Letters to Bella from Edward
September 18th, 2002
My Beautiful Bella,
This letter has been a long time coming. I know that we have written a lot of love letters in our time together, especially when we were apart. Not as many as I should have. I pray that you forgive me for that, my love. This is not that kind of letter. I need to tell you what happened to bring Eden and me here to Forks to live with Granny Evie, Uncle Carlisle, and Aunt Esme. You know that things have not been good in the Masen household for a long time. But, I always tried to hide how bad things got. When things got bad I should have gone to Charlie and Carlisle. That would have saved Eden and I a lot of pain.
To make a long story short, Mr. Masen was a drunk of a man who liked to hit his children and wives, my Mom, Elizabeth, and step-mom Heidi. Heidi had thought that it was only her that he hit, and that she did something to deserve it. Sadly, she was abused as a child by most of her male relatives and that is all I will say on that. She did not have a chance to have a normal marriage. Why my Mom stayed, whether she did not want the shame of divorce or to separate me from Mr. Masen, I don't know. We would have been better off without him, even if Mom left with us just having the clothes on our backs and no car. Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme would have taken care of us until Mom got on her feet. Granny Evie would have helped.
Mr. Masen was not a happy man after the death of my mother and the loss of his mobility. He blamed me for it. We were on the way to the mall because I wanted to get you a present. Mom and I had found something that you'd like and we wanted to buy it but did not have enough of my money with me at the time. Mom convinced him that he could use some new clothes for work and I could get my gift for you. She got him to agree and we went. He got some new clothes and I got some as well. I also got your gift.
I am sorry that I wasn't able to give it to you myself. I know Charlie did while I was in the hospital. It was a sapphire heart necklace. Simple and just something that I thought you would love. Since sapphire is your birthstone. I know purple has always been your color, but I have always felt blue was beautiful on you. And when I saw how it looked on you, I knew I made the right choice. We were kids then, but it was my way of giving you my heart. You have always been my best friend and the girl I wanted to spend forever with.
Charlie and Uncle Carlisle both made it clear that there are certain rules when it comes to being a man. Even as a young child. It was my job to keep you safe and protected. Whether we were only friends or the woman of my life. I took that job seriously. I respected both Charlie and Uncle Carlisle and knew they would not steer me the wrong way. The way that Uncle Carlisle loved Aunt Esme was another example to me. Your parents were not the best example of what a marriage should be like. But you know that better than me.
While my parents' marriage seemed good on the outside, inside it was not. I wished that Mom had left him before our accident. I know she was thinking about it. I overheard her talk with Aunt Esme and Granny about moving in with them more than just the summer months. They had been more than willing to have us. We were going to move the following week, without telling him. He somehow knew because the accident happened. That actually was not an accident.
How do I know this? It was later investigated by the Washington State Police and was determined that he found a man who wanted to die and was willing to kill others with him. Mr. Masen hoped just Mom and I would pass in the accident and he would leave the scene without much injury. That did not work out the way he planned. Which I am partly thankful for. I just wish Mom was still here. Maybe they could have switched places. Him dead and her here with me. But, then we would not have Eden. Another time.
Mr. Masen decided that everything was my fault and decided that I should be blamed for it. He did his best to hit me with either his crutches or canes, hockey sticks, baseball bats, brooms or mops, or whatever he could find that would hurt me. He didn't always feed me, sometimes for days at a time, so the only food I got was at school or he didn't let me sleep. How I managed as long as I did I have no idea. Heidi came into the picture and things were better for a few months. She worked a lot of nights, so it was so easy for him to say that I was fed even if I was not. Or that I was not to eat for punishment because I stole food from the house, school, or the local convenience store. Which I never did. Several people knew what was going on, but since Mr. Masen was the prominent lawyer that he was, he was able to get away with the abuse. He blamed friends that I did not have and football games or wrestling matches that never happened for the bruises. One of my teachers realized that one of my bruises was shaped like a hockey stick and there was an investigation. He managed to find a hockey league that was meeting at that time to say that I hurt myself on the ice when some other kid cross-checked me. Though I had never set foot on that ice rink. There were reports and everything until they were asked for video evidence. That they were not able to give the police, because it never happened. At least not at the hockey rink. It was determined that Eden and I were being abused. I never realized that he was hurting her, too. I would have run away with her if I had known way sooner. Even Carmen and Eleazar were not fully able to identify the abuse - and they were in my house nearly five days a week for months while I healed from both stents in rehab.
Why was I in rehab again?
Well, Mr. Masen tried to kill me. He was going off again and we got into an argument over Eden and her going to a friend's house. She was lucky to have friends in Seattle, I did not have any other than you and maybe one or two others in Forks. And both of them were your friends, so I would not have had them had it not been for you, my love. I wanted her to leave so that she did not get hurt again. Mr. Masen had been drinking and it looked like he was out for blood. Which he was. Instead of his normal weapons, he grabbed a knife from the kitchen and tried to stab me with it. He got me several times with it at many different parts of my body. Chest, arms, and back. Afterwards he threw me down the stairs, though I was able to catch myself before I got myself too hurt.
I watched him as he tried to go after Eden and I ran and threw him away from her. He ended up stabbing himself in one of his legs, the left one I think. He army-crawled to me and I tried to run but he stabbed my right leg in the calf muscle. I yelled at Eden to call the police and get out. She did call the cops but was unable to leave as he and I were blocking the easiest way to get out. She hid in her room and I got the knife away from him. He managed to get himself up back into his chair with an army crawl and somehow almost got into his chair. I came to my senses and threw him off the chair pushing it away and tipping it away. The house phone rang and I ignored it, trying to watch him. He started to do another Army crawl and I got away until I heard a scream. I was running on pure adrenaline by this point, trying to stay awake until the police came.
Heidi came home from work early. Like almost four hours early. She noticed the mess that Mr. Masen and I had made and started to attack me. In trying to defend myself, I held her back and was distracted enough that Mr. Masen stabbed me again. This time in the left leg in the calf. I tried to not scream, but it was useless. Heidi seemed to think that I was trying to hurt Mr. Masen, which was not the case. He seemed happy in the realization that I was outnumbered two to one and that Heidi was getting the upper hand since I had so many injuries. I just wanted to stay awake so that Eden could be safe.
I wanted to see you again. There is so much of my life that I have not done yet. I wanted to go to high school and go to dances with you, dates, drive you places. I wanted to hold you close and have the chance to lose myself in your arms and kisses. While I know that we want to wait for marriage to make love to each other, at that moment, I wanted the option to choose to make love to you. I wanted to not abandon you when I thought you would need me the most. I would be letting both Uncle Carlisle and Charlie down if I could not protect you anymore because I died. So. I refused to die. If I had to kill him myself to see you again then I would do it. You are worth it.
The police finally showed up. It seemed like hours later, but I am sure it was only twenty minutes later. By then, Heidi was holding me but I was breaking free from her and Mr. Masen had another weapon. I am still not sure what it was but it was a gun of some kind. He shot towards me twice. He missed one and hit Heidi with that bullet. When she released me I charged toward him and fought for the gun. I am forever grateful for the many hours of gun training that Charlie gave me. I was able to disarm him without the weapon going off. I did not see the new knife he had that he stabbed me in the stomach with. Once he pulled out the knife, I was able to disarm that knife from him. He tried to choke me and I stabbed him in the chest in self-defense. Mr. Masen let go of my throat and had trouble breathing. The police finally came in, most likely the SWAT team. I put my hands up with the knife and was essentially arrested. But Eden and I had pretty close to the same stories; she had watched most of the action and relayed it to the 911 operator, who heard enough of the fight in question that I had a slam dunk case. Because when you kill your father, you want to make sure you have as much evidence as possible for self-defense.
Heidi was hospitalized and released when she explained that she thought that I was bullying Mr. Masen. He had her convinced that I was beating him and Eden up when he was actually beating up Eden, Heidi, and myself. She was able to plead insanity. She is going to be in the physiatric center for a while. She gave up Eden and Uncle Carlisle and Aunt Esme adopted both her and me once it was determined that she is actually my biological half-sister. Not that I would ever tell her that. She is my sister. Through and through.
I needed to tell you so that if you did not want to be my friend or date me, here is your chance to leave. I understand if you don't want to be friends or date someone who killed someone. Self-defense or not. I love you Isabella Marie Swan and I will for the rest of my life. You are it for me. I hope that is enough for you.
On another note, the hospital and rehab stays were not fun for me. What kept me going was you. Your love and support through it all. I heard you fighting with me. I felt you hugging me and know there were times you laid with me, sometimes falling asleep. I felt loved and protected when you were holding me in my sleep. It gave me the strength to pull through the darkness. I have tried to thank you every day for it. I never think that I thank you enough for everything you did for me. Every single fight you got into with Mr. Masen, the court, and our families. Every single time I knew that you loved me even if you did not say it. Every look, hug, kiss, meal that we made together or apart. I can not wait until I can ask you to be mine in every sense of the word. For us to go off to college and start our little family. Our little family of Cullens.
Edward Anthony Masen, Junior no longer exists. It was a hard decision to keep my first name. But it wasn't a choice. When we were trying to find a name that worked for me, anytime you said a name that was not Edward, I got upset. I could not have you saying another man's name. Even if that was going to be my new name. Or the trial for my new name. I tried to not show it, but a few times I think I failed. The closest names that could have worked for me would probably have been Andrew, Henry, or Joel since I knew nobody with those names and they had no jealousy attached to them. But then I thought that I have been Edward since my birth. I was going to make a name for myself without Mr. Masen. He should not make it so I hate my name. Many people share names and that does not mean that I will become like them.
So, I am Edward Platt Cullen. Platt for Granny's last name. Mom and Aunt Esme's maiden names. I think it is a great way to honor such wonderful women. I almost went with Swan as a middle name but thought that would be silly. In case we ever got married and you wanted to keep Swan I would be Edward Swan Swan. Yeah. That is not right. But it would be funny, wouldn't it? I think so, anyways. So, that was my way of letting you know that I wanted to include you in my name if I thought it would make you happy. But, I realized you were going to be happy with just having me live next door to you and not have to worry about me. And so, since you were happy, that made me happy. I love you, my Bella.
I am grateful for you and the life that we are building. Together.
Love always-
Edward