(18) I Won't Let Go
A/N: just one thing, I'm going to format the songs like this because they've already done the first one on the show and the parts go to their respective singers, and the second song had more of an inspirational and symbolic purpose :) onwards my noble steeds!
XXX
I'm Right Here To Catch You
Kurt walked into the choir room the next day, not at all surprised to see Mercedes, Santana, and Tina all sitting on stools as if they were going to sing.
He sighed. As much as he didn't think he needed help with his situation, it was glee club, and he supposed all they were doing was singing.
Mercedes smiled, and was the first to speak. "You know you're one of my best friends, Kurt." She said. "And I know you don't approve of this whole thing the club's been doing, but I just wanna let you know that you can take this song however you want, because its for you..."
She nodded to Santana, who started off the song.
Regrets collect like old friends
Here to relive your darkest moments
I can see no way, I can see no way
And all of the ghouls come out to play
Tina came in when the guitar started strumming.
And every demon wants his pound of flesh
But I like to keep some things to myself
I like to keep my issues drawn
It's always darkest before the dawn
And I've been a fool and I've been blind
I can never leave the past behind
I can see no way, I can see no way
I'm always dragging that horse around
Kurt wiped at his eyes, wishing letting go we're that easy.
Our love is questioned, such a mournful sound
Tonight I'm gonna bury that horse in the ground
So I like to keep my issues drawn
But it's always darkest before the dawn
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
And given half the chance would I take any of it back
It's a fine romance but it's left me so undone
It's always darkest before the dawn
Oh whoa, oh whoa...
He hung his head down, the sob stuck in his throat getting harder and harder to hold back with each note. The song made him feel hopeful, and after all he'd been through, he just didn't want to go through the pain of thinking that things just might get better, just to have reality crash down on him like a ruthless wave.
And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me, yeah
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
Shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, shake it out, ooh whoa
And it's hard to dance with a devil on your back
So shake him off, oh whoa
When it was over, he shook his head. "You guys just don't get it..." He whispered. He wiped his eyes again. "Getting over something like this isn't just that easy!" He yelled. "You can't just sing a couple of songs and expect me to be fine..! I am terrified to let myself be happy, even for just a second, because anytime that happens, the universe decides to make my life a living hell..." He paused for a moment. "I-I just can't go through that again."
And with that, he ran out of the room and straight to his car, where maybe he could find some relief. He didn't notice that Blaine was right behind him until he had already climbed in the car.
He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned around, tears streaming down his face. He ran a hand though his hair, shaking his head. "I don't know if I can do it anymore." He whimpered. "It's just so hard."
Blaine held him to his chest and stroked his hair, not really having any words of comfort. Instead, he just rocked him slowly and sang along to the song playing softly on the radio.
You can never say never
While we don't know when
Time, time, time again
Younger now than we were before
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
Don't let me go
He stopped and looked at his disheveled boyfriend. "I promise to never let you go, never let you fall," he tenderly placed a kiss on the top of his forehead. "I'll always be there for you."
XXX
Karofsky was rummaging around through drawers and the closet when Azimio walked in.
Karofsky turned on him. "Where are they!?" He shouted.
Azimio looked at him in disbelief. "What the fuck are you doing? You can't just go through all my stuff! We said you could live here until this thing blows over, but stop this!"
"WHERE THE FUCK ARE THEY!?" Karofsky shouted, pulling out a drawer and throwing it on the ground. The air was still, the room silent, until he took a deep breath and tried to calm down to explain. "The steroids you gave me, Z. And all the other drugs... Where?"
Azimio shook his head forcefully. "No, dude, I don't think you're ok to be taking any more."
He scoffed, shaking his head at the floor. "I don't want to take them..." He paused and looked up at his friend. "I want to sell them..." Azimio's eyes widened in shock. "Or throw them off a bridge, just– I need to get rid of them..."
"What are you talking about?"
"They fucked up my entire life!" Screamed David. "I was high as a goddamned kite when I did what I did! I never thought I could do something that–that horrible..." He slammed his fist against the wall, and when the vibrations stopped and everything grew still, he whispered. "But I did..."
Azimio's face scrunched up in confusion. "Wait... Are you talking about what happened with Hummel?"
"What else would I be talking about?" He sighed, sinking to the floor and burying his face in his hands. "I'm never going to be able to escape it..."
"Dude, that jury found you not guilty, alright? If the rumors start up, you can just move to another town, or something. This doesn't have to ruin you're life."
"You don't get it," Karofsky sighed. "It's not the reputation that matters! What matters is that I raped him! I could have killed him! I am a danger to everyone around me, and I am not letting myself make that mistake again!" He paused to catch his breath. He swallowed. "Just the knowledge that I truly fucked up his entire life, that's sometimes too much for me to handle... And I know, that if he feels half as shitty as I do, then I understand what a truly horrible and fucked up person I am..." He looked up at Azimio with red, puffy, eyes.
"When I said I couldn't escape it... I wasn't talking about a record... I was talking about the guilt..."
XXX
Kurt walked in to the choir room to see Blaine sitting on a stool in front of the rest of the New Directions.
He sighed, feeling a little better about this whole week's assignment of singing to him, and decided to just go along with it for once.
"Kurt." Blaine started. "I don't know how else to make you realize how much you actually mean to me." He said, his voice a stark contrast to the silence that filled the room just moments before. "I love you. So much more than I can physically describe... I'm not going anywhere."
The slow piano intro started and Blaine started singing.
It's like a storm
That cuts a path
It breaks your will
It feels like that
You think you're lost
But you're not lost on your own
you're not alone
As the chorus started, Blaine stood up.
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
If you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go
Right before the second verse started, Blaine saw Kurt wipe at his eyes and his voiced wavered and cracked on the first line.
It hurts my heart
To see you cry
I know it's dark
This part of life
Oh it finds us all (it finds us all)
And we're too small
To stop the rain
Oh but when it rains
On the second chorus, the rest of the choir started up with the harmonies.
I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope
I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let you fall
It was at this moment that Kurt realized how much support he had. God, he was going through a horrible part of his life, but he wasn't alone. He had Finn, and Rachel, and Tina, and Artie, and Mercedes, and the football players, and the Cheerios...
Don't be afraid to fall
I'm right here to catch you
I won't let you down
It won't get you down
you're gonna make it
Yeah I know you can make it
But most of all, he had Blaine.
Cause I will stand by you
I will help you through
When you've done all you can do
And you can't cope (you can't cope!)
And I will dry your eyes
I will fight your fight
I will hold you tight
And I won't let go!
It was here that the entire group made their way towards Kurt, then everyone but Blaine stopped.
Blaine kept walking until he was in front of Kurt, and kneeled down, grabbing his hands and singing the last lines softly and directly at him.
Oh I'm gonna hold you
And I won't let go
Won't let you go
No I won't
As soon as the song was over, Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine's neck and pulled him close for a kiss. Blaine very gently cupped Kurt's cheek and sank deeper into the kiss.
After a few moments, they pulled apart. "I love you." Kurt said softly. He looked up at the smiling New Directions behind them. "I love all of you." He stood up, bringing his boyfriend up with him. "And I just want you to know that I don't think I could have made it through any of this without your support... I'm getting stronger every day, I can feel it." He smiled a teary eyed smile and looked at Blaine. "And it's all because of you."
XXX
A/N: yeah been a while sorry :/ but just so you know we are very near the end! Three chapters at the most. Maybe less. Peace!