Faith – Chapter 4

Our journey to Demacia felt unreal. Outside of the Freljord, life is too easy. Roads cushion your feet. Animals leave you be. The wind is gentle. I sometimes wonder if I am still at home, dreaming of a romantic adventure, free of the stink, horror, boredom and inconvenience of travel.

Is this how Sejuani sees our way of life?

There was no hope of us bonding as a team. Before leaving, I'd taken Quinn aside and insisted we couldn't be familiar near Volibear. To my horror, she wept. We needed her goodwill, so I kept giving her little crumbs of comfort, apologetic smiles, touches on her cloak and sleeves.

Once, I was careless enough to brush her glove. When she looked up, I swallowed a knot in my throat and ran behind a tree, feigning a sudden bout of food poisoning.

Volibear's mood was better, now our mission was underway, but he remained vigilant and uncommunicative. As the climate warmed, he couldn't sweat. Eventually, he collapsed on all-fours. I halted our march and sought the nearest river. My heart ached when Volibear apologised for slowing us down.

I knew better than to tell him it was all right, instead offering that his prowess in battle would make up for any delay.

He gave a strange, knowing laugh, as if he knew the words of a politician when he heard them.

Quinn led us off the main road, through deep woods, noisy with wildlife, until we came to a wall of golden bricks.

I'm overwhelmed by the saturation of colour. Quinn grimaces. 'Petricite, really tough wood, usually stone-coloured. We have so much to be proud of, but this looks awful, as though we're tax collectors rather than heroes.'

I chuckle. Jarvan III, you're a sly fox. 'I'd assume it's to lure refugees from the Freljord. "Welcome to Demacia, land of plenty, where the streets are paved with gold".'

'Oh, that's awkward.'

'I'll be draining your talent, one day, but I'm still impressed. All our feats of engineering have become ruins. Even if this wall is garish, I'd love to build something on this scale once the Freljord is united.'

Volibear says, 'I hope you never get the chance.'

Quinn seems forlorn. 'But your country's like a dream. I'll remember that view from the mountainside, those campfires and fairy lights, until I fall in battle.'

What a horrible thought. Surely Demacians can retire? I say, 'You needn't worry. My plan is to use infrastructure to reveal more of the Freljord, rather than bury nature with buildings. I can't explain without showing you the great cities of our past. Archaeology tells a million stories better than words.'

'I'd love to see them,' says Quinn, 'But I know you can't promise anything.' She glances about. 'I… need a moment, if that's all right?'

'What are you doing?' We're in her territory now and I can't trust her blindly. She may be answering a call of nature, but she normally uses that exact phrase to excuse herself.

'I have to wear my disguise or people in Demacia might recognise me,' Quinn says. 'Don't worry. Volibear will hear if I go too far.'

He sounds wary. 'Provided Valor doesn't whisk you into the sky.'

Quinn shoves two fingers into her mouth and whistles. Valor settles on a rock, watching us like a gargoyle staring from a turret.

Volibear stares back. 'Hmph. Is he here as collateral, or to prevent us following?'

'A bit of both,' says Quinn. 'I'd rather you didn't see my… you know.'

Quinn doesn't like her breasts. Even at our most intimate, she covered up. Surprisingly, Volibear concedes with only a grunt of exasperation. She gives a little wave then scurries away to get undressed. Volibear asks, 'Are you the sole human woman who doesn't hate her body?'

'Possibly, though I have my moments. I'm surprised you let her go.'

'Quinn's pain is… familiar even if I don't fully grasp it.' Volibear shakes his head. 'Ugh, I shouldn't have indulged her. Too much is at stake.'

'When you say "familiar", are you talking about Sejuani?'

'Whatever she's told you is none of my business and I've betrayed her confidence enough.'

I watch as he lumbers away, ending our conversation. 'Do you still consider this a betrayal?'

'Yes.'

We stand apart in silence. Valor hops over to me. His large eyes reflect a grossly distorted image of my face. I can see my nostrils prised apart. Is that what Valor sees? Maybe that's my true self.

I'm so mesmerised, I barely notice when Valor casually unfurls one wing. A sudden blow drops me to the soil. My vision clears and I see Valor gnawing at his plumage without a care.

The slap was obligatory for seducing his best friend without flowers or a promise, a normal response to a normal cad.

Thank you, Valor. That was a fine gesture. For a moment, I felt like a scoundrel rather than a devil or a saint. I felt like a person.

Quinn hasn't returned yet. I grow nervous. 'Do you smell company?'

Volibear's nose twitches. 'There's a human farm about a mile south. Maybe less than a mile if this wall's blocking the wind.'

'Any sign of an ambush?'

'Nothing obvious.'

'Jarvan has a mage. She could weave an illusion to…'

Quinn saunters into view.

Her shock of messy, purple hair is covered with a grey bandana. Padding across her waist thickens her androgynous planes to a masculine bell-shape. Wide, flared britches hang loose over her strong thighs. Any hint of a woman's walk is channelled into a swagger, both hands thrust into her pockets. I think her boots are filled or altered in some way, boosting her to my height.

The top and sides of her neck are graded subtly, bringing out her jawline, which is dotted enough to suggest a half-day of stubble. Her fair lips are blurred with a kind of tallow that lessens their prominence, while small ticks of charcoal darken her mouth. Her eyes are the biggest shock. Not only are they smudged enough to make them appear smaller, they have changed colour from amber to brown.

Quinn smirks, as though she's about to say an awful chat-up line, and… 'Unfortunately, I could never get the voice right.'

I burst out laughing. 'You sound like a little boy trying to get served in a tavern.'

'I guess that works.'

'Erm… how did you…?'

'The eyes? Lenses imported from Zaun. Totally worth it.'

I have more to say but all I can do is picture myself as a curious, confident little girl, playing with grubby little Quinn, all frogs and snails and puppy dogs' tails. Behind a grain silo, I'd raise my skirts and let innocent fingers unearth my secrets. I'd watch Quinn's face contort in bewilderment and arousal with each wet pump of my fist…

I'm trapped within my thoughts. When I was a girl, playing with girls, I rarely felt powerful. My partners were either too solicitous or competitive. I'd never had a leash on a boy's throat. If I'd experienced it, would I have turned out worse, or would I be gentler, more comfortable with the reins of power?

Would I not have hurt Sejuani?

Would she love me still?

I must have blacked out. Under the gallop of my palpitations, I hear voices yelling, 'Ashe? Ashe!'

I blink. 'Um… yes?'

Twin sighs of relief answer me. Volibear says. 'You didn't respond for a good fifteen seconds. I thought you were having a seizure.'

I'm inwardly terrified. All I have is my focus and I'm losing it. 'Oh, nothing so dramatic, I think it's just a bit of sunstroke and worry. This climate is challenging.'

Volibear nods in sympathy. Quinn says. 'I told you to keep your hood up and have plenty of water!' She looks even poutier as a boy. 'Have you touched your flask? You never look after yourself.'

She's being too personal. 'Quinn, we've barely spent a fortnight in each other's company. Settle down.'

She flinches. I must have spoken with too much venom. 'Yes… Your Majesty,' she says, bitterly.

The boundaries are in place. I hope she doesn't retaliate. 'Thank you. So where do we go now?'

'Valor can take us over but…' She looks at Volibear. My trepidation grows. Does this mean Quinn was planning to separate us?

Undaunted, Volibear shows off his claws. 'You've not seen a bear climb? I'll get over. Truth be told, I'm surprised you don't clear the trees from this area. They make the wall pointless.'

Quinn says, 'Our northern border's not a concern. We need all our resources to repel Noxus.' Demacia's aid seems unlikelier by the day. Valor squawks. 'Oh, shut up, you.'

I have to ask, 'What was that?'

'Val and I need to split up or he blows my cover, so he makes fun of me while he still can.'

'Your appearance tickles him?'

'Always. Now before we go…' Quinn throws me her canteen. I'm too slow to catch, and it ricochets off my bosom. In a fit of pique, I massage my sore breast in front of Quinn. I know she can't handle it. Sure enough, her ears turn bright red. She stammers. 'Hydrate yourself before you pass out. I haven't seen you drink all day.'

Volibear says dryly, 'She ran out of liquor this morning.'

I swear nothing gets past him. Quinn's one tantrum away from getting me killed. I say, 'With better company, I wouldn't have to get drunk.' I make a point of spilling half the water down my cleavage. Apart from the sexy thrill of putting on a show for Quinn, it simply feels good. I stare daggers at Volibear. 'Do you think Sejuani's improving while you pass judgement?'

'I'll march alone if I must.' Volibear glides up the nearest tree like an otter swimming upstream. His body's even longer than I thought. He could swallow me whole with a deep breath.

I lick a stray drop of water from the canteen then throw it back. 'Thank you but I'm done. You have the rest.'

I see her throat undulate with each gulp. She coughs into her hands. When she looks up, the lenses are gone. Her naked eyes are bloodshot.

She murmurs, 'Better than nothing,' as Valor hoists me into the sky.