.'

'You understand.' She touches my lips. 'I thought you would. It was in your kiss.' Her arm drops and she looks away before she loses control. 'The message I fired was a distress call. My people don't know I'm here. No Volibear will come for me.'

'That's…'

'Dangerous? Irresponsible? Yes… I've been here thirty-three days. The mask has already begun to slip.' Her voice cracks with shame. 'As you know.'

Lifting her chin, I draw her gaze back. 'Let it fall. I accept who you are.'

We meet. Ashe's mouth swallows mine, softly consuming all my disparate selves with loving hunger, while I happily surrender them to her need. As my scorned, sensitive body cries for validation, I find myself opening up in subtle ways, pushing out my chest, exposing my throat. Ashe breaks off, and I regain my composure. We must find a safe path before we stumble into the dangerous morass of our sexual identities. 'Thank you,' she says. 'I may not like the parts of me that you do but I should express my gratitude.'

'I won't insist on your corroboration if you're too sore.'

'That would help.' She pats my leg. 'I know you mean well but… you can seem like you're disregarding my feelings.'

'I'm just angry they cause you needless pain.'

'I get it. You don't have to be defensive, just… maybe let these things run their course rather than stomping everything out.'

Her complaint is familiar. Volibear's well-meaning interference can be frustrating when I'd sooner be left alone. 'I'll try. Stomping things out is what I do best.'

Ashe groans, rolling her eyes in fond irritation. 'I'll regret saying this but… it's part of your charm.' She pauses. 'Having said that, you've been really quiet, ever since we fought Lissandra.'

'You're objecting? I have resources to manage as well.'

'And I have big charts of your activity from year to year, so I can see discrepancies.' I knew my excuses wouldn't fly, not when it happened in front of her. 'When Lissandra sprung her trap, I… felt you die.'

'Yes.'

Her arms leap, as if protecting her from a lethal strike. 'What happened?'

I'm potentially costing us the war. She'll know how vulnerable we truly are. 'Kalista.'

'The Spear of Vengeance?' Ashe knows my fate already. This is her staggering the blow, as if hearing it in little pieces will dampen its impact.

'Yes, I gave her my soul for this… half-life. She took away my future, my vision of a world to be, my dreams. I go to sleep in darkness, wake up in darkness. My leadership is a joke. Volibear maintains a pitiful charade, when he should have killed me.'

Knocking the wind out of my lungs, Ashe engulfs me, sending us both to the ground. She begs between loud sobs and a hailstorm of kisses. 'No! You can't vanish into her swarm! I… I thought… if I couldn't spend my life here, learning to be with you… I could soar through the heavens until I found your star! Please don't go… forever… please don't…' Her cries dissolve into wordless bawling. Who can speak at their own funeral? I can't say anything to console her. 'Why… how could you do this to me?'

Her selfish demand reassures me. 'I had to save the future.'

'No!' She pounds weakly on my shoulder. 'You can't let me off! I know what happened! I was there! For once in your life, blame me!'

'I… I had to save you.'

She falls back and screams like an erupting volcano. While she vents her anguish, I quickly move all dangerous objects away from her, before they threaten her life a second time. Her intense purge ends in a spasm of coughing. She doubles-up, hacking and spluttering until she crushes her temples between her palms. 'Ugh, my head, I'm… going to be sick!' Racing through the dirt on all-fours, Ashe nearly careers into the stream. I support her while she vomits. When she's done, I rest her head in my lap and wipe her face. 'Why… why didn't you tell me?' There's broken glass in her crystal voice. 'I never would have… assaulted you if…'

'I'd rather you did that a thousand times than treated me like an invalid.'

'You… have… no… soul!' Ashe protests. 'And you lost it for my sake… you… stubborn, silly bitch. I'm… so mad at you right now.'

'Good.' She can take her frustration out on me, rather than herself.

I hum a plaintive melody from a song of the wilderness, the closest thing I know to a lullaby. She grows childlike as the circular pattern, without a crescendo, suggests open harmonies rather than predestination. Ashe looks up. 'Sejuani?'

'Yes?'

'You love me so much that you'd give up your soul?'

'I… guess I do.' The bare conclusion startles me. 'Close your eyes and think on that. Forget everything else.'

While Ashe half-dozes in my lap, I feel strong. Even if this body fails, I can emotionally bear her fury, her longing, her sadness. When I was praised for my feminine bounty as a girl, I saw it as a curse. When Ashe gorges upon it, I become taller than a mountain, broad as the horizon. Even when she pushes me down, I beckon forth her desire.

Suddenly, her gaze, cold and bright, fixes on mine. I wet my lips at her steel when she declares, 'I'm going to save you.'

Once, I believed in possibility, while Ashe believed in high walls. Her new determination to push limits, rather than impose them, is a triumph. 'Kalista dwells beyond our plane. How could you reach her?'

'With the resources of a monarch, and a legendary being who passes between life and death.'

'Anivia?' While I'd love to be rid of that interfering old bird, I have to voice my concern before Ashe blunders into peril. 'Her magic and immortality are bound with the Freljord. If she leaves her element while Kalista remains in hers…'

'I know that. All I need is an open gate. I can do the rest!'

Her passion is overwhelming and… romantic. Ashe means to cross over personally to fight an aspect of the cosmos. How can so great a warrior come from so weak a tribe? 'You can't risk…'

Ashe ignores me, the battle-rage consuming her thoughts. 'I am a predator, a monster!' she raises her clenched fist. 'I have denied it long enough, brought agony to those I love! Instead, I will harness my cruelty… and I will cut a bloody swathe across the afterlife until I've reclaimed your soul!' Ashe kisses me with possessive ardour. 'We will be together. Should I fall to Kalista, we'll be valkyries, bringing justice to…'

'No,' I say, lifting an arm and softly breaking her grip.

'Wh… what?' Ashe gawps while she tries to recover her lost thread.

'You can't join Kalista. Vengeance would suit me… but you, the champion of mercy? You'd tear yourself apart.'

'All this time you've insisted…'

'You shouldn't compromise yourself.' I take her hands in mine. 'Don't become something you're not, especially for me.'

'You're impossible.' Ashe hugs me. Her long sigh of tender frustration kisses my neck. 'I'm glad you acknowledge my gentle side, once in a while, but you should take your own advice. You've sacrificed enough, and instead of paying you back, I took advantage.'

'You did nothing wrong. If you mean to further your cause, you should take advantage when…'

'Sej…'Ashe draws out my name in a kindly scold. I gasp when she playfully circles my breast. Lifting my head back in arousal, I meet her knowing grin. 'I understand. I really do. My princess wants to keep her virtue while I have my wicked way with her. There's nothing wrong with that. However, you can't experience the real thing without real pain.' I dare not answer. Rebuffing her suspicions would only make them worse. 'If earning your love means honouring your traditions then I will do my best… once you're back at full strength.'

'There's no such thing as an equal fight. Should you wait for one, we'll end up where we started, rattling swords across the Freljord until we die from old age.' Ashe looks at me, pleading for a lifeline. 'However, I'll be patient if it means you won't harm yourself again.'

'I'm not looking for perfection, just something better than what happened. If you had seen your distress… all of your words won't convince me that was right.'

I show her my bracelet. 'Ignore them. As long as I'm wearing this, I will accept you, no matter how much I protest.'

Ashe reaches for the jewellery but every time her fingers draw close, they dart away. 'My… proposal gift, I couldn't bear to mention it and wake up. Is it…?' She gulps.

'Yes, it is real. Volibear conducted a ritual so we could explore my dreams. They were sapping my will to fight and we had to do something. When I stirred, your bracelet was on my wrist. Apparently, the storm leaves minor tokens of discord if you provide inspiration. I… couldn't bring myself to remove it.'

'Oh, it's like a ballad! Thank you for keeping it.' She gathers the courage to examine further. 'Sorry to say but I reckon it's every bit as cheap as the one "I" made. Six karat, fake as Avarosan wine.'

'So what? I'd have this over any meaningless bauble.' Why does jewellery have importance beyond ornamentation or sentiment?

'I'm a queen, and you deserve better than a peasant heirloom.'

'And you're missing the point.'

'I'm allowed to be critical of my own handiwork.' She frowns at the miniscule imperfections of her motif. 'Swear that you'll take it off when I go too far. Don't worry that you'll offend me.'

'Such a loaded gesture will hurt you.'

'Not as much as the alternative. Maybe… I could have it when you're feeling sore? You could find shelter without having to… break off our engagement.' We fall silent, aware that we're treating an absurd fantasy like a real, historical fact. Anyone listening would think we were mad or children. I guess both groups are foolish and wise in profound ways. 'However, you should really find another badge of your consent.'

'I'll see what I can do.'

'Good.' She kisses my cheek. 'So Volibear does know everything. Should I slap him?'

'What he's observed is punishment enough.' His concern for my well-being is a knife, plugging an artery. Poor Volibear can't remove the blade without ending himself.

'You are blatantly his darling little girl and he values your trust. I'm sure he's grateful… really…' she pauses, like she's discovered a pattern. 'Sej?'

'What?'

'Are you scared of that bracelet?'

I'm taken by surprise. 'Eh… material evidence of your claim was inconvenient. You can bury thoughts. I couldn't bury this without… you know.' She glows in approval. 'But I've gotten used to it. Why do you ask?'

'You're holding it at arm's length.'

I follow her gaze. 'Oh, that's just so I can… see…' Horror dawns. I know I can perceive the details up close, even if it's a… bit harder to… focus… and… I've got a headache. With an angry bark, I slump in defeat. 'Of all the things to come true…'

Ashe consoles me with gentle strokes. 'You're longsighted, aren't you?'

'No, I… always found it easier to look into the distance. It was a good thing! A blessing!' I thump the ground. 'Ancestors, damn you! Which one of you dogs thrust your stupid cock into a blind whore? To think you'd poison our bloodline with…' Ashe pulls me tight and lays kisses upon every part of my head. When she reaches my neck, I feel her tears on my cheek. 'Ashe?'

'I'm sorry! This is horrible for you but…' she's beaming uncontrollably. 'I can't help it. I'm so glad!'

'Why?'

She kisses both my eyes then my lips. Our foreheads meet, and Ashe breathes her answer. 'Because… I finally have my secret.'