Sitting at the kitchen table, nursing a mug of hot coffee, Carol couldn't control the way her leg bounced up and down as if it had a life of its own. That paired with the way her heart refused to return to a normal pace (the coffee probably not helping that matter) told her that her nerves were getting the better of her, though they would continue to do so. She didn't know how to stop them.
She was still waiting for Ezekiel to return home. It was getting later and later, and he was supposed to be home by now. Work finished five hours ago and it was less than an hours drive from their home to the zoo-he had never been this late before, not even when he'd stayed behind to aid in the rehabilitation of a rejected tiger cub, but at least then he'd rung. This time there was nothing, and she was sure if there was an emergency, whether it be at the zoo or something he'd come across on the road, he would have called as he always did, knowing that she would be worried without him doing so.
Sighing in worry and frustration (frustration at what she didn't know, maybe it was herself for overreacting or at Ezekiel for leaving her in this state in the first place), she stands up and makes her way over to the window. It was a beautiful night, the silver moon making the thick blanket of snow shine against the dark background of the sky. It was still snowing, though less heavily than before, the snow falling slowly and serenely, contrasting to her ill contained panic and annoyance. Carol sat in the window seat, surveying the scene outside.
There was a couple walking, both wrapped up to protect themselves from the cold, holding hands as they smiled at each other, clearly in love. She smiled, thinking about all the walks she and Ezekiel had taken, both in the summer and the winter. If only he were here and they could be doing the same; maybe she too could see the beauty in the snow and the moon, seeing the world through the dreamer's eyes Ezekiel had given her. But rather than revelling in the magic, she was stuck inside, worrying more and more about Ezekiel with each minute that passed where he had yet again neglected to come home or even call.
Knowing that she needed to calm herself somehow, Carol once more went over what everyone had told her. At some point she had called everyone she could think of, hoping that they would have some insight as to Ezekiel's whereabouts. There were The Grimes', The Dixon's, The Rhee's, and just about anyone else in her contact list. She had even called Jerry back at The Kingdom to see if Ezekiel had simply decided to work later than had usual and had forgotten to tell her, but he'd only heightened her concerns, confirming Ezekiel's departure at the expected time.
Ever since the calls she had been racking her brain for an explanation as to where he could be, each time coming up with nothing. She had thought about it one, twice, thrice and yet again, each time proving no more fruitful than the last.
Deciding to focus on the outside once more, her trance was only broken by her phone ringing, vibrating against the counter she had discarded it on a while ago after figuring that watching it and waiting would only prove to make her feel worse. Not even looking at the number, she picked it up to be greeted by a voice too solemn for her liking. It was laced with worry, yet remained calm, the person on the other end most likely hoping that it would have a similar effect on the poor soul they were speaking to. It didn't, of course, but at that moment the only thing that could calm her down now was the safe return of the man she loved.
The voice said that something had happened, that she needed to come right now. One glance at the number told her it was the hospital.
Her whole world crashed around her, and if it weren't for her vice like grip on the counter beside her she most definitely would have gone crashing to the floor right along with her phone, as well as her future and most good things in her life.
Thankful that she always made sure everything was in the right place for easy access, she grabbed her coat and bag, praying that her car keys were inside. They were, and after a few seconds of fumbling with it she started the ignition and pulled out of the drive, needing but not caring to calm her shaking hands which only shook harder at every little thing that got in her way, that got in her way of Ezekiel.
Stuck in road-works yet again, her mind goes to almost a year ago, to last December. She probably shouldn't allow herself to do so, it would only bring up even more emotions of grief and sorrow, but she does anyway, needing to remember a happier time.
It was Christmas Day, and everyone had been invited to spend it round Carol and Ezekiel's, both of them insisting upon it since Christmas had been hosted at everyone else's but theirs. This was not unusual, everyone in the group wanted to give as much as they received, so they were sort of expecting to be invited round theirs, though Rick was willing to host if the offer never came. What did come as a shock (to them at least), was that the invitation came first from Ezekiel, not Carol, though he had assured them she had agreed. Carol, for her part, knew he was up to something with the way he invited everyone so prematurely but said nothing and decided to wait and see what the day brought her.
Their house was full, as it always was around Christmas. With no family to speak of for either of them, their friends were their family, and they usually had them over around the holiday period, just not the day itself.
There was Daryl and Beth, Rick, Michonne, Carl, Judith and RJ, Glenn, Maggie and Hershel and, finally, Jerry, Nabila and their children. Currently everyone was lounged about in the living room after dinner, courtesy of Carol and Carol alone. She had been offered help by everyone, Ezekiel offering more than anyone else, but each offer was met with the same response. They though it would have been too much for one person to deal with by themselves but, as Ezekiel assured them she would, she had pulled it off flawlessly and no one could get enough, which had been good at the time, but in hindsight not so much.
With everyone recovering in the living room, the only sound that could be heard was the soft, muffled laughter of Carol and Judith, the only child who had managed to do more than remain wrapped in their parents arms or lay on the floor, curled up with Dog, who too had probably eaten more than he should have done. No one knew what they were up to, not even Ezekiel, but soon enough their questions were answered with the growing volume of laughter.
Judith came running into the living room first, half laughing half screeching, Carol following with arms outstretched and laughing just as much as the child running away from her in between her threats of being caught.
They were both covered in flour or icing sugar, which one was unclear. Both had it on their noses and cheeks, their clothes and hands completely covered by both dough and the powder. Thankfully Judith's dark hair had been spared the attack, the brunt of it taken by the hat Carl had given her a few years prior, though the same could not be said for Carol's deep auburn curls. They had been tied back to avoid just this, but had somehow ended up being lightly dusted with the powder in random patched anyway.
Judith ran right into Carl, who groaned at the sudden impact on his stomach. For a few minutes it was touch and go with whether he would keep his meal down, Carol even stopping in her tracks and moving back a few paces, but luckily nothing more came from it than the colour from his face vanishing for a few moments. Following his quick recovery, he scooped his sister into his arms, tickling her for all he was worth, transferring the white powder from her to him in the process.
Whilst this was going on, Ezekiel had taken his chance when he saw that Carol had stopped in her tracks after Carl's momentary turn. No sooner had Carol felt Ezekiel's arms around her waist than she was being pulled down to the armchair with him, warranting a small shriek of shock before he claimed her lips with his, thus silencing her squeals not too dissimilar from Judith's. Once both breathless, they pulled away. Ezekiel looked down to see Carol smiling up at him, her eyes sparkling as she brushed away some of the icing sugar that shifted from her to him during the whole ordeal. With the sweetness of her still in his mind and on his lips, he couldn't help but smile back.
Before they had a chance to say anything, Judith was requesting presents. This, while a simple request, brought the biggest grin to Ezekiel's face no one could figure out the origin of, not even Carol, who was sure that if he were a child he would be joining in with the pleas of the younger members of the family.
Presents were exchanged, mainly in favour of the children who were doted on by everyone, though some more sentimental gifts were exchanged between the adults. By the end of it the only gift that had yet to be given was Carol's from Ezekiel, something everyone had noticed. Ever since Ezekiel had been in her life, he had always celebrated everything with her, particularly Christmas and Birthdays. Neither one had the best upbringing and were deprived of simple things for one reason or another, so he always had something for her, just as she always had something for him-it was strange for him to not have something prepared.
"Uncle Zeke, where's your gift for Auntie Carol?" asked Judith, only voicing what everyone thought. Rick went to tell her not to be rude, to remember her manners, but Ezekiel shook his head, silently telling the other man that the child hadn't stepped out of line, at least not with him.
"Well" he began, focusing equally on Carol's reaction just as much as he was focused on Judith. "That information won't help us unless everyone has finished opening their gifts first"
Taking a quick glance around the room to ensure that she was correct, Judith nodded. "They are" she promised.
"In that case, would Miss Grimes care to join me in retrieving the gift?"
Once Rick had given the all clear to go, Judith nodded her hear, taking Ezekiel's hand so she could be guided upstairs. Carol gave Ezekiel a questioning look as he left the room which he did nothing to aid, simply grinning and continuing on his journey upstairs with Judith, the sparkle in his eyes capable of illuminating the entirety of Georgia.
Judith came back first, a glimmer in her eyes to rival Ezekiel's. Without giving an explanation, she took Carol's hands in hers and pulled her up from her seat, purposefully positioning her with her back towards the door Ezekiel would eventually walk through, bringing God knows what with him.
A set of familiar footsteps entered the room in sync with Judith going to sit between Daryl and Beth, Dog feeling left out and jumping up to lie across all three of them. Carol could see Judith squirming out of anticipation, and all of it combined would have made her turn round, but Ezekiel beat her to it, wrapping his arms round her waist and pulling her close from behind, resting his head on her shoulder. She could tell that he was both excited and nervous as they stood together in the middle of their friends, all of whom had stopped talking in favour of watching the couple.
"Open it" he instructed, laying out the palm of his hand in front of her to reveal a small box wrapped in gold paper.
"What is it?" she asked, taking the box in her hands and craning her neck round to search his gaze in the hope that she may be able to detect what the hell he was doing.
"Have you never received a gift before?" he teased, a hint of a chuckle colouring his words. "Not knowing is kind of the whole point"
"Fine. And I have received gifts before. You should know, Most of them came from you"
She unwrapped the delicate parcel carefully, pretending not to show that she missed the comforting sensation of Ezekiel being pressed against her back, his arms round her waist. Eventually the gold paper fluttered to the ground to be lost in amongst the bright red and greens the children had left in their wake.
Left in the palm of her hands there was a simple yet beautiful ring box, though when she opened it she found it to be empty. Confused, both about the whereabouts of the ring and the cause behind Beth, Maggie and Michonne's gasps, Carol finally turned around, which is right about when she lost all ability to speak.
Ezekiel was knelt before her, holding the aforementioned ring. It was the most beautiful ring she had even seen, the red garnet stone embedded into the ring as to prevent it from getting caught during her busy days. It was simple and Ezekiel couldn't have chosen better if he tried, but she could only look at it momentarily before finding Ezekiel's gaze as he smiled, thoroughly enjoying the look of shock on her face.
One hand covered her mouth as an astonished smile graced her lips, while the other still clasped at the ring box, holding it against her chest which now rose slightly deeper and faster than before. Her blue eyes were shining with shock and amazement as they began to fill with unshed tears of joy, and Ezekiel would be lying if he said that A) the icing sugar still dusting her face and her hair didn't make her even cuter and B) he was not at all amused that he was the cause of her reaction.
"Carol, from the moment I lay my eyes on you I knew I loved you, knew you were destined to be My Queen, even if you did stare at me with an expression that truly conveyed how confused and fed up you were with the whole ordeal; the play, the act, the man by your side and the life you were living, You must have thought me a mad man, up there on the stage, messing up my lines simply because I saw you; after that I was labelled an amateur, but I didn't care. I had you. Through these past six years my love has only grown, though it wouldn't be true if I said that seeing you in the audience no longer requires me to focus much harder. If I didn't, I would surely mess up again just like that night all those years ago. You know, for that show I was only an understudy, I wasn't meant to perform that night and I hadn't on the previous shows either. But that day, by some force of nature, I was required. It was the last screening of that particular show, and if you believe in destiny then that it the perfect example of it. I wasn't meant to be there, yet I was in the end, and here I am now, kneeling before that same beautiful woman and her friends, asking to be together forever. I want you forever, ever since that day and still from this one. Forever and always, through the good and the bad and the ugly. We can, and have, shared our weakest moments with each other, yet I have no doubt that you are the strongest woman I know and it is simply one of the many reasons why I love you. Your baby boy knew that too, and he would be so proud of how far you've come in this time. in fact I know he is proud, he continues to watch his mama each day that goes by and, just as I have, he has been honoured to know that he is in your life, that he simply had the opportunity to know you. Know that, no matter what you do, my love could never falter and I only ever want to make you happy and give you the life you truly deserve, We'll grow old together, if you'd be willing to have me that long. You and me, forever and always"
There was silence as she processed what was going on, the watchful eyes of her friends not even registering in her mind. She only had eyes for the man in front of her, the man that had just promised the rest of his life with her, if that's what she wanted.
Everyone waited with baited breath as they waited for her answer, the look of shock slowly morphing into one of love and happiness. Her hands found purchase on his shoulders as the biggest grin graced her lips. There were tears rolling down her cheeks, but she was practically glowing and, though when she spoke her voice was almost at a whisper, it was more than enough for Ezekiel.
"Get up from the floor"
"Does that mean you'll marry me?"
"Yes. Yes I'll marry you" she gleamed, nodding her head as the tears fell faster. "Even if you are a fool" she added one he reached his full height.
He slipped the ring onto her finger as their friends gave out cheers and cries of joy, Judith practically dancing out of the joy she felt. Holding her hand up to the light, Carol's smile grew even larger before she brought both hands to cup his face, pulling him closer so that she may steal one of his sweet kisses, his speech swirling round in her mind.
"You got one thing wrong" she said once they had pulled away, Ezekiel holding her close with the confusion evident on his face.
"And what was that?"
"Benjamin wasn't just mine. You're as much his father as I am his mother, never doubt that or forget it"
Resting her forehead against his, her hands reaching up once more to cup his face, she could feel more than see the way he was touched by her words, though she was sure it paled in comparison to how he had made her feel.
Even so, she couldn't help but smile, her friends mirth the perfect background noise in their bubble of joy. She could feel Judith slam into them, followed by Ezekiel pulling away so that he could pick the child up and cradle her between them, the nearly seven year old wiggling in his arms with her joy. Carol gave her a small peck and hugged her close; she and Benjamin were born at about the same time, and after his passing Judith had become somewhat a surrogate child for her and she still sort of saw her as such, a fact Ezekiel knew, hence why he was so eager to include her in his plans.
Smiling up at her fiancée, Carol couldn't help but feel as though everything was going right. Yes, some part of her was sad that she couldn't share this moment with her son, but her soul was incredibly light, her hand lighter, as the comforting weight of the ring reminded her that everything her around her in this moment was still here, was still real, and more importantly this man was real and now he was hers. Forever and always, he was hers, and she was his.
Driving along the roads now, definitely breaking some laws in her attempt to reach Ezekiel, the ring felt like lead aiding in the growth of the pit in her stomach.
Carol pulled up to the entrance and rushed right to the front desk, suddenly at a loss for words. What was she supposed to say? Everything around her became too much and she was overwhelmed, her distress making the tears fall quicker. She could feel a panic attack coming on and didn't know how to stop it; Ezekiel was always there to ground her, to pull her through, but what to do when he wasn't here?
Thankfully there came a familiar voice from down the hall, and soon enough Beth was by her side, recognising the signs in her friends and coaching her through what to do, remembering what Ezekiel had told her long ago about how he helped. Of course he neglected to note that most of the time it was his presence that helped Carol more than anything else, but Beth managed to prevent the attack from progressing and was soon leading Carol away from the waiting area, both women ignoring the strange looks they were getting from both the receptionist and anyone else sat in the room.
Beth led her through a million halls, it very much appearing as a never ending maze, each ward sounding so foreign and severe. In all honesty, however, the wards could have had any name and Carol would have still felt intimidated and out of her element, it appearing as though this visit would do very little to aid the fear hospitals brought her.
Carol had come to associate hospital visits with pain and grief, first from the abuse of her ex, and then the loss of her child at 7 months, also at the hands of her ex, though back then Ezekiel had been by her side as she laboured, and then as she mourned what could have been but never was.
As a friend and a nurse, Beth explained what happened. They kept up their brisk walk, and though Carol knew she should be listening, she could barely hear what was being said. The only thing she could think about was seeing Ezekiel.
Approaching his room, hearing the beeps of the many machines, fresh tears came to replace the old ones that had dried up some point between the reception and where they now stood. She tried to keep a straight face for Ezekiel's sake, but to little avail.
He was lying in a hospital bed, surrounded by machines and drips that were probably the only thing keeping him alive. The medical staff in the room (what specific profession Carol didn't care to note) were clearly worried about him, which was no surprise. He was paler than usual and she could see no sign of the spirited. jovial man she had agreed to marry, the bruises running across his exposed chest, arms and face. They would no doubt continue further down if only he weren't covered with a hospital blanket.
Carol sat beside his bed as Beth ushered the others out, figuring her friends would want privacy. She took one of his hands in hers, holding it too tight as she rested against the bed, leaning her forehead against their laced fingers. She had to bite her lip to quieten her sobs that were trying to escape for the man beside her.
"Carol...I"
"Shh. Don't talk. Everything is going to be alright Ezekiel" she promised, lifting her hear up from their hands but still keeping them clasped together. "Everything is going to be fine, OK? Remember our plan? Two children, one girl and one boy, our Princess and our Prince, Sophia and Henry. We would love that to happen, and for Henry to come first so that Sophia would have a big brother to look up to, but ultimately we don't care. What gender, what order, what name. They're ours and we love them, no matter what, and we could teach them everything we wish we'd known and give them everything neither of us ever had, because that's all they deserve. It would be a good life, no matter what happened. We'd have each other and our children and that's all that would matter. And...and you'd introduce them to Shiva, once they were old enough of course, for she will always be your eldest child. Your first baby. You raised her and ensured that she thrived when her mother rejected her, teaching her everything she knows, how to be gentle yet making sure she was still able to survive. Our children would love her so much; how could they not? And...and remember the house? The house we've been saving up for, putting every spare penny towards. Up on the hillside overlooking the lake and the fields, nothing but open space and room to raise our family. It would be spacious enough for all of us and we'd still have room for everyone to come round for Birthdays and Christmas, just like last year. We'd stay there forever. Our family, forever and always, through the good and the bad and the ugly, just like you promised when you proposed. We'll grow old together, too, and hopefully by then our children would have brought beautiful grandchildren to spoil at every opportunity, just because we can. Whether for rich or for poor or for better, we'll still love each other. Forever and always, you and me, forever"
As she went on, the words became harder and harder to form as she choked back sobs that came faster and more violently. Ezekiel was almost non responsive as she spoke, except for the way he desperately tried to tighten his grip on her hand in an attempt to bring her comfort, holding onto her gaze to let her know that he was trying to fight for her sake.
Carol jumped slight when Beth placed a hand on her shoulder, not realising that the young woman had entered. She gave Carol's shoulder a small squeeze, drawing her attention towards her.
"Carol...I don't think there's much time"
"I know" she admitted in a broken whisper, furiously fighting back more tears.
"Is there anything I could do?"
"Make sure no one tries to stop me"
With that she stood up, her heart shattering at leaving his side before she pulled herself together and finished what Ezekiel had promised her not even a year ago. The only thing she intended to do was call up the chaplain, but Beth seeing what she was going to do, the other nurses were too called in, Maggie included who had nearly finished her shift but had come rushing to them as soon as she heard Ezekiel was the patient everyone in the hospital was talking about, everyone taking pity upon him and his family simply because there was only one way this could go. Beth and Maggie also managed to borrow rings from the couple next door, bringing them into the room and presenting them to Carol who had since returned her previous position with Ezekiel's hand in hers.
The chaplain recites verses, blessing for Ezekiel as well as the classic wedding verses. With shaking hands, Carol somehow managed to slip the borrowed wedding band on to Ezekiel's finger, followed by him weakly repeating the action for her. The nurses were both crying and laughing as Carol's tears fell to the floor, looking into Ezekiel's eyes and seeing only him. Everyone around them disappeared as they focused on one another, both choosing to ignore the inevitable.
"Ezekiel, you may think I didn't love you when I first saw you but I did. Yes, I thought you were a mad man, but I could see through the act and, while I didn't want to admit to anyone, least not myself, I did love you. You were always there for me, including when I told you of my past, and then when my past came to haunt us both, but we got through that together, and exposed Ed for who he really was. Even when I first felt those flutters in my stomach after months of denying it and I knew our life wouldn't be the same, you stuck by me. I said I understood if you left, and I did, but my heart leapt knowing that you were prepared to take a child on, and not just because you felt like you had to, but because you wanted to. I'm glad you did. I didn't know how I'd survive without you, and I still don't, but I'll figure it out. For you and our boy I'll figure it out I promise. I love you forever and always. Through the good and the bad and the ugly, I promise to always love you and stick by you, just like always. We'll grow old together, the story of our love will be told throughout generations, and we'll always remember that, whether happy or sad or whatever, we'll still love each other, forever and always...forever and always Ezekiel, you and me...forever and always..."
Carol finished her vows, the silence echoing eerily around them, only to be broken by her occasional broken sob and the beeps of the machines. They were getting to slower as each moment passed, almost too slow.
When he spoke with much difficulty, his voice was too low, too weak, as if he was barely hanging on. It broke her heart more but she refused to let the tears come. She needed to hear what he was going to say.
"Carol...I love you. Forever. I loved you the moment I saw you, and I will love you forever and always. Please...please just remember that, even if I'm not there, I'll always love you, forever and always"
"Look after our boy Ezekiel. He needs you as much as I do"