Faith – Chapter 3

I'm indistinguishable from any vagrant, sat on a cold step. Only now does it sink in. I may never see this land again.

I've been leading it for over ten years. The future cries to be delivered. An impossible quest is a good way to leave the stage, if I must.

I hear a familiar tread. Again, Tryndamere bothers my shadow. Solitude will be scarce while travelling. I'm unsure if I wish to see him. Before I can decide, he says, 'You're in my spot.'

'Excuse me?'

'This is my spot. If I get cabin fever but can't leave the grounds, this is where I come.'

'So this is where you hide? You're going to regret telling me that.'

'Yeah, so I'm enjoying my freedom while it lasts.'

Everything falls to him soon. I'm asking a lot. 'I think there's room for two, provided you keep your thighs together.'

'First time for us both, hey?' He perches his meaty hips on the slab. With all the space he requires, he might as well be crouching. I still find his touch eerily cool. Maybe he locks up his heat for when he carves up his foes. 'I don't want you to go,' he says plainly.

'You know I can't leave Sejuani to her fate.'

'I'm happy to fight in your place. Just say the word and I'll join Volibear and Quinn. It'll be fun, rather than awkward.'

'Would you let another man save your princess?'

'Why do you think I'm trying to spare my queen from an early grave?'

That's almost romantic. A shame I need optimism rather than gallantry. 'Could you not? I'm terrified enough.'

'Not like you'll get any hard realism off a shaman or a Demacian.' Tryndamere sharply turns my jaw to face him. 'Please, you have to let Volibear cross the Shadow Isles alone. I think Anivia's right for once. Your soul will come loose without a mooring.'

I stare him down. 'You know I can't. I have to prove myself. Our country depends on it.'

'You're stubborn, Ashe, but I don't think Volibear and Sej will accept anything short of a trouncing. Even if they come around, your hero's quest won't sway their people and you know it.' I don't yield. Eventually, he sighs and releases me. 'Forget it. You know my thoughts already. So… "princess"… that her pillow name?'

I can't suppress my grin. 'She doesn't object.'

'Aw, think I understand you both a little better.' He ruffles my hood. 'For what it's worth, I like your princess but I'm unconvinced she'll ever be happy. The Winter's Claw mess children up. You'll have to pry their thorns out of her bleeding heart, one by one, 'til there's only scar tissue left. I think she'd rather go down as a warrior than be walking wounded.'

'She kept insisting I was obliged to crush a helpless enemy.' I shudder. 'Poor thing.'

'Literally or…' Tryndamere raises an eyebrow.

'Mind out of the gutter!'

He doesn't laugh. 'No fooling, Ashe. I feel sorry for her. Sounds like she'd rather choose death than accept what she wants.'

'I think we both would.' I trace the scar across my belly. After forcing Sejuani's principles down her throat, I'd almost perished to my guilt.

'You have to keep going for the fallen and the living.'

'I'll… no promises, but I'll try.' Coming from Tryndamere, that simple idea feels profound. I'm glad something other than revenge inspires him. 'But if I don't come back, I'm sorry that I wasn't a better wife. You have needs and I've been selfish, chasing women while you've endured in silence.'

'No worries. I count myself lucky to feel anything at all. Ever since…' Tryndamere gazes like a statue. 'When you've seen every girl who taught you to be a man… every girl who pulled you off, hoisted her skirt… when you've seen them in pieces with their brains and entrails all over the snow like vomit, you kind of lose interest. I still notice women but I'm glad I have an excuse not to lay them. You try to come with all that in your head. I can't.'

'I never realised it was that bad.'

'Of course you didn't. I prefer to get on rather than dwell. These things have a way of sorting themselves out. Even if they don't, I'm alive.'

'You deserve more than just life.' Tryndamere shrugs in response. 'It's funny. My trauma barely touches yours but I can already feel it having an opposite effect. I'm growing… ravenous.'

'What you're going through seems like fun but I guess the hunting's always better on the other side.'

'Let's hope that applies to the Shadow Isles.'

'You sure you don't want me to go?' Tryndamere says eagerly.

'How many times do I have to say "Yes"?'

'A hundred? I don't know. Just come back to me alive, all right? You're the only thing in this messed up world I truly care about.'

I feel awful. Our arrangement is denying a good wife his devotion. I kiss him on the cheek. 'Thank you, but what about our people? Do you feel nothing for them?'

'I don't resent them and I won't abdicate if that's why you're asking. As long as they need a musclebound ogre with a big sword, massive cock and sexy mane, I'm happy to serve. Do you think I'd leave them at Anivia's mercy? Her nagging would achieve more than Sej and Liss combined.'

'You're happy to serve? Are you sure that's enough?'

'It is. I have a decent life and a purpose. Do you know how many people dream of that? I may not have chosen such a role – the beard of an ambitious queen – but it's okay, far better than eating snow and seeking revenge. You turned out all right, Ashe. I think we're both learning to make the best of our marriage.'

The sun is rising. I've tarried enough. 'Are you coming to see me off?'

'Sure, a bit of ceremony will soften the blow.' He stretches. 'Just watch yourself in Demacia. Keep Volibear within arm's reach at all times. If he's got a problem, he'll come at you straight. I can't say the same about Quinn.'

'You really don't like her, do you?'

'Honestly, no. She's got nothing, no tits, no character. She's nothing but a sign of your drinking and frustration.'

What does this world have against Quinn? I can't be the only one who appreciates her. 'Tryndamere, please. I know I'm a hypocrite, and I asked your opinion, but if you have nothing more charitable, I'd appreciate your silence.'

'Okay,' says Tryndamere. 'Then I'll promise you this. If you're right about Quinn, and she comes through, then I'll kiss her feet and apologise to her face.'

'You would have to put on a show. You'll have audiences every day while I'm gone.'

'Ugh, tell me about it.' As we step out of the shade into the dawn, Tryndamere grows contemplative. 'Ashe, I've been thinking.'

I'm still blinking away colours. 'Hmm?'

'I think, in some ways, you planned all of this.'

'What?'

'I think you chose to fall for Sej. Your story's too neat. Wed your enemy, unite the Freljord? I know bait for the skalds when I hear it. Even if you don't succeed, you've got another part, railing against the world for denying your passion.'

'Do you think this is all an act? I'm serious about Sejuani! How much…'

'I know you are but listen. A family choose to bear and love their kids. Would you call their feelings into question because they planned everything?'

'I wish I knew.' The subject is sore enough to quell my fury. 'Motherhood is a foreign country.'

'But you see my point.'

'I guess. Do I seem in control? Every day feels like an uphill struggle to regain it.'

'I think you are but I can see where it ends. You chose to want Sej. Your Demacian lovebird snuck up on you. She's the one person who forced herself into your grand design. You can't place her, and you can't trust her. She's dangerous.'

'Quinn's just… if Quinn's dangerous, then all of humanity's dangerous.'

'Yes!' Tryndamere lights up, as though I've had a breakthrough. 'But again, she's not humanity. She's a Demacian agent. Remember that, always.'

Giving up, I rest my head on Tryndamere's arm. 'Are we truly parting ways, bickering as a couple?'

'Looks like it.'

'I'm glad. I'll miss you, Tryndamere.'

'Same.'